I need a friend.

[hope27]

@No More Tears D I hope you are also feeling better. My thoughts and prayers are with you as well. 

[hope27]

@Lovenhope what you have faced no one else should. My thoughts abd prayers are with you. Glad to know you have your parents support. I guess one of the major acceptance we look for is from our parents and family. If our parents and family are with us then we can fight anything in this world. 

[hope27]

@Joe Joe Sorry to hear about your loss. I am very close to my siblings and can feel your pain. I also used to feel very alone when I used to drive to work from home or vice versa. Many a times thought of accidents had come to my mind. Then I started doing car pooling. Now I travel with my colleagues to my work and back home to keep all negative thoughts away from my mind.

I am also scared of family name and reputation. So many ifs and buts keeps on going in my mind. A mistake of one minute ruined my life. I had asked my giver multiple times if she is clean and she had always told she has done complete std panel test and nothing to worry. In India unlike other countries herpes is part of std panel test. We have never done unprotected before. Don't know why at the heat of the moment I went inside her unprotected that day. After a minute I realized my mistake and used protection. My giver laughed at me and told what's point of using protection now. Two days later I did a full std test and found out my blood report has got hsv igm 3.5. Since its 3.5 I was hoping it's a false positive as I was still having trust on my giver. When I contacted my giver she first denied of having herpes. Then she told she never did herpes test. She has done for hiv, hcv, hepatitis, gonorhea, syphilis. I was like wtf! When I asked her to get her blood tested her reply was she can't do blood test now for some bullshit reason. Instead she told me to take Valtrex 3 times for 7 days. I was more in shock. I was thinking how do you know this medicine and the dosage. Then she asked me not to contact her anymore giving more bullshit reasons and blocked my number. When I think about it she knew all the time. I sometime ask God why now? And why from someone whom I trusted? 

[Irishgirl]

Sorry a little late to the party but I just found out I had g hsv-2 exactly a month ago today. I am 23 girl & currently traveling the world. I was of course devastated by the news at first, as we all are. After the initial shock though & constant research I did I started to feel better. I stopped going through the scenarios I. My head of how I could have prevented this from happening because I realized I can’t change the past but I can take charge of how I cope with it in the future & now. How I have been looking at it as of late- 1.) this disease is a mild skin rash that most people are uneducated about- doctors are right when they say it is mild disease.  It isn’t cancer- you are not loosing any of your true health! You get sores that heal in week and they go away like a scratch, yes they come back and they are annoying but again not life threatening.

You can still have sex!!! & lots of it! Know the risk and the numbers. I will leave a website link here for the transmission rates which are low when you take charge! 8-10% chance of giving it to a partner annually WITHOUT medication or condoms. That percentage gets cut in half if you just antivirals. Read more here: https://herpeslife.com/rates-of-herpes-transmission/

2.) YOU ARE COMPLETELY STILL YOU! Your worth does not dwindle because someone was not truthful to you. No one (other than sexual partners of course) has to know you have this if you don’t want them to, your personality, confidence, & allure is not gone! You are still loved and are still completely lovable.

  3.) Disclosures are scary but it doesn’t have to be. Take control & don’t pity yourself when telling people.  Lead the conversation in a confident way & let them ask questions. I generally go along the line of “ I have a disease that causes me to get sores on my vagina. It’s called herpes. It is contagious & I want to protect you from this because I was not given the choice. I have a 4% chance of giving it to you when I’m on medication. If we use condoms it brings it down to 1%. I listen to my body & when I get an outbreak we will just have to get creative because that mean no sex - I want to keep you safe.”  It has brought me closer with my partner because they know I care enough about them to protect them. It’s vulnerability & raw & really a chance for your relationship with someone to grow & connect.

WE ARE NOT HERPES! We are still the strong independent women & men we always were! 

[100918]

On 4/5/2019 at 4:19 PM, Lovenhope said:

Thanks 100918. Can I ask how you got the confidence to even tell him? It literally makes me sick just thinking of having to talk about it. They say so many people have it, yet I know 0. I don't know how anyone is going to accept me or be able to look past this. 

That may not necessarily be true...no one I know knows that I have it except my boyfriend. 

How I got the confidence to tell him...I pretty much knew before that particular date that it was the night that we would most likely become intimate, so I spent a lot of time telling him in my mind...going over what I would say, anticipating what he would say. I had both positive and negative scenarios running through my head. And I was scared. The night I disclosed, we were drinking, which I honestly think helped me to relax and not feel so scared.

And when it became clear that we both wanted to rip each other's clothes off, I stopped him and told him that before we went any further, we needed to talk, and no, it could not wait. So, I sat on the couch, he poured us each a glass of wine, and I just told him. He looked at me and was like ,"That's it? So, what you're saying is that you don't have HIV?" And when I said that was right...no HIV. He was like "That's nothing...non-issue - so can we have sex now?" 

And that was the end of that. Had sex that night, and again the next day when we were both completely sober. Not too long after that night, he mentioned in passing the disclosure, so I know that he fully understands everything that I told him, and it really is a non-issue for him. 

So I don't know that it was that I had the confidence so much as I had some liquid courage? lol BUT, I made sure I stayed sober enough to keep my shit together. I didn't cry. I just gave him the information. I was planning to tell him so much more, but he stopped me because he already knew about HSV, and isn't scared of it. So, he just made sure that the only thing I have is HSV, and then was like, "It's nothing".

[100918]

18 hours ago, No More Tears D said:

@100918 I absolutely love reading success stories. It gives me hope. I am so happy for you! How did you disclose? Were you scared? I feel like I'm at a loss. Long story short, I've had inconclusive answers from multiple physicians. I haven't retested as advised by my doctor because I've never had a physical symptom... I broke up with my ex last year, and have finally met someone who I really really like. But I can't help but have this anxiety hanging over my head. 

I posted my disclosure story a bit later in this post. I was definitely scared because this guy is like a freakin' unicorn and I was terrified that he would reject me...but I knew that I could not have sex with him without telling him and allowing him informed consent.

I have also never had an outbreak, and should really get the Western Blot to confirm the diagnosis (or find out it's negative), but it's expensive, so until I do get the test, I am going on the assumption that I have it and disclosing accordingly. I'm still with the guy I disclosed to, so hopefully I'll never have to disclose again - I can see myself marrying him.

[No More Tears D]

@100918 that’s amazing. If you’ve never had a symptom, why did you get tested if you don’t mind me asking. Since apparently doctors don’t like doing that. Well that’s amazing. I’m so happy for you! I truly hope you two end up together for the long run and like I said, it gives me hope. I’m too scared to get tested again because I just don’t want to know and have been living life like I don’t have it. But like I said, it’s been haunting me. The anxiety is literally killing me and I just don’t know what to do. 

[100918]

1 hour ago, No More Tears D said:

@100918 that’s amazing. If you’ve never had a symptom, why did you get tested if you don’t mind me asking. Since apparently doctors don’t like doing that. Well that’s amazing. I’m so happy for you! I truly hope you two end up together for the long run and like I said, it gives me hope. I’m too scared to get tested again because I just don’t want to know and have been living life like I don’t have it. But like I said, it’s been haunting me. The anxiety is literally killing me and I just don’t know what to do. 

I was entering the dating world and was anticipating (hoping!) that it would include sex, and I figured that since I was going to require any future partner to get tested, I should, too. 

What's really crazy is that (for other reasons completely unrelated) I had been STD tested 5 times in the past ten years...and no doctor had ever tested for HSV...but I didn't know that. So, I was assuming that since all of my tests came back negative, it meant I was negative for everything...and I had Zero partners during those 10 years.

So, when I went to my OBGYN and asked to have the STD panel done, I figured it was also going to come back negative for everything. But my midwife added in the HSV testing without saying anything about it...just included it as part of the panel. And it came back positive for HSV-2.

I was crushed when I found out because I had always assumed my previous tests included HSV...and to find out that I had it after 10+ years of not having sex was not at all what I expected!

I let myself cry and feel sorry for myself for a few days, maybe a week? And then the pity party was over. I decided that I was not going to let HSV run my life. I'd had it for 10 years and life was good...why was I suddenly going to let it change all that? So, I changed my attitude.
 

[No More Tears D]

@100918 wow. I can’t even imagine how shocked you were... I didn’t know they didn’t test for it routinely either!! It’s so strange to me for situations exactly like yours. Wow. I wish my pity party only lasted that long. It’s taken over my life at the moment and I don’t even really know if I have it 😞 I’m 26 and feel like my life is over... as dramatic as that sounds. I’m scared for the future and really am having a hard time. Thank you for your positivity. It truly is life saving. I’m sure a lot of people on this forum feel like I do and having people like you to talk to really makes this easier. 

[Lovenhope]

On 4/6/2019 at 12:42 AM, Joe Joe said:

No problem. I don’t know what I’d do without the forums either as I’ve said I haven’t talked to anyone about this in real life besides the female that gave it to me so talking to people on here who can relate is great therapy

After I received the diagnosis of ghsv1 over the phone by my doctor he prescribed me the 10 day prescription of Valtrex. He didn’t tell me to set up a follow up appointment or anything but I just did for the hell of it. So when he walks in to the room he can feel my anxiety and he’s like what’s wrong? And I’m like I’m having a really hard time coping with this. He’s like what wrong with you, you need to stop reading about it on the internet. He’s like if you get worse I’m gonna have to put you in antidepressants which I refuse. I agree unless you have this happen to you, you will not understand the emotions that it takes on you and he made me like I was the crazy one being over dramatic. I’m a grown man and I literally cried for at least two weeks every night driving home from work. I haven’t cried as an adult ever except for my sibling that passed a few years ago from cancer. Sorry don’t want to identify the gender of my sibling in case someone can identify me here. 

i still pray but I honestly hate to say it but I have lost a lot of my faith and hope. My sibling passed in 2015. I asked God why at the time he/she was battling. My sibling suffered tremendously. If I told the details you wouldn’t believe it. It was such an aggressive cancer. The only reason I held on to my faith was seeing the faith that my sibling had and he/she never questioned why did this happen to me  They accepted the suffering and still trust in God. It was like God was by their side. No joke. It was something you would have to experience to believe. I wouldn’t last a minute of what they were going through in the last 2 months of their lives. Through the whole battle and after the passing of my sibling there were signs that made me believe in God but I still fell into a deep depression. 

Now I’ll tell you how HSV did in fact question my faith. So like I said after my sibling passed I fell into a deep depression for over 3 years. Last November I got a gym membership and I was finally starting to accept that my very close to me sibling is gone and funny thing is this is also the time I met my giver. My giver was very fun to hang out and took my mind off of things. She was kind of a therapist to me in a way also because I would talk about my sibling to her all the time. I was finally starting to feel like me again and as soon as I told myself maybe I’m coming out of my depression I was diagnosed with hsv in January I asked God why, how can you do this to me? Why when I finally was coming out of my depression did you let me get this and knock me back down to s point I don’t think I’ll ell ever get back up from. I don’t know if as a believer in God we turn to him and ask him why. I tell him I know it’s not your fault but then i say i wish you would have protected me or allowed me the knowledge or changed some circumstances. 

There are so many what if’s. Before me and her started having unprotected sex I asked her to get tested. She and I didn’t know that hsv wasn’t on the panel but if it was then this could have been avoided even though her oral hsv1 wasn’t sexually transmitted I think clinics and doctors should test you for it and educate you and to make you aware that although your oral hsv was not given to sexually, you can still pass this to someone sexually. I read an article where it said people are dumbfounded when they get genital herpes from a cold sore. 

Again, what if she knew her oral cold sores were herpes and can be transmitted to the genitals. She honestly didn’t know which sucks. She told me afterwards that she’s had them All her life as a kid. I told her she should have been aware of her condition and how did not one single person tell her that’s herpes. “What if” someone told her, she would have been more cautious. 

But what if’s drive me crazy. 

I try to keep faith but it is hard

My heart goes out to you. No one should ever ever ever have to go through the loss of a family member. It's just not fair. You are all in my prayers tonight. We all deserve someone to lift us out of this darkness.

 

was also finally in the gym and getting back up from a rough and long over due break up. Funny how life seems to work. 😞 Hope it is nothing but up for all of us.