Valtrex and relationships with non-infected partners

[mon]

Hello,

 

I have recently disclosed my HSV1-g diagnosis to a potential partner. Gratefully, my disclosure was a success and things are moving forward between us. We have not yet have sex, but we will soon. I have not had sex since my diagnosis because I am afraid of sharing this infection because it has happened before to a close friend of mine while I was not on medication and this was all very very new to me. It hurt me so much that I hurt my friend and I will never want to experience that again.

 

Obviously, moving forward I will be using Valtrex prior to sexual relations.

 

- Has anyone have success with using Valtrex and condoms without infecting their partner?

 

I need people with ***personal experience*** to answer this in order to feel confident about this :( not internet facts. <3

 

- What about Valtrex and oral sex?

 

I want to be very very safe and protect my potential lover.

 

Please help and thanks,

Mona

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hi Mona,

 

There are a lot of people here that have been with negative partners and never transmitted the virus. I use acyclovir and although at first, my bf and I were using condoms too, he recently decided that he felt comfortable without condoms. So with antivirals only, we have not had any scares or potential issues. That is a very personal choice however, so you will both have to feel comfortable proceeding with any decision that is made. The most important aspect here is that if you feel any outbreaks coming on, to refrain from having sex. Valtrex should work just as well, and I've heard a lot of positive reviews from others here. I might actually try Valtrex cause it's only one pill a day versus Acylcovir which you have to take twice. The mental aspect of all this is hard sometimes too. At the beginning, I was really worried and always concerned about potentially giving this to him (first partner since diagnosis)... I think it was in the back of his mind too. But as time went on, we continue to be open and honest about everything, and so we both have a very great level of comfort expressing any concerns... but there have hardly been any. The vulnerability and honesty that we have shared has really brought us closer. Ultimately, we have no control over what will happen, so there's comes a point in time where you accept you are doing your best to protect them, and let the rest go. Oh, we also use coconut oil as a lubricant as it has natural antiviral properties (but be careful using that with condoms, might cause the latex ones to tear), and we use apple cider vinegar diluted with a little warm water after sex as a cleanse. Again, also very good antiviral properties. Again, I know it's scary, but take your time, don't rush anything, and keep an open line of communication. Do your best and try to enjoy this new relationship. You both deserve to be happy. Hope this helps, and all the best!

[LostHusker]

Hi, I'm on Valtrex and have been for a year. I've not infected any partner I've been with this entire time. They all know I have it and am on medication. I've had with both protection and not protection. None of them have ever had any sign of infection. They and I have both done both penetration and oral sex. I have learned to listen to my body closely and do not have any relations when I feel I may be either feeling sick or tired. They all know I would never risk them. Hope this helps.

[ann122]

I got hsv1-g about a year ago and went on suppressive meds to protect my boyfriend. He gets cold sores so he already has some protection, but we had already ditched condoms about a year ago so we didn't want to get back into using them. We havent had any scares and I have not transmitted it to him since I was diagnosed last march.

[mon]

Thank you for your responses! Much appreciated.

[sanngrior]

I have used valtrax and condoms with both partners since finding out I had gHSV1. The only thing we do not use protection for is when I receive oral sex. This is generally speaking because the risk is low, and since I have it orally they are much more likely to get it from kissing me - so it seems silly to get a dental dam. Also, neither of the partners I've had were concerned about getting it orally. Neither partner contracted herpes from me.

 

More than anything, I would just have a frank discussion about what you two are comfortable and not comfortable with.

[WCSDancer2010]

@mon

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I have had 2 post divorce relationships (my ex hubby got HSV2 from me because we didn't know what my "rash" was) ... one I took Acyclovir, the other we didn't use anything (both were their choice) ... neither got it from me and each relationship lasted about 3 yrs. We didn't use condoms in either relationship.

 

The stats are pretty accurate - and you have HSV1 which sheds a LOT less than HSV2 ... odds are the reason you passed it on was that you were in the early months when your body doesn't have control of the virus and you didn't know your prodromes.... HSV1 genital sheds a LOT less once it's settled down ... like, about 1/3rd as much as HSV2. So if you add antivirals to the mix, with the fact that your body has better control of the virus your risks should be minimal...

 

AND...

 

A life well lived assumes risk. I tell people all the time that we get in cars every day, knowing that people die and are injured every day in car accidents. All you can do is wear your seat belts, maintain your car, and try to follow the rules of the road .... but sometimes shit happens no matter what you do.

 

You need to talk to him and see what HIS comfort level is around all this... and as @PositivelyBeautiful pointed out, over time you may both choose to stop using condoms or whatever as the relationship develops....

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Check this blog out that I wrote about the reality of risk and living life

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/driving-yourself-crazy/

[Danaaaaaasaur]

@losthusker Do you mind me asking if you have HSV1 or HSV2? Thanks :)

[LostHusker]

HSV1. Both oral and genital.

[dallas2015]

I think you're doing everything right. I was in a 3.5 yr relationship, and disclosed my GHSV1 status before we ever had sex... it started out with condoms & valtrex, then he became comfortable without condoms, but he would clean himself with purell after (not necessarily recommended, but it put his mind at ease!), and eventually he became comfortable enough to stop the purell. Oral sex was never an issue for him, probably because there's not as much of a stigma attached to cold sores! (ugh!). Anyway, he never contracted the virus from me, and while it took some time for him to become completely comfortable with the whole idea, he says he never considered leaving me because of it.

[Bebe]

Ah! You guys give me hope! I just got back on here after months, and suprisingky enough something told me to try and chat to folks just needs support. And literally one week later I find out my bf, ex now, who gave me hsv-2 is cheating on me agaaain right a couple months before we were supposed to get married and move in together. A big part of why I'm so sad I think is the shame of being treated like shit for the past few years, and that I got this skin crap to go along with it forever. I want to date and have fun but how??! I don't want people telling me I'm gross because of it or being mean. Smh.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Bebe

 

Honey ... ANYONE who tells you you are gross because of it are showing you that they just plain are jerks ... so why would you take anything personally from a jerk???? :)

 

Here's a quote from a guy who read my profile on POF (I'm completely out on my profiles)....

 

I am writing to thank you for the very powerful profile you wrote, not because I necessarily feel we are a match. Several months back I thought that maybe I had Herpes...and yes , I was overwhelmed , embarrassed , etc. ; when I finally went to the doctor I found out that it wasn't. Prior to going to the doctor I did a little research and found as you said , that it is for more common than I ever thought . I personally could not imagine trying to explain all that to someone AFTER you had met and dated. You certainly are a special person, and I wish you all the best . J.

 

This is typical of what I get (from both men who are interested and those who just write to let me know that they appreciate my openness). I have yet to get ONE negative message and I've been out for about a year on my profiles.

 

For now, you need to allow yourself to just grieve from the stuff you are dealing with around the ex .... learn to love YOURSELF right now .... don't worry about dating for the moment .... you need to heal first ... ok :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Bebe]

That's a really sweet message from a guy. I'm surprised honestly. Thank you @wcsdancer2010. I've been trying to occupy my time talking to guys who idk online and it just makes me feel worse honestly. I do need to take time to heal. Thank you. I'm even on a positive singles site. I feel like a leper. Smh.

[WCSDancer2010]

Honey, you are NOT a leper ... and that's one of the reasons I don't particularly like the H-dating sites ... because it's easy to make people feel like they *should* "stick to their own". And that is sooo unnecessary :(

 

So yes, take time to heal. Read all the success stories that you can on here. Be kind to yourself. Take time to do things for YOU....

 

And BTW that's not the first time I've got a kind message from a guy like that. I probably get at least one a month. And who knows how many think about it and don't write ... most guys just wouldn't bother ;)