Sunshine75

@Soawful I feel you. I am also 42, just diagnosed in June (with Hsv2) and felt so many of the same emotions and physical pains. It was my then-partner who had no idea he had it, but left as soon as the sh*t hit the fan. True colors I guess?, but like your situation, it wasn’t my forever someone anyway. Still stung on top of the rest. And I’m still processing it all. you will make it through this! Your lady bits will return to normal. This forum will provide info and support as you need it most. You will learn the triggers for your body and (from all I’ve read), your strain is put likely to outbreak all that often down there. And those future outbreaks may not even include lesions! Mine haven’t and I’m dealing with Hsv2. And like another comment on here, knowledge is power. Check out the publication “Managing Herpes” from ASHA publications. You can download online. My doc recommended and it was REALLY helpful info. i wallowed for a bit and the diagnosis and future ahead still chokes me up and I’m still frustrated that despite all my best efforts at safe sex and std testing, I got this! Ugh I SO feel you. But after wallowing for a bit and beginning to open up to close friends and family— and reading and writing in this forum— i found some strength to get out of that space and remember the resilient self that got me through 40+ years of life. This is a hurdle but I’m actively choosing to use it as a guide post for more intensional living and loving going forward! You’ll get through this. We’re all here for you to lean on when you need it! And reach out individually if needed too. You got this!

@trying2bok I love this post! Thank you for sharing. Wonderful to hear the range of responses—mostly positive. I’m just now getting back out there in dating space determined not to let H trip up my hopes of finding lasting love. Be it disclosure to potential partners via text or in person, a similar script of sorts is useful to see. That and sharing info from this site and other for more information. made my night. THANK YOU!

@JulyP way to go! That was a big step! And your friend is right on the litmus test bit. It’s true for all of us with this. I’m just beginning to dip my toes back into the dating pool and it scares me to think about the disclosures and rejections that could come. But, I’m not letting this thing stop my life and my search for a loving partner! That’s giving it way too much power. I’m going into this cautiously and intentionally. And with luck, the right person will be there and this won’t be the big deal it feels like in my mind. I hope it’s the same for you. Remember that you’ve got a new cheerleader on your side now! When you get skiddish about disclosing to someone you want to be intimate with, lean on this friend and he’ll remind you you’re worth it. And seems like this community on the forum is good for that too! big step! Happy for you.

Like you @JulyP I got this from someone who didn’t know they had it and I’m not sure if they will open up to their partners, etc... going forward. I would hope so, but that’s not the place for us to focus our energies or worries. Take care of YOU and your wellbeing. After diagnosis, I found I wanted and needed close family/friends to know what I was going through. I have found that their support and acceptance has been enormously impactful in helping me keep to a positive mindset. Plus, disclosing in those spaces of comfort helped me wrestle with some of the stigma that is so pervasive. Speaking the diagnosis out loud is tough, but got easier each time. I’m only 3 months in from diagnosis— but believe me, your body will return to normal. But there is also a new normal to adjust to that will take time— for outbreaks and what your body is going to be going through now and then. Plus, a new normal in the understanding that H is now a part of your life and your intimate relationships (how you choose to approach that and the mindset you keep will go a long way in how others perceive it too). I opened up to my mom initially and shortly after to 3 close friends— two of which were former partners and remain close friends. There was no judgement or negativity from those disclosures. There were tears on my part for sure, but there was also a deepening of relationship with the disclosure. And they know me really well— so they also know what I’m capable of handling and were able to remind me of that strength and resilience! I thought about opening up to a few others, but when the time came it just didn’t feel right— so I listened to that gut instinct to hold back. I’d suggest you listen to your gut too. Having a few trusted and close people who know the full scope of what you’re dealing with can be a great support. All that said, only YOU will know who to share this with, how, and when. I wish you the best of luck. None of this is easy!

@Chillydaffodil glad you made it to the doctor/nurse— and that they got you on meds! If you don’t like your doc, it may be time to change and find someone you’ll go to without hesitation in future? So far (from my limited initial experience anyway), H comes with lots of questions, need for meds, and a non-judgmental and approachable caregiver. I ❤️my doc— thankfully— because I was in such a painful panic with First OB, wasn’t sure what was going on down there but after getting online assumed the worst (which turned out right), but I went in without hesitation because I adore and trust her. I got diagnosis, meds, reassurance, hugs, solid info and references to review and learn more, and an open door for more questions (no matter how silly or intimate they may seem). I was in tears and distraught, and in a ton of discomfort and pain. I give you credit for making your way in to appointment knowing you dislike your doc! Geez, not sure I would’ve made it either. i have since found First OB was the worst by far— and took longer than I’d expected to really wrap up. Those lady bits didn’t really feel normal again for weeks (but thankfully meds should help clear the lesions). I had a glandular swell as well— that took longest to go down, but eventually did. I’ve had two outbreaks since (at least I assume that’s what they were— been meaning to post some Q’s on a new thread about this). Note that once I finished initial OB meds I asked the doc to put me on suppressive meds. I’ve been taking those and some supplements and really watching stress and foods. Follow up OB’s consisted of minor irritations (felt like I’d been scratched) and some minor itching as they cleared. They passed in 3 days and I was back to normal. Basically felt like a minor skin condition in an intimate place! But I didn’t miss a beat of work, life, or fun. So...beginning to think I can do this. I can manage this thing. It’ll never be as rough as this first round. And you have built-in support with your BF (I hope). You may also find this resource useful, my doc shared and I read cover to cover. Good stuff in there to compliment with this site. http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/herpes/ Hoping you find some relief soon! You aren’t alone!

Agree completely with @Stupida get it swabbed ASAP. sounds a bit like classic First OB with the other symptoms but you want to know what strain and blood test will likely still show negative if this is your body’s first encounter fighting the virus. That’s what happened to me. so sorry to hear this is happening for you! A soak in a tub of warm bath water with Epsom salts can help to clean and ease the area. I also used cotton swabs with a touch of melted coconut oil at night to soothe. this outbreak will pass! Your lady bits will get back to normal (but not as fast as you’d like them to). And hopefully you and your partner have a solid relationship where you can support one another as you come into better understanding of what this means and what’s ahead for both of you. all best! Hang in there!

@bdub79 happy to share! And private message if you want some recipes, etc.. but vegetarian vs. vegan makes a big difference on lysine intake front. With dairy included in your diet you can better balance the lysine-arginine levels. If you go vegan or have long been vegan (like me) and aren’t willing to give that up for H, then it’s a bit more complex. For starters, the most reliable lysine-arginine charts we found were in the USDA food composition database: https://ndb.nal.usda.gov/ndb/nutrients/index selecr first nutrient (lysine— almost at the bottom—past all the numbers) second nutrient is arginine (comes after lysine on the pull down. Then either click go if you want the mega list OR choose a food category and go. lots of stuff on here. I’m growing a side list of regular ingredients that I can’t find on here and will have nutritionist help find those values elsewhere. The core aspect of the Nutritionist’s advice was that you have to weigh the benefit of the foods nutrient value in your diet with the potential for triggering or contributing to viral load. That simply cutting out high arginine foods from an otherwise healthy diet doesn’t make sense. Especially if that diet needs those foods to get adequate protein. Having a solid nutrient rich and healthy diet helps your body overall— including your immune system which will help build anti-bodies for the virus. So it’s about balance. Moderation in general is key. This can’t control your life. So don’t let diet therapy control life. finding specific trigger foods for outbreaks will be most helpful to note and then consider eliminating only those items. The rest can then be balanced—to some extent but not to an extreme. The idea is to attempt a diet that over the course of the day(s) and with supplements can boost immune system, provide key nutrients, and keep lysine ratios higher than maybe they were before monitoring. she basically said let go of the stress about specific values and calculations to monitor balance go— but be mindful of them so you can make good choices— go for higher lysine eats when you can: I.e. oat milk over almond milk; apples over arranges; black beans over chick peas; summer squash over winter squash; etc... but more than anything— eat a healthy, Whole Foods, nutrient rich diet, get rest, and minimize unnecessary stress. and on supplement front, for me it’s: 1000mg of lysine 2x a day; a b-complex; vitamin d drops; a multi-vitamin; and 500mg of vitamin c with bioflavonoids 2x a day; and a probiotic (I’m also taking the daily valacylovir). hope that helps. Good luck in your transition toward vegetarian or vegan! And if you pick up other good tips along the way, I’m all ears!

@optimist where does this statistic come from? I’m new to all of this— as a single woman in her 40’s, but I’ve not heard a stat this high before. I’d be curious to read more if there is a study or other info for this rate. thanks!

Thank you @mr_hopp for the clarification!

I have a concern about this statement as it is exactly how I contracted HSV2. Granted, my partner didn’t know he had it, but turns out he is asymptomatic and was shredding virus. I believe, from what I’ve read so far, that the important component here is knowledge and then safe measures... so, meds to decrease chance of spread to a partner who doesn’t have it and/or condoms religiously. Simply saying you don’t need to take meds if you’re in a relationship and don’t have outbreaks concerns me a great deal. And believe me, had I had a choice, I wouldn’t have put myself at risk!

Good for you JeffH. I ended up finding a great nutritionist who I’m working with on teasing out trigger foods and good/bad eats with the vegan and HSV combo. She had LOTS of great info to share including reliable resources for lysine-arginine ratios, supplements, and what to let go of in terms of stress on the food choices. Happy to share info, feel free to message me. ive also started a list of go-to meals and foods that are high lysine. Finding my way slowly on this, but learning more and more all the time.

The epsom salt baths helped me get through first OB and I continued until all the signs of OB were gone— even a bit past sores going away. Once each evening. I also found that warming a small bit of coconut oil (just to melt) and then applying with q-tips to each sore was helpful after drying from the bath. I only did the oil in the evening as well. I’m new to all this as well so don’t have much experience but these two things really made a difference. Pain had me bedridden and missing work too! Hoping I don’t experience that again, now on suppressive meds at least for time being. Hope you find relief soon!

@kayx33 Good for you for letting him go. From his reaction, and your description, it sounds like even without H, this wouldn’t have been your long-term guy. Like you, I am new to all this— just found out about my diagnosis about 3 weeks ago. I got it from the guy I was dating for several months. We knew we weren’t a forever thing, but there was still genuine care there. Diagnosis came along when I got my first OB and it was awful— the pain, confusion, questions, emotional blow of the news, etc... but I tried to stay positive (felt like at least in this initial stretch I’d have this guy who gave it to me to figure this out with). Boy was I wrong! I told him the news and he clearly had no idea that he had this, seems he’s asymptomatic and so news caught him off guard too. But the reaction I got was so hurtful and unexpected. Turns out in the week I struggled to get better from blow of the first outbreak— meds, stuck in bed unable to walk without severe pain, trying to take in the new info and what this meant, realizing my diet wads this going to help the situation and unsure what to even eat, etc.— meanwhile gets online and chats up a new woman and by weeks end breaks it off saying he’s found someone new and is ready to go all-in with her! I was simply blown away. That’s when I got angry and deeply hurt. He had no idea what kind of pain I was in or what this HSV diagnosis meant (for me or for him), maybe his reaction was one of avoidance, maybe it was poor judgment, maybe it was fear, but whatever the reasons, it was hurtful on top of everything else that came with that news and first OB. I went from feeling like I could tackle this and that I’d have support in figuring out some of what it all meant going forward intimately (and otherwise) with a partner. But instead, I found myself alone finishing my med cycle with no support from the one person who should have been there in that moment. So, I don’t have answers to your question...but I share a similar wonder about dating and intimate relationships and I’ll monitor this thread. That said, I have found my resolve to deal with this as I do most other things in life— with a positive outlook and with my support network at my side. His leaving forced me to open up to some close family and friends. And you know, they ALL knew instinctively what I needed in those moments. They have listened, they provide hugs, they cheer me on and remind me of my wonderful, they helped me get through the first OB, they will be there by my side as I figure out the rest! Those are the long-term people in my life and that’s the sort of person I hope to eventually find in love as well. If someone can’t cut it when things get hard, then better to let them go. In your case— seems like his comment to you at break up was also a showing of true colors. But he doesn’t get to knock you down any further! Find your supports— here or in other relationships in your life— and lean on them. I found they were grateful and supportive entirely without judgement. Down the road a ways, when You and I (and countless other on here) have figured out how to keep the health-bits of this under control, then we’ll take on the next step of meeting someone who is there for the right reasons. Who sees our awesomeness in full and doesn’t let this hold them back. I have my concerns, I have my fears, I don’t look forward to a need to disclose. And right now I also have so many questions about risk and sex, etc.... that I know I’m not yet ready to attempt next relationship given HSV. So for now I’ll take that pause as a gift and focus on me. Practicing self-care, revisiting the foods I eat and their impacts on my health going forward, reading as much as I can about this diagnosis, and leaning on the people who love me no matter what! We’ll be alright. Let that guy go and don’t look back. If he wasn’t there when you needed him (and wasn’t right fit in the first place), don’t waste any more energy on him. You have YOU to take care of.

Runner gal, Seems we’re both finding out about all this at same time. The discrepancies on the charts are frustrating. (Thanks for the links, I’m going to check them out). There are also LOTS of items I rely on that aren’t listed at all. I started a list of foods I want to find values for and I’m scheduled to meet with a vegan/vegetarian nutritionist in about 2 weeks to start to sort through a bunch of stuff as relates to the herpes diagnosis and avoidance of outbreaks. Happy to share any relevant info from that. I’m also starting to compile meal plans/recipes, and healthy snack lists I can fall back on going forward. It’s also a bit of a reminder of really GREAT eats even with the lysine-arginine balance to consider. Since I don’t do dairy at all...this is sort of tricky. Happy to share recipes and meal plans if anyone is interested!. I LOVE to cook and bake and usually do it for others with food allergies. Now, I’m giving a bit of that love to myself. Made some awesome vegan frittatas this morning loaded with sautéed veggies. Used chickpea flour and balanced that higher arginine intake with loads of lysine rich veggies. They were delicious and packed with protein too! Some of the proteins I’ve used this week: -tempeh -black beans and kidney beans -lentil pasta -quinoa -light use of chia and hemp seeds in smoothies -chickpea flour While quinoa has more arginine than lysine, it still packs a high intake of lysine and is a complete protein. From articles I’m finding, it’s still recommended to include, especially if you balance that intake with lower arginine foods. So I’ve been doing things like swapping leeks for onions (so far so good and leeks are neutral intake), have increased the kale, spinach, summer squash, and white mushroom intake. Adding several pieces of lysine rich frutis to my day— apples, red plums, mango, pineapple, apricots, etc... also TOTALLY ENJOYING avocados and avacado oil. Making a spinach-avacado pesto tomorrow to throw over sweet potatoes.

I’m totally new to all of this as well, but here is a post I’ve shared with close friends and family as I’ve disclosed to them. There are some pretty interesting numbers in there and it lays this out in a pretty simple, matter of fact way. https://hsvblog.org/herpes-simplex-virus-101/

Just found this thread. SO HAPPY there are other vegans on here! I was diagnosed with Hsv2 two weeks ago. Vegan of 16 years and struggling on food stuff right now. Really don’t want to bring on another OB. I keep seeing how nuts and soy are so bad, but read oat flakes were okay... anyone tried oat Milk instead of almond or coconut milk? Tastes great, but not sure if it’s better or worse than almond milk?

Thanks seastar. I’m taking a lysine supplement now and started charting foods with higher lysine to arginine ratio. I’ve also started a meals and snack list for high lysine vegan eats that I can refer back to as time goes on. I also found a vegan nutritionist who has agreed to help me map some of this out and assist with considering appropriate levels of supplements, etc... my hope is combined I’ll find a way to ease recurrences without having to change my otherwise healthy lifestyle. But while I can find a range of charts online with info on lysine to arginine ratios, many have conflicting information (pumpkin seeds are good,pumpkin seeds are bad; quinoa is good, quinoa is bad, almonds are terrible, almond skins help...). It also seems like every body reacts differently (would be amazing if mine was okay with chocolate). So just really confused. I’m still so new at all of this...been only two weeks since first outbreak and diagnosis. I know I’ll eventually figure this stuff out, but for now, I’m doing the best I can to stay afloat and practice self care.

Hi all, New to the site and to HSV. Was just diagnosed this week with HSV2. As background I’m a 42 year old female and I’ve been a vegan for 16 years, vegetarian for 10 years prior to. Not only am I taking in all that comes with this news of herpes as a forever part of my life going forward and just beginning to see the end of my first OB (that SUCKED!!), but I’m also devouring info on triggers and ways to reduce recurrences with (and potentially without) medications. I’ve been reading a lot about Lysine and Arginine intakes. Not only am I bummed that my chocolate intake needs to go down (I mean really— we should at least be given chocolate with the rest of what we’re dealing with here! :) ) but I am finding that a vegan diet is literally one of the worst matches to this new health reality. So I’m wondering if there are other vegans on here who have found ways to balance the arginine intake? My doctor shared a great resource that lets me compare lysine and arginine intakes for various veggies and protein sources, but that’s mostly reinforcing my concerns about high arginine intake— and bye bye to almond milk :( I’ve started taking a lysine supplement (1000mg 3x per day) and I’m seeking a nutritionist who can help me work through some of this, but I’d welcome input from this forum. Plant based eaters?? I’d love thoughts, ideas, recipies, anything... I’m new to ALL of this! Thanks,