My husband wants to separate because he has herpes

[Chinita]

Hi all

My husband just got diagnosed with Hsv2 few  weeks ago while I was travelling overseas. he was very upset & doesnt really want to communicate with me and wanted to separate with me. I told him im willing to take the risk, even I will have Hsv2 eventually coz I love him so much and I want  our family together.

He told me he just wants to make me happy & wants to make the right thing.

I feel like he’s pushing me away. im really trying to understand him and his situation  even if its really hard for me.

Does anyone here have the same experience and give me some advice please.

Thanks

[panacea]

How long have you been married? Did he already have HSV2 or did he have an extramarital affair?  Does he think he got the HSV2 from you?  You should both get tested, seek counseling and work on staying together if that is what both of you want - I definitely think a family unit is worth it especially if love was there at one point.  It can be rekindled and all relationships go through ups and downs.  I am bummed for you.  

I was never married but got HSV2 from someone who did not tell me he had it.  I was so infatuated, in love with this man that although I was hurt, it was worth it because I could see no one else in my future but him.  My heart literally hurt if I thought of him not being in my life and when things ended up not working out for other reasons after 2.5 years, it took years to get over it and yes I was left with HSV2 which did not help matters.  I try to take a positive spin on that situation and some days it is ok.  HSV 2 can be very painful, life altering and shameful or it can be nothing; It all depends on your immunity, genetic makeup, mental outlook and how you treat your body.  Obviously, if I could go back in time, and choose to not have it or have it and not be 'emotional' or 'in love', I would have walked away from the relationship early on but this is from an individual who suffers from severe OBs even 10+ years later with lots of wasted time, energy and depression on the HSV in general which is definitely on me.  Shit happens.  Only you can tell if it's worth it and it sounds as if you have a lot more to lose than I did so it may be worth fighting for but this is just an opinion...

Peace and love to you

[Chinita]

Hi thanks for sharing your experience.

My husband and I have been together for 5 years now. my husband had an affair 2 years ago, it was so hard as I just gave birth to our boy and we separated for a while. We tried a lot to make our marriage work, and now that things are getting better, his diagnosed with hsv2. Life is just so hard! 

My husband told me that he love me but he doesnt want me to get infected. He was sorry coz he fucked up my life since he cheated. But I still love him and I told him I still want to be with him but He keeps on telling me to rethink and consider my self as well.

I dont know if its worth saving our marriage, when at the moment he is so negative about life.

 

[My_dog_is_hungry]

Just give it some time. He's grieving at his perceived loss of sexual health. 

[MarsAttack]

I am experiencing a very similar situation. my girlfriend is so patient but I really sometimes feel like everything would be so simple if we could break before (if hopefully she is still h-free) I'll pass to her. ..

Seems this is a very common condition reading your stories, kinda makes me feel better. Thanks

[panacea]

On 5/24/2019 at 8:59 PM, Chinita said:

Hi thanks for sharing your experience.

My husband and I have been together for 5 years now. my husband had an affair 2 years ago, it was so hard as I just gave birth to our boy and we separated for a while. We tried a lot to make our marriage work, and now that things are getting better, his diagnosed with hsv2. Life is just so hard! 

My husband told me that he love me but he doesnt want me to get infected. He was sorry coz he fucked up my life since he cheated. But I still love him and I told him I still want to be with him but He keeps on telling me to rethink and consider my self as well.

I dont know if its worth saving our marriage, when at the moment he is so negative about life.

 

Just was thinking of you and wanted to see if things are working themselves out? Also, make sure he is on suppression medication to prevent transmission to you. Also, look into taking olive leaf extract, oregano oil and bee propolis for yourself while you are still negative. Try to always wear super lysine chapstick too - Hope you are well. 

[Chinita]

2 hours ago, panacea said:

Just was thinking of you and wanted to see if things are working themselves out? Also, make sure he is on suppression medication to prevent transmission to you. Also, look into taking olive leaf extract, oregano oil and bee propolis for yourself while you are still negative. Try to always wear super lysine chapstick too - Hope you are well. 

Hi there,

My husband and I really talked about this, he is  really concerned about my health and doesn't want me to contract H from him. I keep on telling him that it doesnt really matter to me coz i accept him for who and what he has, even if I will contract H as long as we will be together. But it seems like he really thinks that separating is the best for us and thats fair for me.

I told him about the meds but he refuse to take them, he told me that he doesnt want to experience some side effects of anti viral drugs.

[tiredandlonely]

Meds don't cause side effects for everyone. He should consider taking them. If he's not ready to consider this right now, that is understandable, since the diagnosis is recent, but if he plans to have a sex life at some point (whether with you or someone else), it's likely going to come up in discussion unless his partner also has HSV-2. 

It sounds like he is either in denial, or he is using this diagnosis to distance himself from you (maybe a little of both). You mention that he was unfaithful 2 years ago. Were you both tested back then for STDs? Did he only develop symptoms recently? I'm wondering how it came out that he has HSV-2 now, but not at the time of the initial affair. 

Would he consider going to therapy to discuss this? It may be good both for him individually to come to terms with the diagnosis and for both of you, to work on your relationship. 

Also, have you been tested for HSV-2?

Good luck.

 

 

[MarieH]

If this is a new infection and you are married....he cheated....I think at this point cheating is more a concern then the virus. do you want to save a marriage with a cheating partner?