hippyherpy

It doesn't feel good to get rejected, but it doesn't have to be so bad either. Definitely a drag at times. Just remember that they aren't rejecting you as a person, it's more of them just being scared.

I think it's important not to take rejection personally, and to be talking to a lot of people so that any one rejection won't have that much weight.

Doesn't make sense that they'd sound out something like that for "the herpes test" if it can pick it up in blood. It wouldn't be an option.

I had IGG confirm in September, but now my PCR blood test is saying the virus is undetectable.

The doctor said that it's because the Valtrex is suppressing the virus, and that I'm not able to infect anyone right now if it's undetectable in my blood and I don't have and outbreak.

Iggs in September. Don't know when I was exposed. Visual diagnosis and IGg.

I never got swabbed, I had Some IGG tests done.

Just got the result today from a test I took last week.

What does this mean? It says it doesn't see herpes in my blood.

I take Valtrex every day. I'm pretty sure that it makes me lethargic and slightly depressed. That sucks if it's the case.

You can get into legal trouble if you don't disclose in some states? Is that the case only if you don't disclose and it gets transmitted. The legality of herpes- being able to prove who transmitted is screwed up. You could have herpes and have sex with someone and not transmit it, then they could go and catch it from someone else and take you to court for it and you might fe inclined to plead guilty even though you weren't the one who passed it on. There is no real way to really prove who gave it. Someone could say that they didn't have any other partners but there's no way to really back that up I think unless the person went into a coma or something right after you have it to them and wasn't able to have sex with anyone else. Also, who is to say that they didn't get herpes before you? Most people don't even get checked for herpes so they don't know there status. They could have it and then think you gave it to them.

Trying to pretend like it isn't out there and widespread is a big problem because not only does give people a false sense of the risks, it feeds stigma. If more than half people got hsv2, then the stigma would lose its power, like hsv1oral.

Ok I'm gonna put myself out here and stir the pot. Since I was diagnosed there has been times were I haven't disclosed. For mentioned reasons and others. Some might not agree but I did what was best for me at the time while not lessening precautions. Amazes me how I am suppose to trust enough to disclose to the guy on the first, second, third, etc date who is eagerly trying to get down my pants and not once do they take the minute to ask about stds or even come prepared with a condom or even care if they use a condom when they don't even know their status having never been checked. Just going off, no symptoms I'm clean philosophy. And since I know my status I'm suppose to solely take on the full responsibility? I am already taking on part of the responsibility by taking valtrex and providing condoms. Yesterday I was on a date and my date says, I have no stds, don't want any, I am a germ fobia. In my mind I'm thinking well good bye to you. Hours later thinking of the it I thought, well I said the same thing too pre herpes. No one never wants an std. We don't set out to contract nor do we deserve it. It's all a matter of bad luck. I used condoms and still contracted it. One guy I dated didn't want to use condoms and said he was clean. Thought I was wrong for wanting to use. Boy I couldn't slap that condom fast enough. But yet if he got something I am to blame. people are so quick to blame others for their misfortunate. We get the flu and blame the nearest coworker for sneezing on us. We get herpes and blame the last physical contact because we didn't stop in the moment to take precaution to protect our selves the way we want to be protected. So why blame other Person? It's our health and body therefore our responsibility. I don't care if people don't agree with my past decisions. its all personal preference. One thing herpes has taught me was not to trust when someone says they are clean. When someone says it now to me my response always is, they all say that. Dicks are dirty. Lol. When two consenting adults have sex, protective or not things will happen. If you don't want to accept any of the responsibilities don't play adult games. Takes two to tango. I made a whole thread about this. The tricky thing with herpes is that even with a condom, it can still get passed. Out of all the STDs, herpes might be the most easily passed on one. Therefore, they should know if you have it or not, but I also think there should be some kind of law about the other party having to at least ask the partner if they have any STDs instead of having all the burden on the infected person. I think this would actually help to create more dialogue about these matters than trying sweep it under the cultural carpet where it can grow, which is exactly what's going on in the world today. In some cities in the US, 1/4 people have hsv2. That's an epidemic. Not necessarily the worst kind of epidemic, but it's rampant.

Well said @hippyherpy I had these same thoughts when I was going through my diagnosis. People would say "well it's not Y or it's not Z" and all I could think was...well if it was, I would be able to deal with those, too, right? Because if you tell yourself you're strong enough only for X, what would happen if Y happens? We need to tell ourselves that we are, can, and will deal with whatever comes our way. And learn to cherish those things that are still very positive in our lives...whether it's our parents that are still alive, amazing friends, a steady job or a flourishing romance...and realize that, though we might not have realized it before, we lead great lives. And maybe if the one thing that came out of having H is realizing that our bodies are something to cherish, and that we are lucky in so many other ways, maybe we can turn it into the "opportunity" that this site stands by :) I like the idea of taking something like this and making it an opportunity to further connect in a way that would not be possible without having herpes. Not saying that people should go out and try to get herpes, but herpes disclosure adds a very different dynamic to conversations- an opportunity to show that you are cool with it, with life in general. That's a big deal I think. That you are unaffected by this thing that everyone fears is a huge show of integrity, value, and character. It's the opposite of taking a victim stance. And yes, we have to celebrate the good things we have while we have them, and expect that they won't be there forever, be it our health, family, friends, etc. The other thing to think about as far as perspective goes is that we already have all these other things living and competing within our bodies and even in our minds. There are billions of bacteria, and probably a lot of other viral type things swimming around in us. Herpes is just another one these things. I've had ringworm since I was 13 years old. It seems to never really go away. Also excema. I can put creams on them and they go away. They itch a little and are annoying. That's kind of like what my herpes was like, only it was on my dick. I could probably pass ringworm on to someone by touching in a way similar to herpes. Actually, it's chilled out a lot in the last couple years. Anyway, my point is that it's been there for a while. I found out that a couple of people in my family have herpes after I told them I got it. They never bothered to mention it. One of them just doesn't give a crap, and the other got it so long ago that they don't really think about it at all anymore.

Back at ya. I know plenty of folks that would take this over their cancer. Pressing on Dancer... It's interesting because while I don't think there is any way to prepare for getting cancer or learning that someone as it, I think an experience like finding out your have an incurable disease like herpes might have some kind of effect on hearing future diagnosis. Reason being that we have to deal with the the "incurable" aspect where as people who don't are going to be encountering it for the first time. Maybe the shock won't be as bad.. I can't say for sure though.

Interesting post right above. Got me thinking- instead of trying compare having an issue (like herpes or any of the above) to something you consider wors in order to feel better about your situation, there might be another, larger approach to framing it. I've done that before and said to myself "well, at least I don't have (insert "worse") thing here. The problem with that kind of thinking is that one day, you just might get that "worse" thing, and then what? The thing you used to say your other thing was relatively ok when compared to is now your new thing. Are you going to look for an even worse thing to which it can be compared? There are things right now that I could think of that I consider far worse than herpes that aren't even on that list. I'm realizing the problem with doing the "lesser of two evils" comparison is that it still comes from a center of fear. Almost all fears distill down to fear of death or suffering. Death to me is probably just like going to sleep, but suffering is the one that brings pain. To me, big problem with herpes is already there before most people get infected- and most our society is "infected" with this bigger problem. We are too attached materialistic things and are out of touch with that which makes us feel truly alive. It's a crisis of spirituality. Most everyone wants to live in a safe bubble with no adversity and don't want to believe that we are going to die. Most people want to believe that even after our heart stops beating, that we still live on. People are terrified of death. The way I've heard people talk about herpes- using it as one of the bad things to compare it too "well at least you don't have VD like herpes" shows this kind of thinking. I used to think like this up until very recently, comparing the lesser of two evils. But always looking for the worse thing is just an endless hamster wheel that doesn't get at the heart of the problem, which is focusing on the negative. I think the best thing to do is focus on the positive aspects of life instead of comparing the lesser of two evils (which is like trying to put a babdaid on a spiritual bullet wound). I'm not a Buddhist or religious, but I've researched zen, and there are aspects of it which deal with non attachment. Might be a good thing to check out for anyone who feels like they are trapped by modern life.

I'm not here just to give advice. I'm exploring my thoughts on all of this herpes stuff. If there's advice, that's great. Are you the thought police?

I got what he was saying. He's trying to get why people were rejected. Sometimes people get thoughts when they are writing- it's called inspiration. Why are you always looking for the negative in what I write?

Fear of rejection. The rejection part is definitely out there, but it's not something to fear so much. I've been rejected and have had successes as well. It does suck to be on 100% course for sex and than reveal this thing and that stops it. I think that can be worked out depending on how you present the disclosure. Of course you do what you can to keep your partner safe, and then also do what you can to dispel the stigma from their mind. You yourself become the best example of how the stigma is BS.. you are living proof that it's nonsense, an embodiment of confidence that isn't affected by having herpes. It's not trying to downplaying the risks, but showing them that it's not a problem for you at all (at least for me it hasn't been). What's powerful about that is that it can show them that you aren't a slave to larger societal forces and you can live life on your own terms and can see through the lies etc. and are not controlled by them. People are probably also afraid of social stigma as well. People gossip, and a lot of people don't know much about herpes and think it's on par with HIV almost.

I didn't mean what I said with malice. Maybe there is some communication lost over typing but essentially I was trying to say that, for me, the biggest problem with herpes so far has been the shock of getting it because I was completely wrong about the risks and didn't think I'd get it. I understand that different people are going to react differently to the infection as far as symptoms go. What I was trying to say was don't sweat the small stuff in life (if you have a similar physical reaction to what I've had so far), and it's OK to vent, but to not get bogged down in the negative aspect of finding out have herpes. To me, nature in general doesn't care about fairness. The cognitive dissonance happens when think it's one way that is actually different from reality. That was what shocked me when I got my diagnosis. Then I looked at the numbers and realized that so many people have it, 1/4 in some areas of the country, that it wasn't out of the question for me to get it, especially considering how promiscuous I've been- I realized I should have gotten it a long time ago. No hard feelings. I think it's important to focus energy into building something positive for the future, because we have limited time on this planet in general and have to make the most of it.

Ok cool- I asked about it here because she had said we are 3x more likely to get HIV since we have HSV 2, which could freak some people out if they don't know what context that it is. It freaked me out to read that.

Also, I'm a little confused about the micro tearing thing- Do these microtears happen on the penis or vagina or both during sex? And the micro tears release HIV? I thought it travels through blood or semen. For example, if I were having sex with a girl with out a condom, and she had HIV, and I didn't have herpes, and there was no blood, I'd still be getting HIV on me and could still get it? Wouldn't that mean that a lot more hetero people would have it? Another question: does this also happen in HSV 1 people in their mouths? The micro tearing? Are people who have HSV1 oral and no outbreaks at 3x greater risk of getting HIV as well. With all the oral sex going on and 90% of people have HSV 1 oral, it would seem like there would be a lot more infections of HIV via oral transmission.

I need some simple clarification on one particular issue related to HIV and herpes- Is it the area where you had the outbreak that gets up 3x risk wise, or is it the entire "boxers" area that includes your butt cheeks, inner thighs etc.?

I did read your entire post. Did you read mine? I said that I get that it increases the risk 3x regardless of sores.. but that's only if you are sleeping with someone who has HIV. Saying that getting herpes instantly puts you at 3x greater risk of getting HIV without specifying the sexual orientation I think isn't painting the full picture because it does matter if you are a straight male and aren't sleeping with high risk populations. If a straight man with herpes sleeps with someone who has HIV, they are 3x more likely to get it than a straight man who doesn't. Yes, I get that already. I'm not arguing that. I'm saying that making a blanket statement that everybody who has herpes, even those that aren't sleeping around with people who have HIV, are now at a greater risk of getting HIV doesn't make any sense. If people are worried about getting HIV, they should avoid sleeping with high risk populations regardless of having herpes or not. I'm also not just posting for you to respond. I appreciate your input like your post on how Herpes can increase the risk even if sores aren't present, but my post aren't intended to be just a conversation between you and me, although you do seem to know a lot about this stuff.

I am curious to know if the fact that I don't have as intense symptoms as some of the people on here might factor into my own rate of transmission. A question would be- the general rate of transmission that is accepted (either 2.5% or 1%) is based on data that lumps together people from all sides of the spectrum of symptoms? If it is the case that someone who is essentially Asymptomatic has a less likely chance of passing it on than someone who gets a lot of outbreaks, shouldn't that factor in to how we determine transmission rates?