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Pros and cons of herpes?

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I found out I had herpes one year ago feb 14 .. Yes valentines day hahaha... Not my idea of romance ;) but I'm just now accepting it, and now I just want to learn everything about it. So everyone give me ur own pros and cons: what's good about it and what sneaks up and just stinks about. Help me learn :)


Kasi- trying to learn and accept and well on my way (:

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Pro: Having herpes had me realize how judgmental I was, how much I automatically shamed myself and others without even thinking about it. It had me realize how many bullshit stories I was believing about myself that I was making true (I'm unlovable, alone, shame-worthy). It has caused me to change my superficiality in all relationships into a deeper and richer understanding of others as beautiful. It has taught me the power of perspective: I get to determine my relationship to every single thing in my life. It causes those people I want in my life to stay and see me for who I am and it causes those judgmental and shallow people I don't want in my life to leave. Who I am is more important than what I have. I have learned that life is so damn BEAUTIFUL, regardless of what comes my way (especially when it's a simple skin rash).


Con: Herpes itches and stings a bit when I have an outbreak twice a year.


Look, nobody cheerfully WANTS to get herpes. But if you do have it and there's no cure, what are you going to do about it? That's the essence of character. The quality of the answers you get is in line with the quality of the questions you ask yourself. If you ask yourself "What's horrible about having herpes?" your mind will come up with tons of answers to support that. If you ask yourself "What positive things am I learning about myself through having herpes?" then a very different lineup of answers comes shooting down the pike.

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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Pro: I have had a chance to slow down, take some time to heal my heart and really examine my relationship patterns. I have weeded out a lot of losers and I have had some time to just be on my own. It has also made me a lot more understanding of others and I have met some amazing people as a result. I am a lot more open and transparent with people now and can form closer connections with others.


Cons: The insecurity of having to tell a new partner and the outbreaks a few times a year. Just dealing with society's perception and my own insecurity about having herpes (which is sort of a pro, because it really does force to me to face my own insecurities on many issues, not just herpes, which has allowed me to grow emotionally and spiritually).

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Pros: Having herpes really forced me to look at prospective partners more closely. Because before I got herpes, it was just of question of "do you like him?" Now it's, "can you trust him? does he care about more than just sex? do you see this lasting long term?" I should have been asking those questions before, but what can I say? I'm flawed, lol. Also, having herpes helped me remove whatever judgments I had towards sex, STDs, and other people in general. I accept other people so much more now, because that's what I want for myself.


Cons: I think "the talk" is the hardest and most painful part. For me, there have been some emotional cons; but I hesitate to share them, simply because it's hard to separate what herpes caused and what was there long before my diagnosis (but didn't surface until later).


I will tell you, though, that with time, most days are good days.

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Pro: Once you disclose about herpes, it makes it so much easier to have conversations with your partner about sexual health and just sex in general. Gone is the awkwardness of trying to have a frank conversation about sex.


Con: The insecurity, it feels like more of a risk to put myself out there, but I know this is just in my head and will get better with time.

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Pros: Sites like this make you realise that it soo isn't a big deal! It also makes you think more about potential partners- I've disclosed to someone I started seeing and he was fine about it! Used condoms and absolutely no problems :) You gain more respect for yourself too!

Once you've had your first outbreak... you've had it and the next one won't be as bad!


Cons: It hurts like a bleeping bleep when you first get it! Thinking people will judge you if they find out. Oh and whenever someone makes a herpes joke... Not funny :/

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  • 11 months later...

Pro: I stopped taking my body and health for granted. Now I eat healthy food and I exercise which has led to a nice slimmer me. I also have more energy.


Pro: I've taken charge of myself. I feel like I'm more in control and I make better decisions for myself.


Pro: Filling my head with knowledge about HSV and understanding that stigma is only fear caused by lack of knowledge.


Con: The herpes talk. I've had it and it was hard but it didn't kill me.

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