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i just disclosed

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omg im freaking out this is the second time i disclosed. the first was by a letter but in person the guy took it well but said he has to do his research and decided he couldnt do it i was like im never going to be able to do this. fast foward a few months ive only been hanging out with this a guy like 2 weeks but he wants to spend alot of time together and i noticed feeling were started to develop for both so i had to do it we were hanging out and for the life of me i couoldnt get it out, so the next day he wanted to see me and i was like this is it i cant take the stress and anxiety anymore so i asked him to call me and i had it written down what i was gonna say and i cant believe his reaction, he started talking to me about it right away asked a few questions and said hey i could have it and not know it, its so common. then was like im not a creep and it doesnt change my feelings for you i actually like you more now. so are you coming over to make dinner or what and you can educate me more on it. im so happy right know that its out and who knows where this will go but i just wanted people who are dealing with the fear of the talk everything works out how it should just get it over with and whatever happens, happens. totally off the record tho i cant wait for adrial forever lol omg i just think your great!


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Beautiful. Just beautiful. Well done for facing your fears and speaking your truth and just trusting that if he's the right person, your vulnerability will speak to his heart. And if not, well, his loss, eh? Guy #1 missed a great gal ... but maybe the reason you met him was to practice for this guy!!!


Well done friend!



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I disclosed to a friend of mine that just recently got divorced, and has been wanting to meet up for awhile. He's an old boyfriend. He suggested making plans to meet up again and I was thinking to myself... this is it. Might as well be up front about it right now. He was unbelievably supportive, and said "well condoms aren't the worst thing". There is hope... if someone is really interested in YOU, then H is just a hurdle to maneuver around. This made me feel a lot better... although I'm still not ready to take that step until I know how H is going to affect me over the next few months.


Way to go on your successful disclosure! :)

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  • 1 month later...

Here's an update on my situation although the talk went well the relationship failed with him being not so honest with me how things anyway that's over and now the anxiety somewhat starts to creep back in. I think I'm destined to be alone or I just have the worst luck with men. I'll be 40 in a few months and I'm tired of not finding someone deserving of what I offer. Maybe I need to take time to learn to love and accept myself with the situation I have and the place I am in my life. Sometimes it's just so frustrating to feel like I'm not deserving of what everyone else seems to find. Maybe someday :(

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Honey - if he couldn't be honest with you or himself about how he felt now, be glad that you found this out about him now ... and not somewhere down the road about something really big once you are in a lot deeper. He showed you his colors ... don't take it upon yourself that this is about you or that this means you won't find anyone ... a Salesman will tell you that every No is one step closer to a Yes. I talked to a friend who was in sales about that P.O.V. and it sooo pertains to love as well. A salesman is GLAD when someone says they are not interested (rather than the person who waffles forever) .. because that frees their energy up for someone who will be genuinely interested in what they have to offer. Doesn't matter what the "reason" was for the no ... the salesman doesn't care, and they don't take it personally. A good salesman will thank the person for their honesty and wish them a nice day and will turn around and open themselves up for the next prospect to come along.


You are TOTALLY deserving of love ... and this guy wasn't the one who was going to bring what you deserve to the table.


I got divorced in my early 40's ... I remember the insecurity and being shit scared of how I would cope on my own. I was hitting peri-menopause and my emotions were all over the place ... I met someone and fell madly in love ... only to be left 3 yrs later because he found me to be "needy" ... I was in full blown menopause and I admit I was a whack job at the time... but we had done therapy and I had explained that my temporary insanity was just that... temporary ... but he was unable/unwilling to deal with me AND his hormonal teenage daughter and he chose to leave while telling me he loved me. Totally fucked with my heart, and my self confidence. I mean, if someone would leave me who claimed to LOVE me, what hope did I have of finding someone who would stay??? It took a LOT of work on myself to get over that, (I took 3 yrs off dating after him) and right now I'm VERY single, but what I DO know now is that the man who chooses me will be getting a woman who has done one hell of a lot of work on herself and who will be able to stand beside him and support him from a place of her own strength and wisdom ... that I will never settle for any man who just "accepts" me ... but that the man will have to WANT me by his side. And if that means I am single for a few more years, so be it.... I've created a life that fulfills me and makes me happy (something I had NO IDEA of how to do when I got divorced).


So perhaps you need to take that time off to learn to love yourself ... get on Meetup.com and find groups that have similar interests to you and join those groups. Get involved in your church if that is important to you. Take a holiday on your own (or take a gal pal if you are not up to going it alone just yet... but I can say that you should travel on your own at least once in your life because you will learn sooo much about how much you really CAN do and how resourceful you are!). Get a regular Mani/Pedithe H Opp weekends which are AMAZING) , take some self-growth courses (@Adrial occasionally offers some At Home courses as well as ... whatever it takes to work on your self confidence.


Don't let this setback get you down friend ... take it as a learning experience, then kick some dirt over that shit and move on :)



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