Heartbroken

[FLNewH]

I found out last Friday that I have herpes - it was confirmed via blood test just yesterday that I have HSV2 and have apparently had it for a while (since the test came back positive). Initially my boyfriend was super supportive. Now, he won't even talk to me. If he has finally gone to the doctor, it's only been in the last day or two, so I know he doesn't have any kind of blood test results yet. I'm trying to figure out what has changed since this weekend to make him change from being supportive and telling me that everything will be ok, that we can get through anything together, to not wanting to talk to me. The only thing I can think is that he is possibly having an OB right now and is freaking out a bit. But again, IDK b/c he's not communicating with me. I'm so heartbroken. He's the best thing that has happened to me and I feel like I've lost him. I feel so guilty thinking that I could have passed this onto him. But I didn't know I had it!! He just is telling me he needs time to think. I know I need to give him time, but I'm such a mess! Not only am I having to deal with this diagnosis on my own (since I promised him I wouldn't talk to any of my friends about this) but now I've got to deal with the possibility of passing this onto him AND him leaving me because of it. Heartbroken doesn't even come close to describing how I feel right now.

[WCSDancer2010]

I'm trying to figure out what has changed since this weekend to make him change from being supportive and telling me that everything will be ok, that we can get through anything together, to not wanting to talk to me.

 

Well, look at it this way... he's showing you how he deals with uncomfortable/stressful situations. AGAIN... odds are he has never been tested either and it could EASILY have been the other way around with him finding out he had it and you having to deal with things. And I hate to say it but men often go into hiding when they are conflicted.

 

*IF* you gave it to him, it isn't your fault. NEITHER of you had been tested for Herpes so that playing field was even... it's not your fault that our idiotic medical system has deemed that it's "better" for people to not know their status unless they have an OB. We hope to change that here but it is what it is for now.

 

*Try* to see Herpes as your Wingman right now. Your BF has been forced into a very uncomfortable and difficult situation. He's been forced out of "best behavior" (which we all do when we are first dating) and is showing you WHO HE IS. Now, he may just need to regroup and will come back (I had a BF who freaked out when I told him ... took him a month and his Dr telling him he was acting like an idiot to come around :p ) OR he may run for the hills, in which case he's showing you he's NOT a man of his word.

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

(((HUGS))) friend. You will get through this and you will come out stronger. We are here for you.....

[FLNewH]

Thank you. I can't stop crying about this. Last two hours so far. I'm more worried about him than about myself! Last thing I told him was the link to this site. I hope he decides to at least go online and research this. I thought I knew about herpes, but I've learned so much in the last week. Turns out I was wrong about a lot of things - I'm just hoping he sees the same. All I can really do now is wait I guess. Thank you for the support

[FLNewH]

So, tonight will be the final decider. I get the whole thinking thing, but to ignore me after telling me he would be there for me - idk - something has changed literally from one day to the next. But, since he won't respond to me, I have no idea what that could be. The last time we have actually communicated was this past Friday. And at this point, I don't even think it's the herpes that is the issue. I think it's more now that he is using this situation as an excuse to get rid of me. Hell, IDK anymore. One day it's "I love you babe. We can get through anything as long as we have each other" to NOTHING. So, I will attempt to call him tonight to talk. If he refuses my call then I'm done. I'm tired of crying - it's exhausting.

[WCSDancer2010]

@FLNewH

 

Awww.... I feel ya chica ... I had that moment last week with the guy I thought was really into me promised to talk and then didn't even bother to tell me that he had something come up until I texted him TWICE ... and when I called him out on it he didn't even bother to respond (not the first time for any of this behavior) so I'm out. Very sad but I see that as a blessing as (at least at this point in his life ... he's a recovering alcoholic) he's not ready to date and I'm not going to let him pull me down with his bad behavior.

 

Go back and read the Wingman blog... it sounds like H is showing you his true colors. A REAL MAN would be communicating with you ... even if it was to tell you he had a change of heart over the risks of H ... or a realization that he wasn't that into you. A BOY runs at the first problem....

 

(((HUGS)))

[FLNewH]

you are so right girl! what a jerk. guys say we are hard to figure out??? they are the ones that are hard to figure out! hahha I ended up going to his door, he wouldn't answer. he texted something about not wanting to go to jail AGAIN for a domestic situation. What??? Soooo, you want to punch me b/c I want to talk to you? ummm ok. Sounds like he's a bit of a psycho. so, F him! I'm done! Me and my moscato are just enjoying watching TV and typing up My Story :-)

 

Thanks for everything you do on here :-)

[forgivenessandpeace]

Actually the way he is acting @FLNewH, he might be the one who passed it on to you. That's one of the nastiest things about h, nobody knows crap except here on this blog.

 

Looking forward to reading Your Story :)

[FLNewH]

I thought that was the case at first too @forgivenessandpeace however my blood test came back positive, so I've had this for more than 3 months. We've only been together for a month. I'm not sure if he has gotten tested or not. At this point I have to stop caring about that. I did all I could do for him. I gave him the info to this site and some basic facts. If I did give it to him then I didn't know so I gotta stop feeling bad about that too :-) if only i could take my own advice! hahahaha

[WCSDancer2010]

he texted something about not wanting to go to jail AGAIN for a domestic situation.

 

Sounds like you dodged not just a bullet, but a full blown MORTAR ... he sounds like a DANGEROUS guy if he has been jailed for violence. RUN FORREST RUN!

 

[FLNewH]

hahahahah I am Jenn-nay!!! I'm done :-) when he texted that I was like whaaaaat????

[forgivenessandpeace]

Glad you're outta there!

[seeker]

sigh, ive got it!!! I need to be an asshole to get a woman cause being nice and kind and petting puppies and playing with kids and opening doors and being a reasonably decent dancer and having my own vehicle and a job for ever just isn't cutting it.

[FLNewH]

hahahaha no way @seeker! stay sweet!!! the side of him I've seen the last week or so was VERY different from how he was. He was very sweet, cooked me dinner, remembered my favorite type of wine (even though he was drunk when i told him hahahah). Now that he is an asshole he is deleted from my life. You know a woman is serious when she deletes you from her phone hahahaha

[FLNewH]

So, just when you think you have a grip on all the bullshit, you find yourself crying over your pastrami with swiss! *sigh* I miss the sonofabitch. I miss him more than when I left my ex. Maybe because I was already "over" the marriage about 6 months before I left, maybe because I really didn't love my husband anymore. Whatever the reason, I'm still crying over him. I keep finding myself thinking about those sweet moments between me and my Viking. He is of viking descent, so I always called him my handsome Viking and I was his sexual napalm hahaha fuck! jerk! It just felt so nice to actually breathe again. Felt so nice to fall asleep on a man's chest again. Felt so nice to get forehead kisses again.

 

I can't say I really blame him. We had only been together a month when I had my OB. And if he didn't have it before, it's a pretty good chance he does now. In the very beginning of the OB I didn't have pain, just felt like a bad period, bloating, lower back pain. I just figured it was from all the sex we were having. So we had sex. Unprotected. During the beginning of what I now know was my very first OB. Thank you Karma. I've obviously fucked up pretty bad in life to deserve that payback.

 

Anyway. This really has nothing to do with herpes. I'm just missing him and typing a post on here stops me from texting him.

[WCSDancer2010]

Post all you need friend. And I feel your pain. I was getting into a relationship recently that I was really, really hoping would work and we certainly had had some really amazing moments together (but no sex... didn't get together enough to make that happen) and even with that little bit, I still find myself wondering what the hell happened (I know what happened ... he's a recovering alcoholic and obviously not very "recovered" at the moment).

 

I think it's human nature to miss someone when it doesn't end because of incompatibility or other "negative" reasons. Especially when we have been alone for awhile or in a loveless relationship.

 

I've obviously fucked up pretty bad in life to deserve that payback.

 

Ya lost me there! You were not to know that you were having an OB..... :/

 

(((HUGS)))

[FLNewH]

thanks Dancer. It's just an emotional night for me. What I meant by that was, things were great and then herpes f'ed it all up. I know that if this was really meant to be he would still be here with me, but that is how it feels. After almost two years of being single I finally met someone I could laugh with and actually let my guard down and then boom! hello herpes! would have just been nice if I could have enjoyed the intimacy a little bit more before having to deal with this. Maybe if we had been together longer he would have been able to deal with this better. idk

[WCSDancer2010]

Well, if it's any consolation, I've been single about 5 yrs now ... had several "false starts" like yours. I'm finding that it seems that guys love the idea of a relationship until the heart gets involved, then when one little thing gets awkward, many bolt. And really, I look at it that if they quit that easily they are not the one for me .... so they have done me a favor in walking away because I am now open and available for the REAL man of my dreams to find me.

 

I find that Herpes has helped me to determine who was really into ME, as opposed to the guys who want to GET INTO me. And each time my BS-O-Meter is getting more fine tuned. I literally feel that I am on the verge of finding the right guy because I am recognizing the signs of the what makes for the "wrong guy" for me a lot faster....

 

So take this experience and learn from it ... he was sent to teach you something. If you can find the lesson, you have not lost anything ;)

[seeker]

i feel ya. while i don't miss my ex, i do sometimes miss the "life" having someone there to share all the ups and downs, the little things and the big ones also. someone to come home to. with the holidays coming up not having someone to smooch on new years, yet again, isn't going to be so great.

[FLNewH]

So. Update. I texted him to see if he got tested and to give him some links. I just told him that I hope he takes the time to take care of himself. His response back was "I got tested and I'm OK, ty". At which point I reminded him to wait three months and get retested, blah blah blah.

 

Then he proceeded to wish me the best in life and that it all works out and then ... wait for it ... I got a :-) at the end

 

Really?!?!? A fucking smiley face? You tell me you will be there for me, then leave me in limbo for over a week, then drop me .... and now you are sending me a fucking smiley face???????? As you can tell, that little smiley face set me off. I basically told him what he could do with that smiley face.

 

At this point I feel like I am going to be alone forever. When my OB cleared up for a few days (cuz ya, she's back after a 3 day break) I felt like things were going to be ok. Now that I'm back on the anti-virals and shoving fucking cream up my hoo-ha with a q-tip, ya, not really feeling that way anymore.

[Sil88]

Quite insensitive of him, but at least you can see clearly now. Life goes on, you get to appreciate all sorts of other good things, with a bf or with friends. Just need to let go of the anger. Saying that, I'd be pissed at a smiley too.

[FLNewH]

You should have seen the look on my face when I saw that freaking smiley face! hahahahaa ugh!

 

I know - I gotta let it go. I'm so angry lately! hahaha I'd like to blame it all on herpes but truth is life is just tough right now. Definitely need to spend some time outdoors this weekend - it'll make me feel better. Problem is, I don't really have anyone to talk to when I get home - unless you count the cats (only two, not a crazy cat lady) and that gets boring real quick. So, I find myself 'thinking' Ya, definitely getting out this weekend! hahaha

[WCSDancer2010]

I think I may have posted this for you, but going to post it, and a few more links, again ;)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/kintsukuroi-celebrating-in-your-brokenness/

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/im-positive-and-thats-a-good-thing/

 

And yes - get out on that walk tomorrow ... best way to clear the soul :)

[Sedonasunshine77]

Hi, I just read your post and I'm sorry this happened to you. Life sure can be cruel and human relationships are very hard to understand. I really hope that you start to feel better soon and if you need a friend to chat to, I would be happy to chat about life or just be an ear. Lots of hugs!

[FLNewH]

Thank you @sedonasunshine77. I'm getting over it. I've realized it's more the fact that it just seems like a cycle for me. I can get 'em, I just can't keep 'em! hahaha. Today is a good day so I'm not crying about it :-) And yes, any time please message me - I'm always up for a new friend

[Days_mommy]

wow i read this..and the sane thing happened to me..with hpv..no signs tho. i was honest. next thing i know iv got warts ejd fxidisndjdjd!&!#?:&$_$!!!!! and i get dumped..it sucks..