Scared about my boyfriend getting tested and getting informed, how wrong can it go????

[Nal]

Sooo, to continue the story, if anyone is still following?

 

My poor bf had his appointment to get tested today and they sent him somewhere else. Now he's freaking out because he thinks it's really serious but they haven't even gotten his kit off yet so I told him my GP usually doesn't do genital-related things and I thought I was going to get referred but he wanted to check out my butt rash because I said it looked like 12 ants had bitten me in one spot and he got curious. Lmao my gp, why do I trust him with my health? ;)

 

So now he's at the Apple store (because he had an appointment there too, turns out his phone might have HSV too lol) and then he's going to the other office.

 

So he's a bit down and I'm scared he might not have the same type of medacal/emotional support I got and it's going to scare him. Because he's fine when I talk him through things but he (understandably) repanicks every once in a while and then he calms down when I give him the talk on how it's a skin condition and how he wouldn't even had known abouy it if I hadn't been bkessed with every single symptom.

 

So, any advice on what to do if he gets comoletely different info than I am giving him? I can't claim to ve better informed than trained medical staff, even though with this site, I might actually. I can't send him here because he doesn't understand English and I'm not sure a community as helpful as this one exists in Spanish.

 

On the plus side, he did say 'why just now?' And when I asked what he meant, he said, 'why with you? Out of all people, why did it have to happen with you?' I took that as a compliment zd told him it's because my body was vulnerableband that if it was going to happen, it was going to be with me because I'm apparently just more susceptible.

 

But I'm still worried about what they're going to tell him. How likely is it that an sti clinic is going to be so badly informed that I come off as a fool or liar? My question being, how badly informed can I expect them to be?

 

I know I'm pobably worried for nothing but it's still nagging in the back of my head. He did ask me to repeat all info I already know so he could tell the doctor the same information. I might just be psyching myself out. He was just such a worried little thing today, and I can't be there ad hold his hand. Hes such a careful and responsible person, I feel for him.

 

Anyway, what should I prepare myself for in terms of his diagnosis and information? Could his bloodwork come out negative somehow?

[2Legit2Quit]

Have you suggested him coming to this site for support?

[Nal]

He can say wifi and sorry, that's about the extent of his knowledge of English :)

 

If he spoke any I'd made him get an account here last Monday, sowe could be a bunch goofy idiots on here together. He speaks Spanish, Portuguese and Guaraní. I'm not sure I'll find support groups this great in those languages.

 

He has to go back before 6 and I'm very much hoping they don't spook him.

[2Legit2Quit]

Well I'm sure there are support groups in his area and language.. Just Google it

[2Legit2Quit]

He'll be OK .. I didn't join any forums until 5-6 months post diagnosis.. He has you for support and if he has any questions you don't know the answer to, you can just ask us on here and you can translate for him.

[Nal]

I've been looking but it's either a site filled with YOUR LIFE IS OVER NOW YOU'VE CONTRACTED THIS HORRIBLE DISEASE or HEY, I FOUND A CURE TO YOUR HORRIBLE DISEASE. I guess I'm just scared that if he gets info that's very different from whatI've been saying, he won't trust the info he gets from me anymore..

[NothingGoodGetsAway]

Hmm. This might be a hard thing, but have you tried google translate? He'd have to know some medical terms that wouldn't translate (like asymptomatic shedding) but I would think that it might do the trick! We are happy to answer any questions he might have, and he could see them posted on the forum and know that it's a big group of people (and we wouldn't all lie to him!)

 

Maybe he could put his questions in Spanish, you could review the Google translation in English, and start to see which phrases it has problems with. Trust us, none of us will judge poor grammar or anything!

 

And then we could answer the questions, in as simple-to-translate terms as possible.

 

Also, I would hope that he trusts your word. If he doesn't, just chalk it up to him being afraid and coming to terms with his own diagnosis. You can be there for him, to support him, but if he starts to lash out, to mistrust you, etc, just know that's HIS problem, and probably indicative of how he handles his own mind and pressure. And if he handles it negatively and in an offensive manner...red flag!! But I don't think that will happen :)

 

 

 

 

[Nal]

That's actually a great idea, if it were to go badly, thank you! I hadn't thought of google translate because I have a degree in translation and it's not something I tend to use :)

 

I know I'm probably overly worried but it's such a difficult situation. He keeps saying 'I had nothing, I swear I ad nothing.' Which is his probably his way of being insecure because he feelsguilty about contaminating me on our first encounter and my first encounter ever. Lmao, kind of funny if you think about it :)

[NothingGoodGetsAway]

Oh well you probably don't need google translate then haha. But I would just make sure to offer to help him post any question he has, maybe!

 

I got it from someone that didn't know he had it either. He believed me and my symptoms, but didn't understand either.

 

I think for those that are asymptomatic (or think it's just an ingrown hair, etc) this experience can be jarring. I'm sure there's confusion, denial, and guilt. From my discussions with my friend who I got it from, he was freaking out. He felt like he "should" have known, or questioned every time he had a small symptom and felt like he should have gotten tested. He felt tricked by every time he got an STI panel that said he was clean. Most of all, he felt guilty for giving me something he didn't know he had (and I believe he didn't know, even if sometimes he might have had and inkling)

 

It's important to remember that we (those carrying this asymptomaticallg and you and I) are examples of being "looked over" by the medical community. It's so not a big deal medically that they don't test for it, and we're the poor schmucks that show symptoms and have to carry the burden. You're doing a great job handling everything, really you are!

 

I'm sure his emotions are complicated and he's just wanting to let you know that he was being honest with you!!

 

Keep us posted on everything!

[Elise1977]

Hey, I speak Spanish, if he needs to talk to someone who understands Spanish, I'm willing to chat with him on here.

 

Also, I am someone who had NO symptoms. None. And my IgG was over 12 when I was tested on my request because I had started a new relationship and was convinced I'd be clear, just wanted to be able to say to my boyfriend "Look! I'm clear!"

 

I understand the guilty feelings. My boyfriend and I had sex for months before I thought to be tested, and now I worry I infected him. But, there's nothing I can do. I didn't know. And from my reading, it seems its even more common for men not to have symptoms, or for them to be so mild they barely notice.

[2Legit2Quit]

It can be very confusing for those who are asymptomatic, to accept they have herpes. That is a normal reaction and men tend to have the hardest time w accepting it, than women.

[Nal]

@NothingGoodGetsAway

Wow, that sounds spot on like how the bf is responding to aml of this. It's funny how I'm the one ho travelled across Spain with a crazy fever and not being able to sit or pee or 2 weeks but I have to calm him down. But I guess I actually prefer being the one who got it as opposed to the one who gave it because the guilt would kill me. I think it's also because it's so easy to break up with so long distance, you just stop talking. You'd have to be pretty crazy to go to a different country to ask for closure or try to patch things up. I get that he's scared I'm going to blame him and leave him.

 

@Elise1977

Thanks, if things do go badly, I will definitely pm you. I think I'm just overly cautious but when emotions are involved, I like a good plan just in case. It must have been really hard to get diagnosed out of the blue when you didn't expect it at all. Can't imagine what that's like. At least with me it sank in slowly, by the time I made it to a doctor, I had already found this site.

 

@2Legit2Quit

I can imagine that. I'm just going to be patient and calmly talk him through his insecurities. sadly, I can't hold his face and calm him down like that so Whatsapp will havz to dpmo. I just need to remember that his actions grow out of fear and insecurity and as long as he doesn't start blaming me or start questioning my honesty, we'll get through this just fine.

 

Thanks everyone, this board is an absolute lifesaver, I literally feel safer all of you are here.

[2Legit2Quit]

Why not face time or Skype, in stead of WhatsApp, for it to be more intimate?

[Nal]

We do, but that's sth we plan in and don't don't do every day because our schedules somehow don't match at all. You'd think we're living in a different timezone. But Whatsapp is all day, continuously. Ans his little panicky moments are usually not during planned quality time, it's when he's out and about running errands and he's strangely not so drawn to having a video chat about genital herpes on the street. Go figure ;)

[WCSDancer2010]

It's hard being so far away and most other countries actually pay even less mind to Herpes than we do ... but then it's because the stigma isn't as bad in most places ... at least not to the point where it's obvious. But never fear, I may have the answer, or at least some help for your situation :)

 

Westover Heights has a Spanish version of their handbook:

 

https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/

[Nal]

Wow, that's really helpful, thanks. My laptop charger just died so I m stuck with myphone for a little while but I'm reading and sending him this as soon as my new charger arrives. You guys are on top of things, wow.