Loving after h

[Concernednconfused]

I’m 21 and had a feeling that something was up down south being alone and scared went to the doctor got tested. Well went to work like usual the next morning and a total stranger saw me and just had to talk to me so they asked for social media account. I hesitated but in my mind said fuck it if they’re a serial killer I had a good run... we started talking then that horrible night I found out it came back positive and I was hysterical and thought for the days before how I was going to end it. When I found out I cried so much talked to my sister and tried to go to bed but they messaged me and I said it’s been a long night just really upset and they pushed that I answer what was wrong. They accepted it they said it’s not the end it’s just a change. It’s been a few weeks and they give me motivation every day to be a better person and push myself. But at the end of everyday I can’t give them what they want truly and it makes me think of I should let them have someone who can give them what I can’t but I feel like deep down I could never do that because it’ll just ruin me it will change me and I’ll no longer have any will... I want them to have what they want that I can’t give them but don’t think my heart could handle it... I’m just not sure what to do I hate being so complicated he accepts me but I don’t think I can share even tho I can’t give them what they want... just so drained not sure what to really do with my life now because if I can’t give it to them I can’t give it to anyone then what’s really the point...

[My_dog_is_hungry]

What can't you give to them? Are you referring to sex?

[Ishmael]

You can still have sex and fall in love and have babies. All that. Like, 20% of women have this. You think they all go live under a porch or something?

[My_dog_is_hungry]

2 minutes ago, Ishmael said:

You can still have sex and fall in love and have babies. All that. Like, 20% of women have this. You think they all go live under a porch or something?

Hehe that's what I was thinking. And if the person is ok with it, get on board!

[Amando]

Hi,

You CAN give them what they want!

So because you have this virus are you a different person? has your personality changed?
Do you look different? Have you grown horns out of your head?

Hell no,
you are exactly the same person you were before, you can give someone just the same as before.
You have just got to be more careful when it comes to sex, its simple.

Enjoy the fact that this guy accepts you, & enjoy the opportunity that exists.

Good luck to you 🙂

[Concernednconfused]

Thank y’all but like even with a condom they can get it and asymptotic shedding and you never know when that is so when do you know if it’s even safe and with me just finding out shouldn’t I be trying to figure out how my body reacts to the virus. Like some doctors say once you’ve had th initial break out usually people don’t break out again but I’m just so scared and don’t want to expose them to it. I stay in my head constantly and feel so dirty and fragile like one wrong thing is said and I cry all day... I think maybe we will one day get comfortable enough to have sex together but we just really got to know each other we gotta see if it’s worth exposing them to it. And I’ve got to see how my body reacts with it.... I’m just scared that if I lose them I’m not going to find anyone else who accepts me with everything I come with 

[Amando]

Its normal to have all the feelings your going through now, you will start to feel better, that I promise.
You are not dirty & should never think like that, this can happen to anyone & everyone, H does not discriminate!

Yes you will get to know your body better with time & with condoms chances are incredibly low,
we have a higher chance of dying in a car crash but most of us get in our cars everyday.

It sounds like you have a great guy there accepting & caring but if it doesn't work out with this guy, there will definitely be others.

It will get easier, there's much worse things in life, stay positive, big hugs!

[Ishmael]

4 hours ago, Concernednconfused said:

Thank y’all but like even with a condom they can get it and asymptotic shedding and you never know when that is so when do you know if it’s even safe and with me just finding out shouldn’t I be trying to figure out how my body reacts to the virus. Like some doctors say once you’ve had th initial break out usually people don’t break out again but I’m just so scared and don’t want to expose them to it. I stay in my head constantly and feel so dirty and fragile like one wrong thing is said and I cry all day... I think maybe we will one day get comfortable enough to have sex together but we just really got to know each other we gotta see if it’s worth exposing them to it. And I’ve got to see how my body reacts with it.... I’m just scared that if I lose them I’m not going to find anyone else who accepts me with everything I come with 

What you are feeling is very normal, and something almost all of us who are diagnosed go through. The vast majority of us go on to find normal lives, fall in love, have babies if we want, and so forth. The lived reality of herpes vs. the stigma is a huge, massive difference. What you are in danger of doing, however, is telling yourself that it's this guy or nothing and over estimating what you "owe" him for continuing to date you. People that are newly diagnosed can think that it's either what they have or a life in a leper colony. Make rediscovering your self-worth a part of your journey and know that if he isn't interested because of the 1% chance he'll get this disease then he's not worth the anxiety. Plenty of other (more educated, more secure) guys will be happy to take his place.

Also, allow yourself an adjustment period where you come to terms with this diagnosis. Just because you're still wrought with anxiety in a few months doesn't mean you aren't going to feel better or that you aren't progressing. 

[Concernednconfused]

I get to a point where I process it and I cope and then I tell a doctor or tell someone or talk about it and it’s like I start over again with the whole process. I think if we stay together for a while I think there will be more of a chance of us sleeping together but with learning how my body is going to react I think it’s better for both of us to wait... we have fun and find other things to do but when you hear they’ve had a long day and they just want to relive some stress having sex and you not knowing if it’s a good time to do so it just puts a damper on things makes it a bit more difficult... but I appreciate all the feedback thank y’all 

[My_dog_is_hungry]

@Concernednconfused nothing wrong with taking things slow anyway.

You have to be ready even in the healthiest if circumstances 🙂

[Sunshine75]

If you are in a place where you haven’t found strength in your self-worth despite this diagnosis, it may not be time to date... just a thought for you to consider. Only you will know for yourself what feels right. Taking time to focus on YOU and your self-care may be what you need.

You should NEVER feel pressured to offer yourself in anyway to someone else. HSV doesn’t change that. Make sure you are in this thing for the right reasons for YOU (not for them).

you have a lot to process with this new reality. But you are still the great you you’ve always been. If you find you have lost sight of that, step back and reconnect. You’ll know when you are actually ready to date— and to get your sexy back!

[Concernednconfused]

I find that I am ready to date and it’s not like a relationship where we constantly see each other it’s us going on with our lives like normal but having each other I understand friends are great for that part but it’s the type of relationship I’m comfortable with and growing to know each other that’s why I’m ok with taking it slow. We play so it’s not like we’re going without we just haven’t done the risky things yet he motivates me to be better and doesn’t tell me what to do just suggests and it motivates me and I appreciate them I just don’t wanna feel like I am holding them back from anything I want them happy and they’ve expressed to me that they are and they don’t regret being with me they are very supportive and I appreciate what y’all say I take in every bit it’s really helping my head space... I know I’m going to have my highs and lows but I’m going to learn from my lows and build myself up. I know it’s a journey a scary one at that but I’m glad I have multiple resources for support 

thank yall ❤️