Pity Party Table for One please!

[WCSDancer2010]

Most of you see me as a strong, grounded, sometimes "wise" individual who has all her shit together. I hear many of you say you hope some day you can "be like me". Well, just letting you know I'm just as f*cked up as any one of you in my own ways and today I'm feeling it pretty strongly. I know it will pass. It always does, but for today, I'm allowing myself to be a pathetic, blithering idiot.

 

You see, even with the issue of "disclosure" out of the way (I have my status on all my dating profiles so anyone who contacts me already knows that about me) I STILL seem to manage to get my fair share of guys who are just there to see how far they can get...how much they can charm me into believing that they really are into me .... before they hit the radio silence button and move on to their next conquest. Herpes still acts as my Wingman there though - because even though they are ok with H doesn't mean they are looking for the kind of relationship that I want.... and having Herpes helps me to keep my own hormones at bay so that I don't do something I will regret later. And that sorts out the guys who want to get INTO me rather than take the time to get into ME. And I know that ... but it still SUCKS when you go commando with your vulnerability and find that hope again only to have it dashed.

 

You see, it's not just getting rejected over your H status that hurts. Rejection hurts... period. It doesn't matter if it's about your Herpes status, or your weight, or because you are just not ready to give up all the goods to someone. It's still REJECTION.... an automatic physiological response that is so deeply etched into our souls that it creates physical pain as well as emotional pain when it's triggered. I get that ... and knowing that will help me to get through today and tomorrow and to get back out there and make myself vulnerable again...because I know that is the only way I will find love.

 

But for today? I'm trying to make myself get out of this house (my arse wants to stay firmly planted on the couch in a curled up ball). I may buy a pint of my favorite ice cream ... even tho it will likely reverse the weight I've lost in the last 3 days from not eating. Whatever happens I know that tomorrow will be better, because I won't let this man, or this experience, keep me from moving forward with my life.

 

Right now though, I'm sitting alone at my Pity Party table for one. And that's ok.

 

http://herpesopportunity.com/podcasts/Herpes-Opportunity-Never-Rejected.mp3 (adrial)

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/ten-surprising-facts-about-rejection

 

 

[whitedaisies]

Oh Dancer! I am so sorry you are having a Pity Party. I had mine a few days ago....I am starting to clean up the dishes and throw away the streamers. I am still isolating myself though as any more hurt is just too much for me to handle. Even not charging my cell phone...don't even know where it is right now. (I always have my cell on).

 

So Pity Party's are ok, you're right, and they make the good things that happen even more sweet.

 

I must confess, I always saw you as human, and even though you always have great advice and are strong for so many people; your humanity is evident in everything you write. And despite your humanity, you are still a role model, and people still want to be like you! xo

 

There is no way that you won't end up with your own Mr. Right; the world is not that cruel, ok? Your light will be seen as a beacon to someone one day...it's just when. So hold out the light, he will see it, he will come. Until then, you may have to endure a few more pity party's!

 

Luv u!

[normalprofessional]

Thanks for sharing your vulnerable side to us! I am truly sorry that you're feeling down. You are a strong, amazing woman and this will pass. We are here for you just like you are here every day for all of us!

You are my beacon of light that I come to every day to read your words of wisdom and support. Keep shining :)

[Reachout2014]

You are so incredibly strong! And you do serve as the message board mom and frankly if it wasn't for you and your patience (care support) to answer me. I feel like I wouldn't have any ofmy shit together. So I really hope you feel better soon. People can be sucky but this sucky pain will pass and you are being set aside for someone wonderful! Chin up! Hugs :-)

[msmee]

We are all entitled to feeling how we feel. No one has to have it together every second of every day. We're all human and you're such a positive wealth of knowledge on this site but you too need support. Don't sit at that table too long, I don't know you personally but you seem lovely.

[New_Moon]

@WCSDancer, I'm sure you know this but....just because a guy disappears or suddenly loses interest doesn't mean it's about you, many things could be going on for them!I feel sorry for these guys whatever their reasons as they have lost out on someone really special!! Hope you are feeling better xx ((hugs))

[WCSDancer2010]

Oh I know it's about them - many times they are rebounding or dealing with other things ... I just wish that when they realize they are not ready for a relationship that they would communicate that ... it's all I ask for... honesty and clear communication. Why does that have to be so hard? Ugh :p

[New_Moon]

It shouldn't be but not everyone can admit how they are feeling or do the right thing! I don't think people like telling someone else something they wouldn't want to hear themselves so choose to ignore rather than deal, that way they don't feel like they've let anyone down or disappointed them. I know it's a rubbish feeling when you don't get closure but it will pass :) xx

[WCSDancer2010]

I think I figured it out - he had told me the last time he really communicated that he was talking to his AA sponsor - I think that getting close to me sent him into a place he's not ready for. He said he'd call last night to talk but didn't - I'm sending him a note this afternoon telling him if it's to do with his sobriety, then he should call when he's ready ... because he needs to sort that crap out first ...

 

Ugh... last 2 were rebounding - this guy is in recovery. Are there ANY emotionally stable guys in my area???? :/

[whitedaisies]

Hang in there!!!!

[New_Moon]

Dating can be a nightmare but means you appreciate a good one when they finally turn up!

 

Keep your options open for sure, if this guy comes back then cool but if not it wasn't meant to be! I normally find that people are hard work from the get go don't normally improve that much or you end up in a relationship that is hard work - just my experience tho, not always the case! Don't give up on meeting someone!!

[victoriaxxx]

Dancer. I missed hearing you being enlightening, and I tried to be like you ! Remember ? Then I disappeared... because I was going through my own crap. I was going through a lot of depression, despite all of that I still try to make sure people can make it through this. && Look at both of us ? I am now back, with my own pity party. Lolol.

 

I love you girl. You are like my second momma still. I look up to you so much. You and I and everyone deserve to have our own moments, because there is only so much we can handle.

[WCSDancer2010]

I have to say, every time this happens I wonder what is really going on with the other person. This guy came on hot and heavy for 3 days... mentioned the next day he was talking to his AA sponsor, since then barely answered my messages for a few days. I sent a long text saying that from my understanding AA calls on their members to stay in integrity and make amends for hurting someone with their behavior, and he immediately wrote that he was thinking of me and didn't want me to "leave". had a few more messages then dropped off the face of the earth in mid-conversation.

 

Anyone here have any experience with someone in AA Recovery? Just wondering if this is normal when the person is still in the early days (roughly a year to 1 1/2 yrs) into their sobriety.... never experienced someone in AA so just trying to understand if this is normal, or if the guy is a player.

 

*Sigh* I'm ok really - in fact, if he had called today I was going to tell him he was going to really have to work to prove he "didn't want me to leave" but now I'm just confused ... never had anyone act this weird..... :/