Herpes Support Groups/Dating Sites

[serenity7744]

Hello,

 

I am wondering if anyone can recommend an H+ support group in Los Angeles? And not that I'm ready to date yet, but when I am, what is the best H+ dating website? And do they really and truly protect your privacy?

[mr_hopp]

Hey Serenity!

 

Here's a list of support groups by area:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-support-groups/

 

... and here's an article on herpes dating:

http://herpeslife.com/do-i-have-to-join-those-herpes-dating-sites/

[WCSDancer2010]

Support Groups:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-support-groups/

 

I've tried PS - it's ok, but I'm getting a heck of a lot more hits on my OKCupid and PlentyofFish profiles and I actually disclosed on them 😉

 

Just as a Point of View:

 

http://herpeslife.com/do-i-have-to-join-those-herpes-dating-sites/

[WCSDancer2010]

SNAP! @Adrial!!!!

 

:)

 

 

[mr_hopp]

*Twilight zone music plays*

 

We're too much on the same page. Big hug! High five! Booty bump! ;)

[WCSDancer2010]

Great minds think alike B-)

[Orngpeelmafia]

Dancer have you found through your online dating adventures that people on the sites tend to be a little...rushed? One of the reasons I stopped using them is I felt like I was in a virtual bar. People either wanted to just have sex or marry me after one date! And the ONE time I found a super duper holy jaw dropping hot man who was my musical soul mate on positive singles I'm 99% sure he was a catfish because we would make plans to meet (I was insistent right away because I wanted to make sure right away he was who he said he was) he would flake. I got tired of the virtual world real quick...at least in the real world bars men buy me drinks!

[Orngpeelmafia]

Serenity what I'm getting at is that while right now you feel like you'll only ever be happy with someone who has herpes, when you become ready to date again you may find that you don't want to limit yourself. :) food for thought!

[WCSDancer2010]

OPM - yeah - most guys online seem to have a 3 date max before they are trying to get into your pants. Or a 3 message max before they disappear. But I did have one 3 yr relationship that has ended in a friendship and he is like an Uncle to one of my daughters so at least a *few* out there are at least decent guys :)

[serenity7744]

Thanks for the info…:)

 

I think I'm too nervous right now (just diagnosed) to try a "regular" dating site because 1) If I DON'T disclose right away on my profile, I'll have to if I meet someone I like and I don't think I'm strong enough (yet) to put myself through that, and 2) If I DO disclose on my profile, I'm afraid of mean comments I may get, and just can't handle that kind of negativity right now.

 

Mostly just want to check it out (an H+ site) to see that when I'm ready, I do have options. But thanks for the heads-up about the rushing and/or disappearing! That will make me run for the hills both pre and post diagnosis!!

 

Is it weird that I'm actually hoping I DON'T meet someone I like in my everyday life? What if he likes me too and then I have to have this horribly awkward discussion? So I just want to avoid it. I feel like I'm talking like a teenager right now saying "like" so much, haha… I guess I should say "interested in."

[Orngpeelmafia]

I was exactly where you are now. I have a boyfriend and have for a little bit now and even before him I had been in a few relationships and disclosure situations. I will say dating someone who had herpes was an eye opening experience. It was a very freeing experience...but my relationship now is even better and my bf has no downstairs bumpies while I do.

 

The further you get in your stages f acceptance the easier it becomes to look past. I realized that all my fears were just my overly active imagination coming out to make my fears seem a certain reality. I disclosed to one of my best friend who I had been falling for the same week I found out and he didn't care. After he and I broke up I disclosed to some guy who politely said he wasn't looking for anything serious and the idea of transmission during something casual just wasn't something he could handle.

 

It's scary to become so vulnerable but it's also very rewarding. Testing yourself and showing such strength is such an amazing feeling to give yourself. Most people aren't mean about it...they joke and such but that's just because they don't know. The more times I disclosed and said "I have HSV do you no what that is?" And hear no I realized people are highly uneducated. I was :( it took getting herpes to realize that but hey at least I'm healthy right? I only had one guy be mean about it and that was after we had sex...he started stalking me and I told him to back off and when I didn't respond to his texts or calls after telling him to leave me alone he got a little cray cray.

 

The world isn't as negative as we think. Give people a chance :)

[WCSDancer2010]

2) If I DO disclose on my profile, I'm afraid of mean comments I may get, and just can't handle that kind of negativity right now.

 

As someone who came out on my FB page (you can see my story here http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1754/im-out-of-the-herpes-closet/p1 ) to 1000+ people as well as on 2 non-H dating sites, I will tell you I have YET to have ONE negative comment from anyone. All I have had is positive, loving, supportive comments from friends and acquaintances (a lot of my "friends" on FB are dancers I know from all over who I see once or twice a year at conventions). I've also come out to almost all my clients (I'm a Massage Therapist) and they too are supportive...

 

I only had one person question my "coming out" ... saying "Why would you put something so private about yourself out there?" And I came back and said "Because 1) I don't CARE what people say about me and 2) I'm tired of allowing an unjustified stigma rule my life AND the lives of soooo many people and I'm taking a stand to educate people which I couldn't do nearly as effectively as I can by being out.

 

@OPM

I only had one guy be mean about it and that was after we had sex...he started stalking me and I told him to back off and when I didn't respond to his texts or calls after telling him to leave me alone he got a little cray cray...

 

Well then Herpes did you a favor because obviously that guy was a JERK and you likely found out sooner rather than later....stalkers don't occur because of Herpes.... neither do "ugly" people ... they just plain ARE ugly and Herpes will help you cull those people out of your life a LOT earlier than you might otherwise.

 

@Serenity

 

I know you can't imagine this right now, but Herpes really CAN become your Wing-man in both your dating and regular life. But FIRST you have to learn that when people are or say ugly or nasty things in response to ANYTHING about you, that it's not about YOU, it's about THEM. Learning to not take things that people say or do personally is a HUGE life lesson that almost everyone I know needs to learn to some extent. Herpes can be your "Coach" and your "disclosure talk" can become your practice session. (I think I just came up with another blog here!).

 

People that act/talk/respond like that are NOT people you want in your life. If they talk to you or about you to others in a nasty way about your Herpes, they are likely saying and acting like that about all kinds of other things "about" you. And it soooooo is NOT about YOU..... it's THEIR judgement and negativity and jealousy that cause them to act that way. When you really, really GET THAT to your core, life suddenly becomes a whole lot easier ;)

 

Now, gonna go write that blog while it's fresh in my mind :)

 

Peace

[serenity7744]

:-)

[victoriaxxx]

Online dating is a scary thought for me.. How do yall do it ?

[WCSDancer2010]

Blog written... to be posted on here when Adrial catches up on here :)

 

victoria

 

I just use it as a way to meet people. Get a conversation started. In a way it's good because you can eliminate a lot of people who just wouldn't fit in your life because you find out if there are deal breakers pretty early on for both people. For me, Herpes is just another thing that might be a deal breaker for some..... when in fact, my putting the info on my profile seems to be attracting men to me who appreciate my honesty. Now to find one I'm also attracted to that doesn't live on the other side of the world :)

[Orngpeelmafia]

Victoria you'd be surprised how easy it is :) like I said its basically a virtual bar so really its not that bad once you get used to how to read people. I never got used to first dates though... It was always so awkward hahaha

[serenity7744]

Wow Dancer, I just read your "coming out" blog. You are my hero! I'm still finding myself whispering the word "herpes" when I discuss it with the two people I have told. One is my best friend who cried when I told her and said, "it should have been me." (She's been repeatedly unsafe). I explained that it can happen to anyone. Hopefully this will hit home for her and she will take more precautions. I also told my married sister. She is supportive, but also whispers the "H word." I read to her what you wrote about not giving people the time of day who have ANYTHING mean to say. She thought it was amazing and even related it to a friend who treats her badly in her own life. I have a long way to go, Dancer, but you have paved the way for self-acceptance and hopefully someday I won't feel the need to whisper the "H word" anymore… :-)

[serenity7744]

Victoria have you tried online dating at any time? I'll be honest, I'm not a huge fan. I prefer to meet people organically. I agree with Orn, first dates are awkward, but I'm just generally awkward lol, so maybe it won't be that way for you:-) But I feel like when I'm ready, I would feel more comfortable dating another person who is H+, at least for now…. which means online dating I guess? I need to ease myself into this...

[WCSDancer2010]

Serenity

 

You should have seen me and some friends at the diner the other night - 4 of us , talking about Herpes and STD's at 1am (They are some of my dancing friends who know all about my coming out and who are very supportive) with people coming and going and not once did anyone drop their voice to a whisper. It was just another conversation. We coulda been talking about the Super Bowl for all anyone knew ... It was a pretty cool experience.... and I don't think I saw even one "awkward" glance our way.

 

One step at a time my friend :)

[Aerial2013]

I've done some online dating, and have met someone I'm really enjoying getting to know! :) I have an opinion about safety for us ladies...e-mail only through the site at first and consider any inconsistencies you discover in those e-conversations to be major red flags! Don't give out your personal e-mail until you feel comfortable that you're talking with an authentic and honest person. For me, giving out a more personal e-mail was just a little step to building a little more trust. For some of us, texting comes next. I used texting as a sort of filter...I have two kids and a busy college schedule, so if I asked him to please not call me, but just text for now...it was a good way to see if I could trust him. Afterall, if I can't trust him to respect something to simple, why would I trust him to respect my heart? Then, voice phone calls, and eventually meeting face to face...which should ALWAYS be in a very public place the first time or two. Have your own transportation at first, don't let him pick you up until trust has been built. I have found that individual timeframes vary drastically. Just be good to yourself, view yourself as valuable and worth protecting. Best wishes Victoriaxxx.

 

WCSDancer..."It was just another conversation"...I LOVE this and wish I could join you! How refreshing! :)

[serenity7744]

Great advice, thanks!

 

[Daisy4426]

Hey everybody,

 

I met my boyfriend on a non-h site and at first it was scary to get close to someone after my ex-boyfriend gave me herpes, but also the best feeling in the world to have somebody love me the way that I love him. I told him I had herpes after about a month of dating (before we became intimate) and he didn't really make a big deal about it. He didn't really know what it was either. I educated him and gave him a few pamphlets from this website. He called me the next day and asked me to go out the next weekend. That was in October and we are still going strong. I'm very happy that he is in my life.

 

So ladies and gentlemen, take a chance, and get back into the dating world. It can happen to you too!