How Harry The Herp came to terms with one another

[HerryTheHerp]

We all deal with this in our own ways. One of the first things I did was to look in the mirror and name mine. I figured if women can name their periods, well, I'm going to name my virus. We had a discussion. A sit down reminiscent of a scene from The Godfather ensued where two tough and seasoned warriors come to terms with their relationship. After our talk, I decided that Harry The Herp just seemed appropriate and fitting in a repugnant kind of way. Harry is allowed to reside in my body provided he only makes infrequent appearances (preferably once every decade.) If he does that I'll stick with the herbal, diet, and lifestyle therapies so he has a comfortable place to retire. But, I promise you this; if he gets out of hand I'm going to drug him back to Woodstock.

 

Like all of us, I went through the stages. I've been through a lot in my life and so I tend to go through them rather quickly. My downer, angry, hurt, sad, depressed, scared times rarely last more than a few minutes before I spring back to reality and start plowing forward again. Was I angry at first? Yeah. Angry at myself for being so hungry for love and female affection that I took a chance. Angry that the protection we used might as well have been a sock. Angry that she didn't know she had this virus. Angry that I actually care for this woman even though we hardly know each other. In fact, I've tried to get mad at her for this, and all I could do was hug her when I had to break the news to her. Somehow, I understood just what she was going through and it bonded us. I don't know if it will last, but I don't think I'll ever be angry at her. I don't ever want her to be angry at herself.

 

I've "known" for two weeks now and it hurts like heck; emotionally and physically. My once proud pee pee is hanging at half-mast right now looking like he mouthed off to a platoon of Marines. Part of me wants to give him a closed casket funeral because looking at the damage just makes me want to weep. I've actually considered holding a funeral for my sex life, which was almost DOA anyway.

 

In this time I have bargained with God, researched tribal medicines from African Shaman, consulted Buddha, looked-into the herbal realm (thank God for Aloe and Lysine that really are helping!), and considered strongly the various antivirals out there and the benefits of maybe letting my immune system fight this battle Chuck Norris style for a while in the hopes that it will make any recurrences minor. I've also done the vaccine/therapy searches and while I'm optimistic, I'm also realistic.

 

I'm drawing strength from all over and noticing that when I look up, instead of looking down, I feel better and the symptoms improve dramatically. About an hour ago, Sgt. Pee Pee was waking up and while seriously bruised, he showed me he wasn't down for the count. We'll see, but it's gonna be a while before I even think about intimacy again. It's a sore subject between us right now as he got us into this mess to begin with. I also keep in mind that 1 out of every 6 people in America is dealing with this too, and we are far from alone. If only Wilford Brimley were still alive, we might be able to raise awareness for a virus that affects twice as many people as diabetes.

 

It's also too bad someone like Paris Hilton won't put the scarlet "H" on her shirt and serve as a spokesman like Magic did. Can you imagine? I'm seeing a whole line of educational products, fundraising campaigns, maybe even a TV talk-show entitled "The Herps of Hilton" where she can bring other celebrity "H-Pos" guests on to discuss the issues.

 

In the meantime, I'm coping by writing and laughing, contemplating and pondering. A few years ago I was doing some research for articles I was writing on HIV/AIDS, and while "The Herps" is bad enough, we have to keep it in our minds that there are worse things. It sounds trite, but it's true. And, it really does help with the psychological/emotional distress to put it into perspective.

[WCSDancer2010]

HerryTheHerp - First - Welcome! So glad to have another male presence on here...especially one with such a great sense of humor about our H friend. We had a joke going around awhile back about doing stand-up comedy about living with Herpes.. I think you could write the script for it ;)

 

And I agree about getting a famous spokesperson for H - tho I am not sure Paris would be my #1 choice ... LOL ... Adrial and I are actually hoping to see some kind of campaign some day... one where saying "I'm Positive" has good - rather than bad, connotations.. ;)

 

I can see you will fit in well here.

 

(((HUGS)))

[HerryTheHerp]

Thanks for the hug, and right back at ya'! It's good to be able to let some of this out in a forum that is safe, closed, and free from judgment. It's like a pressure valve and it feels great to get it out.

 

Our H friend and I are having a disagreement right now. He wants to set up little colonies all over my legs, ankles, thighs, and groin. I'm negotiating a settlement right now; he can have everything to the left and the right if he'll leave the middle alone.

 

I'm not a big Paris fan either, but I do find it funny that people find her so attractive knowing she has the H, but anyone else, well, we're not. It's a rather interesting psychological phenomenon. Same with Hasselhoff, Rodman, etc. Guess it's ok to have the H if you're famous.

 

I'm happy to write, just let me know. I have herpes, it doesn't, nor will it ever have me.

 

PS: Is 4-days into an initial OB too late to start meds and prevent these little autoinoculations from taking root?

[WCSDancer2010]

Legs and ankles? What WERE you doing??? LOL

 

On second thought - don't answer that ... :p

 

But really - I'd get on the suppressive meds for awhile - until you get control of the virus. As I understand it - the ones that show up elsewhere will eventually quiet down and will likely not come back as the area isn't where they like to live...

[HerryTheHerp]

I know strange, huh? I work at home and wear a kimono while sitting Indian style and the danged feet made their way up under the covering. Gosh, I wish it was something else...

 

I go to the doc today. We'll see. I'm abroad right now and I don't know whether they'll go for that or not. I sure hope the whole thing quiets down, it's been having quite the party this past week. Maybe I'll get lucky and the hangover will last a decade or so. ;

[WCSDancer2010]

Good luck - let us know how it goes....the great thing is your attitude. That will carry you a long way. But the Epsom Salts/Alum/etc may help to soothe the symptoms until it settles down

[dr_h_positive]

Dear Harry's Roommate,

 

Welcome to the neighborhood! We're so very glad to have you in our not-so-gated community and I think you're going to like it here. Our people may sometimes have loud and crazy house parties like the one you're describing...but we keeps it real.

 

Harry sounds like the kind of house guest who says he needs your couch for 2 weeks max but you just know he means to stick around. Folks around here are used to accommodating extra roommates so he's totally cool to stay, but we know that since you're a nice guy you probably won't make him pay rent. I know you're not rolling out the red carpet or anything, but take it from this B in Apt 23 whose loser friend just moved in a few weeks ago - a little bit of well applied passive-aggressiveness here and there keeps the dishes out of the sink and the underwear off the floor.

 

It was nice of him, though, to make his presence known instead of squatting in your basement unannounced. A great housewarming gift you can offer him is 1000 mg of valacyclovir twice daily for 10 days (or even 1000 mg famcyclovir every 12 hours for one day to really show you care). And although he got excited and made a big mess at his primary infection party, it's never too early to get back with some daily suppressive therapy to keep him tucked away in the windowless back room so that you can have friends over again. (Aggressive and early treatment of the first outbreak after the initial exposure can reduce the severity and frequency of future recurrences compared to delayed antiviral treatment. Although I absolutely believe that your body produces Chuck Norris's antibodies, even the best of them can't kick herpes where it hurts - in the DNA!)

 

Good luck with Harry, and if you ever need anything from any of us we're just a few doors down.

 

Cheers,

dr h+

[dr_h_positive]

p.s. - I feel moved to tell you on a serious note, at risk of dampening the compelling and contagious levity with which you infused your story, that you utterly floored me with this part:

 

I've tried to get mad at her for this, and all I could do was hug her when I had to break the news to her. Somehow, I understood just what she was going through and it bonded us. I don't know if it will last, but I don't think I'll ever be angry at her. I don't ever want her to be angry at herself.

 

I know that truly caring and kind-hearted men exist, but what an affirmation this is. I think my ladies on here will agree. That last sentence, especially, hit me like the knot-in-your-throat scene of a Sandra Bullock movie. It was like a big bear hug to anybody who's ever been angry at themselves for getting or giving herpes. Thank you for sharing your forgiveness. I know it gives me and many others a lot of hope.

 

p.p.s - Who does work in kimonos and sitting indian-style? Only the world's biggest badasses. Those ankle blisters should clear up with ___cyclovir treatment too, and since HSV-2 is highly evolved to preferentially inhabit sensory nerves supplying the territories of skin we engage when we play the world's greatest contact sport, outbreaks anywhere else should be much less likely to reoccur. Keep those areas dry and wash your hands afterwards if you touch them.

 

p.p.p.s - Are you saying that socks aren't good protection? I've been doing everything all wrong.

 

[HerryTheHerp]

Well, Doc. It's good to meet you. Let's be friends.

 

I'm not going to make him pay rent, but I am going to kick his butt if he plays his music too loudly. Oh, he made a trip down to the basement and made doing anything down there a bit uncomfortable for a few days. We nipped that behavior in the butt quickly.

 

More seriously, I barely knew the woman I slept with. It was a one-night-stand in a foreign country that started to develop. It was an instant and strong connection.. I can't blame her as it took two of us to tango, and she was one of the 80% who didn't know. The real irony? My horoscope for the day said "Get ready for the most intense sexual experience you've ever had." Boy, was that right on the money...in more ways than one.

 

I broke it to her a few days ago, she doesn't accept it yet and is still in denial. She'll go to the doc on 1/2, and she's going to get a shocking surprise when the test results come back and I already know that. I'll be there if she wants me to be, and even though we have a May-December thing going on, and we come from completely different backgrounds, I genuinely care for her and already know I'm going to have to be super strong, and super forgiving for both of us. Being acrimonious isn't going to do either of us any good anyway, and, well, at least now I know one other person I can talk to about it in person. Though, this isn't exactly the best way to start a relationship. At least not my preferred way.

 

p.s. The kimono is silk. I drink green tea, and the last 6 hour bout in the ring is why I'm in this position now. I'm just hoping that this little development doesn't change my ability to go rounds with the best of 'em in the future. I'm also hoping that my short and celibratory (sic) scrimmage match last week with Five Finger Sally isn't the reason the second OB was triggered.

 

pps: I was wearing both socks of latex and cotton, and neither did any good.

 

ppps: So you mean that my inadvertent attempt to autoinoculate myself and turn my ankle into a permanent alarm clock I'd never miss has failed? Well, it was worth a try and good to hear as well.

[WCSDancer2010]

I don't know about the other ladies here but I want to clone you and bring a copy of you home HtH ...I just so appreciate your attitude on all levels to our little friend :)

 

I agree with the good Dr's point about your attitude to the woman that gave it to you. It's a good lesson to those of us who have been on the receiving end. Even when someone knows and chooses not to disclose ... there's only a few instances where someone got our H friend as an act of malice and forethought .... most are people who are either unaware they have it, or just scared of being rejected or who want to be "normal" again or who don't know about viral shedding. Only very few would knowingly help Mr H move in with someone we care for (even on a one night stand).

 

Question tho - you say you were wearing latex when you got it? But you say Willy got it near his head, right? Thats odd ... the good Dr can correct me but usually I would have thought you would have got it around your kahonas and your legs if you had a condom on. Unless you had a little oral play - in which case you *may* have HSV1 (which is why we like to get a true diagnosis)

[WCSDancer2010]

Just saw your other post and was reminded you already have #1... so I guess it's official - you are now a walking Herp factory between #1, #2, and #3 (shingles). You do indeed have the right screen name... :p

 

Given all that, yes - you should kick this one in it's viral arse pretty well then....

 

(((HUGS)))

[peterk]

Lets hope he doesn't pick up anymore. Actually he may be a good candidate for a vaccine using his antibodies.

[HerryTheHerp]

Clone away:)

 

It's a question I'm asking myself, too. Yes, there was oral, both protected and very briefly unprotected. Condoms didn't break at all either during that or penetration. The first OB occurred I believe around either the waste removal portal or my thigh. It was so mild I barely noticed it. But, there was plenty of rubbing and cuddling before and after we put the Trojans on and for all I know my li'l Spartan picked it up during that as I had fought like Leonidas at the battle of 300 Minute Pass, and the sheets were soaked by the time we finished.

 

I know I've had HSV1 since I was a kid, and I did ask a doctor who said the possibility of getting HSV1 on my li'l soldier is extremely remote. That said, I also had a wicked sore throat that started 1 day after all of this. So, it is possible (albeit very unlikely) she has HSV2 orally and doesn't know it. In which case, that could have been the transfer point. So, two unlikely but possible routes. I'll never know which.

 

What I do know is that something inside me really cares about her. There's a 15 year difference, a culture barrier, and a slight language difference. Still, she awoke a lot of feelings inside me that had been dead for a long time, and we've really connected with an emotional/physical bond. Herps, or no herps, I'm grateful for that. But, it's a high price to pay to feel "manly" again.

[peterk]

I hate to be a cynic here. She sounds great but I find it very hard to believe she did not know she had it. She may had it years ago and did not know that it stays in your system forever bit if she is well educated then she knows. Not that it matters at this point.

[tryingtosmile]

HerryTheHerp:

Thank you so much for this inspirational story. I am 99.9% sure that I am experiencing my first herpes OB and I just feel awful, emotionally and physically. Your story made me laugh and not cry for the first time in days. I don't have the slightest clue who gave this to me because since my last std test i have had 2 new partners, but i now know that i most likely was not even tested for herpes before so i could have had this for a lot longer than a week. I wish you the best with your lady friend, i wish i knew who gave this to me, so i at least knew one other person going through this :(

[WCSDancer2010]

Pterk:

 

She could very well have not known. 80% of people with Herpes don't know they have it. Some may have had one mild outbreak and though it was just a razor burn/heat rash. However, many many NEVER have one single OB.

 

AND to add insult to injury, as it were, many believe they have been tested and have indeed NOt been tested. If you go in and ask for an STD screen, they will typically only do syphilis, Gonorrhea, and HIV. Then they say they will call if there is a problem. Most people thing they are tested for everything - including HSV, Chlamydia, and HPV...when indeed none of the last 3 have been tested for. You can thank the grand CDC for that - they recommend that people not be tested unless they are having an outbreak or know they were exposed.

 

And in fact, HTH could well have been carrying it for years himself and the friction and such of several hours of vigorous sex could have set it off. You see, Herpes is a slippery little bugger and science is still trying to figure his sneaky ways out......

 

I have a client here who was married 32 years when she had her first OB. Her hubby was tested and came up negative. She thought he was cheating (and visa versa) until the Dr explained to them that recent stressful events are probably what made the OB happen. Thankfully their marriage was already very strong. But I am sure that Mr H has been the cause of breakups where someone took the blame for it even tho they were innocent :(

 

[peterk]

I think there should be legal immunity to those that have tested negative by mistake but still passed it on anyway,

what do you think?

[HerryTheHerp]

I considered maybe I had it, and like you said, maybe a bout in the bed was what brought it on. However, the flu symptoms and complete exhaustion tell me that's not the case. In fact, it's all lined up with a primary infection. Plus, I know my history and it's been barren since my last test this summer which included a PCR test for HSV2 long, long...long after the window period expired.

 

As far as I'm concerned, the CDC, Congress, the FDA, and the rest of 'em can kiss my chaffed and pimply butt right now. They're a big part of the reason we have this huge health problem. They've hamstrung medical research to the point that nothing can get done. If they'd back away and let people like Jenner experiment and use their brains to cure things like Smallpox, we might actually have a therapeutic vaccine by now. But, no, some staffer in some office in DC decides to create one more regulation, one more hurdle, one more BS reason to block and control medical research. Further, our government spends $600 billion on defense to keep us safe; They spend $31 billion on medical research. So, while we're safe from the Russkies, we're dying of AIDS, cancer, diabetes, and suffering from The Herps. If you trust DC, I've got oceanfront in Tucson I want to sell you at a great price. End rant.

 

Ok, not quite. The funny thing is that 1/6th of this country has the Herps. That's a helluva constituency if it can be mobilized. That's 50 times larger than the AIDS lobby, and roughly twice the size of the diabetes lobby. AIDS has the red ribbon. Diabetes has their big red A, maybe we need the big red blister to get the message across.

 

BTW, I heard the FDA halted a phase iii trial of the once daily Pritelivir being done by AiCuris earlier this year. Something about toxic at 20 times the dose, even though the doses don't build up in normal functioning livers, kidney's, etc. I found some basic data that showed it was more effective than Valtrex, took care of resistant strains, and was more tolerable with fewer side effects. Anyone hear anything more? The news and chatter since early summer has been pretty sparse.

[peterk]

You are preaching to the choir. BTW hurry and pay your taxes we need to order up some more hellcat missiles. Afgan is running low

 

The pharm industry does not want a cure. There's no money in it. What they want is something you have to buy forever so they can keep those residuals and retirement bonuses coming in. Then the gov gets to tax it. Capitalism at its best.

[dr_h_positive]

Hey new friend :)

 

Your story resonates with me even more because I had a very similar experience having to tell the person from whom I know I got HSV after having a flu-like primary presentation. (You can find my not nearly as well written or fun-spirited Hello World here: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1965/day-1-how-herpes-is-making-me-rethink-love-and-compassion#Item_13). I also didn't know him well before we began seeing each other casually, we don't live nearby because he's in the military, and there were definitely some cultural differences that I think contributed to him buying into the herpes stigma even more than usual - so much so that he judged me for having it even in the same phone conversation as I was telling him that he passed it to me. I also couldn't get angry at him and cared for his feelings, and kept the conversation as light and unaccusatory as it's possible to when talking over the phone about something serious. He subsequently went flatly into denial mode and refused my efforts to contact him for a few weeks, and we haven't seen each other since before I was diagnosed. I do wish I could hug him and tell him that we're both okay. Since then he texted to apologize for reacting like a jerk (his words), but it's no longer my place to ask about his blood test results (he's probably from the asymptomatic/sub-clinical ~80%) or to know if he's medicating it in consideration of future partners. Because he's not in as good a position as I am to treat the emotional toll of a diagnosis by reading and learning about HSV, I mainly worry that he will remain unduly angry or guilty.

 

I sincerely hope that you and your girl will be able to have better communication about this than I did, and I know just from our brief interactions here that you will be amazingly supportive for both of you through this, no matter where the relationship goes.

 

I hope your visit with the doctor went well. Did you get some cool foreign language cyclopills?

 

There was a post about Pritelivir on here fairly recently: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/comment/4814

I don't know much about it but will definitely try to learn more now, nice looking out for our little buddy in the news!

[Aimee (previously baffled1]

Harrytheherp,

OMG.. you wanna move to New Orleans?.. lol just kidding. After reading all the posts,I didn't know whether to fall over from laughter from your wittiness and sense of humor, or cry my eyes out from your compassion and sensitivity. :)

[WCSDancer2010]

Right Aimee?? I already claimed cloning rights to Harry :)

[Aimee (previously baffled1]

Wcsdancer2010,

you claimed cloning rights, I asked for the real thing.... lmao!!

[WCSDancer2010]

Ohhhh SNAP! :))

[Aimee (previously baffled1]

LMAFO!!!!! :)