Cannot cope

[Lj-broken]

I was diagnosed just over 3 weeks ago. The day before my birthday. And then my partner left me on my birthday. I have been feeling suicidal about it all. Not only the diagnosis but the break up and being rejected on top of it. I could have coped with the diagnosis of my partner stayed with me. 
I am trying to get counselling but I still feel like I’ll never be able to cope with this and feel like the only option is ending my life. I know no one will ever want me now. I have always found it hard to find a relationship and now even harder. I’m not going to be able to find someone and have kids. I honestly don’t think I can cope anymore. All I want is to be loved by someone and accepted for who I am but now I have no chance as I already have so many things wrong with me. I trusted him with my life and now proves I can’t trust anyone. If he rejected me, anyone will. I find it so hard to find a good connection with someone. I just don’t want to live anymore. 
 

also my dr won’t give me suppressive therapy despite being immunosuppressed. 

[Lj-broken]

I feel so lonely. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone as I’ll be judged and rejected. 

[Sunnygurl]

Hi. I feel the same way. Maybe we can support each other. I been living with this for 6 years, currently 26 years old. I went through everything you’re going through & feeling, and sometimes still do but have had some successes along the way. Today, I want to give up. I rather die than continue to feel these things and have to be strong. I don’t want to be strong anymore. But I can’t give up. I can’t kill my self. 
 

go to another doctor then. That is not his choice 

[mr_hopp]

@Lj-broken & @Sunnygurl

I want to acknowledge your feelings and the challenges you've been facing. It's not uncommon for the weight of a herpes diagnosis to feel insurmountable, especially when coupled with other life challenges. When I first received my diagnosis, I went through a similar phase of overwhelming despair. It felt like everything had changed, and the future seemed bleak. I cried in my mom's lap in her work parking lot for hours. It was a hard, hard time.

But looking back, I've come to realize that a significant portion of that despair was rooted in the stigma and misconceptions surrounding herpes. Just like you, I felt as though my love life and overall happiness were shattered. It's like watching a terrifying movie and then carrying that fear into real life, reacting to something that's been sensationalized and blown out of proportion.

I now have a wife. I have a 6 year old kid. Life moves on. But if I would have told my past self that, the one crying in my mom's lap, he would have laughed at me and called me a liar.

The truth is, the stigma attached to herpes has been perpetuated by various factors, and most of it is far from reality. Herpes is a virus, and while it has implications, they're not nearly as dire as they might seem at first. Learning to separate the hype from the reality has been a journey for me, and I'm grateful I faced it head-on.

What I want to emphasize to both of you is the importance of self-acceptance and self-love. The stigma is a construct, and its power diminishes when we choose not to internalize it. Rejecting ourselves before anyone else has the chance to is like predicting our own failure. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we convince ourselves that we'll be alone and rejected, we might not even try to connect with others or disclose our status.

The real challenge here is not the virus itself; it's the journey toward embracing and loving ourselves, irrespective of our health status. It takes immense courage to be vulnerable, but it's through that vulnerability that we give others a chance to know and love us for who we are. We must be the drivers of our narrative, breaking down the stigma and fostering an environment of empathy and understanding.

Remember, you are not defined by a virus, and you're both deserving of love and connection. Reach out for professional help when needed, connect with those who understand, and know that there's a community here ready to support you. Life is challenging for everyone in a variety of ways, but it's also full of opportunities for growth, love, and connection. You are stronger than you realize, and together we can work towards a more positive and empowered perspective.

I saw this great snippet from an amazing interview with Stephen Colbert that drives this point home:

 

P.S. — And yes, definitely find a different doctor. That's unacceptable. You have every right to get on suppressive medication. 

[Lj-broken]

The problem isn’t my acceptance as such. It’s the fact no one else will accept it and will reject me. I just can’t handle it. I believe my ex gave this to me and has now ditched me like I am nothing and ruined my life. I don’t know how to cope with this. I feel like I’ll never be happy again. 
I know no one will accept this about me and I have so much wrong with me why would anyone want me. I am getting too old to have a chance to meet anyone and have kids. 
Even without this diagnosis I couldn’t find someone to be with. And when I did find the one, I got this and it made him leave me. 
I literally have no one I can talk to or who understands. Everyone who has the virus just tells me I will be okay and find someone because they did. But they aren’t me. They haven’t had my experience with relationships. And I just know. I cannot handle the rejection of sharing this with anyone. 
I am sorry this is such self pity but I need to express myself and let it out. I just want to die. I can’t live like this. 
 

also my dr said that I have to wait for another outbreak or two before having the suppression therapy. And she said that it becomes less effective over time so it’s better I don’t go on it. 

[Lj-broken]

@Sunnygurl thank you for your message. I’m sorry you are in similar place. You do have so much more chance of being happy than I do as you’re still young. I hope you’re okay. Stay strong. I know how hard it is. 

[mr_hopp]

I felt the same as you. Our lives parallel in a lot of ways it seems. My ex cheated on me during Christmas holiday, got herpes, and gave it to me. I always found it difficult to find dates. I was awkward and didn't know how to meet women. It all felt like it came to a head when I got herpes. "If it was already hard for me, now it's impossible." I wish I could pop you out of your current perspective so you can really see that: It's a perspective. And perspectives can change. And it's up to you to believe that you can change your perspective. 

https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-is-not-an-opportunity

[AnnieO]

I contracted Herpes at the ripe old age of 20. Now I'm 55ish. I was married for 22 years, I have two beautiful daughters. Have had boyfriends and dates in-between. Some of them were understanding, some of them..not so much. Emotions come in waves. You'll need to ride them out and most days it wont be easy. This is not the end. You have to take care of you, before you can hope that someone else will. This shit is definitely life changing but it doesn't define who you are. I just found this site not to long ago and have struggled for many years with acceptance, rejection. This site will give you hope and courage to move forward. Life is too short as it is. Live it to the fullest now.  We feel your pain. 

[Lj-broken]

@AnnieOthank you for your message. However people telling me that I will get rejection is unfortunately not something I am strong enough to cope with. I am not willing to deal with a difficult miserable life. I don’t feel any sense of hope when I read how often people are rejected and shamed. 

[AnnieO]

Lj-broken Unfortunately, rejection is now our 'reality' (but thats not always the case) We need to evolve into something a lot stronger than others make us out to be. There is so much to live for. Focus on things, places and people that make give you serenity and peace. (I like to hike) This new thing, It's not going to go away, but there are ways to manage the outbreaks. It's what we have, not what we are.  You ARE stronger than you know. You've reached out to this group, which tells me you're looking for help. PLEASE stay connected. This is a safe place to voice your thoughts and emotions. Trust me, life will level out. BTW, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. You're not alone..

[Nanny]

I feel the same way I am older I lost all my family already my ex who was my only and best friend for yrs and I not only feel afraid to be reflected by men but by other women and friends. This doesn’t happen to ppl where I am from I feel like a lepper on an island. I told one friend only to be met with silence and distance. I am sry you are going through this. I hope it means the ppl we meet that accept us will be more meaningful friendships. I spent most of my life sick with another illness and always pushed myself on dark days to think it happened to me because I am strong enough to handle it and I am trying hard to get to that place with this as well. I like to think it happened because I need to learn something from it about acceptance and love and hope everything happens for a purpose. I am having a hard time getting there

[Farishta]

I'm so sorry you are despairing.  I know how awful it can feel.  Please stay connected to this forum as you come to terms with this and learn more.  You will read happy stories and sad ones.  Remember, if 80-90% of people have HSV1 and 1 in 14 have HSV2, that's a lot of people, and way more than the number of people who are posting here.  It's usually the unhappy ones who post on forums looking for support and it's good that we do.  The happy ones are out there living their lives and we don't hear from them as much.  Take deep breaths, get into nature, socialize (hang out with people, you can take a break from dating and sex while you adjust to this) and know there is a long road ahead with good people and experiences you can't possibly know yet.  Hang in there.  

[Southpaw]

For anyone having multiple breakouts (I did for a while), there are ways to bring more comfort to the body. I sought out a doctor in my area (I'm sure they're everywhere) who deals in natural healing because my breakouts were getting closer instead of further apart. It's not a cure, but my breakouts stopped. If you read people's comments on the internet stating they're cured, they're not. Most likely, they just don't have breakouts anymore, or they're few and far between.

The doctor that helped me, put me on a program of supplements for 6 months. It was a lot of capsules per day, but it was worth it. It wasn't cheap, but it was worth it. Because I no longer have breakouts, I even forget I have the virus. I was taking two different supplements three times a day.

There's also certain foods that will aggravate the virus. There's a list on the internet. Foods high in Arginine are not our friends. You can still eat them, but there needs to be a balance with foods high in Lysine.  I tried eating cashews recently (I haven't had nuts in 8 yrs!; they're extremely high in arginine), but I think I ate too many in one week and became irritated, but no blister. There's a plus right there. Next time, I will only have a few and enjoy!

I would recommend anyone struggling with multiple breakouts to look into a naturalist.  I kept a spreadsheet on the dates I had breakouts so I could discuss with him. 

Also, I found zinc oxide to be soothing for irritation or blisters. For those not familiar, it's a thick cream in a tube. You can find it anywhere.

[Southpaw]

On 8/15/2023 at 10:15 AM, Lj-broken said:

I feel so lonely. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone as I’ll be judged and rejected. 

I get it. I was diagnosed 8 yrs. ago. I told two friends. My two siblings don't know, and I have no intention of telling them. I also feel like "why do they need to know?". And I think in conversation they will tell their friends...because that's what people do. Haven't dated in years, so I most likely got it when I was young. I feel like most people do about dating.

[Veteran]

It’s hard to trust people. I get it. I told no one for 8 years. To look back at it I should have told my parents or one trustful friend. Nowadays people are more accepting so it’s better to not hide a secret. I still keep it a secret from friends and family but I told my wife before I asked her to marry me and she didn’t care. Married 20 years three great kids. You’ll be good talking to trusting friends and family helps.