thisisgoingtobeokay (previ

Congrats. Happy to read this.

I literally have to tell myself during sex to relax and flex out. Weird stuff. Probably the reason I've never had an O during sex, I'm focused on making it not hurt. I don't like to tell guys it hurts because they focus on that during sex and constantly ask if I'm hurting. Which just annoys me, because although it hurts for me I don't want them to not enjoy it. So I just stopped telling men. Works better that way. Sigh.... Being a woman sucks.

@wcs Definitely agree there is a mental side to it. I anticipate the pain, always during sex so it makes everything a little tight because I do clench up during that initial pentetration. I just meant that the mental side of those who have it are not crazy. It is a legit thing. I don't do anything for it anymore! Yes, I still have pain but I've learned to train myself mentally for it. My doctor actually told me that learning to cope rather than take medicine or do shots was the best way to go. If I get married, I probably will start the shots back up just because I know they work and my sex life is non existent right now. Typically, I flex my muscles down there outward during pentetration and that helps and lube definitely helps. I just cope with IC and vulva vestibulitis. Nothing was really working and so I just stopped and learned to deal. And on the sex therapist, I did see a physical therapist for a while. The pelvic pain doc recommended I see one. We did Kegals and this little weight that I would put up there and hold it in. Supposedly, there is some correlation between pelvic floor dysfunction (which I also have) and vulvar vestibulitis. I didn't notice a difference though. The shots seemed to be my only way to completely stop the pain during sex.

@sniper I definitely agree. Sites like this help! We are all here for you. I know I'm young but I've been dealing with vulva pain for a good few years. I know what's up with that issue! I researched a ton and still do a couple times a year on it. I hope it isn't a vulva issue, but if it is I'm here to talk to and have a few years experience under my belt on it. I feel like @wcs on this topic, I know how to deal with it and get past it, and have extensive personal experience with it. It's a pain, literally! Hang in there!

I understand. It sucks. And makes sex hard for me even before H. I just would typically grit my teeth and do my best to hide that I was hurting. No guy wants to see someone in pain as they are trying to penetrate you, nor did I want to discuss the whole issue with them. It's confusing for men. I had laparoscopy and cystocopy (spelling) done at 17, to confirm IC and rule out endo. I was negative for endo. I felt very blessed about that. As I have wanted to have kids since I was like 10. Anyways, what you describe does sound like vulvodynia of some sort. I'm not a doctor though. But it sounds similar to my burning. Luckily, I don't burn all the time, but some women do. I hate it for you because it's a pain in the ass when it is burning. And yes, stress has ALOT todo with it. As stress makes everything and anything worse. I have read some cases where women believe it was brought on by stress, some it's hereditary, and some it just shows up with an unclear reason. Some women are born with it and notice it the first time they have sex. This is also one of those areas where they don't seem to know a lot about it. Sucks for us who have it. If it is and you end up doing shots... They hurt. Worse than the pain I felt during my first herpes out break. Literally, the most painful thing I have ever had done to my body. BUT they work. So I take 10 minutes of pain for a couple of weeks of normal sex. (When I am sexually active) message me anytime and keep us updated. You aren't alone. Lots of women have it and just never get it diagnosed. Initially, in the old days, they said women who claimed to have IC and vulvodynia were crazy. Luckily, they have now shown it's not mental, it truly is a physical condition. I know I'm not crazy, when my vagina is on fire... It isn't in my head. I know something's up! Lol!

And FYI the symptoms you describe, sandpaper, raw... Exactly what vulvar vestibulitis feels like. Mine also feels like hot and stingy. I say it feels like fire. Mine varies, sometimes it's really bad after sex sometimes it's not. Typically, once a guy gets it in i it dont hurt as much, but that initial slip in hurts like a mofo. Mine don't bother me unless something is going in the hole. Sorry if that's graphic but It may help so you understand and may relate. A qtip test is typically how it's diagnosed. Basically they push on nerves at the opening of the vulva with a qtip and you rate the pain intensity. No blood test or anything will tell you if you have it. There are all kinds of treatments, the only thing I found that helped me was the shots in the vulva. They say some medications (typically anti seizure medicines) help. The thought is the medicines calm down the nerves and help to stop sending the pain signal to the brain. It did not help me. I recommend a lidocaine cream (didn't do a lot for me and kind of stings when I use it, but some people it really helps). Try to see a pelvic pain doc if you can. If it is vulvar vestibulitis I got lots of info and recommendations, feel free to message me. Also, if you are sexually active, a cool bath or cold rag on the area after intercourse feels awesome. :) good luck.

@sniper I have insight on the vulvodynia issue. At 17, BEFORE H, I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis, vulvar vestibulitis, and a couple other non std/sti related issues. That being said, vulvar vestibulitis is a type of vulvodynia. Vulvodynia is just pain in the vulva. It's broad term for pain of the vulva. Basically, mine was pain with intercourse. I still have this issue as it doesn't go away. Basically anything inserted into my hole causes a burnin pain. I use a cream sometimes but I would get shots in the nerves or my vulva. Those truly helped. They think my vulvar vestibulitis was caused by the IC, which messed everything up down there. I've had it since 17, then at 23 got HSV 1 genitally, so as I am used to female problems, HSV was a lot harder to cope with. My point is, the burning sensation does not necessarily have to do with HSV as I had burnig issues before I ever had it. There are creams out there that contain lidocaine that can help with the burning. See a pelvic pain specialist to get help with these issues, my OBGYN recommended me to one when I was 17 and tested negative for all stds and a urine culture kept coming back negative for a bladder infection. Hope this helps. The two are probably not connected.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXIRAseagYs&sns=em I knew it. Spongebob. :)

I want to say this was on some spongebob episode if I recall. I've heard this before. Lol!

Well I'll keep my fingers crossed for you it isn't H. Just hang in there.

Glad to hear people turning the stigma around. Agree with @victoria. I have been at dinner with a girl friend and she kept trying to talk to me and I was browsing up on here. I literally was like hey hold on, someone is upset on my forums I go too. Shut up for a second and let me type something out. She was like oh... Okay. Go ahead. My friends know how important this site is to me. Glad others are trying to change the stigma. Good for your boyfriend!

I get styes a couple times a year, before H. Have you tried taking a heated rag and applying it? That usually will make a style go away quickly. Even so, my dad the past few years would get this bump on his eye and it was an infection and it cleared up with some eye drops, it wasn't H. So don't get too too worried yet.

@herry let me get cable and internet so I can actually read stuff decently instead of on my stupid tiny phone and I will do what I can! Vaccines are always a go in my book. And I agree, I think money has a lot to do with why we haven't seen cures for many things out there. As I have said, I believe there is a cure for herpes. I truly do. I just think treatment makes more money right now for the companies and government.

Thanks y'all!!! I am super excited!!! Just wanted to share something so others who feel the same may rethink those thoughts. :))

I got the job! I got the job! I have not broken out either from the missed pill. Y'all were right! So here is what I want to say. When I was first diagnosed, I had told my family that I didn't want to finish school, I didn't see the point. Everything I worked for was ruined. I said I just want to work at the family business forever, so I'm not stressed and can reduce that area of stress on myself. As everyone knows I do not speak to my parents and haven't for 2 months. So work has been stressful with my father there. Well, anyways, here is my point. Herpes didn't stop me. Without my degree, this job wouldn't have been available for me, and the pay either. So if anyone ever feels like they want to stop everything in their life because of this, DONT. I wanted to give up on everything and now I'm sitting here at 23 making damn good money for little experience. I guess what I mean is herpes didn't hinder this or stop this. I am still me. I am still smart and still have a personality enough to where I made it through an interview process and nailed the job. It doesn't ruin everything in your life. It wasn't a factor in my career life and I guess I just needed to say this because it didn't stop me. I don't know if what I am sayin is making sense. But getting this job makes me feel like something good has finally happened in the past three months of my life and I needed it and herpes didnt stop me. I wanted to let this run every part of my life and while it is running my love life, because I allow it to, it doesnt run the other parts. I finally can get cable and internet. Thank God.

And @orngpeelmafia, good to see you on here. I have missed your humor.

Yeah...my friends joke that I am a horrible liar too. I smile or give it away very easily with my facial expressions. Maybe one day soon I can climb out of the closet, until then I get joy out of reading things like this. TGIF.

HAHAHA @ WCS, I got my klonopin. Which I have been doing good and cut way back on those. And @orngpeelmafia, thank you for your story. Sorry about your car, that is hectic and stressful for sure. So hearing that makes me feel better. Still waiting to hear back from the interview. I was there from 10:30 to 1:30. I will let you guys know just as soon as I hear something. I'm on my knees praying.

Well, I personally loved reading this. I want to copy and paste your initial post and go put it on bathroom stalls in restaurants. Eye opening for those of us with H and wondering whether a man will ever love us. Claps and snaps for you. I don't personally have the courage to do what you have done, but I am glad you do. It does make those of us not confident enough to what you do, feel better about the future. Such a strong woman you are. I hope when I get to your age, not that you are old, but I just hope I have as much security and strength and confidence within myself as you do. Big loves this morning sent your way!

Well, this is my follow up interview. Supposedly, they told my recruiter that as long as I didn't do anything stupid today they would likely make me an offer! So fingers crossed please, because this girl really wants cable and internet at her apartment. And with this job, I could afford it finally. :)) @herry, than you for the encouragement. I am ready! What about the shedding though and missing pills, do you know if that affects it much if you miss a pill, shedding wise?

Okay, I may do that just to be on the safe side. I am a worrier. Always have been, before and after H. I just have a job interview in about an hour and so I wanted to have a clear head before I went and couldn't think about anything but missing my pill. If I do win the lottery, I would give everyone on here a chunk of my winnings, maybe take us all on a trip, in fact, I would donate a BIG BIG chunk of it to research for the herp.

I smoke, and nothing down there yet since my initial outbreak. I also am on medicine though, could be helping.

And @herry...now that I think about it, because this probably won't be the last time I have this happen. Say I am in a relationship (Lord willing) and I miss one pill, does that drastically affect shedding?

Lol, thanks @herry. Your wit always seems to make me laugh. Referring to it as a Freddy Kreuger incident is a hilarious way to think about it. You are sure I won't breakout because of missing a pill? I mean will it hurt me if I take one pill this morning and the missed one tonight, just in case?

Okay, so as I am taking my birth control this morning, I noticed I didn't take my pill yesterday. (Long morning, I was late to work, hence I forgot.) A wave of panic came over me, because this means I didn't take my valtrex either since I take them at the same time. Can I double up on my valtrex today? Is missing one pill going to make me breakout? Should I take my missed pill today?