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It's basically a death sentence

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Not only do I have herpes but I have genital herpes. No man without it is going to want to be with me. Let alone get physical and or procreate with me. My sex/love life may as well be extinct. Unless I don't tell them but I could never do unto another as one has done unto me. I contracted it from having sexual relations with someone I thought to be trustworthy. Why would I do that to someone else when I never wanted it done to me. honestly I just really want to go somewhere and be alone forever. I don't even look at men the same. I just get this sick feeling if I start to become emotionally attached and usually just cut them off. Cause realistically speaking once he finds out he's most likely to: 1. Want nothing to do with me anymore, or 2. Spread his newfound knowledge around. So I prefer to avoid all of that by simply not being interested. Period. But we all get lonely and that's when reality sets in that this will probably be me for the rest of my life. & I've seen all the quotes: "herpes is a skin rash, not a death sentence." "It doesn't define you." When in all actuality it does. Not to mention the outbreaks....I hated acne on my face. So I'm just absolutely disgusted in the fact that they'll be popping up on my lady parts whenever they feel like it. They don't hurt really bad which is a plus but they itch terribly. Overall the outbreaks really could be worse. The other symptoms of it are what really take a toll on me. I mean the fatigue, fevers, and in general sick feeling I get when having an outbreak are just the worse. When having an outbreak I'm always tired. The simplest tasks make me feel like I'm running a marathon. The fevers of course don't help with this.....I just don't know what to do. 86% of the time I'm thinking about my contracting herpes. Wishing for a second chance. Or to not have another outbreak until I'm 80! Just wanting it to go the fuck away! But it never will, and I'll have it for the rest of my life. No cure, no relationship, no sex life, no peace of mind...Just me and my herpes

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I know it seems that way now, but I promise it's not that way. You mentioned wanting to have children and thinking genital herpes will prevent this. I would guess roughly half of pregnant women have genital herpes. I say this because large studies have shown roughly 30% of pregnant women have HSV2 (28% at the beginning of pregnancy, 30% by time of labor). It's impossible to know through blood testing how many of those pregnant women with HSV1 (66%) are infected genitally, but genital HSV1 is supposedly almost as common these days as HSV2, and 30% of the rare cases of neonatal herpes are caused by HSV1, so it seems fair to assume we are talking roughly half of pregnant women having genital herpes of one type or another.


I do understand that having a diagnosis makes it a bit different than being one of the many who are unaware. But even then, I think you will find with time that most prospective partners will be accepting. Some may not be, that's true, but some will be. But it sounds like you first need some time to grieve and process these feelings. It will get better.

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  • 1 month later...

I feel the same way. Before I go to sleep I think of herpes and when I wake up I think of herpes. When men talk to me I feel like a liar. I don't know when this feeling will go away. It's the worst thing that could have happened. It's constantly on my mind and I think it's because there is no cure and it's here to stay for life. It's depressing and I cry :(

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@MB28 how may OBs have you had? From everything I've read online, those flu-like symptoms usually only arise in your first. I've only had one and yeah, it really sucked feeling a little bit sick and tired all the time - but my actual skin irritation was relatively mild. I don't anticipate future OBs to be all that bad, if I have any more at all.


So now you have to limit sexual encounters to men you can trust. You have to take care of your body and manage your stress levels. That's not so unreasonable. This isn't a death sentence, it's an opportunity to grow from a traumatic experience.


To give you a little perspective, I found out 7 weeks ago that I'm HSV2 positive. The man who gave it to me knew and didn't bother to disclose because "it's a difficult conversation to have." He had rejected me to reconcile with his ex (which he'd been actively doing the entire time we were sleeping together) before I was even tested. I felt worthless and all alone. I cried myself to sleep many times. I didn't know how to face my loved ones and couldn't stand for anyone to look at me. But it's getting better day by day. It's no longer the first and last thing on my mind every day. And it's only been 7 weeks.


I know it feels like a punch in the gut now, but it will get better. You just have to woman up and deal with it. You'd be surprised what you're capable of when you have no other option.

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Can we please stop with the fear mongering stigma feeding thread titles and posts about how having herpes is a death sentence? Sometimes I wonder if these kinds of posts are bots from tthe pharmaceutical companies trying to drum up the stigma so they get make more money from selling drugs.

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It will all be okay! Check out my most recent post about 2 year update - I thought I'd die alone with 100 cats but have been in a loving long term relationship, and since the break up (unrelated to the H), have disclosed and successfully hooked up with plenty of guys. If someone rejects me...it will hurt, sure. And I'll grieve, fine. But tbh I'm pretty awesome and if what most people I meet is any indication, it's just not a big fucking deal.

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  • 2 weeks later...

"Sexual limitations"


These doom and gloom propaganda posts really do sound like pharmaceutical shills.


Be careful not to get stuck on a negative track of lies and stigma. A lot of people are using herpes as an excuse or scapegoat for not being able to get what the young want from life. Don't dwell in victimhood. Good read my ladies man dislcosure thread and get your game together instead of blaming it on herpes. I and others have proven that you can have a bountiful sex life with herpes and disclosure.


It's really not a big deal to have herpes. Almost everyone has it, and if you don't, then you are the weird one.

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You my want to seek some mental health help because blowing up something as insignificant as herpes is not healthy.I know tons of people in relationships with families that have herpes. It in no way affects their lives or relationships. I dont want to sound harsh but pull yourself together. There are much worse things in the world. Dont let your life fall apart.

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