having herpes has end my life slowly

[avigail]

I have been going to counseling because after finding out I have genital herpes I pretty much felt like my life felt apart.. I have made some progress by going to counseling everyday I realize how much my life is not worthy. Im only 21 years old and i have misery life only been sexually active with one person in my entire life that includes kissing as well.the only person who know about my herpes are the doctors and my counselor and my boyfriend. I wish one day I could tell my family but I'm not sure that would ever happen because they have made comments about herpes and they were very mean comments and they would feel disgusted by me. As I write this im pouring tears. I find no energy to get up from bed and enjoy the day. Nothing at all. I'm terrified that people find out and judge me because I have herpes.

 

My boyfriend is very supportive and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but what if it doesn't work out, we have been together for 2 years. What if one day things just dont work and no ever want to date me. Herpes has ruin my life I want to seriously die and just end this misery life that I am living. its a nightmare that i can never awaken from. No one will ever accept me because i have herpes not even my family ,They will be disgusted if they found out. And ashamed of me. I have been going to college to become a police officer (NYPD) chances are they wont accept me because i have herpes. My medical record is going to a big sign that says I'M INFECTED WITH HERPES, so everywhere i take my medical record people are going to know. Its a matter of time for people in school to find out and judge me. That triggers to make me hate my life more. I don't know how am I going to be able to overcome this I feel depressed and desperate. I have always guided myself but now i dont know how to go on in life living with Herpes. When will i see the light at the end of the tunnel ?? I'm 21 I should want to enjoy youth and instead i want to forward it and not enjoy anything. Because whenever i feel happy my brain finds a way to ruin it by thinking of herpes and why i shouldnt be enjoying myself. I tend to beat myself up by comparing herpes with HIV, I don't know how to stop myself from mentally abusing myself. Im a believer i wish one day we could all be cure.

Thank you guys for reading, my depressing post. i just want to vent out.

 

[ihaveittoo]

Hello avigail,

 

I'm a 47 year old male, been H+ 27 years now. I was in your shoes back then. Didn't talk to anyone about it. I thought it was all over too. Being on this forum and venting is a step in the right direction. Hopefully you have been reading through the forum. Read through the success stories. Peoples lives do get back to normal once the initial shock wears off. Have you considered going to a herpes support group? I assume you live in the NYC area, I have to believe their is at least one fairly close to you. Meeting others did wonders for me. I believe it could do you a world of good. Its scary as hell at first, but you'll quickly realize how normal everyone is. I know that after I attended a couple meetings I felt a hell of a lot better about life.

[diversgirl]

I totally get you. There are times I think 'ok I can do this' and then all of a sudden it hits me again how dang permanent it all is. So I just try and switch my mind back to the 'I got this'. Not gonna lie, it takes work :) But you've got someone by your side who wants to spend the rest of his life with you! Be joyous for that gift :)

[willow]

@avigail

i 100% understand where u are right now, but trust me.. im 6 months in now, and it DOES get better!!!

 

I went from suicidal, to "who would want me" to "why me", then the unbelievable happened, i found this site in april (i was diagnosed in jan), and i watched @Adrial's videos, http://herpeslife.com/video-herpes-facts/ and then @WCSDancer2010 helped me work through my emotions too, and i feel waayy better about myself! In fact i feel better than i did befor i got h, so dont give up on yourself!

 

Alot of people on this forum didnt have anyone by there side.

 

And as @ihaveittoo said read as much as u can, go thru all the success stories, reading @herrytheherp's story about the discussion his body has with itself will make u laugh uncontrolably!!

 

Ill post some links here, they helped me out alot when somone else here posted them

 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/tim-hoch/2014/06/10-ways-youre-making-your-life-harder-than-it-has-to-be/

 

http://www.lifebuzz.com/just-stop/

[chrissteven]

@avigail I'm 23 and found out almost 2 months ago; I feel the exact same way you do. message me and I'll give you my skype, I'm more than happy to talk to you about this.

[Sparklepony]

I know that having the herpes is a big life change, but you're giving it way too much control in your life. You HAVE herpes, you are not herpes. Don't let it define you, as difficult as it is. You don't say how long you have been H+, but I'm assuming not long? Maybe a month or so? It's a process to accept it, and you need to go through the motions.

 

I remember being TERRIFIED of anyone finding out, like to the point that I thought I would never date again to avoid disclosing (I'm still not dating... but it's because I'm insanely busy, not because of the herpes.) but I've gotten to the point where I'm kinda meh about anyone finding out. I've told a few close friends, my mom, and the person who passed this along to me but if anyone else found out, their judgment says more about them than it does me. You can't function the way you're feeling now. You NEED to find a way to move past your grief feelings and learn to live again. For me, I basically told myself that it was done and I couldn't change it so use it to better myself. I think I've done just that. Again, you have herpes, you're not herpes.

 

As for the triggers, not everyone has the same ones. I have had one outbreak (my initial one) and that's it. I use to cry thinking I could never again have peanut butter or caffeine or be able to run... well, I do it all. I seriously eat maybe a jar of peanut butter a week, coffee almost every day, and I'm averaging about 30 miles a week in running (half marathon, whats up?)

 

All in all, you're going to make it through this. It's just up to you to determine your outlook.

[WCSDancer2010]

@avigail

 

Hello and Welcome..

 

Honey - you are WAAAAY over thinking this my friend. As @Ihaveittoo said, we've had it well over half our lives and it's really not a big deal. Inconvenient - yes ... nuisance ... yes..... ruin your life? Only if YOU let it... ;)

 

I have been going to college to become a police officer (NYPD) chances are they wont accept me because i have herpes. My medical record is going to a big sign that says I'M INFECTED WITH HERPES, so everywhere i take my medical record people are going to know.

 

Nothing could be further from the truth. Herpes is NOT a "notifiable" disease and they won't turn you down because of it. Promise :)

 

Its a matter of time for people in school to find out and judge me.

 

First, not true ... your medical records are protected under HIPPA so noone can spread your info around but you. Now, Herpes is a great wingman and will help you figure out who your REAL friends are if you choose to tell people ... and really, do you WANT a friend who judges you on something they know nothing about? Because getting H has nothing to do with whether you are a "good" person or whatever. 20% of people have H2 and 80% are H1. Herpes doesn't care about your social status, your age, or how many people you have been with.

 

Read all you can on here ... you need to realize that we are all just as beautiful and lovable as we were Pre-H (In fact, I'd say many are "more" lovable because many become more empathetic and patient because they come to realize that sometimes you just get a bit of bad luck..

 

I'll be back on later ... I'm out of town, but DO know you will be fine my dear. I'm 54... had H sine 17, and my life has been just fine! :)

 

(((HUGS)))