Here again.. need some help..

[victoriaxxx]

How has everyone been doing?

I haven't had a computer to log in here on, and I have tried on my phone, but it keeps pooping out on me.

 

Anyways, I have been good, and I have been bad.

I finally got a job. It's a temporary job, but its something. I have been feeling better about everything lately, because whether I am working temporary or not I am actually doing something better for myself. For the longest time I didn't have a job, and I was making every excuse not to get a job. It is not that I am lazy, because when I work here I work my butt off. I work very hard, and every day. I feel like I am actually being productive.. I was hoping to get a permanent job at this place, because it is a temp to hire agency... I didn't even get an interview, and that is when things started going downhill for me.. I started showing up less and less, because I had high hopes. Maybe a little to high. I was stressing out, working my butt off to show them that I would be a perfect candidate. I would be perfect for them. && if I didn't show up for work that was because I carpool, and those were days that my driver wasn't going in for work. I don't have a car, so I am saving up for one.

 

Well I haven't been to work at all this week. I am depressed, and stressed. I am having the worst OB that I have ever had, so that is not making things any better. Actually its making things even worse. I have been barely able to walk lately because I am having pains in my legs. Usually I would just work through those pains, because I love my job, and I love being there, but lately I just haven't felt the strength to even get out of bed. I am going to a doctors appointment tomorrow to maybe get a referral to a therapist, or maybe a counselor. They are pretty much the same thing. My mom is in Germany so I barely get to talk to her. I barely see my dad any more. I don't really have friends any more, because I kicked everyone out of my life. They were all drug users, and not worth being around. I have been battling myself not to do drugs, which is very hard. Any of you that know me know that I have a year and nine months sober now. Though I wouldn't count drinking, because I have been drowning myself in alcohol lately. It's the opiates that I am scared about. I need to get out of this mess, and I just don't know how to do it... /: I want to stay in this forum again, because this place gave me hope. I was helping people, which is something that I love to do, but sometimes it is the other way around. Sometimes the people who come off as the most helpful, need the most help themselves..

 

I would also love to hear from everyone and hear how you guys are doing in your journey..

[willow]

Hey victoria!

Sorry to hear everythings upside down right now, but i know u can get through this!!

You have posted so many helpfull tips in the past, and you give courage to those who need it.

its ok to have sad days.. moments w/e. We all go through them even if its not h related!

It takes a strong soul to stay away from a negative comfort zone. Remeber that you do have good things in your life, even at hard times.

 

I know how you feel about beine alone. I kicked soo many people out of my life since january, and its really hard to make new friends you can trust.

I now have a bf ive been seeimg for 5 months, and hes amazing and all... but it would be nice to have other people besides him.. and before him.. i was an emotional basket case!!

 

Heres some links i think that might help put an optimistic perspective in ur eyes..

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/getting-back-spark-every-day-feels-hard/

http://thoughtcatalog.com/haley-jackson/2014/04/to-all-the-people-who-struggle-sometimes/

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/05/a-take-no-sht-list-for-your-well-being/

http://thoughtcatalog.com/tim-hoch/2014/06/10-ways-youre-making-your-life-harder-than-it-has-to-be/

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12880/12-lifestyle-factors-that-make-you-feel-depressed.html

http://markmanson.net/worst-moments-of-your-life

these links have put an extra bounce in my step! I hope they help u!!

[WCSDancer2010]

Awwww honey ... (((HUGS)))

 

Sorry you are struggling... will call soon :)

[forgivenessandpeace]

I would **like to drown myself in alcohol sometimes but my body just can't take it anymore: I feel like CRAP in the am, or in the pm if I started drinking for breakfast so... yeah that's not helpful. Actually during an ob I have oddly very little desire to drink (side effect of h? I'll take it :)

 

Anyhow, I AM pursuing ANTI-ANXIETY treatment. Yup, I treat my skin infection with acyclovir, and L-Lysine and other things like hydrogen peroxide as necessary. I'm also going to treat my anxiety under the supervision of a medical doctor. I will try whatever she recommends until I find something that works for me.

 

I get those pains in my legs too. A heating pad provides some nice relief I've found.

[WCSDancer2010]

Hey - @F&P ... try to find a therapist that can to Biofeedback and Neurofeedback - it's a lot faster and better than medication and it should help you with your anxiety ;)

[victoriaxxx]

I am going to the doctor tomorrow to see if I can find a therapist. I was so excited to start working. I was so happy for myself, and then it just felt like it was all falling down on me. Not really my work or anything, but just my own emotions and feelings. I need to have someone who can help me get through these things, because I can not allow them to get in the way of me working, or going to school, or just anything to do with period.

[victoriaxxx]

Sorry Dancer... I just got home. /:

[redroses]

@victoriaxxx, I was just diagnosed 2 weeks ago and it has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. For me the downs were lasting longer than the ups. First off, I just got a job too. I thought my life was finally coming together because I also have a wonderful man in my life and although the relationship was rocky at first, we worked through things and now are on solid ground. We've been together for a year and a half. Then Bam! the diagnosis.

 

He got tested too and we heard this week that he's negative. That was a HUGE blow to me and I am having difficulty getting past that. He said it doesn't matter and things between us will not change. I guess it's my own insecurities that are popping up because that's how it was when we first starting dating. All the problems I thought we had were really my problems. I had a troubled childhood- came from a very dysfunctional, violent, untrustworthy family.

 

Even though he tried to reassure me that things would not change I was very depressed this week. Then I saw what it was doing to our relationship, so I tried things to make me feel better- especially in front of him. I cried a lot when I was alone and even in front of him. He's my best friend and the only one who knows that I'm type 2 positive. I'm hoping it's a false positive because my number was low, but this waiting for more tests is very upsetting and unnerving. I do have valium, but I try to take it as infrequently as I can to take the edge off.

 

This week It's been dark and dreary out. I felt I reached a new low. So I tried putting on all the lights on in the house and lit some nice smelling candles. Then I had a glass of wine. It worked wonders for me. Not that I wasn't depressed anymore, but it did relax me and lift my spirit a bit when he came over for dinner. Then I just passed out in the recliner. Too much stress for me and my body needed to relax.

 

Today, even though it was cold and windy, I took a ride to Montauk (I live in N Y and in case you're not familar with the area, Montauk is the end of Long Island. I just drove there, did some shopping, and drove back. I thought I would be exhausted, but instead I was energized and had one of the best days so far.

 

I start my new job Monday and I'm hoping that will help take my mind off things.

 

My suggestion is to find something that makes you happy or that you enjoy. It may be something as simple as leaving the lights on or burning a nice candle. Whatever you think will help lift your spirits. There's always this site for you to post when you need support. But I think the most important thing to remember is to listen to your body; if you need to veg out, just do it and take care of yourself. Take each day as it comes.