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So, I have herpes

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It’s been a full 24 hours since I was told “it looks like” I have herpes. That’s what the doctor at planned parenthood told me before she swabbed my sore & send it for testing to be sure. Obviously I’m hoping somehow it comes back negative & this was just the biggest scare of my life & irs ANYTHING ELSE in the world but those are some pretty high hopes. I told my boyfriend, which was honestly the hardest part. I thought he was going to want nothing to do with me right away but he’s been really supportive. He’s sad like I am but it doesn’t seem like he’s planning on leaving me. We don’t know if he has it yet, he assumes he does & while of course I pray for him that he doesn’t, part of me is scared that if his test comes back negative that he will definitely leave.

I’m just so angry. I don’t know how long I’ve had it or exactly where it came from even though I have an idea. I just keep thinking “why me” & “why now” because everything in my life has finally come together after a difficult few years & now I get hit with this. I have an a new job that I really like, I ended a toxic relationship a few months ago & moved into my beautiful, brand new apartment. My sons dad & I got back together which I’m so incredibly happy about... & then life throws this at me. I’m being very “woe is me,” I know, but I just want to know what I did to deserve this.

I’ve been reading about herpes non stop the past two days, but does anyone have any advice for me? Random facts about herpes or life stories they’d like to share that may help me cope with this? Anything will help right now, especially someone to talk to who knows what I’m going through.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

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I'm sorry you're in that situation. Getting "the news" is tough. Ive had it only a few months now. Honestly, there aren't any words that will make the anger, sadness, and frustration go away. It just takes time and just really accepting it and then educating yourself on it. This blog here has helped me SO MUCH. Also, just having someone to ask your questions to and talk about it is important too. Regardless of his results, I hope your significant other can be understanding and supportive. The longer it is in your system, the less painful your outbreaks will become and less frequent as well. Good luck!

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Finding out is really hard!

I'm sure many of us here have felt much of what you are feeling / going to feel. Please reach out to the community if you need someone to talk to / vent to, that's why we are here!

Remember that you are the same great person you have always been, and rest assured that being H+ won't stop you from doing all of the great things you've been looking forward to!

Try to focus on things you enjoy, give yourself stuff to look forward to!

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Hippyherpy good for you for being able to be so accepting of yourself & your diagnosis but don’t tell other people how they should or shouldn’t feel. That’s ridiculous. Finding out I’m going to have these ugly & painful sores on my genitals every so often & my sex lite being affected like this is not “easy” at all right now. Rude

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IMHO, both points are valid, but tone and timing play a role.


Most people are distressed when they learn they have HSV. That's totally normal. Even if they have no physical symptoms, they have likely been exposed to the stigma for years before diagnosis and now find themselves on the other side of that stigma. It takes time to sort of deprogram ourselves and separate reality from stigma. And if the person is experiencing a noticeable primary outbreak, I would imagine that is at the top of their mind, making other aspects of processing less of a priority and not particularly welcome.


OTOH, it is true that most humans have HSV, so asking "why me" can sound strange to those who are aware of how very common it is. In the U.S., roughly 90% contract HSV1 at some point and about 40% of people contract HSV2. So what is not deserved is actually the stigma, not the getting it part.



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Yes and I agree with kitty Kat and optimist.


Every time we get freaked out over herpes is another bath of cash for the pharma kings. Herpes

Stigma is like the Harvey Weinstein of STDs. It's carrot and stick to get people to buy products whereas in the past now one gave a shit.


Think about herpes stigma and imagine it as Barvey Weinstein, big fat Jabba the hut gate keeper. Don't play his game. Fuck the stigma. It's a beautiful ugly concocted advertising campaign.

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