Looking for guidance - no condoms

[Newbie2018]

I was married for 20 years and now separated and going through a divorce.  I met someone who is very special and I'm looking forward to seeing where our relationship goes.  She disclosed to me 3-4 weeks after meeting.  My response was... I don't want HSV2 to define our relationship.  Now, 6 months later things are going great.  We were having sex with condoms and recently stopped using them (only 3 times without condoms so far).  I have been tested after the last time and I am negative so far.  She only has outbreaks a couple times a year and is very aware of her body.  She also tells me when she is feeling  "something".  I know there are risks.  I just want to know how to minimize them while NOT using condoms.  I'm also looking to hear "success" stories of men who have sex with their partner and haven't yet contracted HSV2.  

 

For those of you who have HSV2, please take to heart, when you meet someone special it will work out.  Some of the best "sex" we had was before we actually had intercourse.  

 

Thanks in advance for your insight/guidance.

[makepeacewithit]

Her taking a daily dose of anti-virals to suppress both outbreaks and shedding would be something to consider.

[Bambina3]

You are rolling the dice without protection and antiviral therapy—I’ve had it for 30 plus years(decades before knowing) and I’m not aware of transmitting to anyone. 

[100918]

Agreed that you are rolling the dice by not using condoms. That said, I was diagnosed as HSV2+ about a year ago, have been with my boyfriend for 8 months, we have not used condoms in 6 months (and being honest, we weren't good about using them before then either, but have been exclusively no condoms for 6 months), and he is still negative.

I don't take antivirals, but I also have never had an outbreak that I'm aware of. My boyfriend understands that there is always a small risk that I could shed the virus to him, but he has been willing to take that risk and it is not a big deal to him. He had the same reaction that you did...that HSV2 does not define our relationship. It actually has had zero impact on our relationship and it's something that we honestly don't even discuss and have not discussed beyond the initial disclosure and a mention of it once the next day.

[Sunshine75]

I too have been with my partner for nearly a year. I DO take antivirals daily and I watch for any symptoms that give me a sense that something might be coming on. I too would say that I am very attuned to my body.  I contracted HSV2 about 5 months before I met my current partner. We stopped using condoms about 2 months into our relationship— he’s consulted with his doctor about the risks and felt if I was on the meds and we didn’t have sex when I had an outbreak then the risk was so low with or without condoms that he’d take the risk. We were in this for the long haul.

he told me this week that he found a spot on his penis— he is going to his doctor for swab, but I know it’s H. I am heartbroken having passed this to someone I care so deeply about. He says he knew the risks and is still in this for our journey ahead. If going back in time and sticking with condoms would have kept him safe, I would have done that. But I don’t think he would have.

as long as you are okay with the risk that you CAN get this, don’t let it define the relationship. It is just a skin condition after all. But, if you felt more comfortable with additional protection till you really know where things are headed, then ask for it. She’ll understand— or should. My guess is that, like me, she would want to do whatever she can to keep her partner safe and comfortable, especially if she really cares for you.

[sarahsfocus]

hey Sunshine75 I hope all is well. I just read your comments. so can you tell us if your boyfriend's swab was Negative or Positive? I hope it's Negative. I wouldn't wish this Virus on anybody.I'm here if you need to talk take care Sarah.

[Anonymous88]

I have had hsv2 for nearly two years and been on suppressive therapy,two acyclivor tablets a day one in morning one in the evening. I have been with my bf coming up to a year. It was his choice to not use condoms after a while and he has never caught it and I haven't experienced an outbreak whilst being on the tablets. Keeps my mind at ease

[sarahsfocus]

that's good. i'm glad you and your boyfriend are doing well. I was curious though about Sunshine75. I hope her boyfriend is negative. she said he had a spot on his penis. take care Sarah

[Sunshine75]

On 10/25/2019 at 10:52 AM, sarahsfocus said:

hey Sunshine75 I hope all is well. I just read your comments. so can you tell us if your boyfriend's swab was Negative or Positive? I hope it's Negative. I wouldn't wish this Virus on anybody.I'm here if you need to talk take care Sarah.

Unfortunately, It came back positive. I think I’ve had a harder time with it than he has. He says he knew the risks and it doesn’t change anything. He’s wrapping his head around what it means and doesn’t. We’re in this for the long haul anyway so he’s just waiting to see how his body reacts. He was lucky to only have the single spot and no irritation or itching for that first outbreak. He didn’t want meds and felt some general achiness for a couple weeks, he seems back to normal now. I am sticking with with my meds regime for now. 

Wishing this wasn’t the outcome for him, but...

[sarahsfocus]

I am so sorry for you guys.but like you said you all are into it for along haul. I wish you guys a lot of Happiness. he may luck up and only have one or two outbreaks. good luck I hope things work out for you guys. take care Sarah.