Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Anyone talk with a therapist?


Recommended Posts

The man that gave me herpes never disclosed he had it. He was an ass and just wanted to make sure his name was clean when I confronted him. He says he doesn’t have it but would have sex with me in a blink of an eye. Does this make any sense? 

Anyway i think I’m having a hard time coping with everything and when I go out and see him where I frequent we end up hooking up again. Am I only doing this because I don’t want to disclose to others what I have? Am I depressed and having some sort of self esteem issue as a result of getting herpes? I feel like I should be mad at this man and not having sex with him but I give in every time. Am I just being a human having casual sex? 

Im 26, he’s 49. Am I doing it as an odd fetish? We have not gotten along via text, then we see each other out and end up in the same cycle. (Having sex)

I don’t know what to make of any of this and don’t know if I should see some sort of counselor. Maybe it’s a closure thing? What do you guys think? Have any of you talked to a professional? Did it help? I have a good support system. I talk to them whenever it’s needed so I don’t know if I’m self sabotaging or acting like a normal human being.

Link to comment

@Ohhey143

I don’t think you should continue to engage in sex with this man. Especially if you feel you have been deceived. What is that doing to your own mind? I have contracted GHSV1 from my boyfriend of 1 year who gets cold sores. I didn’t know I would get it, but here I am. If for one second I felt he deceived me, I would leave him in a heartbeat.

Link to comment

I would never date this man it’s more of a fling. I work 50 hours, am a full time student, and full time mama. I get one night a week out and I sometimes end up doing that when I see him. I feel like I should try to make the time to talk with a therapist bc like I said it’s hard for me to say no but it’s hard to find the time. I would like to know how effective a therapist might be with straightening out my feelings. I know it’s not right but it means I don’t need to disclose to anyone else. If I disclose to others then his circle of friends may find out and it’ll get back to him. 

Disclosing is such a hard thing when u live somewhere where everyone’s connected.

Link to comment

@Ohhey143 I've been seeing a therapist for a while and was very thankful to have her when I tested positive. I highly recommend seeing a therapist, for truly EVERYTHING & ANYTHING in life, not just herpes. I'm not a doctor, and I'm sure many of us aren't, so I can't provide much more advice regarding your choices. The first thing my therapist did tell me though is that I should never feel like I HAVE to stay with my boyfriend since we are both positive or ONLY have sex with H positive people. I love my boyfriend though and he loves me, so this isn't something I'm dealing with right now. You are deserving. You deserve love, kindness and honesty. You should treat yourself the same way. We aren't herpes, we just have it and that doesn't make us gross people. You deserve the same kind of love, kindness and honesty as someone who is H negative. Just remember that. You have control over your choices. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Hi Ohhey143

I have done therapy, still ongoing!

I am pretty much an open person, so have spoken to, too many people about my stuff lol
but if you are not open or have no one to talk to, it will certainly help you to talk with them, I guarantee that.
It may not eradicate the problems you have to deal with though.

I agree with others, you need to stop having sex with this guy, I don't think its doing you any good.

& you will find someone who accepts you, for you!

good luck 🙂



 

Link to comment
On 9/24/2018 at 10:44 AM, Ohhey143 said:

The man that gave me herpes never disclosed he had it. He was an ass and just wanted to make sure his name was clean when I confronted him. He says he doesn’t have it but would have sex with me in a blink of an eye. Does this make any sense? 

Anyway i think I’m having a hard time coping with everything and when I go out and see him where I frequent we end up hooking up again. Am I only doing this because I don’t want to disclose to others what I have? Am I depressed and having some sort of self esteem issue as a result of getting herpes? I feel like I should be mad at this man and not having sex with him but I give in every time. Am I just being a human having casual sex? 

Im 26, he’s 49. Am I doing it as an odd fetish? We have not gotten along via text, then we see each other out and end up in the same cycle. (Having sex)

I don’t know what to make of any of this and don’t know if I should see some sort of counselor. Maybe it’s a closure thing? What do you guys think? Have any of you talked to a professional? Did it help? I have a good support system. I talk to them whenever it’s needed so I don’t know if I’m self sabotaging or acting like a normal human being.

Hey darling, my son's father gave me H and did not disclose. He did not give me the choice to contract it or not. In fact, he lied to me and told me he was tested and was negative for every STI. I am seeing a therapist to process what he did. I have a lot of conflicting emotions. On one hand, I now feel like I don't deserve to be with someone who doesn't have it. On the other hand, I feel I don't deserve to be with someone who didn't show me BASIC respect. Let alone love and loyalty. She asked me one question: "Would you be with him if you got rid of it?" I said no. She said that's your answer. Do not choose to be with someone based upon your status. Also, if you are working on fighting off the virus do not have unprotected sex with someone with the virus - I am told (by my OBGYN) this will continually be a blow to your immune system.

Link to comment

Thank you all for the advice! I truly appreciate it. I’m still looking into someone to talk to even maybe monthly as I don’t have much time. A few people in my family know but it still is difficult to think about being a lifetime thing. I think I’m handling it well but there are times where I feel alone because I don’t know anyone with it. Anyway, enjoy the rest of your week everyone!

Link to comment

@Ohhey143 Check out zocdoc.com - it’s a free website that helps you find local doctors. You can even add your insurance and book an appointment directly online. It makes the process so much easier, especially in the beginning when you’re doing research on therapists. 

And I haven’t met anyone yet with it (I was only diagnosed a month ago), but I’m sure i know people who do and don’t talk about it. Damn, I’m sure I know people who do and don’t even know THEY have it - the facts speak the truth. But also, here is a community of people who are positive. I might not know you, but I can understand you. I’m going through the same emotions. We are all here for each other. 

Link to comment

@Ohhey143 — Therapy is great, but coaching is another option to consider. If coaching feels like it’d be a good fit for you, I can help. Feel free to PM me if you’re interested. 

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...