His herpes test results were negative...

[Klopz]

So he finally picked up his results and he was negative. I feel so ashamed of myself and even though he's comforted me I feel so sad. He made it clear that he still wants to continue to see me and only me, but I can't help but feel like I have to apologize to him for having to face this now. He said he wants to get tested in a few months to make sure that I didn't give it to him the first time we had sex, but I had no symptoms until days after we had sex... He did say he didn't feel comfortable having sex with me for now. Which is understandable, but still hurts. I feel so ashamed that I have this even though I've read everything there is. I feel like him dating me athis time around has been more of a challenge and stress. I know I have his support but I don't want to lose it. I'm worried that if he gets tested 3 months from now and gets a negative again he won't want to risk it. I had been doing so good in accepting this and today has just been rough.

[WCSDancer2010]

Awww Klopz..... (((HUGS)))

 

Look - one thing I have learned is if a man doesn't run immediately, he at least *wants* it to work. That tells you a lot about him. I learned early on that H will tell me when a man isn't into me...he just wants to GET into me :p

 

Yes - he could still walk but then again, there are sooo many things that could make him (or YOU) walk at this point....look how many relationships only get through a few months and then implode. Herpes is just one of many, many challenges that new (and existing) relationships face.

 

The fact that he is willing to stay even without sex also tells you a lot.... he's really wanting to see where this goes. So take it one day at a time. Don't over think it...that WILL drive him away. Of course you have been through a lot more stress this time around.... you are dealing with a big curve ball here. But again, he's still standing by you.

 

The bottom line is that the sooner YOU become comfortable with your little H friend, the sooner HE will start to trust that it will be ok. If you are freaking out, he will pick up on it and guys don't usually do well with women who are in freak-out mode (take it from someone who got very needy during her menopause phase and lost a guy because he couldn't deal with Meno-Me ... even tho I told him several times that the REAL me would be back when I got the hormones under control. Bah...his loss....I would have stood by him through anything ... I learned from that if a guy won't stick with me through something like Menopause or Herpes, I don't need him. What would he do if it was Cancer and he had to caretake me??? Yeah - I don't need the guy who walks when something like Herpes or Hormones are making life difficult :(

 

(((HUGS)))

 

[JustSmile]

@klopz... you have tugged on my heart strings and I've been thinking about you. Remember the #s girl!!! only 4% chance to pass it and half that if you really take precautions. Be sure he knows that. :) he's still there. Focus on that :)

 

@dancer... that's amazing advice. With or without herpes we all want the strength from our partners to beat all odds but sometimes they need to pull strength from us. :)

[Klopz]

@WCSDancer2010

your advice is great advice, and I can't say enough how thankful I am to have the support and positive words. I guess the thing that has me thinking the most is the fact that he hasn't made as much of an effort to see me like he did before this entire incident. I feel like before this all happened he was pursuing us a lot more. Maybe it's a lot for him to take in and that's why, but I guess a guy wouldn't say the right things just to say them.

 

@JustSmile

Thank you so much for the support! I have given him the numbers several times now and I don't know that he has actually listened or if he doesn't believe me. He mentioned today that he wanted to get tested again in a few months because we were intimate one time before my OB and I told him the 4% and that's when he said oh that's what that 4 is. He is still here I just hope I keeps calling after today. I haven't heard from him since he called to give results. Guess I'm overthinking...

[WCSDancer2010]

Klopz:

 

Do remember, if you are freaked out by having it, he's going to be freaked out by the possibility of having it ;)

 

Let him process things at his pace. If he isn't strong enough to stand by you through adversity, better to find out now. I know that isn't what you want to hear but honestly, H will show you the mettle of a person. You are getting to see this man for what he is.... at present, he's a conflicted person going between his fears and his feelings for you. You will find out in the end whether he is someone who will react to the fear and run, or who will dig in and fight for something he values. Or, to be dead honest, he may find that he is not committed enough to the relationship to rake the risk... and THAT is important for him to he honest about with himself and you.

 

Trust in the process my friend. Let him work it out for himself.

 

Remember: If You Love Someone, Set Them Free. If They Come Back They’re Yours :)

[OnTheBrightSide]

@Klopz

 

Sending you hugs and thoughts! Great advice from WCSDancer2010 and JustSmile.

Try not to look for signs that he is less into you. Take him at what he said and live your life. Show him that this diagnosis hasn't thrown you off course and he will absorb this and reflect it back. But if you act like this has changed everything then it will change everything.

 

If I remember correctly he just got back from vacation which means lots of things to sort out and it's the start of a new year. He says he wants to see you and only you which sounds like he's committed to getting to know you more which is exactly what you wanted!

 

Disclosure comes with its own landmines. It's a bit of a mind F because you want him to say its not a big deal but you're nervous enough about telling him that the big deal that is potential rejection gets all blurred with the not-big-deal of H.

 

And even when we have tangible proof of acceptance (he hasn't run for the hills), our minds almost can't believe it and go looking for clues that he lied/didn't think it through/doesn't understand/is scared to leave and be that guy, etc). Recognize this as YOUR doubt, not his.

 

The thing I try to remember is that if I can't truly and completely accept that it is perfectly rational to want to be with H+ me, then there is NO CHANCE that he will believe that it is perfectly rational to want to be with H+ me.

 

I had to learn that I couldn't ask him to prove again and again that he wanted me. It's not his responsibility to make me more comfortable with my diagnosis. It's my responsibility to make him more comfortable with my diagnosis...by continuing to be the awesome human that I am (made more awesome by H) and demonstrating all the reasons he was into me in the first place.

 

Don't (h)alt your life @Klopz! Live it (h)arder than ever and watch what (h)appens.

 

x

[JustSmile]

@ONthebrightside.. everything you said is so true! I love it. I also like your picture lol might get a tshirt made! ;)

[WCSDancer2010]

@onthebrightside:

 

Amen!

 

if you act like this has changed everything then it will change everything.....I had to learn that I couldn't ask him to prove again and again that he wanted me. It's not his responsibility to make me more comfortable with my diagnosis. It's my responsibility to make him more comfortable with my diagnosis...by continuing to be the awesome human that I am (made more awesome by H) and demonstrating all the reasons he was into me in the first place. "

 

Klopz - Sister, you really have to get this. This has to be your mantra. ;)

[OnTheBrightSide]

@JustSmile...they also make mugs. :)

[Klopz]

Good afternoon everyone!

Thank you all for the great advice and @onthebrightside you answered my biggest concern. I haven't heard from him since he gave me his results yesterday, but I'm okay with that. I understand it's a lot to process and he'll contact me when he's ready. I'm going to trust what he said and believe him. I have no reason not to. I went for a run (and my H mess this morning) this morning and the run helped a lot! I also couldn't help but giggle at the ridiculous price of those meds without insurance. Lol I think the price hurt more than the OB itself. I'm feeling better today and I hope this positive view continues for a while. I feel like I've been on such a roller coaster of emotions, but all of this amazing support really gets me back on track to feeling great and staying positive.

Thank you all so much lots of hugs to all of you!!

[victoriaxxx]

Reading through this one. I remember when I told my boyfriend about my H. I thought that he was going to leave me. He kept telling me " don't warp it into your brain that I am not going to want to be with you." I kept asking him if he was sure if he wanted to be with me.

Finally I had to calm down. You know why? Because like Dancer and a lot of other people said If I am going to freak out then so is he. If I keep bothering him eventually he will want to leave me. I was thinking about it, and if he didn't run when I first told him then obviously he wants to work things out. He wants this. I just stopped talking to him about it mostly unless he has something that he learned about it, or I found out something about it also. I remember two days after I talked to my doctor about it and learned the statistics I told him. He said " That is all good news." We are still talking. I realized that if he didn't want to be with me or my H... Then he just wanted to get in my pants and that was it.. I learned that he thought I was a smart bright young woman. That he really wanted to get involved with... and if he ran then that was okay also, because it obviously wasn't a risk that he wanted to take.

 

This thread was heart warming to me. I hope that he comes around and talks to you. I hope that he does process this the correct way. && if you ever need someone I am here for you also. (:

-big hugs-