Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

A moment of weakness... I just can't seem to disclose

Recommended Posts

So I have been coming on this board for about 3 weeks now and I have found it extremely helpful! I've been reading through as many success stories as I can about disclosing because I've been wanting to disclose to someone who I've been seeing for the past 5 weeks and even though it's only been a short while he has became very special to me and I care for him deeply. Anyways I've been trying to plan my discloser to him for the past week or so and even though I'm terrified I still was starting to gain confidence that he might possibly still want me after I have the talk with him. But this morning all of that confidence I was starting to gain quickly left. I think it has a lot to do with what happened last night. Last night he invited me over to his house to meet his 4 year old son and just have a nice chill evening and let me tell you I have never felt more at home! Me and his son had a instant connection I literally sat on the floor and played Legos with him for a hour and l loved every moment of it. After playing Legos with him my guy put his son to sleep and we had our chance for alone time, we snuggled and kissed for about two hours and he then again tried to do more than just kiss and I had to stop him again from going any further for the second time this week because I have yet to disclose to him my condition. But anyways last night was amazing and I feel like meeting his son who he is absolutely in love with brought us that much more closer and made our bond that much more stronger, at least that's how I feel about the situation. So when I woke up this morning and reflected on how amazing our night was together I immediately was filled with so much anxiety more than ever followed by an annoying amount of crying because I realized that I am now starting to fall in love with him and that just makes it a billion times harder for me to disclose to him now because I just don't know what I'm gonna do if he doesn't want me after I tell him I have H. I literally don't think my heart can handle a rejection from him. I know I have to disclose to him as soon as humanly possible because things are are getting far too steamy when we are together and I'm running out of excuses to tell him. Thanks for listening I just really needed to vent this out because I literally have no one else I can talk to about this because no one knows I have Herpes so I really have no where to turn to but here.

Link to comment

Hey, I haven't gone through all that yet, but when I do, I will likely be feeling all those terrifying emotions. Since you do care about him, remind yourself that telling him is all about putting him first, and giving him the option to decide one way or another. Remember if he does walk away that he is not walking away from you, but from a stigma that frightens him. I understand you don't want to lose him, but before your heart gets more invested, wouldn't rather know now where he stands? The fact that he introduced you to his son speaks volumes about how much he trusts you, give him another reason, be your authentic, honest self. Also, have you considered giving him a letter? It might be easier to say the things you have to say, in the best way possible. You can read it or not, but once he has that in his hands, there's no more holding back. I believe you are strong enough, and I believe that no matter what, you will pull through. And when you think you can't, we'll still be here to send you words of encouragement and strength, and support you in any way we can.


I wanted to post this in the quotes section... but i'll post this for you:


"I used to think if I was vulnerable and told people my real story, it would be the end of me. But I did it anyways... and what I have found is that whenever I'm COURAGEOUS, and let people see the real me -- all of my messes, mistakes, errors and imperfections -- I find new beginnings bursting with empathy, not endings. I hear 'me too' a lot more often too. Ans it's easier for my heart to connect to another now that I don't have to spend all my time trying to hide or pretend I'm someone I'm not. I'm imperfectly worthy and committed to vulnerability."


Of course a classic:


You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice. - Bob Marley.


You can do this. Lots of love to you.

Link to comment

@PositivelyBeautiful I am so thankful that people like you exists .thank you so much for all that you have said. You definitely helped pick my confidence from off the ground. Thank you so much! And I loved the qoutes! More people on here need to see those!

Link to comment

Isn't it funny - how our brain can't allow us to be happy? How in your moment of happiness with meeting his son, your brain had to chime in and remind you that you have yet to disclose?


I just read another post where the person disclosed and he was just relieved she didn't have a life threatening illness that would take her from him. Yet in her moment of happiness at finding this beautiful man who declares he loves her, she's now scared of losing him (for non-h reasons).


One of the biggest things we can take from having Herpes is to learn how to quiet our minds, and CHOOSE to enjoy happiness as it comes to us without obsessing about when it *might* be taken away.




Herpes has a way of showing us the true nature of the person we are seeing in ways that might take many months or years to come out otherwise ... it's a great Wingman :)






Read all the Success Stories you can and realize that every single one of them were just as scared as you are right now... that they felt just as unlovable and unworthy and whatever other "un's" you are feeling, because they were allowing their brain to run the show. TRUST that in disclosing you will either create a bond that is unlike anything you would get without herpes, or if they walk, you will find out how this person deals with difficult situations .... and perhaps down the road you will be thankful that they walked.










When to have the H talk Adrial




Kirsty Spraggon Ted Talk “You are only as Sick as Your Secrets
Link to comment

CC1985, I told my bf of just over a year the day I got my swab results back. I was petrified and as silly as it was I spent the ENTIRE drive to his house coming up with funny ways to tell him. In the end, I cried and told him outright. He held me close and was grateful for my honesty and mostly that it wasn't life threatening. I didn't let the other ways I came up with go to waste. We even laughed over some like...turns out I was on the naughty list this year but Santa's not giving coal anymore. Or I asked for a horses for Christmas not herpes. Or someone must have been jealous of all the great sex we were having so they decided to find a way to slow us down. I don't expect it is ever an easy conversation to have knowing that it could end with unfavorable results but you won't know how he'll react until you've disclosed. Sending strength and resolve your way.

Link to comment

@cc1985 I can totally relate to you! The guy I'm "seeing" has a son and we have all been spending so much time together.. I'm so scared to bring this up.. For the most part when I'm with him I forget about this.. And then I remember that I have to disclose and I feel sick. I know that it's coming sooner than later, as things have really taken off over the last 3 weeks or so.. I know that I can't drag it out much longer because I don't want to get my heart (or his) even more involved than it already is. I'll be super sad if the disclosure doesn't go well and things end abruptly. I play it in my head over and over and some days I think I'm ready.. I think he cares enough about ME that it will not be a deal breaker.. And then I lose my confidence and sink into a sad place. But I have to remember that this is my new reality.. I've lost the luxury of entering into new relationships without an H disclosure. :-( we can do this! We have to!! Feel free to message me!! Maybe we can come up with a good script together lol!!! Good luck to you!!! I hope it all works out for the best for both of us because we deserve to be loved, H+ or not!!!

Link to comment

@Chinup hey there! Well it definitely sounds like me and you are on similar stages with our guys and I totally know what you mean by how most of the time when you're with him you don't even think about herpes then once you think about having to disclose you pretty much just want to vomit. It's such a sucky feeling. Imagine our relief we will have once we both finally disclose! Especially if it works out in our favor! Sending you positive vibes and hugs! Keep me posted when you disclose!

Link to comment

I'm not going to lie, I had to have a few glasses of wine before I got the nerve to tell my boyfriend! And I just blurted it out, cause the more I thought about it the more anxious I got. If you're meeting his son he must already be really into, so disclosing to him will only bring you closer. Just be prepared with all the facts if he asks questions. I will definitely be thinking about you. You can do it!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...