Do I need to tell my son I have herpes?

[Plymouth]

I had genial herpes during pregnancy, not a genital outbreak but sores on my thumb. This was 22 years ago and I am worried he might be a carrier and doesn't no it. I know if he gets symptoms he needs to get treatment quickly to reduce the occurrence and severity of further outbreaks but I don't know how high the risk of transmission during pregnancy was and whether I should put him and me through the trauma of disclosing. Any advice ir info would be great fully received xxx

[caterpillarmonarch]

I personally would tell him, although I know nothing about pregnancy transmission rates, I just prefer very open communication.

 

However, if you wanted to take a softer approach, you could heavily encourage STD tests. I wish my parents had told me a lot more about these, and that they weren't automatically done each year during my annual.

[Geminij]

Ing does this mean our children are carriers of herpes?!! Wtf why did I not know this

[HBased]

@Plymouth - Did your son come into contact with open sores? Are you seeing open sores on your son that you believe need to be addressed? Why are you freaked out at year 22 instead of, say, 16?

 

@Geminij - ... if you kissed them with an open cold sore, probably. Or, you know, they're 22 & have sex...

[WCSDancer2010]

@Plymouth

 

First - Hello and Welcome!

 

So - here's the thing - if you only had Herpes on your finger, your son wouldn't have got it from you either in utero or childbirth ... and as long as you were very careful with handling him when you had an OB (ie, wearing gloves/baindaids to keep the area from coming in contact) odds are very good that he wouldn't get it from you. You can only get it from direct skin to skin contact - not through blood/contact of areas outside of the area where you have outbreaks (OB's). AND, as a child, odds are if he DID get it, he would have had OB's and you would know it because their little systems can't fight it well. I got oral HSV1 as a 4 yr old (likely caught from another kid) and had regular OB's during my whole childhood.

 

I agree with @caterpillarmonarch's approach ... I'd go for a softer approach.

 

Maybe tell him that you decided to look up info on the Herpes Whitlow (which is the technical term for Herpes on the finger) and you learned a lot about how Herpes is not regularly tested for and that he needs to specifically ASK for it when he gets tested... and that condoms only give 50% protection against Herpes AND HPV ... so that when he dates, he need to not only have the STD talk, but actually go to a clinic with his prospective partner and get tested together if he wants to take every precaution he can against getting an STD, because 80% of people with the virus don't know they have it because of the lack of regular testing and education.

 

@Geminij

 

Nooooooooooo they are not ... or at least - not genital herpes ... but as I have mentioned a LOT on here, 60% of kids have oral HSV1 by the time they are young adults because kids are little walking petri dishes that share all kinds of viruses and bugs because they share drinks and toys they have glommed on.... I got it at 4 yrs of age that way.... so don't panic if your kid comes up with a "cold sore" ...

 

@HBased

 

if you kissed them with an open cold sore, probably

 

Well, even so, it would have to be a pretty sustained kiss .... most kids get HSV1 orally from other kids by sharing stuff they glommed on .. or ... as you mentioned when they get a little older... sex ;)

 

 

 

[HBased]

@WCSDancer2010

 

I was a bit too glib -- I mean, 80+% of the population is carrying some version of the virus. If mom never exposed him, it's likely a school chum, dad, or Great Aunt Mildred's smooches exposed him anyway. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[WCSDancer2010]

We have to be careful what we say and how we say it here .... just look at @Geminijj 's reaction to this post ... it's easy to send the newly diagnosed into a total panic through a mis-understood posting ;)

[MMissouri]

I could be wrong, but if you tell the doctor you have genital herpes when you are pregnant, don't they test the infant for herpes? Maybe they do it and just don't say anything unless the baby is positive?

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

She didn't say Genital herpes - she has it on her thumb ... she just didn't know the correct terminology :/

 

And yes, if you say you have genital herpes they will monitor you and test the infant right after birth and after 6 months

[golddust086]

This is very interesting bc of the post I just put up...I am pregnant and might be having an ob but also what I didnt include bc well I didnt think much of it but my index finger and thumb became almost inflamed and felt like something was coming up but I pur some zync creme on it and i will continue to but I forgot how it could possibly spread and different symptoms sheeeeesh! I have some reading to do.