forgivenessandpeace

Uhm, what are we talking about? Is Theo being chased from the forum now? Gosh peeps. Back to the subject at hand, @riverstyx you were the recipient of false positives so I'm curious about your perspective, especially since you've been on the forum and you've read the experience of the many people who contracted the virus from unknowing or undisclosing partners. How do you feel about the CDCs position that false positives can evoke "adverse psychological effects of contracting this lifelong uncurable infection"?

He is so lucky to have you @rocksheart!

Beautiful!

Rather than throwing the emotion BACK at the other person, just accept that you are experiencing it for now but you don’t have to do anything with or about it! Thank you WCSDancer :) This is the lesson I need to apply not just on this forum but in ALL of my life. I let my rage come out last week and man did I have an emotional hangover afterward.

I have exactly the same thought as you when I go into outbreak mode: why can't my body handle this better? Thinking clearly in the midst of an outbreak or even prodromes seems next to impossible. But in normal times, like now, when I'm calmer and more settled, it occurs to me that hsv and humans have co-existed for, well forever. We have evolved. It has struggled to survive the attack of our immune system. There is nothing wrong with your immune system. The virus is just trying to acclimate to your body and it came out in force. You can fight back with your immune system, and alum, and hydrogen peroxide and hit your nether regions with a blow dryer on cool setting as well. Tampons and commando are a great combo :) Eat well. Breathe deeply. You'll get those little critters under control in short order.

My initial infection was itchiness with lesions. And low-grade fever, and fatigue.

Wow, I'm sorry your therapist had that reaction. Clearly she needs to get educated. And learn some compassion. There are so so many afflictions from which people suffer. I was not informed that my partner was hsv2+. He didn't think twice about having sex even when he was having an outbreak. That sucks but, hey, life is a risk. I took the risk with him. People don't get to choose whether they get breast cancer or Lyme disease or Crone's disease either. Of all afflictions, if I think about it in the end, I'll take h. Sure I go dark about it sometimes, but I don't stay down. You won't either.

Given all the evidence, the best, most cost-effective approach would be to introduce a vaccine. We currently very effectively inoculate against chickenpox (Human Herpes Virus 3). Bill Halford, Southern Illinois University School of Medicine Dept. of Medical Microbiology, Immunology, and Cell Biology, has successfully completed animal trials of his live attenuated vaccine for HSV2 (Human Herpes Virus 2). His very informative blog is here: http://herpesvaccine.scienceblog.com/2014/05/10/how-does-the-human-immune-system-respond-to-a-hsv-2-vaccine/ He and other researchers are committed to bringing forward a vaccine soon. It wouldn't cure those of us who struggle with infections gifted by non-disclosing partners, but it would relieve a tremendous amount of human suffering. Furthermore, since the rate of infection is highest among 18-24 year olds, the cost burden on the health care system of continuing to ignore this very old virus is increasing as those young adults face potentially an entire lifetime of suppressive drug therapy. There is most definitely hope @Vanguard1. Do not be discouraged.

Ann, time to change that record in your head! Hope29 is right that if he is also hsv1+ then you don't even need to take meds every day. Your feelings are normal but you can let them quiet down now. I feel like everything I had before has just been taken away from me. I've been to this place also. If you step back however, and look at it rationally, you'll notice you still have a LOT of great things.

The reason the CDC does not recommend disclosure is this: rigorous clinical studies have shown that being informed that one has genital herpes does not by and large change a person's behavior vis-a-vis disclosure. These studies have consistently shown that, once informed of a diagnosis of genital herpes, individuals are on average not more likely to disclose their diagnosis to either their current or future partners. Could you site these studies @CityofAngels?

You will probably want to have a blood test done so that you know exactly what you have. It'll be important for your future.

I know @Vanguard1: it's out-fucking-rageous. We will work to change this!

You will be able to have all kinds of sex @ohgagrl. First you'll recover from this OB and you and your current partner will get clear on who has what in terms of hsv. You'll be able to think more clearly once this initial storm passes. Hang in there. I have a lot of luck with hydrogen peroxide. It burns of course for a second or two but man does it dry those things up.

Awww :( I experience the same thing now (2 years in) when I have an outbreak: I get really dark. I just want to curl up in a ball, or maybe lynch the bastard then curl up in a ball. Remember that your immune system is being called into action in a big way. It needs your help. You can help by slowing down, taking it easy on yourself, getting lots of rest, eating really really well. I think our thoughts turn dark when the virus gets active. Have you started some anti-virals?

@strongergirl I'm so sorry to hear that you're suffering through this all alone. My first outbreak was also very painful and dragged on. Hydrogen peroxide, on a cotton swab and then on the blisters, works really well for me if you happen to have that on hand. Cotton panties for work tomorrow if you can. Also, any chance you could bring your mom in on this to help you out? It's a medical issue you're having. Please take care of yourself like you would if you had a really bad flu.

I wrote to the CDC asking why they didn't suggest testing. Here was their response: Thank you for your inquiry. The question you present is a very important one and also one that our Division has received frequently. We have developed a Frequently Asked Questions webpage for Genital Herpes Screening. Please take a look at this page because I believe it may clarify the reasoning behind CDC’s current recommendations: http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/screening.htm. Below I have copied a few of the questions and answers from the page that may be most relevant to your concerns. Since so many people have HSV infection but don’t know they have it, why doesn’t CDC recommend routine testing all sexually active people for genital herpes? Herpes blood tests (also called HSV-2 type-specific serologic tests) can be very useful for diagnosing type 2 genital herpes infection in certain situations; 1) when someone has genital symptoms that might be related to herpes, and 2) when someone has a sex partner with symptomatic genital herpes. Herpes blood testing may also be useful for people seeking a full STD evaluation, especially for persons with multiple sex partners. However, CDC does not currently recommend routine type 2 HSV testing in someone with no symptoms suggestive of herpes infection (i.e., for the general population). We need additional evaluation to understand the benefits of testing, including whether routine HSV-2 testing improves health and reduces spread of infection in the population. In addition, these tests can be expensive; false positive test results may occur in some persons with a low likelihood of infection; and the diagnosis may have adverse psychological effects for some people. Although there is not enough evidence to recommend widespread testing, individual persons who are at risk for HSV-2 infection, such as those with a partner known to have a history of symptomatic herpes infection, or those with multiple partners, should consult their healthcare providers to discuss type 2 HSV serologic testing. Also, those concerned about genital herpes infection should discuss their concerns with their health care provider. Is a blood test for genital herpes usually included when I ask to be tested for "everything" (all STDs)? Why does CDC recommend testing for other STDs but not herpes? Herpes type 2 blood testing may or may not be included in a full STD evaluation, as STD testing depends on a number of factors, such as behavioral risk factors (e.g. number of partners, consistent condom use, etc.) and how common the infection is in the community. When getting an evaluation, it is important to ask your provider which infections are being tested for, which infections are not being tested for, and why. STD screening tests are usually done for infections that can have serious outcomes if they are left untreated. For example, finding and treating curable STDs like chlamydia can prevent those infections from leading to serious complications, such as infertility (the inability to get pregnant) in women. Genital herpes infections can cause intermittent symptoms that may be uncomfortable, but infection does not usually result in serious complications in healthy adults. Although the symptoms of genital herpes can be treated with medication, there is currently no cure for herpes infections. HSV blood testing may be useful for people seeking an STD evaluation, but CDC does not currently recommend routine HSV testing in someone with no symptoms suggestive of herpes infection. People who are specifically concerned about genital herpes should discuss with their healthcare providers whether they would benefit from testing. Wouldn’t testing everyone for HSV limit the spread of genital herpes? For STDs that can be cured with antibiotics, including syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia, an important public health prevention strategy is to quickly identify and treat infected persons. When these infected people are treated and cured, future spread of the infection is prevented. However, genital herpes causes an incurable, chronic lifelong infection. It is not clear that the identification of persons with HSV infection would decrease the spread of HSV in the population. There is no evidence that detection of HSV infection through testing of persons with no symptoms suggestive of herpes leads to a change their sexual behavior. Because the tests can be expensive and the diagnosis may have adverse psychological or effects for some people, widespread testing for HSV is not currently recommended. I hope this helps to answer your questions. Public Inquiries Division of STD Prevention, CDC www.cdc.gov/std

I've come to the conclusion that we cannot count on the CDC. Nor can we count on our doctors, health care professionals, or intimate partners. When it comes to HSV, we can only count on ourselves.

@KatieLilady I'm so sorry that you cannot even turn to a glass of wine or two to help you cope with this initial outbreak! The pain and discomfort are so real, I don't know how you can even think of sex during that phase. Well I take that back because, yeah, it's SEX after all and we love it and we want to ENJOY it. You will get there!

Thank you @threelittlebirds for sharing all of this with us as it is tremendously helpful to read your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. It sounds to me like this guy is keeping you hanging to keep his options open. Well, maybe he is not the best option for you. You SO did the right thing by disclosing. You've got your integrity and you will NOT do to someone else what was done to you. I hope you feel FANTASTIC about that. He has been throwing out some red flags; I think there is an EVEN BETTER man out there for you.

Thank you for sharing this! I am too scared to even be out there trying to meet men but I do know that I would really like an intimate relationship, emotional and physical :-)

Very nice @seeker. Great perspective.

You can do it! Hopefully this new doctor will be professional and compassionate. If not, you can keep looking!

Has your doctor prescribed anti-vitals? It sounds like you're really suffering!

It's been one of those weeks where I've been struggling again. This article by Mark Manson brought some tears and much needed perspective. My favorite section: Step 9: Blame somebody else for all of your pain. Now that you’ve cried it out, let’s get to what’s really important: whose fault is this? Who is the idiot here? Figure out who that person is ASAP so we can lynch the bastard. Step 10: Once you’ve figured out who to blame, immediately forgive that person. No matter how hard it is. (Forgiveness is often tricky business and takes months or years if someone has seriously hurt you. Best way to start forgiving is to recognize how the other person suffers as well. Often people hurt us because of the ways they’ve been hurt themselves.) Step 11: Identify what you could have done better. Maybe what happened to you wasn’t your fault, but that doesn’t mean that you couldn’t have handled it better. What did you mess up? What do you wish you could go back and change? Step 12: Immediately forgive yourself too. We all could be better. Here's the full article: http://markmanson.net/worst-moments-of-your-life

@em4emevol I'm sorry to hear of this difficult situation you are in. Maybe he is already HSV+. Maybe he didn't want to get intimate because he was having an outbreak. Has he been tested yet? You only have control over yourself so take care of you and your physical, emotional, mental health first. And when you're in a good place, share with him how hard this has been on you and how you love him deeply. Then, if he still is freaked out, I suspect maybe there is something else going on. Just my take.