hippyherpy

Men and women have very different brain functions than PC culture would have you believe.

You have to be confident that you aren't going to pass it on to your partner. This means doing what you can to prevent transmission so when you disclose, they will feel that is ok. And if you take pills and use condoms, I think that's good reason to feel confident you won't give it to them- it's almost 99% This inner feeling that you have to have about the situation. I'm not saying to lie to them and tell the it's 100%, but 99 or 98 is pretty good odds. They will feel your confidence about the situation. Herpes can be a big deal for some, but for most, it's inly a big deal if you make it a big deal.

I read Adrial's thing on oral sex and HSV 2- correct me if I'm wrong, but it's very very unlikely that you can transmit it to your partners mouth if you have it on your genitals, right?

I'll add to this saying I've had girls tell me it's bad ass that I disclosed to them.

Another Herpes hook-up success. Met a woman on Tinder. Exchanged numbers. We got to the point pretty quickly over text about hooking up. Spoke on the phone for a bit. Then disclosed over text that I had herpes and that I'm taking suppress meds as well as condoms and the risk goes down to like 99% impossible she'd get it. She seemed cool with it and invited me over.

If he can't hang he has to go.

As a group of people who deal with stigma, we got to be compassionate for people who HIV because the stigma is a lot worse. Truth is that even HIV can be managed greatly these days. I know someone who's brother has HIV. He takes all the meds for it. There are times when his viral load get so low, that they can't even tell if it's in his body anymore. Crazy stuff. He's had it for 10 years and has had girlfriends as well.

Yeah, that's weird. It's probably because herpes isn't usually tested for or obvious. I bet it is out there a lot more than we think

Talk about timing, as I was writing that post, article of about CDC comes out.. http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_MED_CDC_STD_REPORT?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2015-11-17-12-25-33 CHICAGO (AP) -- A U.S. sexually transmitted diseases epidemic is increasing and the most common infection, chlamydia, has risen to record levels, government officials say. Reported cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis all increased in 2014. Chlamydia cases had dipped in 2013, but last year's total of more than 1.4 million - or 456 cases per 100,000 - was the highest number of annual cases of any condition ever reported to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The chlamydia rate was up almost 3 percent from 2013, the CDC reported Tuesday. Sexually transmitted diseases are among more than 70 diseases that are reportable to the CDC, including measles, chickenpox and tuberculosis. Flu is reported differently, by hospitalizations. "America's worsening STD epidemic is a clear call for better diagnosis, treatment, and prevention," said the CDC's Dr. Jonathan Mermin. Gonorrhea cases totaled 350,062, up 5 percent from 2013, and the most contagious forms of syphilis jumped 15 percent to 20,000. As in previous years, the syphilis increase was mainly in gay and bisexual men. Most gonorrhea and chlamydia infections were in 15- to 24-year-olds, an ongoing trend. Both can cause infertility in women but can be treated with antibiotics. They often have no symptoms, and while yearly screening is recommended for sexually active women younger than 25, many don't get tested and infections go untreated, the CDC said.

I've mentioned it here before that I believe that we might be on the cusp of a massive rise of STD infections. This is due in part to YOLO attitudes about casual sex without condoms and the ease with which it is possible for people to hook-up. Now that we have a celebrity like Charlie Sheen coming disclosing that has HIV, I think it's going to spark a larger conversation about what it means to have STDs and what the risks are. I think this will be good to have real talk about everything because it will clean the cob webs out of the house of stigma. Let's use this thread to discuss what I've mentioned above- evidence for an acceleration in infections of herpes or STDs in general, and how public perception of what having and STD is and what the risks are might be changing.

Yes I get a little tired from Valtrex and it might have effects on my mood. Could be placibo. So what, though. Push through any useless feelings.

I don't think it's the pictures that do the work of making herpes scary. It's the fact that it is an std and that you can't cure it. From what I understand, it's not as big a deal in some countries but in America, where we come from puritans, it's like a Dcarlet letter kind of situation.

I though about taking it at night, but I don't want to forget to take it. Also I'm out late a lot.

by fold, I meant to not dwell on things.

Do I get upset if I get dealt a bad hand in poker. No. I fold and do the next game. I won't lie and say that it didn't bring up a lot of anxiety, but most of that was due to my ignorance. A few key points.. Statically, I probably should have gotten this thing a while ago. It's the cognitive dissonance of what I thought was the reality with regards to heroes vs. learning all at once what it is about that caused some stress. I'm going to call it the herpes crunch. It's when you get hit with a disclosure of a lot of information about which you weren't "ready" to receive. This can be finding out you have herpes, or Ive also seen this with people she I've disclosed.. it's like too much info for them to process. So far, that has been the most stressful part for me. The actual physical herpes hadn't affected me much. This could be because I've been on the meds since my first outbreak or whatever. The only thing is that I think the Valtrex makes a little bit lethargic for a it, by that might be psychosomatic. I think about animals that get caught in a trap an gnaw their legs off. It's much worse than catching herpes in my opinion, but they still go on doing their animal thing regardless of the permanent loss. And, like I said a few posts back, I'd put money on the possibility of their bring a huge increase in herpes diagnosis in the near future. They should rename Tinder as "Herpder".

Here's the thing about herpes that I've realized. We all are going to get what seems like bad news at different points in our lives. People have to stop thinking that they are going to live forever. Most of all the stigma with herpes has to do with someone making money. Always follow the money. Herpes is actually a blessing in a way because it prepares us for more our mortality in a way that not having herpes doesn't.. and that's all based on the few decades old stigma that we have now. Truth is that back in the day, people lived with depression- it was accepted and was called "the blues". People had to deal with much worse diseases than our first world herpes. There are billions of peoples in the world who have much more pressing issues than herpes.

By the way, I did send stats and a lot information to some of my girlfriends when I first found out. One of them got back to me with "does this mean we can't have unprotected sex anymore?" She spoke to her doctor and knew my exact situation and still wants to have sex with me. Unprotected sex is rampant right now. I have another girlfriend who also knows all the details- I've sent her statistics and everything, and she has unprotected sex with me.. sometimes it's even too much for me to do that right now.. if I feel like I'm getting a prodrome or think I might be. Sometimes I feel like I'm causing prodromes if I get worried about it.. kind of like getting worried about all this stuff can make the breakouts happen. I haven't had anything like a breakout since my first one, and am religious about taking my Vitamin "V". I'm betting that we are going to see an even larger increase in genital HSV diagnosis in the very near future- like exponentially larger.

I saw the title of this thread and thought it said "genital venting" haha

It depends how badly the person wants to be with you- that will color what they think of your disclosure. If someone is extremely into you, know that herpes stigma is bullshit, and knows that you are doing what you can do prevent transmission. Something like a herpes disclosure might not matter. If they are on the fence, then maybe a herpes disclosure will be the deal breaker. For a lot of people, you are setting the example by showing that it isn't a big deal to you. That's the biggest stigma destroyer. How you've managed your life despite getting herpes. That's how it's been for me. The people I know who have it who don't really care made me realize that it's not as bad as we are told in general. Tell them you have herpes. Tell the stats, if you feel like you need to. I don't think it's even necessary to tell stats if they are cool with your disclosure and you are doing everything possible. I just tell them something like "Before you freak out.." followed by: I don't get breakouts, I take a pill to reduce it a lot, and that if we use condoms, there's a tiny chance of transmission but it's like the risk of getting into a car accident.. almost 0%. To me this isn't bending the truth or sugar coating. 1% or even 2.5% is very slim odds.

I had disclosed to one girl and told her "I have herpes" she didn't care and didn't need to hear the stats. I do want people who freak out on hearing sldisclosure not to be freaked out based on stigma,and will explain the stats to give them an objective perspective on herpes. I can go into explaining all of this, and am looking for analogies that will make it easier to communicate what the stats mean. Not everyone is a mathematician.

You use the word "forever" in your title, but how do you know how you will feel about this in the future? Most people I know who have it were surprised when they first found out but don't give a fuck about it after some time has passed.

Actually you are lying right here saying that "everyone disagrees" with me when people here have commented that they don't completely disagree and I've had people message me that they agree with me. I'm not arguing against disclosure. I'm looking for other analogies like th car one. I say almost 100% certain. the almost is there. I don't say 100%.

Also make the date something that isn't just but about the end goal of having sex. You have to enjoy how you spend your time and sex is just the icing on the cake. If you are constantly just focusing on sex and how you are going to disclose, then there's a good chance that she will in fact think that's all you want from her and might not sleep with you for that reason instead of herpes. I'm not saying to not be mindful of what's happening when you meet a girl, but you can't let thoughts of sex or sexual rejection hijack your life and how you spend time with someone. I guarantee that if you are enjoying your time she is more likely feel comfortable around you and sense your confidence. Confidence comes from having a sense of coolnes about the outcome of a particular situation.

It sounds like you are more interested in arguing with me than trying to help. Why bother? I'm asking for other analogies, for them and for myself. It sounds like you are living with the worst case scenario for here's and are trying to paint everything trough that lens. Please stop. It's not helpful when you come in making personal attacks of me. It won't gel your own situation. I'm not deciding whether someone gets the stats or not. I'm telling you, from my wrap all experience, that the stats explained as numbers and percentages don't communicate as well to some people I've met what this is all about. Like I said, I mention the stats. Stop putting words in my mouth- I don't tell people they can't get it. I tell them them the truth that the chance is almost 100% that they won't get it from me.

Ok so next time someone gets in a car that you are driving maybe you should explain to them how there's a slim but very real possibility that they are going to die or get s permanent injury. Do you see my point? We don't do that. Yet people get in cars all the time. Telling someone they are safe with me.. It's the same thing as the car analogy. Maybe the car thing is even worse- people put their kids in cars all the time but there is still that slim but real possibility that the kid will be at risk of dying or permanent injury. Yet driving a car doesn't have anywhere near the same stigma that having condom/Valtrex/hsv2 has. When I disclose, I tell them the probability. And by the way I don't care if a particular girl walks away. I can meet other people. There are a lot of reasons why things don't work between people that have nothing to do with herpes. That doesn't mean that I'm not going to still try to improve my quality of life with herpes. It does come down to how you feel about having sex with this virus. You are putting someone at risk, even if it is slight, of catching it.. even if they agree to have sex with you. You have to be cool with that. I do want to tell the stats, but one thing that you guys don't seem to understand with regards to this is that stats and math don't make sense to a lot of people. The car thing does. I'm looking for other examples, like the car thing, that can help to communicate what the risk is like. I don't understand why you are getting so upset over this. It is still disclosing. It's not sugar coating anything. it sounds to me like you guys might not like what I'm saying because it isn't your exact prescription for disclosure.