Amillionthings

X

Also...if you found it hard and awkward to date...imagine how people with herpes feel...we're constantly stigmatised for getting a cold sore...we spend time to get to know someone and then despite how much they like us...they can reject....now that is hard and awkward...and heartbreaking.cast out for something we cant change. Remember this woman accepted you with all of your past history...a raging drug and alcohol abuser..as you say....and knowing you had/have an std of your own. Pretty decent woman in my eyes. You cant change your past...and its great youve had a turning point and changed things around....imagine if she just couldnt see past it...despite changing your life.....imagine how youd feel. You made choices and could change....with herpes it happens and you cant change it...no matter how much you want to.....imagine how frustrating that is for a person. Can i ask you....if she would have disclosed before you had sex...would it have made a difference?? Or would you still question if shes worth your time. You seem to have been worth hers despite your own flaws. Hope she's ok. Can imagine how she's feeling. Pretty awful and incredibly vulnerable. Im sorry she wasnt upfront straight away...but im sure you understand why she didnt...look at the outcome.

And this post is what kills me....look what H ruins....makes everything such a big deal...means someone who is falling in love with someone STILL considers walking away. How are we suppose to have the confidence to date etc?? .... all the decisions lie on one person in the relationship...so much for equality. This post just set me right back. Shows you being a good person just isnt enough :(

@thisisgoingtobeokay ....hey :) ...sorry to hear you didnt get support from home. But you have it here, I for one care and understand :) people i didnt want to know, know tok....its unfair and doesnt help...so i get that feeling too. Hope you're doing ok x

@lovingmom47 ....what a wonderful mum you are. You are showing your love for her by just coming on here. I told my parents, who have been supportive. I think though that the key is finding out true info and facts, everything...which is all on here. You've found the best support network there is and the correct info. My frustration and anger, when discussing it with my parents sometimes was that I had to continue to explain what it was. Its bad enough doing it once....they did try and look things up...but it wasn't always right info...so i appreciated their thought loads...but id get upset having to correct it or having to justify what id learnt about it....very irritating on top of trying to cope with my own thoughts and emotions. Getting the right info is vital i think. And saying they understood how I felt...as lovely as that sounds..for me personally iit was annoying and sort of angered me more...because No-one understands unless they have it, they can't and won't. So i just needed to know they were there...and your daughter knows you are...so youre doing the right things :) The key i think is also not to bring it up unless she wants to...as the emotional hurt of it can be very very hard to deal with...you are clearly a great mum. The best support like dancer said...is on here where people have it. So they get it! She knows your there for her and trusts you, which is great :) Parents always want to fix things...and so my dad still talks about a cure not being far away....but nobody knows if or when...so i have to try and stop conversationd going down that route...as it doesnt help whats shes going through until/if that happens. i think its so lovely you have posted here to help and support your daughter. Great mum :) and definitely point her in the right direction to this forum :) Good luck x

Thanks for sharing your experience with me :) I think I'd like to try daily therapy to see how I go...but perhaps look after my health more first and see how it goes. Thanks again

Thanks dancer :)

A really moving story. You are clearly a caring and thoughtful person who does the right thing. Sorry you're going through this upsetting time. I've not been in this situation...so I'm not in a position to comment or advise you on things. But here to support anyway :) x

Its true. Nothing wrong with the truth :) x

Hi, Just curious...had hsv2 for nearly 5 years. Took meds on my first OB but have never taken them again. My OB's deffo come bk when I'm stressed or upset. But aren't too frequent and not too painful. Just a small sore and usually in the same place. I'll be honest...definitely not looked after my health or body and I smoke....and I'm not tuned in enough to notice signs before an OB...but I'm about to kick all that in to place and look after myself. It's about time!....I mostly havent as not sexually active...so an OB is not an issue if I'm not being intimate. Soooo....my question is...do you think meds will be effective or worth it?? Im talking daily meds.... I just think with taking better care of myself and then taking meds might well mean no outbreaks as i imagine my immune system has been pretty good at fighting off this virus, as an OB is never severe. Advice and knowledge would be appreciated thankyou in advance :)

Ps. The word genital sounds unattractive anyway...makes it sound so clinical....im gonna say...a cold sore down there...when the time comes again. Because thats what it is. A cold sore.

@thisisgoingtobeokay.....some fighting talk there...good for you. I agree, 1 or 2 its still got the same stigma. On a positive...so many people have hsv1 orally...that theres a very high chance that someone who deserves you and you decide to disclose to may have it orally...so you cant pass it on...theyd already have it. Happy days!....Just trying to find you a silver lining for you :) but i feel for you....its the same stigma and causes the same emotions. No-one who has it genitally would ever undermind that, i'm sure. Its not what it is, its where it is. Omg....me too...i look at people who have it orally n think...youre just as infectious . Same thing. Just without the stigma. I hate stigma!!! Just eff off!! Haha!! Hope you're doing ok :)

Youve done great to get on here so soon to....i took ages to join. But feel way better now I have. Makes you realise you really are not alone :) and with people who just get it :) Yep...i waited too..I had to get my own head around it and educate myself first. I owed it to myself to understand the virus...means you can actually explain it properly when you do :) Do it when youre ready...youre in control. You don't owe anything to anyone. But its great to get it off your chest and have some support in person. A good true friend won't give a shit and will care about you even more for your honesty, courage and it shows how much you value them as friend you can trust :) Best of luck. Keep us updated on how you are xx

Well said @herecxperience. @everyday_normal guy.....you were brave and honest. The way she left without telling you us disguisting behaviour...like someone hanging up on a phone call...just rude! No one deserves that! I can imagine how u feel. She's a loser just for that! You have support here :)

You're not crazy...sounds like you've reached a good place. Peace. :) x

He said that!! What! I suppose ignorance was bliss for him...he had the queen of std knowledge (thats you ;)) ready to educate him and he didn't want to listen...he missed a golden opportunity there! Ha....I guess H was your wingman right there!

And yes you are doing well :), its alot to take in...but the more I read the blog and support forum on here the better. Puts things into perspective more x

Hi @winsor1.....first off you now have a load of friends on here...people who are supportive, non-judgemental and who understand. We have it- so we get it. I searched so many forums and this one is the best! :) Dancer is right...friends...real friends, would not only listen, but would accept and certainly would not tell other people. My experience..... I have confided in 4 very close friends...one has 'H'....and two of them have family members who have it..i found this after I disclosed. I disclosed to each friend when I felt ready...one after diagnosis and others as time went on. I took pressure off myself...by waiting until I felt I wanted to tell them about it. and not one of them has judged me or has told anyone else...because they are true friends...if you're not sure if you can trust someone...then you don't have to trust them. I hope you can think of someone you trust implicity and someone who deserves to see your courage and bravery in doing so. Until then, you have everyone here :) X

I feel lucky...that herpes won't effect my fertility. I think in the uk....chlamydia is tested routinely. And you're right, if undetected it can have terrible effects on women and their reproductive organs. Definitely agree also that std's can lay dormant and can do damage...I wasn't aware of this until I got herpes...only about 'C' not showing signs. But again this myth you have written about assists the stigma. If it cant be seen its not there...not true. X

Oh and this site is so good isn't it...its like therapy ha!... and share away... you got support whenever youre ready :)

Hey @turqoiseseas....just read your post. So just a note to say sorry you're feeling low, i feel like a bitter old hag sometimes too..lol! It's ok...we're not old...or a hag...and everyones allowed to feel bitter sometimes :) hope u feel better soon x

Thankyou..ha! I dont like herpes, i never will. I dont have to like it. But i have it and so i have to deal with it...if i ever get to a vulnerable point of disclosing again...ill definitely be looking to your artice again :)

Thankyou...yep definitely a sounding board!! Your support means so much :) Exactly, if something isnt tested for, it turns it into something that should be hidden...and so we feel shame and so we struggle. Thing is, chlamidiya and all the stds can be cured...so thats why theres no stigma....if u got 'C'...youd think....fuck...go to docs...get the meds..be cured....and it would be gone out of your mind too. If however it was uncurable...it would have the same stigma as herpes. The fact it has no cure is soooooo relevant to the stigma...in my opinion. Imagine if there was a cure, herpes just wouldnt be an issue...i do believe there will be a cure one day. I hope so for future generations. X

Right...I'm new to this forum stuff!...how the heck do I tag a user so they can see I've written to them? Help! :) So Dancer, I read the wing man post. I get it. :) x

I'm good actually...feeling alot better after getting everything out on here...you wonderful people showing me amazing support...I feel i'm really reaching a turning point. Dancer has some very wise and honest words too :) How are you? :) I agree with everything you put...the fact it doesnt get tested for, I believe fuels the stigma....it makes it so no-one should have it and that to get it, is some kind of crime! If testing suddenly became compulsary and people were made to get tested ...the stigma of herpes would slowly slip away....all of a sudden it would be exposed for what it really is...a common std....not some big secret that is frowned upon by society that makes us who have it, feel like there's something wrong with us. Bottom line...stigma is there because it doesnt have a cure....other stds are far more dangerous to your health...and look worse down there...but they can be cured. If no stds could be cured...herpes would be the one i would prefer to have. testing needs to be compulsary. But I don't see its going to change? Who knows. :) x