Sex with herpes.. And I'm looking for some TMI info here lol

[Chinup]

Hi all! So I'm newly diagnosed (aug 2014) and since my diagnoses, sex hasn't really crossed my mind.. But now that I'm sort of "talking" to someone, the thought has crossed my mind and it has raised many questions.. I will apologize in advance if these are stupid questions lol And please feel free to be as TMI with your answers and experiences as you can!!!

 

1. Foreplay.. Is it safe for him to even put his hands down there? Obviously I wouldn't do anything if I felt symptoms of any kind, and I'm on suppressive therapy, but is it safe for him to touch me with his hands and not go immediately wash them? Lol what about oral? Not even sure I'm comfortable with oral at this point.. I'm pretty much terrified of the thought of sex :-(

 

2. I've seen on here where some condoms have triggered an ob.. Is there a certain kind I should use? Any special type of lube?

 

I guess my main theme here is, can and will i ever have/enjoy sex again??!! Can it be as normal as it used to be? Aside from condoms and meds, how "safe" do we need to be? What other precautions will we need to take? Please just feel free to share your advice and experiences!

 

I might even be jumping the gun here because I haven't disclosed yet.. We have been friends for 6 years or so and have been hanging out off and on over the last few months.. I had friend-zoned him and over time have realized that I don't want him in that zone lol.. Of course I got diagnosed with this before I had made that realization :-( I'm not ready to have this talk with him yet, but I know if things keep going the way they seem to be going, the talk is coming. I'm sure these are questions he will also have because lets face it, sex and intimacy are huge parts of a relationship. We also both want more kids one day, so I'm sure he will have questions about that too..

 

Any and all advice would be much appreciated :-) thanks so much in advance! Have a great day!!

[willow]

Remind me what type u have? Hsv1, or hsv2? .. and gennital im assuming...

 

Fore play!? Hell ya!! Absolutely! The biggest concern with foreplay is if u have hsv1 and ur partner doesnt... as for hsv2.. it really really doesnt like the oral area.

 

As for your condom question.. i cant help u there, because im allergic to latex.

I have tried the latex free female condom (fc2), and it didnt work out for my bf and i.

 

So here's what he and i do...

Im on suppressive therapy. One 500mg valtrex daily. And we avoid sex if i think i feel a prodrome or something. Amd so far (5months dating..) he doesnt have any symptons!

[Sil88]

I've been thinking about that lately, from the other side of the gender wall. Here's some thoughts or experiences..

 

The first time I noticed signs of hsv was my middle finger's cuticle. I bite my nails sometimes and must've had a skin tear on my middle finger. It went below, and appeared infected a few days later. Herpetic whitlow is the term. So I guess be careful of cuts on his hands.. I don't think it's particularly easy to catch though. Not sure why it all happened so quickly to me.

 

Some people seem to say it offers no extra protection or removes any intimacy, but I've considered wearing underwear during sex to cover surrounding areas. TMI: My OBs aren't on the penis, it's the area above that I want to block.

 

Friction and moisture in the areas where you have OBs will probably trigger more so if possible use positions that give those parts a rest?

 

I'm actually newer than you, so maybe I'm just stating the obvious ones.. Look forward to reading other suggestions though.

[Snyperx]

I am all in on this discussion. Like Sill88, have HSV2 herpetic whitlow on my left middle finger, but have had no symptoms downstairs. My finger OB was wicked severe (primary exposure according to my doctor). Just trying to get a handle on what we can do. I have disclosed and she seemed ok. She asked a few questions and I answered the best I could.

 

Things are going well so far and I know she is wanting to get more intimate (oral for sure). I am just scared as what we can do.

[WCSDancer2010]

Well, the guys already talked about the possibility of Herpatic Whitlow ... I would be careful about having him play down there if you have any thoughts that you may be having an OB, especially if he has skin cracks/hangnails/chews his fingers (ie anything that breaks the skin on the hand). OR (I know this may not be sexy) have him wear a disposable medical glove/finger cots if he does have any open sores/wounds (maybe you can turn it into a role-play and let him be the Doctor who has to "examine" you ;) ) Now that doesn't mean you need to overthink all this ... just tune into both of your bodies and both be honest about anything that may be going on for either of you. ;)

 

Oral Sex? Well, if you have HSV2, you are actually pretty safe because it hates the Oral region (only 1% of all Oral Herpes is HSV2). If you have HSV1, you will want to find out if he already has it (there's an 80% chance that he does ... get him to get blood tested .... it's best to know BOTH of your status anyway :) )Dr Leone talks about it here:

 

 

I've not heard until today about condoms being an issue but as I mentioned elsewhere, it's *possible* that the Fire and Ice kind *might* irritate things ... so I would start with regular condoms and then as you feel more comfortable and in tune with your body, try other kinds. To be honest, the first year can be a little tricky because your body is learning to deal with the virus so a lot can set it off... BUT, that can be good because you will learn to listen to your body better AND any time you are concerned about a possible OB, that's a great time to experiment with other ways to be intimate ;)

 

Any yes, honey, you CAN have a regular sex life .... otherwise 20% of the population would be miserable as hell! You just need to be in tune with your body and learn how to communicate better with your partner and be open to learning other ways to be intimate ... and all of those things are GOOD things!!!!

 

And *maybe* your diagnosis has helped you to see that this guy is more of what you want in your life ... that the guys you have seen in the past don't have the qualities that you now want and need. Herpes has a way of making us look at our dating lives a bit differently... but in a GOOD way. ;)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

[Chinup]

Thank you all for the feedback! I really appreciate it!! Being newly diagnosed, I'm still not even ready to think about sex lol but if the disclosure comes sooner than I'm expecting (and he doesn't run away scared.. Cross your fingers), those might be questions he has.. Definitely good info. But fact is I'm not ready to disclose or have sex yet, I still need more time with it to see how my body handles everything.

 

That's so crazy about the finger thing too!! I really didn't know it was that easy to spread it like that.. Damn.

 

Anyways, thanks again and keep the advice, stories and experiences coming :-)

[WCSDancer2010]

Well, Herpes Whitlow isn't *that* easy to spread ... remember that we will get the people on here who are either looking to get informed or who have the "odd" or "less common" experiences of Herpes ... so we will get a higher number of people with HW here than will be exhibited in the public in general ;)

[Yadira]

My boyfriend and me have lots of foreplay / oral and have never had any issues. I have HSV2 and he does not. We are always sure to shower really well right after sex -every single time.

[seeker]

chinup my dear you will be fine. and if you need some practice call me up.

now, think how you were when you first got your diagnosis and think how more relaxed you are now. don't think sex will get that way also??

[Chinup]

Well that's some good news lol! I've always been big into foreplay.. Sort of devastating to think those days could be behind me. I'll just have to continue learning my body with this new part of it and when that time comes, I'll deal with it then I suppose. dancer you are right.. If sex with this was so "impossible" or whatever, there's a huge chunk of the population miserable as hell lol!!

[Chinup]

Hahahahahahaha @seeker I just laughed.. And don't tempt me.. Hahahaha Thank you :-)

Yea, I suppose you're right.. I still struggle some days with all of this.. Baby steps I guess! Sex right now is just hard to imagine.. I guess the stigma gets to me still.. The main question of "will anyone ever want to have sex with me again?" is on my mind a lot.. And of course, with sex comes the disclosure.. And that's a whole new can of worms right there that I just can't imagine yet :-/

[WCSDancer2010]

Check this blog I wrote about disclosure - it may help you a bit :)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/disclosure-its-not-just-about-herpes/

[seeker]

tempt, tempt. i have wine and cheese. chocolate? and old Humphrey bogart movie? a fire place burning low?

[Chinup]

Hahahahahahaha let me check flights to FL real quick LOL!!!

 

Thank you, @dancer! Def checking that out :-)

[seeker]

oooo, you know, airlines ARE running a lot of specials these days.

[WCSDancer2010]

LOL... the problem is with the lost work ... I'm already running below my needs to pay bills ... *sigh*

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

One day @seeker is going to wake up to 10 H Opp women at his door at once .... and he won't know what to do with us all ...LOL

[seeker]

yes he will

[seeker]

i will die a happy man. ;)

[Chinup]

HAHAHAHAHA!! I love this place! Yall are great!!!

[dreamingofsomeone167]

Thanks everyone for putting a big

[dreamingofsomeone167]

Smile on my face. Stupid tablet, or maybe it's the user? Lol

[Chinup]

LOL smiling is so necessary!!! No losing that smile! I read a quote the other day that has stuck with me and I'll share it now :-)

 

"If you see someone without a smile, give them yours." :-)

 

 

[onelongnightmare]

I am all in on this discussion. Like Sill88, have HSV2 herpetic whitlow on my left middle finger, but have had no symptoms downstairs. My finger OB was wicked severe (primary exposure according to my doctor). Just trying to get a handle on what we can do. I have disclosed and she seemed ok. She asked a few questions and I answered the best I could.

 

Things are going well so far and I know she is wanting to get more intimate (oral for sure). I am just scared as what we can do.

 

How often do you get outbreaks? Is the skin on your hands always shedding? Or just during an outbreak? Do you always keep it covered? Also, did you have a cut on your hand when you contracted it?

 

 

[onelongnightmare]

I've been thinking about that lately, from the other side of the gender wall. Here's some thoughts or experiences..

 

The first time I noticed signs of hsv was my middle finger's cuticle. I bite my nails sometimes and must've had a skin tear on my middle finger. It went below, and appeared infected a few days later. Herpetic whitlow is the term. So I guess be careful of cuts on his hands.. I don't think it's particularly easy to catch though. Not sure why it all happened so quickly to me.

 

Some people seem to say it offers no extra protection or removes any intimacy, but I've considered wearing underwear during sex to cover surrounding areas. TMI: My OBs aren't on the penis, it's the area above that I want to block.

 

Friction and moisture in the areas where you have OBs will probably trigger more so if possible use positions that give those parts a rest?

 

I'm actually newer than you, so maybe I'm just stating the obvious ones.. Look forward to reading other suggestions though.

 

How often do you get outbreaks? Is the skin on your hands always shedding? Or just during an outbreak? Do you always keep it covered? Have you come into contact with anyone with your hands?