LittleStar

It gets easier, believe me and everyone else when they tell you this. At some point down the line, this won't be as daunting as it feels right now. Remember that although the virus will be with you always, the symptoms don't last, and a skin condition is nothing to get too upset over. I've had it almost 2 years. Same as you, got my secondary OB after a couple of months and it upset me. Thought I could get away with just the initial. But it last only a few days and also experienced itching and redness before anything else. Pop some antivirals if you have them as they will help speed things up. The OBs generally do become fewer with time. You'll come to a place of acceptance if you allow yourself to remember that no one is perfect and everybody has something that they are "ashamed" of, And our flaws make us human and the right people will see them as part of the beautiful person that you are. I have been met with nothing but respect and love when I've told people including friends and lovers. I still struggle, of course I do, when you experience symptoms that's when you remember that you have it. But it's not going to hurt you, or kill you. It's only going to impact your life as much as you allow it to. We are all in the same boat and there are millions of others. You are not alone. Look after yourself and remain positive-it's a guaranteed way to make others feel good and attract good things in to your life. Seek help where you need it and don't allow something as prevalent And minor as herpes to stop you from losing whatever makes you you.

Thank you both! I just wanted to share to show people that there is hope for us all. Vulnerability can definitely be sexy!

Hey everyone. I'm sorry that I've been away for a while. I have been out there living life and grabbing opportunities by the balls but I am never too far away and still keep a close eye on what's going on in this forum. I am here to tell you about my most recent disclosure, how I went about it and how good it has made me feel. Just a little background before I go any further - It's been almost 2 years since I was diagnosed with HSV2 and since that time I have disclosed to a few people, all who took it well and accepted me. But this time around, the stakes were higher as I met someone at work, who I got to know quite intimately beforehand, and who I was so nervous to tell due to the emotions involved and potential for rejection leading to being left hurt. I've been spending time with this guy for about a month, both in and out of work, and it became obvious quite early on that there was a strong connection between us. I knew I would have to tell him eventually, as things were getting heated, but whenever it came to initiating sex, I would stop him and tell him I wasn't ready, and that I would let him know why as soon as the time felt right. He didn't push, or question me further, or make me feel bad about it. He would just hold me close and say that that was OK. So I had decided that the weekend just gone would be when I would tell him. I didn't want him to feel like I was stringing him along, and it was becoming near impossible for me to reject his advances. I invited him over, thought I would cook for him and have some wine (Dutch courage) and then initiate the conversation about what he needed to know. A spanner was thrown in the works when I unexpectedly ended up seeing him a few days beforehand. I got nervous. Should I tell him now? Should I wait as per my original plan? I tried to push it out of my mind and just enjoy the time with him, not thinking too much and deciding that I would tell him 'when the moment felt right'. Fast forward a few hours, another fun evening spent together, and we are in bed. This time he didn't initiate, and as always he didn't push. With the lights out and him holding me close, I could feel him relaxed and falling asleep. My mind and heart began to race. I kept thinking about the best way to start talking. My heart was pounding, I literally felt that it would jump out of my chest. I asked if he was asleep; he wasn't. I asked if he could feel my heart racing. He put his hand against my chest and said that he could. I told him that I was psyching myself up; that I was ready and that I wanted to tell him why I'd been holding out on sex. He pulled me in closer. I began by saying that a couple of years ago I slept with someone, and that soon after I found out he'd given me HSV - the herpes virus. That from that day on I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't sleep with anyone without informing them; that their choice wouldn't be taken away from them as mine was. And that I was always going to be a risk no matter how much I would try to protect him. With every sentence I spoke, slowly and calmly and rationally, he would pull me in tighter. His words to me? 'Thank you so much for telling me. That must've been so hard. I wouldn't know how to tell someone, so I appreciate it.' He briefly asked about risk, and I explained the stats. I gave some background on how I acquired the virus, and in the process went off on a couple of tangents. He didn't pull away during any of it. He kissed me the same way he had kissed me before and thanked me again, and said: 'I'd still like to have sex with you.' I was so happy. I still am. I don't know what will happen further down the line, but it brought us even closer. He lets me talk when I want to talk. He doesn't ask anything that I feel uncomfortable answering. My only worry now is keeping him safe! And hoping that neither of us end up broken-hearted as our situation is complicated due to my visa situation. But whatever happens, I don't believe herpes will be the cause of any of it. I could not have hoped for a better response from someone whose opinion I truly value. He continues to tell me on a regular basis how I should value myself to the maximum. He's pretty incredible and I feel really lucky to have met him.

I go to my GP (I have a lovely young woman doctor) who prescribed me 3 month courses of acyclovir with hardly any questions asked. The trick in the UK I think is getting a doc who understands. When I went to the GUM clinic they wouldn't give me suppressives despite my protesting. So I'd see if you can see a nice doc and tell them about your problems.

In the year or so I have had this, I would say that I've had 4 outbreaks (including the primary), of which none have been particularly terrific. I normally get some itchiness primarily and then a day or so later I might get tiny sores. They haven't always been in the same spot although the region is always the same (inner/outer labial area). I am on suppressive therapy, but most of the outbreaks have occured when I have abandoned the pills and have been stressed/partying hard. They have never last more than a few days. I get prodomal symptoms quite regularly though. I am learning to recognise the symptoms and listen to my body. Although I am generally quite positive, when I do experience symptoms (particularly an outbreak) I do get a little down, as it reminds me that it's there. But then I try to ignore it and just get on with my day.

I know, it's flown by hey! Thanks :) hope you're doing well too?!

Hi everyone, I can't believe it has been a year since my diagnosis. So much has happened in the last 12 months and looking back, I honestly never thought that I would feel "normal again". But having spent the last year living life to the max, I wanted to tell you all (especially those newly diagnosed) that life goes on and it can be as wonderful as you want it to be. I have spent the last 8 months travelling, living and working abroad, and I have not allowed the virus to stop me from doing anything. In fact, I have become far more open, tolerant and daring than ever before! I have skydived, jumped off cliffs, submersed myself in to physical tasks, talked to people with less judgement and approached romantic situations with much more caution and realism. I am not saying that these things are particularly special, but to me, they have echoed the fact that I have turned my positive diagnosis in to a positive outlook on life. Ok, so I haven't had to have "the talk" with anyone who I have thought could be special, but I know for a fact that the old me would have likely ended up in unhealthy situations/relationships because prior to this, I wasn't always the best judge of character, and tended to give the wrong kind of people the benefit of the doubt. But despite my somewhat stagnant romantic life, and the occasional desire for someone to be with, I am very happy at the moment! And fully prepared for what's around the corner. I am sure I will be back here when the time comes that I meet someone who rocks my world and I need some advice, but to anyone out there feeling that life will never be the same, let me reassure you that although this may be true --- it can also be even better! Reaching a place of acceptance and understanding is the most important part of this journey. That can be applied to many aspects of this crazy rollercoaster we call life. So keep striving and pushing until you get there. Don't allow something so trivial steal your shine! Love and peace to you all :)

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't been posting in a while. Life has gotten in the way and I've just been loving it (despite the fact that I have HSV2!-of course it can happen!) but I just wanted to quickly fill you all in on my recent disclosure to give everyone a little bit of hope. Honestly, worse things have happened at sea... So, I'm traveling at the moment and I'm using various dating sites; mostly when I'm at a loose end/stopping in a big place. A couple of weeks ago, I was on tinder and I matched with a gorgeous South American guy. His first message to me was: "fancy some casual fun?" And honestly, I am having such an adventure that I couldn't think of a better message. I'm not saying I would pass up on a relationship with the right person, but travelling and commitment often don't go hand in hand. So to cut to the chase, I said yes, but first I need to tell you something. I explained that I carry the virus and the stats and stated that if it was an issue it wasn't a problem for me. He immediately responsed and said no worrjes and that we would just need to be careful. I was ecstatic. Later as we chatted more, he asked the question "excuse my ignorance, but how can herpes affect me"? So I told him everything I know. He said "wow, this is big, I would have it for life"? And I didn't lie. Just told him everything straight. And you know want? He still wanted to pursue something. He invited me over. For reasons completely unrelated to herpes, I chose not to meet him. But I know that he still wanted me, a stranger, with this "baggage", and that has made a world of difference to me. I wasn't scared about telling him and we were both after the same thing. Plus his opinion didn't mean anything to me. But I just wanted to show, that disclosure, and everything in entails, will NOT automatically lead to rejection. People have the power to surprise us-in a good way :)

I just wanted to wish everyone out there a very merry Christmas. Whether or not you have this pesky little virus, you deserve to be happy and at this time of year, it's important to reflect on all the good things in our lives, of which I am sure there are many. I am hoping to go forward into 2016 a brighter, more capable and more positive person having gone through diagnosis and acceptance this year. In the meantime, I gave learned to appreciate everything that makes my life so colourful. My beautiful friends and family, this amazing world we live in and it's ever challenging obstacles. Let's reserve our sadness and despair for truly difficult moments and remember all the people out there fighting much greater demons. We only have one life - lets live it! Safe and warm holidays to all you beautiful guys and girls x

Hi and welcome. Your story saddened me because many of the things you spoke of struck a chord with me. First off, you need to stop beating yourself up and believing that you are not worthy of finding someone decent. Yes, your actions haven't always been appropriate but whose have?! We all make mistakes, but if each of us spent as much time and emotion on these mistakes rather than focusing on how we can improve ourselves, imagine what a sad sad world we would live in. It sounds as though you have allowed yourself to become a victim of your environment and you probably understand that the only person who can control the situation is you. You seem like a smart woman who has just taken the wrong path by not disclosing due to the fear of being rejected. Perhaps you haven't always chosen the right kind of men to have in your life too-this is vital to your own wellbeing and happiness so perhaps these issues need to be further addressed. Work on yourself and your delivery before deciding to go ahead and date. You have to own the virus and don't allow it to own you. If someone rejects you, it is only the virus they are rejecting. I truly believe that if you find someone with whom you really connect, they won't automatically write you off. You must go armed with confidence and information. I imagine that sleeping with someone without disclosing would be a deal breaker for many, due to the breaking of trust and the lack of respect shown for that other person. You say you feel awful about yourself, therefore you must not allow yourself to do that again. Nothing is worse than the feeling of guilt, so eliminate the possibility for it by thinking twice next time. I have a very different approach to dating now, post-H. Someone has to spend a bit of time proving themselves to be decent and understanding before I would consider disclosing. I haven't actually done it yet and prefer not to get myself into a stress thinking about when I will have to, because there's no point worrying about something that is not yet close to happening! However, I wouldn't take that choice away from anyway in the same way it was taken away from me. Please remember that people are not "good" or "bad", they only do good or bad things. You were put on this earth to make a difference to someone else's life, remember that when you feel down. And be strong-watch out for red flags that would lead to abusive relationships-I'm sure you know what they are. And if you see them, run for the hills and be an independent woman!

Oh my goodness. Good luck @LivingAgain and I'm glad you're feeling better having tried the Advice given to you

Tea tree oil worked wonders for me so advising someone to stay away from it isn't the best advice-it might help her as it has me. You can put it on before you go to sleep and it dries out the sores really well. I use it during the day too and you can't smell it once you get dressed! Going commando does help too-anything that gives the area room to breathe. Talc can help keep it dry too-I use it before I work out. Hope this helps!

Hi and welcome. Everything you are feeling and going through is completely "normal" although I'm sure anyone would agree that everyone's "normal" is diffferent! You are sensible in thinking that the first thing you should focus on right now is getting yourself better physically. The dosage that you have been prescribed seems like the new standard in the UK (not sure where you are) but as everyone's own immune system has a different response, the dosage should really be tweaked depending on your body's response. I take 400mg twice daily as a suppressive dose, so your dose of 400mg three times daily doesn't seem much as you're having a primary (and from what you've said, quite a touch primary). I would double up your dosage until you start to feel your symptoms subside, as this is what I do when I'm having an OB. So take 2x400mg tablets three times a day and hopefully this will help speed up your recovery. Tackle the pain from the outside too. Epsom salt soak (you can pick these up in the chemist or supermarket), tea tree oil directly on the sores, cocounut oil keeps it bacteria free, and also bactine or lidocaine which will numb the discomfort. Take lots of vitamins to help your immune system along, get plenty of sleep and drink lots of water to dilute your urine. The fact that you have your period is probably making the physical aspect worse as your hormones have come in to play, but if you follow this advice it *should* help you out. Two points to note: doctors do not always know best when it comes to this virus! And it will take a wee while for you to discover what helps you as an individual, so until then you have to persevere and have a read on here of what other people can suggest. The emotional stuff is something that will also get better with time, believe me. Just take each day as it comes and don't rush yourself to come to a place of acceptance. It requires a little bit of patience. Until then, we are all here for you.

@desertlove I had 2 OBs in the space of 3 months which is when I decided to go on suppressives, because I was worried about getting them and they are a reminder of the fact that I carry this virus (my OBs aren't particularly bad physically speaking). Since I started taking acyclovir daily, I've had a further OB (about 2 1/2 months after), so it hasn't *stopped* them altogether but hopefully reduces shedding rates and gives me some peace of mind. I also take lysine supplements and vitamins and try to look after myself, but I have definitely noticed a link between high stress/emotions and physical expressions of the virus. Taking daily suppressives certainly won't do you any harm.

Like 2Legit mentioned, everyone has different triggers. Since my primary 6 months ago, I've had 3 minor OBs. All 3 have occurred during a time of stress, even when I thought my stress levels were low-clearly the body knows better! At first I was wary of eating/drinking anything that might cause an OB, but personally for me there is nothing that seems to trigger more than heightened emotions, so that's what I try to control. Monitor your body and what you do/feed it. But eating pizza shouldn't make it worse-cheese is high in lysine which apparently fights OBs. It's just a bloody nuisance this virus. I'm on daily suppressives too and I still get OB (although they last only a day or 2 and involve mostly itching and sometimes a tiny red area). They still get me down. But I'm hoping once I've reached a year my body will experience fewer of these symptoms. Until then, I try to look after myself but also allow myself the freedom to enjoy the things I always have (working out, drinking, chocolate etc).

I was also deficient when I had my bloods taken recently, but the doctor said that it would sort itself out once I got some sun (which I am now doing being in Australia). I had lived in Scotland for the last 16 months-go figure! So I am not sure it has anything to do with the HSV, rather just lack of vit D intake.

Thank you everyone :) before I would have been upset about this guy and spent days wondering what I did wrong...instead I'm over it in a flash and wondering what the hell is wrong with him!

Hi everyone, I wanted to share this dating story in order to generate some hope in the heart of those who think nothing good can come of having this "baggage" in our lives. I haven't allowed HSV to stop me dating since finding out in June. I have met some interesting people, none of whom I have envisioned something more serious with until the last. We went out last week and had such a fun night. We are both British in a foreign country and it was nice for us to have that common ground. We chatted for a bit on tinder before meeting for drinks which ended up with food and karaoke and a sleepover (no sex obviously). It was quite full on though and there was an obvious attraction. In the morning he said he'd like to spend the weekend together and I agreed it would be fun. I should note at this point that he wasn't really the kind of guy id normally go for but I didn't let that stop me from pursuing something potentially great. I invited him over at the weekend for a BBQ with flat mates. He came with gusto and we had a great night, he ate our food and drank our drink and was very affectionate. I had already decided the night was going to be PG and for that reason told him I preferred he didn't stay as I wanted to take it slow, avoid the temptation etc (I had already told him the other night I wasn't into sex after the first date, that I didn't want to rush into it, and he seemed frustrated but accepting). Anyway, to cut to the chase after telling him this, his face seemed to drop, he said how tired he was and how he just wanted to sleep, but that he wasn't annoyed, but then proceeded to try and "stay over". I once again said no after having a kiss etc, and to my shock and surprise he got up, left the house and stomped off without even saying goodbye. I called after him but he didn't even look back. My point is, that had I not been diagnosed I wouldn't no doubt slept with him, without realising what an absolute idiot he is, got involved emotionally and probably ended up finding out about his character far later than ideal. I woke up this morning expecting an apologetic, regretful message instead to find id been blocked on social media etc haha. On this occasion, I'm glad I had a good reason to not jump straight into bed with someone who is single for a very obvious reason - he's a total d**k.

Fantastic news-I'll bet you're over the moon!

Do you have GHSV1 or GHSV2?

If you feel ready to disclose then go for it. I don't think anyone else can dictate how long you should wait before you want to share your story. Just be honest and authentic and try to own your story-don't play the blame game if you can help it. You're not a victim nor are you confessing something. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Everyone seems to share the common opinion that you should never anticipate how someone will react. Good luck and keep us updated!

@bent_notbroken It may need to wait a little while longer...just on my 2nd OB and I've gotten nervous again! Haha. Have you had any bad reaction?

Well guys, I thought I would be one of the lucky ones who goes through life never experiencing another outbreak but I was wrong! It started yesterday with some itchiness and tenderness and only when I looked reeeeeally closely could I see a few very very small bumps/blisters. I bought some Epsom salts and went to bed and the itch kept me up a lot of the night! This morning the bumps don't seem to have changed much and the itch is a little less. I am going to head to the clinic and ask for an episodic dose of antivirals to nip it in the bud. I would also like something for the itch-lidocaine?? So 3 months post diagnosis and I'm experiencing my 2nd OB which is much of an emotional/mental headf**k as its reminded me that I have this pesky virus. My question is-how often should I now expect this to happen? Is it still possible that I don't see this for a while or am I now bound to have OBs regularly? I guess everyone is different but how have everyone else's experiences been in their first year? Thanks for listening. I'm feeling a bit down :(

Woooop! Great stuff :) you've encouraged me to bite the bullet!!

Hi, just a very quick one as I am at work, but you needn't worry, you cannot spread genital herpes to your children. It is spread through sexual contact (infected area touching mucous membranes in genital region). The only way you might infect your children is if you had oral herpes and kissed them during an outbreak (when cold sores are present). I am not sure of the stats relating to asympotamtic shedding in the oral region (which is where you can spread HSV during inactive periods i.e. no visible outbreak). I hope this helps put your mind at rest. Genital herpes is most inconvenient when it comes to the physical symptoms (for people that get them) and also the unwarranted shame/stigma that is attached to it. Otherwise, it's just a skin condition that most people don't know they have. Please try not to worry - it sounds like you need a lot more information about what this is IF it turns out that you have it. Your kids are completely safe.