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International disclosure?

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Ok.. So I met someone while on vacation.. Didn't think it was going any farther than "can we get lunch".. We didn't even get that far, seeing as I was busy doing touristy stuff with my girlfriends.. Anyways fast forward a few months and he has swept me off my feet. I'm going back to visit him for a week in about a month for Christ sake. Anyways, as fun as this whole thing has been and as much as I would like it to continue, i still have reservations.. Aside from the fact that he may not accept my herpes status (ghsv). I'm not sure what to expect when I get there.. So far he's been a perfect gentleman but who really knows... Anyways if I do tell him I don't think I'll be ready to do so in a month. Also, I don't want to ruin my trip if he rejects me seeing as I'll be in a foreign country. But at the same time, I feel like it's a good opportunity to talk to him face to face about it which I prefer.. There's just so many unknowns about this situation I'm sure I sound crazy to a lot of people. Anyways... Anyone have any advice on the best way to approach this situation? Oh and did I mention there's a slight language barrier? Lol

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  • 7 months later...

Ok... For anyone who read this and thought- wow, this girl is completely nuts... well, yes I am a little crazy but hey, we're all a liiiiitle bit crazy in one way or another... right? well anyways, I remember posting this and feeling really nervous about what I was about to face. When I got to [foreign country] we instantly connected, as I had hoped/expected. He was extremely romantic and sweet surprising me with a big sign at the airport etc etc. We got to his house and almost immediately he asked if I would be his girlfriend... I hesitated and told him that there were things I needed to share with him still. He was calm and said, its ok.. me too. So, I agreed..with thoughts of herpes filling my mind. Later that night, we're in bed and things start to heat up. Now, I've read a lot of these threads and a lot of advice says not to disclose in the heat of the moment but I have to say that you gotta go with your gut. I stopped the action, and he was sweet, and concerned. He asked me if I was ok, and I said yes... I need to share something with you. I then proceed to tell him how my ex was not good to me, he treated me poorly... he said I'm sorry.. but those things are in your past. To which I said, wait.. that's not the point of this story. I told him how my ex had herpes and never told me, and that one day I broke out and thats how I found out that we now BOTH had herpes. I said, I understand if you don't want to be bf/gf, if this is something you cannot accept- I wanted to tell you so that you have the choice that I did not. He looked at me with tears in his eyes, and asked me- "will you be my girlfriend?" I said yes, as I started to cry tears of relief. Then he started to ask me about the symptoms I experienced when I have outbreaks. He was describing them in great detail as I answered yes, that's what its like.... Then he told me... He has herpes too. He told me he felt SO relieved because it was his deepest, darkest secret. He never had any education on the subject and had no idea where to get information or help. He told me he would "pop the water bubbles" when they showed up and that it hurt and he has little scars now. Also, he had been afraid that no woman would ever accept him. He said he was hoping that I would be empathetic and maybe help him since I am in the medical field and he thought I might be able to be understanding. You guys... This experience felt like sheer magic. It instantly brought us closer to one another, and I was able to educate him on how to manage living with herpes, and assure him that he no longer had to feel alone or ashamed about it. In his country, you can get acyclovir over the counter, so we stocked him up. To this day, we are still together. And guess what... We're getting married! In conclusion, for anyone who is reading this that is afraid, nervous or ashamed.. my best advice- Stand in your truth, and it will set you free. Before this, I had disclosures that didn't go well, and I was rejected. Be strong and courageous and stand in your truth. If you allow it, living with herpes can guide you and empower you. Thanks for letting me share my happily ever after.. my success story :)

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