Could I have herpes?

[extremelyparanoid]

To anyone reading this, thank you for your time and consideration about my humble story, as I try and investigate whether or not I have this virus.

 

About a week ago, I became friends with a woman and we started to casually flirt and have intercourse.

Before we engaged sexually, she told me that she has HSV 2 or Herpes 2.

She explained to me that she received the virus through a course of a tragic event involving unconsensual sex with multiple males.

She has known of having the virus for as much as a year, and has seen as many as two doctors about having contracted it. She is currently taking medicine for Herpes, via taking two capsules a day.

 

Now, during the time of our sexual relationship, we have had sex on four ocassions.

The first occassion was with a condom, as I was understandably worried that I might contract HSV 2 from her.

After about two days, we had sex again, but this time without a condom. I chose to not wear a condom because she told me that she had had multiple partners after knowingly having Herpes, and that she has kept in touch with all of them; devulging over small talk that they are not infected and have been tested over this time.

However, I am aware that Herpes can take as long as years to even begin to show symptoms and possibly be tested as being positive.

Additionally, after this second time, we had sex a third time with a condom, the next without, and then she performed oral sex on me, but does not have oral Herpes. I am not sure if I could have still contracted it orally regardless of if she has it or not.

So let me detail this simply; 2 occassions without a condom, two with, and one occassion or oral sex.

During one of these occassions, I observed that she had small razor bumps on her genitalia, as well as pimple marks on and around her butt, which she assured me was simply bumps from shaving and the later being normal acne. She also assured me that she was not in pain, was not having an outbreak, and had took her medicine on all the days we were involved.

 

I am aware of the concept of 'shedding', meaning that it is likely to contract herpes regardless of if she was showing symptoms or not. Concerning the bumps and acne, she assured me that she would know via pain if she were experiencing an outbreak, but I have done my own research and know that due to shedding and the fact that there is a percentage of shedding occuring (10% I read), that I still could have contracted the virus, even though she took her medicine, even if I were wearing a condom or not.

 

It has only been about a week, if not less than that, and I know I am supposed to wait anywhere from two weeks to two months. But please.

 

I am scared.

 

I am not experiencing any burning sensations, and have razor bumps myself from trying to shave hurriedly and carelessly. I have been tested before on two separate occassions for STD's and have come up clean.

 

I know my chances are as slim as being engaged in a car crash on a daily travel, to which I have experienced. So to say that my chances are that slim, when I have experienced those same slim chances, worries me.

 

Nobody wants herpes. She most of all has reminded me of that on several occassions.

 

I need some support right now and some opinions. I know I'll have to physically go and get tested to know for sure, but can anyone offer any information of comfort besides what I have listed or some insight?

 

It would be astoundingly appreciated in this dark time. I am thinking of ending our sexual relationship, which I am aware would fully depress her, but I have to do what is most safe for my own physical health. I would still like to remain friends, as she is a very sincere person and I trust her.

 

Again, thank you for reading, I look forward to any comments anyone can offer.

 

- C.

[whitedaisies]

Yes you do have an exposure...doesn't mean you contracted hsv2

 

It doesn't take years to determine you have herpes, it may take years for you to have an outbreak.

 

You can do a blood test, and u actually have to ask for a herpes blood test....if you ask for STDs, they don't blood test you for herpes...so you should inquire to your doctor if he/she tested you for it.

 

So at 3 months, I would do a herpes blood test and then if negative, a confirmatory one at 6 months. Then I would say, you are in the clear.

 

So there are the facts, as to opinion of exposure, I would say the following....

 

1) if the woman is taking meds, your risk is obviously lower

2) if she knows her body and obs, you can trust her if she said she's not having an ob, but obviously she could have been shedding and not know it (I assume u know her well enough to say she is trustworthy)

3) if u don't show symptoms of anything within 3 weeks then I would say that's a good sign

4) if she performed oral sex on you, you don't have exposure unless she has oral hsv1 or oral hsv2....unlikely she has oral hsv2....extremely rare

5) viral load is generally lower when shedding which makes it harder to get hsv2 but still possible depending on viral load which is different per occasion and per individual

 

So hate to say it, you will have to wait and see....risks are low

 

Best to test anyway so to ease your conscious there are lots of people on here that have relationships with people that have used antivirals and not condoms and their partners never got it. Years of exposure and no transmission, so it's completely possible, you didn't get it. In fact, odds are in your favour, but no one can guarantee.

 

, so if you don't feel comfortable, I would communicate that you like her very much and would like to be friends but at his time you feel it is not a risk you are willing to take. She may be hurt yes, but this is life and you could have also broken up with her be she smoked or anything else. Say it with kindness and she will understand.

 

Good luck

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hey, so yes, as whitedaisies said, you have been exposed to it, but this does not mean you have contracted it. There are plenty of H+ people who have loooong relationships with H- people, and never contract it. The fact that she is aware of her diagnosis and her body bodes well for you... as her knowledge gives her the best chances of preventing transmission. Yes, asymptomatic shedding does exist, and yes, there is always a risk... but there is no reason to panic or worry right now. Just get the test in due time and assume you have not contracted it. However, if you do have potential partners following this, it might worthwhile to express your recent exposure upfront, until you know for sure. I think it would be something you would like want to know as well. Also, this might scare you enough to walk away from her, but have you considered just talking to her about your fears and concerns, openly and honestly, instead of cutting off the relationship completely? Perhaps, it's a matter of being more diligent with use of protection that will ease your fears and worries. I would encourage you to open up to her and tell her how this has made you feel, and let her openly receive those concerns so you can make a decision together. Hopes this helps a bit... try to not to worry too much, you're probably A-ok.

[extremelyparanoid]

Thank you to the both of your for your opinions, it saddens me to hear that I have been exposed, but that was of course obvious. I've just never heard anyone else tell me specifically.

 

We've discussed the fact that we probably shouldn't have sex if I'm not comfortable with the risk, even with every security measure being taken. I did this a few days before posting this discussion.

I still don't seel any symptoms, while urinating or observing my skin, but I know that doesn't guarentee me in the clear. I've been trying to keep my mind off the situation, because frankly, I don't have a car, and have just moved, so I also do not have a doctor. I'm just a recently graduated teenage boy living in his grandparent's home. I wouldn't be able to ask them for a ride to some anonymous clinic.

 

Looks like I'm on my own for now as far as testing until I make a few good friends..maybe the girl in question would even be willing to drive me. We'll see..

[whitedaisies]

I am confident you will be ok

 

keep your mind off it

 

come on here if u are nervous...always helps to vent and feel heard

 

I say if u aren't experiencing symptoms it's a good sign

 

keep us posted

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

hello and welcome!

 

I'd like to add one more thing to the above. If you were out having intercourse with people without protection, you're always running a risk of getting herpes or another STD. But most especially herpes, because most people, even the diligent ones to get tested regularly, don't know that they are not being tested for the herpes virus. So they can tell you that they are negative for herpes because they believe they've been tested when in fact they have not. So the odds are pretty good that you've been exposed to it somewhere along the line in your dating ventures ;)

 

80 percent of people have one kind of herpes or other. 80 percent of those people don't know they have it. So the odds are very very high that you have been with partners who have been a symptomatic resetting it some point or another if you are moderately sexually active. The good thing about this woman is it she knows her status, she is taking the medication for it, and she knows her body. So all those are positive things about this relationship.in paragraph I'm out of town right now but I'd like to send you some links that will help to explain this better.

 

Perhaps she could drive you to a Planned Parenthood clinic... that's the best place for you to go right now...they are great about sliding scale for people without insurance and of course they know all about this stuff. I'd get blood tested now for it... if you are H+ you have had it for at least 4 months ... and odds are you could at least have H1+ due to cold sores (60% of kids get it by the time they are young adults) in which case you would know to be careful with oral sex in the future ... 80% of people with cold sores don't know they have them and that is why 50% of all new genital cases of H are H1 :/

 

 

[HBased]

I think I'm gonna side with Dan Savage on this: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=260

 

 

[lovelucky]

I love Dan Savage for his response.

 

[HBased]

@lovelucky I've considered wallpapering the world with his response once or twice. ;)

[extremelyparanoid]

@whitedaises - thanks, will do.

 

@Dancer - Glad to see you noticed my post. I was aware of everything you've said thus far, I of course know that any occassion of unprotected sex warrants a risking venture with an STD. What I didn't know is that 80% of people 'have one kind of herpes or another'? What? I thought it was more so around 1 in 3 people in America..

 

@lovelucky and HBased. I don't see how this pertains much, seems like you just redirected me to a satrical post that begins every worried statement with 'Hey faggot'. I'm deliberately missing the point because it seems rather offensive to continue reading, other than that anyone having sex with anyone that has herpes has a chance of contracting it. Uh. That genius, Dan.

 

I'll make it clear that I know there *is* a chance. I was just -also- hoping mine would be incredibly slim.

[WCSDancer2010]

80% of people have oral herpes ... which can be passed to the genitals via oral sex ...

 

Regarding your "chances" ... risk factor is 5%/yr female-male assuming you have sex 2x/wk - so your chances ARE slim AND like any chance/risk for some it will only take once (that was me - got H with first sexual experience) and for some who are married to someone with H for 20 yrs and never get it even without any protection. That 5% is the average of a large sampling so it will include both extremes ...

 

Bottom line: Life assumes risk. You don't want to risk getting a life altering disease or having some kind of major accident, go live in a bubble. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. I for one refuse to worry about stuff that is out of my control ...

 

I'd get tested in 3-4 months ... and in the meantime, you may want to consider making sure that if you have anxiety issues about getting an STD, that you keep the "big head" in charge when having casual sex ;)

[HBased]

@extremelyparanoid

 

In the 90's, Dan made readers submit every letter with the opener "Hey Faggot" in an attempt to reclaim the word (he is a very gay man) - he has since stopped doing that, and my apologies if you were offended by the word.

 

The point of Dan's post is simple: yes, that man with the H+ gf can continue to freak out and wash himself after every sexual encounter and expend a great deal of mental effort & fatigue worrying about something which is, at the end of the day, not a risk to his health or sanity... or review his concerns and re-align his thinking about the whole subject.

 

Your chances of getting herpes while having sex with someone who is aware of their sexual health, using protection and taking medication is pretty low. This is probably not the first person you've encountered intimately with herpes -- just the first person that knew about it.

 

I went ahead and bolded the parts I wanted you to see from Dan's answer below:

 

----------

 

Your chances of catching herpes from your girlfriend, under your circumstances, are pretty slight. But low as they are, there is still a chance. Psychologically speaking, you can obsess about the tiny risk you're taking, letting it ruin your life and your relationship, or you can accept the risk, continue to take precautions, and make up your mind to stop being such a paranoid dope. After all, what are you so afraid of? Herpes is, hysteria aside, a relatively minor problem in the lives of the vast majority of people who "suffer" from it.

 

If you do get infected, you'll have a treatable, though not curable, sexually transmitted disease that tens of millions of other Americans "suffer" from. Most infected people show no symptoms, and most don't know they have it. For herpes "sufferers" who do experience symptoms, the inconvenience of the disease--the occasional outbreak--is often less stressful than time spent coddling paranoid lovers who fear herpes out of all proportion to the actual impact it has on your life.

 

Think about it: Your girlfriend, a herpes "sufferer," had one outbreak, and takes two pills a day. That's it, that's the total physical impact herpes has on her. Psychologically speaking, however, she's had to come to grips with having an STD for the rest of her life, deal with the guilt of not informing her boyfriends prior to you, and now she has to live with a boyfriend who jumps out of bed and boils his dick immediately after sex. Her psychological suffering is greater than the physical suffering, dontcha think?

 

While I'm not recommending you or anyone else intentionally contract herpes--and you should continue to take reasonable precautions--I don't know what you're so afraid of.

 

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[WCSDancer2010]

This is probably not the first person you've encountered intimately with herpes -- just the first person that knew about it.

 

Yup ... exactly what I said, Readers Digest Version ;)