found out 4 days ago. feeling like it's the end. What next.

[allaloneks]

The scariest thing is I don't want to pass to my 2 year old. She is constantly on me around me, sleeps by me. I'd die if I hurt her with this. I been crying since I found out. I'm a 37 year old single mom. Everything was going so well and now it's all ruined. I'm ruined. I had unprotected see more than once. I made my decision now I'm paying the price. I need help. I can't care for my children like I should. I can't hug them or drink after them or let them share anything with me anymore. The world is spinning. I'm not optimistic one bit. I wish I could close my eyes and go back to a month ago. Either that or get this life over with. Years of this physical pain...I can't take it. Nobody will ever want to be with me now.

[mr_hopp]

Hi there!

 

I'm SO GLAD you're reaching out! Why? Because we can dispel some of those pesky rumors you've heard that are absolutely untrue. A lot of the suffering you're now feeling is thanks to misinformation, unfortunately. Let's see if we can transform all that suffering back into genuine love and care for your baby (and yourself). :)

 

Know that you can't spread herpes to your child in the ways you've said. Just be careful if you ever feel an outbreak coming on (prodrome symptoms) and especially when there's an active outbreak that's when herpes can spread. But other than that (which is 90% of the time), the way that herpes can be spread through asymptomatic viral shedding is due to the kind of friction that only sex produces.

 

Here are a few links for you to read/watch immediately so you can get the facts!

 

http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/

http://herpeslife.com/video-herpes-facts/

http://herpeslife.com/doctor-answers-questions-about-genital-herpes-hsv-and-hpv/

http://herpeslife.com/what-is-herpes-asymptomatic-viral-shedding/

 

[Sil88]

@allaloneks Don't worry, we're all in the same boat and there's millions on-board. We've all been through that panic stage too (even though kids are something for the future in my case). I'm about 5 months into my diagnosis and things are much better. I've accepted it, experimented with telling people, tried to learn everything about it bla bla. I wouldn't want to get my life over with anymore. I find these OBs are like tunnels of misery, you forget what it's like in the daylight (which is the majority of the time). Maybe wear boxers/hot pants, and pay a little more attention to hygiene. The chances are surprisingly low if you have sex with someone, so cuddling a clothed toddler shouldn't be a concern. Try and do something to relax yourself and help your body tie the thing down.

[allaloneks]

Thank you both for your comments. I really do hope this gets easier. Is it constantly on your mind even though u have had it for 5 months? I had lunch with my brothers today and we laughed and joked but that thought was still there..still in my head. That I'm the only one in the world with this.

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hi alloloneks,

 

Many more people will probably jump on to tell you about their experiences with their children, and how they have handled that side of the diagnosis. But rest assured, you will be fine, and you can give them all the love in the world without ever giving it to them... just have to be mindful of a few things. Aside from that, it will get easier, promise. It's the initial shock and coming to terms with the stigma that our society has so graciously created. But please recognize that nothing about you has changed, that you are still the same gorgeous woman you were before. Someone will love you, and they will love you for the right reasons, because they will see everything that you have to offer, everything that makes you uniquely special, and recognize that you are worth it. I know this is hard to believe that right now, but one day you will believe it... how? you must believe it first. What is most important is taking the time to forgive yourself, finding acceptance, and loving yourself regardless. This has happened, and none of us can take it back, so how can we move forward? By finding even greater love for yourself than you ever thought was possible. For being strong and resilient but accepting your shortcomings when you falter. Give yourself time, every day will get better. Remember, this does not define you. No one can define you or your worth, except for you. Here is a quote i stumbled on the other day:

 

"You will never find yourself in what you've built to define yourself."

 

Your thoughts are powerful, don't let your negative thoughts define any part of you. Be strong, you are beautiful and some will love you one day, more honestly and deeply than you have ever been loved. If you need us, reach out. We have all been there, and we are all growing stronger every day. You will too. Lots of love.

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Btw, here are two great posts worth reading. You will be ok, believe.

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3498/exhale-finally-herpes-talk-success#Item_12

[WCSDancer2010]

@allaloneks

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I'm a 35 yr veteran of Herpes (actually, 49 yrs if you include Oral Herpes which I got as a 4 yr old!) I have 2 beautiful H- daughters, a 3 yr old H- granddaughter, I've had 2 three yr relationships post divorce (I gave my ex hubby H because I didn't know what my "rash" was). Neither man got H from me.

 

I can't care for my children like I should. I can't hug them or drink after them or let them share anything with me anymore.

 

I promise you ... you are not a walking talking petri dish of germs oozing from your pores. If herpes acted that way, EVERYONE would have it! As @Adrial said, normal hygine rules apply (washing after handling an OB) but otherwise your child should never be near the area of your OB's so they will be quite safe. I have to be more careful because of the cold sores, but I still give my granddaughter little pecks on the lips when I'm not having an OB, (I just had one so we "air kissed" because grandma had a boo boo) and we have a wonderful relationship.

 

Check out my blog about the reality of living with Herpes ;)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/toilets-towels-and-touching-oh-my/

 

And go give your kids a big fat hug :)

 

 

(((HUGS)))

[MMissouri]

I'm almost 16 years past my diagnosis and my husband has had it since he was a kid. I've had three children since, and I've never passed the virus onto them. The only thing we were diligent about was making sure they didn't drink after my husband or kiss him on the mouth when he was having an active outbreak.

 

Another part of your post that stood out to me is "years of physical pain". After having this for awhile, I would say the most annoying thing to me is the itching when I get stressed. I rarely have an actual OB, and if I do- it's usually one blister-no pain. My first outbreak was so horrible I couldn't even walk upright. I don't even remember the next one. Or the one after that. They get better, I promise.

[allaloneks]

Thanks so much everyone. It has almost been 3 or 4 weeks since knowing. The tears have stopped but still feel doomed.

[WCSDancer2010]

@allaloneks

 

Glad you are in a *little* better place. Keep reminding yourself that there's this old fart that people call the Forum Mom who has had it forever (more than half my life!) who has had an ENTIRELY normal, beautiful life with a few speed bumps during outbreaks and a couple disclosures. But when I think of/see what other people have to live with ... the shitty hand that life has dealt many of them ... I just plain realize that I've lived a wonderfully charmed life that has barely been affected by Herpes in reality.

 

I just had a wonderful Christmas with my nearly 4 yr old grandbaby. Gave her plenty of loving and we had a great family gathering. I am truly blessed. If anything, Herpes has forced me to approach life with appreciation for the wonderful people that who I have in my life. It's made me take new relationships slower than my hormones would prefer ;) . And I can tell you ... I've nearly died from an Ectopic Pregnancy and I've had some pretty bad bouts of Irritable Bowel and a blown disc in my back, and I'll take Herpes any day over all those experiences ....

 

Keep the faith ... take one day at a time. And know that this too shall pass :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[whitedaisies]

Hi

 

I have 3 kids who like to cuddle and sleep w mommy...mostly my little one who is 5. She has not got h from me and it's been a year. I never did share drinks or food with them.

 

I went thru the panicy stage too w the kiddies....still go thru it from time to time bc I get no obvious lesions so hard to tell what's contagious....but even with that uncertainty they still don't have it and I hug them all lots and lots.

 

U could have got h even with protected sex so don't beat yourself up....it will get better....you will feel better....try Advil/aleve/Tylenol for the pain along with whatever else dancer suggests.

 

It will be on ur mind for a while, but it will get better. Find support from this forum or telling someone u can trust...li also started therapy....you will be ok.

 

Deep breath and be kind to yourself

 

Xo