Oral sex with herpes ... Can it happen?

[WCSDancer2010]

:)

 

Life comes with risks - you just have to pick and choose which ones to take....and do what you can to make sure you don't become part of the statistics at the same time. ;)

[mr_hopp]

Yes, life itself is risky, like WCS said. The second we pop out of our mommas' insides, we risk death every single day. We risk hurt and we risk pain. And on the other side of all that risk is feeling alive and loving as deeply as we are willing in every moment. It's all a balance. (Amazing how an oral sex thread can wax so poetic, huh?) ;)

 

P.S. @yellar - WCS just said your girlfriend owes us a drink. And I agree. :)

[WCSDancer2010]

Amazing how an oral sex thread can wax so poetic, huh?)

 

LOVE IT! :D

[yellar]

i will tell her she owes you peeps drinks for sure....lol...i love the oral sex threads....lol...just glad i can be myself.....

[Aerial2013]

"...just glad I can be myself..."

 

ABSOLUTELY!!! I don't know what it would be like if I hadn't found herpeslife.com!

 

[yellar]

totally awesome to be open and honest on a thread with people with the same problems.....ty

[victoriaxxx]

I have HSV-2 and I was sitting here saying that I will never be able to receive oral sex again. My boyfriend said that it is probably one thing that is not going to happen. I am on antivirals and I only found out about 3 weeks ago. I don't want to even have sex for a while until I get used to the my body and my herpes situation. Is there any way that I can receive oral sex. I just want to know some studies or some individuals own experiences.

[HerryTheHerp]

Sure, you can receive oral. Dental dams are not the best, but they are effective. You can even use the FC2 for both oral and penetration. I like 'em because they don't feel like a rubberband around my tallywhacker.

[victoriaxxx]

He is just scared and I con completely understand why. If I was in his shoes I would want to make sure that I am being safe and precautious. I just want to know the statistics. Like really, I read the link that he had.. But I know there are other studies out there. A lot of them come back differently.

[WCSDancer2010]

@victoriaxxx

 

HSV2 doesn't like the mouth much - only 1% of all Oral Herpes diagnosis is HSV2. So if you are really careful (ie, no sex if you are at all unsure if you are having an OB) and you are on supressives, you should be ok. I dated a guy for 3 years, used supressives but no dams, had PLENTY of oral sex (he was pretty gifted in that area), and he never got it from me in either area... :D

 

Read the Diagnosis and Disclosure handouts and the Ebook and get your BF to read them too:

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Peace ...

[victoriaxxx]

I am talking to him about it. He keeps looking up information also. I told him that HSV-2 doesn't really effect the mouth area. He said he has seen a lot of different studies and they all come out differently. I mean I can understand... I just really want to receive oral sex.. Just like he want's me to give it to him..

[victoriaxxx]

I kind of started getting emotional because he said he probably would not give me oral sex.. He said " I just don't want you to get you're hopes up."

[WCSDancer2010]

Where is he getting his info?

 

Here's the deal. 80% of people have Oral herpes.... and does he know he doesn't already have at least one of them? Haas he been tested? You may want to start there. You may well have got your HSV2 from him anyway - and if he has it genitally, he has the antibodies to it, so it's even less likely he would get it.

 

 

[victoriaxxx]

If you read my thing. It says that the guy that I am with and I have not had sex yet.

As of right now the guy that I am with is in a different state. We have known each other for a long time, we have been good friends.

He has been looking on CDC and other websites apparently. That's what he said. He said that there are so many studies out there that he can't be 100% sure. I said we aren't going to be 100% sure. No one will be.

All I know is that I just want to be loved the way I love him.

[WCSDancer2010]

Sorry I missed that or didn't retain the info on your situation. Combination of answering a LOT of stuff here and New Years Brain Fog. (not hung over...just TIRED!) :p

 

All I know is that I just want to be loved the way I love him.

 

Ahhh - Unconditional love. That's a tough one. Especially when we *are* asking someone to take a health risk (yeah, *we* know it's a skin condition, but unfortunately it has an ugly label of STI attached to it). AND as you mentioned, there are conflicting reports out there but the CDC is a pretty reliable source.

 

So try telling him this.

YOU know you have this. IE: you can take measures to protect him from it. The 80% that don't know they have it are some of the biggest causes of new cases because they pass it on unknowingly.

We DO know that HSV2 really isn't crazy about the mouth area....it's much more selective about where it sets up home than it's HSV1 counterpart.

AND, we DO know that the majority of people who have H Don't know they have it .

YOU can reduce his risk even further with supressive therapy.

And finally, life is inherently full of risks. Nothing is 100% certain. So he can go into this (including oral) KNOWING that there is a minor risk, or he can choose to refrain from Oral...then it is YOUR choice whether you want to be with someone who makes that choice (which is his right). But if you do, you can't hold it against him or it will eventually cause a wedge between you.

And to be honest, he may well start not wanting to have oral and will change his mind as he gets used to the idea. My ex-BF who was Orally Endowed was really freaked out at first but got over it pretty fast once we were an established couple.

 

(((HUGS)))

[victoriaxxx]

I am not going to force him on it. I want to be with him whether he pleases me orally or not. Doesn't change the fact that I want him... You know. Maybe one day he could get over it and be like " I want to orally please you. " Maybe it just needs to settle in his head. All I know is that I really really like this man.

I know it is his right to chose whether he wants to do that or not, which is why I am not bugging him about it. Constantly bringing it up. I actually have not brought it up since he said no, because like you said that is his right.

 

I just hope that one day maybe... he will say yes.

[WCSDancer2010]

I agree and it's wonderful that you accept his right as well... but if the subject comes up again, then those points I made may help. And one thing I have learned in life is that while I believe in the other person's right to choose, I also have to let THEM know MY needs and desires. Whether they follow through is their choice and it is mine to choose to be ok with that choice ... but I used to be all about "not forcing" someone to do something to a point of not allowing them to know if something is important to ME... or at least if its' something I'd really really like.

 

It sounds like you guys will be able to have communication around this. I'll cross fingers for you that he comes around to being ok with oral sex :)

[victoriaxxx]

You know. It's really weird to say. I am soo happy with this guy. He knows that to start off with I don't want to have sex for a while. I want to get used to my body, my outbreaks.. My everything. I was open with my dad and mom. My mom has HSV-2 also. They are the ones that told me for the first year I should be celibate because of the fact that I need to get to know my body and its easier to spread within the first year.. I am on suppressive treatments. I started that. I have also been looking up natural remedies that might help also.

 

I like him for his mind. He is sooo smart. So handsome. So amazing. When he holds me.. it feels like it is enough. At least for right now. The way he treats me and cares for me is so amazing. Also I really love it, because he is helping me find out as much information as I can.. When ever he finds out something he tells me about it. Whenever I find out something I tell him about it. I believe the best way to get over this stigma is by education. Also, at first I felt like such a dirty person. If it wasn't for him. I wouldn't have come so far in only a few weeks. Which is why I am okay with his opinions. His decisions. I just want him. He has been the best guy that I have ever been with.

Oral sex or not that doesn't keep me from wanting him to be mine.

 

I am sorry for rambling..

[WCSDancer2010]

WOW - I just got chills. No need to apologize. That was beautiful :)

 

Lucky you!

[victoriaxxx]

Thank you. I am glad to have him. You have no idea.

 

( Well you probably do, but it's just the greatest feeling in the world.)

[WCSDancer2010]

I'm waiting for my version of him ... hopefully without the oral sex phobia...LOL!

[victoriaxxx]

Yeah well... Hopefully we can have the talk soon and I can convince him.. Maybe have A PROFESSIONAL convince him. I could really use it right now considering I am on my second day without a cig.

[WCSDancer2010]

Yes - sometimes you need the Doctors to put people straight - just make sure your Dr is up to date on the latest info - your Gyno or a STD clinic would be best for that talk :)

[victoriaxxx]

((: Yes.

[labyrinth]

I can't seem to get the link to work. But my partner is curious about the whole oral sex bit and how it works with me having hsv. Im just not sure how to explain it and if there are any other options out there as far as oral sex. It sounds selfish but as much as I enjoy sex with him I really want to keep him safe.