When to have sex again?

[redroses]

For those of you who read my other posts, you know that I was positive for type 1 and 2, but my partner was negative for type 2. My number was low so I was told that there's a chance of it being a false positive. I have to go out of state for the blot test, so that won't happen immediatley as it needs to be arranged by Westover. Today I went to another lab for another test. I'll have the results in a few days.

 

My partner said it doesn't make a difference to him. Although he read up on all this and was initially a little concerned, as the days went by he became more comfortable with it, I think. We've been together for a year and a half and he said we've been very sexually active all that time and he didn't get it. He wants to continue to have sex as we've always done, but I'm afraid to and don't want to put him at risk. My Dr gave me the prescription for Valtrx, but Westover doesn't want me to take it until I'm tested again.

 

I've never had signs of an OB and don't have a clue as to where I got this from. I was in a long term marriage and my boyfriend is the first man I've had a sexual relationship with since my husband passed away. All I can think of is this may be from my younger single days, if it is indeed positive.

 

Any suggestions on handling this?

[forgivenessandpeace]

Gosh well you've disclosed, your partner is educated, and "He wants to continue to have sex as we've always done" ... so ... go for it woman! You're probably minimally contagious if at all. You've done all the right things. Please, for the sake of all of us who cannot, go make love to that man!

[willow]

Ya i agree with @forgivenessandpeace !

 

Female to male transmission rate is only 4%. (Based in sex 2x weekly over a one year time frame)

You could use condoms, or the femal condom (fc2) if ur still concerned. And if you do have the hsv2 virus the condom use will lower transmission rates by about 50%.

Think of it this way.... theres roughly at 2%/year chance that you'll get hurt in a car accident/ year. But u probably still drive or get in a vehicle right?!

[WCSDancer2010]

I've had two partners for 3 years each. For one of them we never even used medication or condoms. The other one we used Valtrex. We had a very active sex life and neither of them ever got it from me.

 

Given that there is a good chance that you may not actually have herpes, and you don't seem to be having outbreaks, I would so you take the valtrex and carry on as normal unless you feel something going on that makes you question whether you might be having an outbreak.

[redroses]

I have the valtrex prescription, but Westover didn't want me to use now. Not sure why- maybe it would affect the test results on the blot????

 

I still have no symptoms. Went to OBGYN last week and she said my anxiety is taking over- she saw nothing. The other day, I went to Quest for another blood test. I should have the results by Tuesday at the latest. This is a different lab than the first test. I was reading that results vary from lab to lab and since I've had problems with lab results from the first lab before for different things, I thought it wouldn't hurt to have the test redone.

[forgivenessandpeace]

Still no symptoms. So I hope you're getting it on with your partner? Or maybe there is some other reason you need to take a breather from that relationship?

[WCSDancer2010]

@redroses

 

Yes the antivirals could affect the results...

 

And your Dr is right. . Your anxiety is taking over but the problem is that doctors don't understand why people get so upset because to them herpes is no biggie. This is one of the things we need to emphasize to the CDC that they just don't get. .. the disconnect between Drs and patients is something that needs to be addressed. . :(

[redroses]

@wcsdancer2010, I think my Drs were just the opposite. They made it sound like a really big deal. I felt I was doomed. I think that's why I'm reluctant to go to bed with him. I'm so afraid l'll give it to him. I guess what bothers me the most is that 2 of them both said, "oh your partner has it too, for sure." And he doesn't. I mailed my Drs the information & told them about this site as you suggested.

[redroses]

@forgivenessandpeace, I would feel terrible if I gave this to him.

[forgivenessandpeace]

I hear you @redroses. I get caught up in the exact same place. I wouldn't never want someone to suffer what I went through, especially the man I love most in the world!

 

Is it fair for him to have a say in the risks he takes?

[whitedaisies]

red roses, I am going to pose a question to you.....

 

what is more important to you, your relationship with this man or the possibility you have herpes?

 

I know it's hard but I would say your chances of having it are pretty low and even if you did, he hasn't gotten it, you don't have outbreaks etc....use a condom if you can and enjoy I would say

 

yes it's possible you have hsv2....but why miss out on all that loving? you deserve intimacy

 

I dunno I just want you to think about the question I posed....withdrawal of sex is never good no matter what reason if u are having an OB fine but otherwise what's changed?

 

what would change if you were positive? would you break up with the man? would you continue a sexual relationship?

 

IMO do all you can without anti virals and enjoy

[whitedaisies]

I am doing western blot next week...travelling out of country for it.

 

get the blot done as soon as you can so you can avoid anxiety

 

good luck

[WCSDancer2010]

If your OBGYN made it out to be a big deal then they shouldn't be surprised that your're having anxiety issues. .. idiots!

 

And I agree with @daisy.. your Bf has indicated he's not worried, so shouldn't you honor his feelings? Don't let your anxiety jeopardize your relationship, ok?

 

 

[redroses]

I'm trying to control my anxiety. But it's hard- I'm a control freak & think im everyones mother. I know I need to back off & let him be the strong, smart man he is. As he always says, " you can be so mean to yourself."

 

The thought is in the back of my head, whst of he gets it 6 months or a year from now? Will he be angry at me? Will he be able to accept it- that it was his decision to continue as we always did. I'm alwsys projecting & I have to stop it.

 

Can't wait to get my other blood work back tomorrow- maybe l'll feel better if its negative. If not, it's on to the western blot & more waiting.

 

Thanks for all your positive thoughts and good advice.

[whitedaisies]

I am the exact personality type as you and you know what.....I mothered and controlled myself out of any fun in life. Protected everyone and sacrificed myself and now I am 42 and wondering how I can turn back time.

 

Put yourself as a priority. Let go. You can't control this and that's why you are struggling.

 

Enjoy the sex....the intimacy.....you are already ahead of lots of people on here who are struggling to disclose and looking for an accepting partner.

 

Keep us posted on results.

 

I have my call with west over tomorrow to schedule my blot.

[redroses]

@whitedaisies : you are soooooo right- "You can't control this and that's why you are struggling."

 

 

[whitedaisies]

I am at the same place...so it comes from love to tell you that.

 

Good luck

[WCSDancer2010]

The thought is in the back of my head, whst of he gets it 6 months or a year from now? Will he be angry at me? Will he be able to accept it- that it was his decision to continue as we always did. I'm alwsys projecting & I have to stop it.

 

Depression is living in the past.

Anxiety is living in the future

Happiness is living in the now.

 

YOU get to choose where you want to live :)

[whitedaisies]

Live now red roses! Have great sex!

 

You project bc u want to have some form of control!

 

 

[redroses]

@WCSDancer2010 I am forever posting that on my facebook page. Now, I can only live it every day. I have gotten better, but not far enough.

[redroses]

Just to let you know, I was successful in shutting down my brain last night and receptive to a warm, loving evening. Glad that's behind me.

[WCSDancer2010]

YAY!!! Get yer freak on girl! Happy for you!

[whitedaisies]

Omg so happy!

 

Good for you!

 

Xo