My first discloser is about to happen with in the next 3 days! Help!!

[CC1985]

Ok so I've been dating this amazing guy for the past month and things have been going absolutely amazing! Every time I'm with him my heart just feels so at peace and I know it's soon but I really feel like this guy could be "the one." I've never felt such a connection to anyone like I have with him. He treats me like a princess and our conversations and chimestry is out of this world! Anyways he invited me over to his house last night for a movie and of course we started kissing and things got extremely heated and before I knew it we were on his bed and he was in nothing but boxers, he tried to take down my pants but it used the whole "it's that time of the month excuse" and I can see how disappointed he was because we were both extremely turned on and we have been wanting each other for a while. So anyways we kissed some more and I gave him oral then we just snuggled and looked into each other eyes before I had to rush home to my son. I really wanted to disclose to him last night that I have genital herpes And have had it for a year but I just couldn't get the words to form out of my mouth. I just love the way he looks at me and I feel like once I tell him I have herpes he's not going to view me like he does now and I'm terrified of loosing him if he can't Handel my positive status. He seems like a very understanding and non judgmental type of person but I know that the herpes is hard one to swallow for anyone! I know I need to disclose to him some point this week because next time we have alone time I'm not going to be able to use the it's that time of the month again excuse. I am so terrified. I don't know what I'm gonna do if he rejects me. I know I'm suppose to keep calm and be positive and factual when I disclose but I'm still worried I'm not going to word things right. I already read the Ebooks but if you guys can give me any pointers, tips or examples on what to say so I can hopefully have a positive outcome come from this I would greatly appreciate it. I'm definitely going to be disclosing to him before the weekend! Ahhhhh I'll let you guys know how or goes! I'm praying to God that I'll be able to write a disclosing success story on here with in a few days, but we shall see.

[WCSDancer2010]

@CC1985

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I'm about to run out the door so I can't put alot of commentary at the moment... but a few suggestions"

 

Read all the Success Stories that you can... they will give you courage and ideas of how to say what you want to say.

 

Definitely try to have the conversation in a place where things won't get heated ... or tell him beforehand that you need to talk to him about something so he will ask and make it happen. You were right to not tell him when things were heated... often people will jump in anyway then freak later and that takes a LOT more damage control to get back to a good place!

 

Read the following links etc... Herpes is a great Wingman... so let it help you see who this man REALLY is ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think

 

Disclosure

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/when-should-i-disclose/

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/disclosure-its-not-just-about-herpes/

http://herpeslife.com/disclosing-cold-sores-oral-herpes-hsv-1-to-potential-partners-before-kissing/

When to have the H talk Adrial

 

 

And if you are worried about rejection:

 

Rejection

http://herpesopportunity.com/podcasts/Herpes-Opportunity-Never-Rejected.mp3 (adrial)

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/rejection_its-all-about-perspective/ (my blog)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4699/first-real-disclosure-first-real-rejection Rejection as your teacher…..

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/ten-surprising-facts-about-rejection

 

 

 

[Wiwino]

I just disclosed for the first time on Tuesday and it went extremely well. The only advice I can give is to speak from your heart. I fumbled and stumbled over so much of it but what I said came from a good place. Good luck! Keep us posted

[CC1985]

Thank you! @wiwino and @WCSDancer2010! I really appreciate it! Going to see him tonight and if the mood is right I'm going to disclose to him tonight! If not tonight then definitely this weekend!

[jaynine87]

Hello!

 

So I was in the same boat as you almost 2 months ago. I met an amazing man a few months ago, we clicked instantly, and as soon as I met him I knew I needed to know him more. He is very mature, understanding, and kind. So obviously I was terrified to tell him.

 

I eased into it by asking him about STDs when our relationship started getting a little too hot and heavy. He said he didn't have anything, and I told him that I had HSV2, and I got it from an ex that didn't tell me/didn't know he had it. I told him the facts, and he was very receptive to it all. And his response was something along the lines of "So what, I'm still going to love you anyway." I was overjoyed!!!!

 

So here we are, 2 months later, and we are head over heels in love with each other. And Herpes has not gotten in the way of anything ;-). He does ask me questions from time to time, and I'm always honest with him. I really believe I have found my soulmate :-)

 

Good luck to you, and please let us know what happens! There is definitely love after herpes!

[CC1985]

@jaynine87 omg your story seriously gave me so much hope! What a lucky girl you are! Seriously praying that my guy takes the news as gracefully as yours did! I'll keep you all posted!

[Miji69]

I've just got to chime in here because just a week ago I was feeling all the things you are struggling with right now. It is so hard to form the words when you believe that from the moment you do, the gorgeous, perfect way this man looks at you might change forever....

But what if it doesn't?

What if all the attraction and tenderness between the two of you and from him intensifies?

What IF he looks at you with newfound respect for being a true and authentic human being who trusted him enough to disclose something so raw and personal?

And if this doesn't happen? Then you know what? You have learned and gained something invaluable.

I say this because I disclosed last week and I was terrified. I thought there was 80% reasons for this guy to bail. I thought I knew his mind and him but turned out I didn't 100% know either. He had tough stuff to disclose too, not herpes but things that made him feel unloveable.

Pain is something we all have in common at one time or another.

The point I'm making perhaps badly is, for me I disclosed when, quite frankly, I was good and ready. My struggle and angst was part of MY process and when those words came out of my mouth it was because I really couldn't hold them anymore, trusted that I knew enough of him to share and because if I was going to have a relationship, it had to be free and honest.

He accepted me. But more importantly, as I disclosed, *I* accepted me!

He could take me or leave me but you've got to know your worth. It's there already or he wouldn't make you feel the way you do.

I wish you all the luck in the world but my thing is, I guess, we DO have to tell a prospective sexual partner but the timing is different for everyone.

As WCSDancer says Herpes is your Wingman. The man I am with now after all has shown me that!

Good luck!

[CC1985]

@Miji69 thank you so much for sharing this! I really can not wait to disclose to him because my aniexty about it all is getting a little too much to Handel. I think the main reason I keep putting it off because I know once I tell him and if it goes bad then he's definitely not the one for me but I just really want him to be the one for me ya know! So basically as soon as I share this info with him I'm going to know right away what the possible future of our maybe relationship is going to be based my H news and that scares me. I guess I've just been enjoying this ignorant bliss but it's time for me to get real with myself and with him. Thanks agin for your input.

[Chinup]

Looking forward to hearing about how it goes!! I'm in the same boat.. Disclosure is coming soon and I'm terrified!!! I love reading these positive posts and stories and I hope to be posting one here in the near future!!! Please keep us posted :-) good luck!!!!