Do I tell his GF what he gave me?

[Rosebud]

Hi,

I'm a 22 year old female, and 3 months ago I got HSV. First of all, thank goodness I stumbled across this support forum, and THANK YOU Adrial.

 

So, I know who gave it to me, all the signs are pointing to this dude.

Initially it didn't bother me because he said he was sorry and "didn't know". I actually felt bad for him, and thought we could deal with it together; (regrettably) I was compassionate, understanding, and acted exactly how I would want to be treated in such a scenario.

 

Now, some of you may think I deserve this, or was asking for it, but I knew from the beginning he had a girlfriend of 8 months. They were "on a break", and I chose to believe him when he said he wanted to leave her for me, but deep down I knew better than that. Where was my self respect? Some pathetic part of me was grasping to the impossible notion that he would actually leave this girl for me…

 

2 months later, things could not be more opposite. Of course, none of his promises happened. I'm left with nothing but this disease to deal with alone, and I have more anger than I know what to do with. He led me on, and used me; worse part is I allowed that to happen. I'm fairly certain that in retrospect, he DID know (as he showed symptoms) and just didn't get tested because he's a cheap bastard and it's an excuse not to disclose. Whether this is true or not, every fiber of my being wants to go knock on her door, and tell her what a shady piece of shit this dude is. I'm positive she doesn't know about me.

 

So, do I take the high road and leave them in peace? Or do I ruin his life, just like he did mine? I can tell I'm so pissed that I'm not able to see the bigger picture here, my judgement is clouded :(. I don't want to do something crazy, but I also have been known to put others needs before my own and become a doormat. What I want most is advice so that I don't do something I regret, because I can't seem to figure out what's right or wrong anymore. I feel like my happiness and future has been stollen from me, why does he still get to have his? I've only had one boyfriend ever, and don't seem to "click" with many people. Any hope that I had in finding someone has vanished, and I've never felt so lonely. He's the only person I have told, and that obviously went south. It just doesn't seem fair he can go through life infecting women, with no repercussion. Where is the justice?

 

For those who are curious, not that it really matters, but this guy is 31, his girlfriend is my age, his favorite activity is dealing drugs at the local strip club (he's unemployed, obviously), and still has my PS2 I let him borrow. He's also been to prison and has several kids he doesn't care for or know. Yup, I really know how to pick em, huh?

 

I appreciate any advice and am grateful for anything ya'll got to offer. Lay it on me.

Thank you!

[Sil88]

I wouldn't bother.. clean your hands of it, you don't need the extra stress anyway. I'd imagine she already knows or has it - and judging by your description of his lifestyle, I'm not sure your bombshell would affect him that much. Try and find a more positive way to blow off steam.

 

Life's not fair, but it's still a beautiful thing.

[Rosebud]

Except that she pays his rent and bill. so he'd probably end up homeless. It's a real fantasy of mine..him being on the streets...but at the end of the day you're probably right. I will try my best to forget about them both! Thank you for the feedback, Sil.

[jordenellisson]

She probably already knows he's a cheater but since she has kept him this long she's prob not going anywhere in a hurry. The way I play it out in my head is u run over there and tell her, she will act all shocked grill u for info then pretty much yell at him then forget the whole thing in a few days and u just end up getting yourself more upset then u already r.

[WCSDancer2010]

Well, I was dating a guy once and I kinda knew he probably wasn't being 100% honest with me about where "we" were. One day I got a text from a girl who said she was also dating him. After a brief interchange (to make sure she was legit) we both told him to take a running jump. I was very thankful that she contacted me. All she said was that she had found out about me through a common friend (who figured out that if we were both dating a new guy in town who was from Atlanta, that odds are it was the same guy... we are in a small town!) and that I might want to know that I wasn't the only person in his phone book.... I was very grateful. She and I actually met that night. He had dropped me like a hot potato but kept pursuing her... so we took a photo together and sent it to him. ;)

 

I actually made a new friend and we both got out of something that neither of us wanted :/

 

*IF* you contact her, do it from the "right" place. Not as vengeance against him, but as a woman who is standing with women against liars and cheats ;) There's a BIG difference in the intent .... :)

 

 

[Peggy]

Hi I have so been where you are with slightly different turns. Nothing will change what happened to you. Revenge might briefly make you feel better. You may very well destroy lives however from what you say about this guy, he does not have much of a conscience. Also stress is not good for you and can add up to a possible OB. This time is about you and your healing right? Remember KARMA is a BITCH right:) Breathe and take care of yourself...Oh one big comment if the other girl is not aware, or her health or safety are at risk then that may be a different story.... All the best to you:)

[MMissouri]

To me it sounds like you are more angry with the fact he isn't around than the fact that he gave you herpes? Am I reading this wrong? From the information you gave about him, I think I'd be counting my blessings that one got away. He doesn't sound like a good person to make a future with, but I know that I'm looking at this from an objective standpoint and you have feelings for him.

 

I wouldn't go to the girlfriend. There are so many different outcomes to that scenario and frankly I don't see many positives coming from it. If I were you, I would look for a different way to cope/heal. Best of luck.

[cwmj2012]

Thank God he chose her and not you. You do not need all that extra drama that comes with a guy like this. Its rough enough having (h), let alone having to deal with it with someone that does care for you. Like others have said on these post, dont bother her. Find peace in Jesus and let him heal you (mentally) . All will be well..