Not the type of Birthday Present I expected

[NSgreenville]

Hey my name is Nick from Greenville SC

 

I just turned 27 a little over a month ago and had my first outbreak of HSV-2 on my actual birthday. Confirmed by my doctor that Friday when my brother was coming into town for a "fun" weekend. I found out and shared the news with him while driving from the airport. The whole weekend I swung in and out of ups and downs. I've reached out here because today at work I reached my tipping point and just broke down in the middle of my work day. I have always been my toughest critic, and today I realized I hated myself for putting myself in this situation. I do feel confident in my ability to overcome and somehow find a positive in this and strengthen my mental state. Thanks for any words of advice.

[mr_hopp]

Thank you for reaching out here, Nick. Sounds like the first step for you will be to truly forgive yourself. Mend your relationship with yourself. You can't somehow find positivity if there is a disconnection inside, if you still are holding a grudge against your past actions. Learn to forgive, catch those thoughts in your head when you hear that inner critic having a field day on you. You know the truth that you're just not a hate-able kind of guy. Shame is breadcrumbs that lead to more wholeness, bro. This is a path of healing and self-acceptance that you are now on. And trust me, it's ultimately a beautiful path. Enjoy the process of healing. Enjoy the process of re-connecting with yourself.

[NSgreenville]

Thank you Adrial,

 

Im focusing on forgiving myself this weekend. It may take a hell of a lot longer but I feel good about finding an outlet and communication method to get me moving in the right direction. Luckily I have some long time friends around me who are extremely supportive and even get me to joke about the "pop culture" facts about a skin disorder. One of them was actually who recommended this site for me. Im glad to be able to talk more with people who have made it to the happy side and make it through with some newbies like myself.

[mr_hopp]

If you're in South Carolina, come to the weekend seminar in January! We're practically neighbors! Let me know if you have any questions about it. It's unlike anything that you're imagining it to be. Trust me. It goes deep and it's a super fun weekend with great people. http://thehopp.com

[Kristin (breatheandletgo)]

Hi Nick! Glad you are here.

 

I realized I hated myself for putting myself in this situation.

 

How exactly did you put yourself in this situation? [i'm playing devil's advocate here a little because I tend to be hard on myself as well]

 

You had sex? [something normal and healthy people do every day?] Or maybe you had sex without a condom? [condoms don't really protect you from herpes anyway] You had sex with someone and didn't ask them to get tested beforehand? [standard STD tests don't test for herpes]

 

Shall I go on? :-*

 

Let go of the blame and self-loathing. It is a waste of valuable energy you need right now to take good care of yourself. No matter what you share here, you will find a world of compassion because we have all been where you are. Our stories are very personal, but they aren't so "special". They are all quite similar.

 

You didn't do anything wrong. You are not being punished. You are loved more than you realize. The human experience can be challenging at times, and this is one of those, for sure...but you're gonna be okay.

 

Keep posting when you need to. We're here.

 

hugs,

Kristin

aka breatheandletgo

[NSgreenville]

Yeah I have really noticed how much I have in common with a lot of stories. Now I'm really working towards regaining my focus. I realize that really the biggest change is when I have a serious talk when I start dating again. Which is in a sense a good thing as I am looking for more meaningful connections. I realize that I was living my life before and really I feel like I freaked out when I found out because I didn't know much about it. And when I realized how manageable it really is, that has been my turning point. It feels good to talk to people who have gone though the same situation and made it though.

[Kristin (breatheandletgo)]

You're going to be fine, no doubt. ;)

 

Having those conversations before you have sex keeps you safer as well. Love yourself first.

 

Kristin

[lelani]

Hi Nick..Oh yeahth forgiveness thing...so much harder to do for ourselves than someone else. it's early days for you and it is a process. Just focus on all the things to be thankful for like you are and you will get to the happy side again ( but like with any other life challenge with a few sad but short times that inevitably happen along the way!)

 

Welcome aboard...I found this site a few months ago and there are some amazing people here, and yeah we are all going through the same thing. Made it through...? Still a work in progress I think and always will be..but I have found the happy side again and H is just a part of it. I still have sad times about H, they just don't last as long and its great to pop on here and open up or read other posts...it kind of gets me back on track. I don't freak out anymore lol...soooo remember that feeling!!!

 

When you start dating again the talk will come up and just be authentic and caring and you can't go wrong. There may be rejections of H but you get rejections for all sorts of things anyway (I had one for being 'too independent' once!). Glad you have got to a turning point...Kritin is right, love yourself first and work on yourself to be the best you can be :-)

 

[NSgreenville]

I had a great day today. And I have this discussion board to thank. After having a complete emotional breakdown last week where I had to take time off work. I went back in today with my old confidence. I disclosed to my co-workers(3 people) and all of them were shocked at first but I explained some of the misconceptions that surround herpes and how it had affected me and how I plan to adjust accordingly. They were all super supportive they all want me to come to them if anything comes up. It was surprisingly easy to disclose to them. Now I feel like when I do have the disclosure with someone I intend on being intimate with it will be that much easier. Love all of you. Thank you so much.

[Kristin (breatheandletgo)]

Oh my gosh NS...that is so awesome! I am psyched that you shared with your co-workers and gave them the information they needed to support you. And it sounds like they will, which is great. You not only advocated for yourself, but you helped everyone else here by being so open.

 

I am so glad you are feeling stronger and finding your groove again. Big hugs to you friend!

 

Kristin

aka breatheandletgo