Help

[ohgagrl]

I am at a total loss, I am just beside myself,I am sick to my stomach....I just got a call from my nurse practitioner yesterday that I am positive for hsv1. I am 55 years old for God's sake. My lesions are on my buttocks and in between my buttocks cheeks not on my genitals. I have some lesions inside of me but my pap has not come back yet. I suffer from depression and I don't want to camp out in dark thoughts. I am angry with myself that I had unprotected sex. I have told my current love interest and he was actually more supportive than I thought which is a good thing. I now have to tell a past lover. I know I am rambling and probably not making any sense right now.

[whitedaisies]

Hi and welcome. So glad you reached out for help and support. This forum is great for that.

 

I assume you were diagnosed via swab and you likely got hsv1 from receiving oral sex. Even if someone doesn't have an obvious cold sore, they can still be shedding the virus orally and when they perform oral sex on you, they can massage the virus into the thin tissues of your labia. There is also the possibility, your partner has it genitally but it is very low.

 

Likely wouldn't have mattered if he wore a condom since the most likely possibility is your partner gave it to you thru oral sex. It happens, I got it that way. It sucks.

 

But lucky enough, most people have hsv1 and it usually is not that aggressive and calms down compared to hsv2.

 

Get lots of support from ur current bf and anyone u choose. This is an adjustment, don't be sad for too long and definitely, try not to be depressed. Once you gain knowledge, you will come to terms with this. The beginning is difficult. Keep posting here because there are so many wonderful people eager to help.

 

Out of curiosity, what do lesions look like on your buttocks?

 

Warm hugs. You will be ok. You will. Take a deep breath.

[FLNewH]

Don't worry - we have all been in your spot. Just try to breathe. And don't worry about having to tell anyone right now. Take this time to focus on you. Take some time to read the great articles and info sheets that are on this site. And, read through some of the posts that are on here. I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago last Friday so I am a newbie to this wonderful club called herpes myself. The best thing you can do right now is to forget about who may need to know or what are others going to think - because that will just bring you into a dark place that you do not want to be. I will tell you, you will cry, be angry, wonder when, where and who .... that will all be normal. For now, just take the time to read up on this, ask questions, and lean on us :-)

[sweetfemme]

You come to the right place! I am happy to hear you are reaching out as it is difficult to find support from the offline community. I am happy to hear your current partner is okay with being intimate with someone who has h! Feeling angry and being depressed is very normal of course. Self-care is extremely important so remember to do things that make you feel good. It took me awhile to be able to feel good about myself but I would do things for myself. I would eat healthy, drink lots of water, exercise, spend time outdoors, have a bath, get a massage, buy something pretty, take a picture, etc. It doesn't get rid of the bad feelings completely however you make you a priority and become in tune with your body (even feel sexy!). Since you have such a great partner you know you have them for support and you definitely have all of us here.

 

Honestly since I have gotten h and had time to process things I think my relationships have significantly improved and I take care of myself better than ever. When you have to share information with a partner there is a possibility of rejection, relationships make us vulnerable in order to potentially achieve intimacy. I think bringing up the conversation of sex makes relationships better. I know right now you probably are feeling very down but just do one thing for yourself, something that makes you feel good.

[WCSDancer2010]

@ohgagrl

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

First - BREATHE! I've had Herpes for 35+ years (actually 49 years if you include Oral Herpes that I got at age 4 :p ) I promise you, the stigma is FAR worse in your head than it is in reality. Yeah a few people may be jerks about it but given that 15-20% of the population has genital herpes and 80% has oral herpes, you are in pretty good company.

 

As mentioned, theres a really good chance you got HSV1 from oral sex... many people have no idea that they have had cold sores or if they know they have them, they have no idea that it can get passed to the genitals.

 

So for now, don't worry about the past lover .. get your current lover tested for Herpes. Odds are very high that he has never been tested. Odds are pretty good that you got it from him and you are having a primary OB. The "good" news is that with HSV1, once your body gets it under control it will usually settle down and you will only have a few, if any, outbreaks a year..... and it shed less down there....

 

Check out these handouts and e-book... it should give you more info so you will understand your diagnosis better :)

 

And come here as much as you need to for answers and support :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Herpes facts video

[ohgagrl]

Thank you for your words and those of others. After I received the news, I was shocked and I am still having a hard time wrapping my mind around this whole thing. I have a call into my healthcare provider because I still have so many questions. I am trying to do as much research as I can but the questions I have.....I guess what I don't understand is how this is on my buttocks. I have no genital lesions....my ex husband of 19 years did have cold sores so I guess it's possible that I actually got it from him however it was only after I was with this current gentleman that I had symptoms. He told me that he was tested with a blood test previously and he was cleared of any STD' s. He is going to be tested again and I advised him that he should have the specific blood test (IgG). He states he does not have any lesion' s.

I do have some questions and was wondering if I could ask them here. It might be quicker than waiting for my healthcare provider.....

I understand that even tho I am infected, I will eventually be able to be intimate but right now I am scared to death of that prospect (intimacy has always been a HUGE part of my life and I feel like I ha ve ruined that for me :(.

From what I am reading, everyone seems to go through the same emotions, sigh

[WCSDancer2010]

He told me that he was tested with a blood test previously and he was cleared of any STD' s.

 

You need to tell your fella that odds are VERY high that they never did a Herpes test on him... the protocol given by the CDC for STD testing is to NOT test for Herpes without symptoms (crazy, I know, and don't get me on that soap box... but know we plan to get that changed here some day). And odds are VERY high that he may have had cold sores as a child, or may be getting very mild OB's that he may think is chapped lips, and that he *could* have passed it to you. If he comes up negative then your ex hubby just needs to have it explained to him that he needs to be careful with oral sex with anyone in the future because he does have cold sores. (It would be good for you to educate him either way to be honest).

 

I understand that even tho I am infected, I will eventually be able to be intimate but right now I am scared to death of that prospect (intimacy has always been a HUGE part of my life and I feel like I ha ve ruined that for me .

From what I am reading, everyone seems to go through the same emotions, sigh

 

Yup - very common. But as I said, given the variety that you have (HSV1) and the location (buttocks vs vaginal area), with time ( anywhere from a few months to maybe a year, depending on your immune system and how fast you learn how to manage your OB's) your sex life should get back to nearly normal ... yeah, you may have a few weeks a year that you avoid sex because of the OB's but that is a GREAT time to learn other ways to be intimate ;)

 

Check out the blogs I have on here for the newly diagnosed ... hopefully they will help you to understand it better ;)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/category/herpes-diagnosis/

[sanngrior]

I also was recently diagnosed with type one on my bum - even though I have already had it orally my whole life!!! I haven't had anal sex or had anyone fool around with my bum, so I was dumb founded! However, from my understanding, once you have the herpes virus residing in the base of your spine, you can have an outbreak genitally, on your bum, and even occasionally on your thighs or lower back regardless of where you irate received it. A lot of people who initially get out breaks on their thighs, lower back, and bum don't even realize it's herpes - they assume it's eczema or another skin condition.

[WCSDancer2010]

@sanngrior

 

Correction friend :)

 

However, from my understanding, once you have the herpes virus residing in the base of your spine, you can have an outbreak genitally, on your bum, and even occasionally on your thighs or lower back regardless of where you irate received it.

 

Nope. Nope. Nope.

 

Not true.

 

It's actually pretty unusual to get the same variety of Herpes in both places if you have had it in one place for awhile because you have the antibodies to the virus ... but the main thing here is the virus does NOT reside in the base of the spine if you have Oral Herpes ... it will be residing in the Ganglion (the place where the external sensory nerves meet the nerve roots that come out of the spine) of the nerves in the area where you originally got the virus ... so the HSV1 virus will reside in the ganglion of the nerves in the Cervical Spine ... and they can't travel throughout the body from there...

 

Odds are you got your Genital HSV1 from oral sex and it just got through your immune system defenses.... but it didn't travel from your mouth to your bum :(

 

And the virus will pretty much stay in the area where you have your initial OB's down there too... it stays in the nerves where you originally got it ... again, it can't travel to other nerves once it is established (about 3-4 months post exposure). You DO need to be careful for the first few months to not spread it to other areas while your body is making the antibodies, but that is easy as soap kills it quickly... you just don't want to handle the OB then touch other areas until you have washed your hands ;)

[sanngrior]

Sorry if that was confusing - I know I didn't get type 1 obs downstairs just from having it orally. However, I read on either webmd, mayoclinic, or some other medical website that having an ob on your bum does not mean you necessarily contracted it from sexual activity there, but that once you have it genitally you can have obs other places than just your vagina or penis. Is that wrong?

[WCSDancer2010]

once you have it genitally you can have obs other places than just your vagina or penis.

 

Again, when you INITIALLY get exposed to Herpes and have your first OB's it's possible to spread it to other areas (it's called Autoinnoculation) if you touch the open lesions then touch other areas.... sometimes it spreads in the immediate area because the fluid from the OB's seeps to other areas. But it can't "spread" on it's own internally ...

 

Some people never get any on their genitals but theirs is somewhere else in the boxer short region ... just depends on where they actually acquired it.

[seeker]

and not to be going intro the TMI zone but ever hear of doggy position?

[ohgagrl]

After receiving the news of having hs 1 this week and trying to read everything I can I am still a bit confused on a few things. My current love interest did get a blood test last week and I made sure to have him ask to be tested for herpes specifically. (I know that I got it from him). He should get the results back this coming week.

 

My area of concern is between my butt cheeks close to my upper back. The itching is so intense. I am pretty fastidious with my personal hygiene and I do worry about a secondary infection. I have been on Acyclovir 400 mg 2x a day for 10 days. I believe it has helped. I also have Acyclovir ointment which was very expensive and hasn't done a thing :(. I did just get some hydrocortisone cream to help with the itching. I am going to take lysine also.

 

Could my OB' s move to my genitals area next time or could they always be situated between my butt cheeks?

 

If I have ob on that area and I am not having anal sex, which I don't ever partake in will i spread herpes during normal, whatever that is...intercourse. Doing it doggie style would make sense in possibly spreading it if I am having a current outbreak. What about oral sex, I am totally confused if I will be able to give it. I will never have unprotected sex again so I am guessing my partner will always have to have a condom on for me to perform oral sex? Will my partner be able to perform oral sex on me? I know these questions have probably been asked somewhere but to be perfectly honest I am overwhelmed with all the information.

[forgivenessandpeace]

You will be able to have all kinds of sex @ohgagrl. First you'll recover from this OB and you and your current partner will get clear on who has what in terms of hsv. You'll be able to think more clearly once this initial storm passes. Hang in there. I have a lot of luck with hydrogen peroxide. It burns of course for a second or two but man does it dry those things up.

[WCSDancer2010]

Your OB's *should* stay where they are but remember you are in the first OB so you may not have broken out in all the places that you got it ... so it's *possible* it could show up elsewhere in the next few months. Also, be careful to not touch the lesions then touch any place else on your body without washing with soap for the next few months so you don't spread it that way... But with that little bit of caution it should be ok.

 

Will my partner be able to perform oral sex on me?

 

If you got it from oral sex with your BF the oral sex won't be a problem at all. If he doesn't have it, he will just want to be careful if you are having an OB.

 

I will never have unprotected sex again so I am guessing my partner will always have to have a condom on for me to perform oral sex?

 

Uh - you have it on your GENITALS .... not your mouth. He's quite safe there. and if by any change he has HSV2, you don't need to worry as only 1% of all oral herpes is HSV1.

 

The main thing will be to avoid sex during OB's and be more cautions with Doggie Style sex ... exp if you believe anything is happening back there :p