Here we go.....

[honeydukes]

I have been lurking for @1 week. Around a week and a half ago I was in the middle of a 24 hour shift and thought "great, I'm getting a yeast infection and possibly a bladder infection to boot". I stopped on the way home from work and bought the over the counter stuff. Felt better the next day (even if I was still a little itchy) but also noticed what I assumed was an ingrown hair or something near my leg but closer to my lady business. Had my husband check (he said it looked like an ingrown hair) didn't think twice about it and went to an amusement park with him and the kids. Began itching a little more and more throughout the day and to add insult to injury it began to feel as if a flame thrower was operating every time I urinated. @4ish in the afternoon I steeled myself to pee again (lots of "You can do it. It will only hurt for a minute") and found that I completely was covered with little red bumps. So at this point...in extreme denial... I start thinking I am having an allergic reaction to the yeast infection medication or maybe an army of fire ants made its way into my nether regions attacked and moved on. Did I mention yet that I have a decent amount of medical knowledge and background? Move forward to the next morning... I have now entered the era of holding my urine to the point of bursting to avoid the river of flames and tears that come with it, I have a carpet of bumps and the itching and pain have increased exponentially. So I start coming to a realization...... Wake my husband up. "Um, Babe, I think we have a problem." I explain that after 13 years of marriage and having been together for 15 years I think I have herpes. He has cold sores but we have always been extraordinarily careful.

 

Cut to the next day when I am on shift for another crazy 24 hours. Pain and agony don't begin to describe the day. I call my OBGYN and frantically ask to speak to the nurse (I'm not telling the receptionist that I think I have herpes!). Hours and hours later I get a call back and of course I can't answer because I am busy doing my job (can't put my job on hold for phone calls no matter how important it is to me). Call back within five minutes....have to wait for another several hours. Finally get to answer when she calls back, explain my problems, get an appointment for the first thing the next morning. As the day goes on my lymph nodes decide to join the pain and agony party in my pants and it hurts to move, pee and the itching alone is enough to make me want to cry. Make the walk of shame into the office the next morning. Feeling "dirty" and now I have to fill out my "reason for my visit" sheet and past medical history stuff (I chose to leave the reason blank). Get called in to the back and the receptionist hands me a sheet to give to the nurse. I notice at the bottom of the bottom of the sheet "vaginal blisters" is marked under reason which leads me to believe the nurse put a reason for the emergency visit in and my reluctance to share anything with the receptionist is a moot point. Tell aid one about why I am there (she hands me tissues when the water works start) and begins telling me how common it is and that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Enter the nurse and my doctor ten minutes later. Of course he asks about how I've been and we do the catch up thing (I mean he did deliver one of my children). I tell him what I think is going on and his response is " Ok, lets check it out and see if that's what it is. If it is, no big deal. It's going to be at most a minor inconvenience for you.". WTF??? Is he really so casual about this???

 

Five minutes, an exam, a swab and a little confirmation as best he can... we start the real discussion. "Yes, it looks like herpes. I want to start you on drug therapy right away." He decided to take blood as well to determine what kind. A little over a week later, I have genital HSV 1. Damn sneaky cold sores. The pain after reaching epic has now dialed it down to mildly itchy and only slightly uncomfortable. I spent one day crying in bed and now..... I don't know what the hell to think.

 

How do I go on? Am I going to end up giving this to my husband (his boy parts since he already has this on his mouth)? How often will the big show happen now that we have seen its debut? How do I deal with the shame and dirty feelings? What does this mean for me and my future?

 

My husband has been awesome and super supportive. We have been married for so long I didn't have the issue that single people do. This doesn't make me not question the future however. What if he leaves me? What if I leave him? Would that mean I would have many years of celibacy to look forward to?

 

I am trying to keep things in perspective. My doctor and his staff and my husbands reactions have helped tremendously. I'm not dying. I still have a great husband, a beautiful family and a job I love. So why do I feel as if I've been given horrific news and that I am damaged goods? Does anyone have any advice, suggestions, thoughts, statistic or anything that will stop this damn hamster from running in his little wheel of torture in my head?

[WCSDancer2010]

honeydukes

 

First - Welcome and I'm glad you found us.

 

BREATHE! Everything is going to be ok! Promise.

 

For one - you got HSV1 from your hubby via a cold sore. Soooo...the good news is, no, you won't pass it back to his "boy parts" because he already has the antibodies to it :)

 

Regarding how often you will have outbreaks - well, Herpes doesn't play by any hard and fast rules BUT HSV1 isn't crazy about taking up residence in the genitals so once it gets totally moved in and unpacked (usually about 3 months) it will generally go inside and sulk and only come out when you really piss it off through stress or a poor immune system function.

 

As for the shame - honey - you are just buying into the stigma that you perceive and experience (and I'm coming to realize that I think we perceive even more than what is really out there). I mean, REALLY! You got this in a monogamous loving relationship because the virus is a sneaky little bastard who doesn't play by the rules and who comes out asymptomatically in it's search for a new home. So why feel shame??? It is what it is, and you have some great support from the sound of it.

 

Regarding the future. OK sister.... you should know better if you are in the medical field ... you know tomorrow isn't promised to any of us. RIGHT NOW you are in a wonderful, loving relationship that you seem to indicate isn't going anywhere any time soon. So why torture yourself with all this negative "what if" stuff??? IF you ever separate, well, cross that bridge when you come to it.

 

I will tell you, there IS life after Herpes...and there are many, MANY people on here (tons recently!) who are in discordant relationships where one had H and one doesn't. So stop your worries about being celibate. Remember, 80% of people have HSV1... so you have now joined the ranks of the majority.

 

Check these printouts and get to know your new H-friend so that the FACTS are what you are dealing with and not the STIGMA :)

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

(((HUGS))) my friend..... and BREATHE!

[mr_hopp]

Hi honeydukes!

 

I'm glad you're here. :) And does it help to know that your damn hamster has run through our heads in much the same way? It's a normal part of the process. We just need to learn to TAME the damn hamster! ;) Make it our pet instead of our Master (I can see it now: "All must bow down to Lord Hamster") And this will take practice.

 

First, it will take you getting educated so that all of your worst fears are put in perspective with actual facts. :) Plenty of awesome information all over this site, but start here:

 

Our community FAQs: http://bit.ly/19uxyaW

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Second, it will take you recognizing that the thoughts you are thinking don't have to be true if you really look at them closely. Are you really damaged goods? That's what some of the unfortunate stigma would have us believe, but that's simply not the case. It's an awareness practice, ultimately. Noticing what thoughts and beliefs are now surfacing that you have about yourself and consciously choosing what beliefs you are going to have about yourself. Anything is "true" if you believe it. But the question is, what are you believing and are those beliefs supporting you in being your best self or are they holding you back? You get to choose.

 

And this community is powerful in supporting you toward that. There is also a home study course that I will be re-launching soon to this community that will walk you through this whole process of healing and ultimately being your awesome self. ;)

 

You got this. You know it.

[victoriaxxx]

@Honeydukes

 

Hello and welcome.

 

First off you came to a good place.. (: We became a good big family.

Breathe, whoosaaa. You will be alright.

 

&& I know it is annoying, those suckers can come out of no where, but I am glad to tell you that your future is not ruined. It is okay to feel the way you are feeling right now. I did, Adrial did. We all did, but you are not damaged goods! The only thing that is going to happen is sometimes you are going to be discomfortable.. I promise you will be fine. Like Adrial said before me.. Recognize those feelings. Ask yourself those important questions.. For me I kept telling myself " I am a dirty whore.." Finally I asked, am I really a dirty whore? My gut told me no. My mind wanted to tell me yes. That is because of what society has made this out to be. Such a terrible thing.. But its really not. You will be able to have a loving family still, and be there for your family. Just like you were before. It won't effect anything in life. Sometimes your little friends will come out for a visit, but you can really really learn to cope with them. (:

 

Since he already has HSV-1 orally he already has the antibodies for them in his body.. Meaning his body can fight them off in other parts.

 

((: Have a great day and remember to keep your head up and it's not as bad as it seems !

[honeydukes]

I wish I could express to you all how very grateful I am for the support. I am still freaking out a little bu I did tell my best friend and she didn't look/blink twice about it. I got weepy reading all the responses but I must say that a lot seems to be making weepy lately. I just have to remember that this is just one thing or part of me and not what will define me right?

 

Again thank you so much!!!!

[victoriaxxx]

This will not define you. You will always be who you truly are inside. (:

[Aerial2013]

Hi honeydukes!

I want to share with you a GREAT recipe that a wonderful lady on this site (Lelani) shared with me. It WORKS! I got better relief with this than anything else I tried, and it kept my panties from sticking in the worst way!

 

Gently (slowly) melt about 100mL of organic coconut oil and add 10 to 20 (I used 15) drops of tea tree oil (from health food store). Store in a container (I used an old babyfood jar) that can be tucked into your purse. It's VERY convenient and works really well. I add it liberally everytime I go to the bathroom during an oB, being careful not to "double dip".

 

Like I said, it helps with the sticking panties, the itching, the burning when you pee, etc. I'm very careful, though, not to get it inside my labia area, near my urethra or vaginal opening.

 

Best wishes. It does get better, and what a BLESSING that you have such a supportive husband! Let us know how you're doing.

 

I'm in nursing school, and was feeling your pain of a 12 hr shift in the midst of early oBreaks. :( Hang in there.

[honeydukes]

So cut to now......

 

I don't have any more blisters (thank God because I had so many and hurt so bad it was hard to focus on anything other than how I was going to sit down, move, pee, etc). My husband has been AWESOME. The lack of sex over the past few weeks is getting to him which I get but my desire is at below than normal levels.

 

I made my first disclosures. I hadn't intended to tell anyone but I decided to tell a couple of people. One I will share......

 

My best friend called and I found myself almost blurting it out. Something tells me she knows a little about it from someone/somehow because she was pretty well educated. She gets cold sores so maybe from reading about those? We started talking about the various things and we started making shitty jokes and making fun of the whole situation. It was exactly what I needed. We giggled about the whole "shedding" process and her response was "It doesn't make a difference, you couldn't shed me if you wanted to".

 

I am still getting use to all of this. I still have moments. When I do have those moments I come here and read for a few minutes. I always feel better when I do. I guess through this bullshit disease I am finding the little positives are what life is about. Good husbands, good friends and (even though it is anonymous for the most part) a good support system here.

[WCSDancer2010]

Good to hear about how things are getting "better" for you...

 

Regarding the hubby and his frustration around sex, hows about just having some quality, fun intimate time.... where the focus isn't on the Big O (tho he may want to take care of business after) but more about pleasuring each other in different ways.... this is the PERFECT time to do that ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[honeydukes]

WCS..... I did suggest and handle that in just that way (sort of... I found a way to please him another way)! I'm just not ready yet I don't think for the rest. Intimacy has taken new levels this past month. Thank you so much for the support.

 

[honeydukes]

I must say the ability to say and share all here helps so much!

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

Hi there, I'm genital hsv1 positive too. I think it is great your husband is being so supportive. Everyone is different. It takes time to heal. I'm not yet. This will be four months on februrary 31 since my diagnosis and I still haven't emotionally healed. Broke down this past Sunday and had a good hard cry about it. I wanted to post because I have type one too and thought id share my secrets and what works for me. I've been outbreak free for 3 and 1/2 months. I only have had my initial outbreak. So, we have a little bit of a quieter type. Still sucks though. Anyways, I use epsom salt baths during my initial outbreak. It's my one piece of for sure give this a try advice. I did them twice a day, soaked at least 10 minutes each bath and did about 4-6 big handfuls of the salt. It helps dry the sores out and helps to clean you. I truly believed it helped me clear up faster. It burns a little, but not enough you can't stand it. It feels really good and helped me relax during that outbreak. I take daily valtrex, suppressive therapy, which you can discuss with your doctor on your action plan, and if you want to take medicine or not. I do just as a precaution, but it isn't necessary. Stay rested, and drink more water now. I take a multivitamin and lysine pills ( lysine only if I didn't get enough in my diet or think I'm feeling prodrome). Anyways, that's kind of what I do.

 

Emotionally, it's hard... I know. Have a little faith. Let time work on you. Realize you have good people around you and a husband supporting you. We are here for you. :) best wishes.

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

Well there isn't a February 31, but you get my point. Haha! :) silly me. I'm a goober.