It's strange, funny, beautiful and obnoxious.

[SunDevourer]

The thing is... Where does my herpes story begin?

Based on the information that I've been reading. I could have had this for a while. its so masked that it's frustrating to identify. I did get a

tingling feeling in my rectum years ago, but no one showed up at my door. Who would have thought that could have been herpes related?Now I get paranoid the way one does when they wipe a bug off themselves and then start to feel like bugs might be all over them.

What's this itch? Oh that could be herpes

Oh I have a pimple! No no, that could be herpes

I sneezed... Shit is that herpes too?

 

I was dating a guy for awhile,but things didn't work out. We remained friends and friends with benefits. Things were fine. Was I happy? Not entirely. Even though we remaind friends I wanted something more. I've always wanted to be in a strong and loving relationship. Don't get me wrong. I didn't want this with him. But hey, there was sex on the side with someone I knew and trusted. Who has sex for pleasure, right?

 

Things were looking good for me. I had just passed my exam to become a lisenced massage therapist after a year of procrastinating and being out of school. Landed my first job for massage on the first try a month ago. It was exciting.

Then I got sick for a good 2 weeks and I'm already paranoid so being sick that long bothered me. Thought the culprit was my two year old nephew. At least for the sore throat. I did have sex with two other males prior to this. Pertecteded,but that doesn't matter in this case. I loved four play. Engaging in entercorse wasn't something I did often, but to be sensual and feeling your body's touch. Your skin and genitals singing from the excitement. Something like herpes would be hard to avoid.

 

And so I had lost myself a bit. Σ（ﾟдﾟlll）Trying to figure out what went wrong. Where did I go wrong. If I missed the signs from the universe warning me. Was this karma for something I've done and don't know about because I'm a good person. It's already a struggle in this world to really learn and know how to love yourself unconditionally. To believe that you are worthy of love and worth loving when you can't do it every now and then for yourself. How can I love myself when it's hard to find someone to love me. And that's were we go wrong. To believe that we needs someone's else's validation to approve of ourselves. I think that's what really gets us. How to love ourselves. Because we think it's buying something we deserve shows love to ourselves. Spending time alone. Eating something that is seen as "good" or "bad" from the general population by throwing those cards out and not just giving a fuck. It's all just self indulging. There's no much more to actually loving yourself. 。・゜・(ノД`)・゜・。

 

And that's just it. The reality of things. The bitter sweet experiences of being an Adult. Congratulations on being an adult. *･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･* Making choices- Alanis Moressette plays in the back ground- if it wasn't for life and it's experiences. The ups and downs there would be no jagged little pull cd.

Your ex is married. Your friends are engaged(some or most) You're single and now have herpes wondering if you should have settled for those people in your past that wanted to date you, but you just didn't feel the connection. We grow old, friends marry, you get married, divorce happens, cancer happens. will have to burry our parents, siblings, friends. People get cancer, MS. Someone wins the lottery.Shit really does happen, but that's the beauty we don't recognize in life when it comes to the human experience

 

 

Well that's my story.

I guess. 4/11/2016... I guess I could remember the date and how long it's been, but I don't quite care to. It's not my death sentence. Convince myself things were normal before this. But nothing was normal. It just is. I haven't changed. Maybe a little withdrawn from sex at the moment because gay men can be dirty. I mean men are least likely to go to the doctors for a problem. Some could be carrying more diseases than the CDC has on file.Trust no one...

 

Lol （＾∇＾） maybe my attitude is just a little sour.

 

"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead."

-Charles Bukowski

 

"I could stop and live carefully but that's ridiculous. I don't want to live carefully."

-Joan Rivers

 

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

 

[2Legit2Quit]

Can totally relate to the part when you get to people of your past moving on and now here you are. The They end made me smile. Hope you're OK.. Hang in there.

[MMissouri]

I had to say I love this post. That's all I got-just appreciation for a good read :)

[Bambina3]

Well written, sending hugs

[SunDevourer]

Awe! I appreciate that you all have enjoyed this!

[WCSDancer2010]

This is ... Beautiful ... Thank you for sharing. I know this will mean so much to so many... 99% of whom you will never realize because we have at least 50k hits on this site every month and most just lurk ... they read and find solace but don't join and reply. So know that your post will likely help MANY to make it through the first few days or weeks or months after diagnosis.... and even more who have suffered for months or years and just found us and will see the first light at the end of their despair-filled tunnel when they read this.... so.... Thank you.

 

And that's just it. The reality of things. The bitter sweet experiences of being an Adult. Congratulations on being an adult. *･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･* Making choices- Alanis Moressette plays in the back ground- if it wasn't for life and it's experiences. The ups and downs there would be no jagged little pull cd.

Your ex is married. Your friends are engaged(some or most) You're single and now have herpes wondering if you should have settled for those people in your past that wanted to date you, but you just didn't feel the connection. We grow old, friends marry, you get married, divorce happens, cancer happens. will have to burry our parents, siblings, friends. People get cancer, MS. Someone wins the lottery.Shit really does happen, but that's the beauty we don't recognize in life when it comes to the human experience

 

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

YAaaaaaassssss!

 

Shit really does happen... some stinks more than others.... but without shit, we wouldn't have the flowers and the trees and the beauty that is our world. When a cow drops it's load on a flower, the flower doesn't blame the cow for life becoming dark and smelly and nasty. It regroups, starts again, takes the nutrients from that shit and comes back bigger and stronger than ever. Along the way that shit feeds beetles and birds (who eat the beetles... which is pretty shitty for the beetles...lol!) and one day you look down and you wouldn't know that the shit was ever there. Except for the flower. It's still there, standing more beautiful and stronger than ever.

 

All thanks to a really "shitty" day.....

 

 

(((HUGS)))

 

PS - I LOVE RWE ... such a beautiful quote.... here are some of my favorites:

 

"The good news is that the moment you decide that what you know is more important than what you have been taught to believe, you will have shifted gears in your quest for abundance. Success comes from within, not from without."

 

And - for YOU:

 

"To laugh often and much;

to win the respect of intelligent people

and the affection of children,

to leave the world a better place,

to know even one life has breathed easier

because you have lived,

this is to have succeeded."

 

[SunDevourer]

I LoVE quotes and Ralph W.E

 

 

I also love the "shit" analogy. Because flowers really do grown from shit. Anything can grow from it. Kind of like only when we are at our lowest can we realize what greatness we can amount to.ive made my own mix of " when life hands you lemons" instead of grabbing the tequila and salt( which I love). Why not throw them back at life!!!! Lolololololol ψ(｀∇´)ψ

 

Better yet, why not take the seeds from the lemon and grow yourself a lemon tree?

[MMissouri]

Love the personality AND tequila and salt (with lemons no less). Glad you found the forum :)