Meet A Girl Who Has Herpes (HSV Type 2)

[unknown1818]

Hi,

 

I met a girl who is HSV Type 2. I recently got tested and I am positive with type 1 and negative with type 2 (for now). We did have intercourse not too long ago, and now I am worried about the possibility of being positive (the condom broke). She has had it for about five years now, and hasn't had an OB since over summer. I have been trying to educate myself on this virus over the past week, and went to go get tested last week. Hence the reason on how I found out I was type 1.

 

I like this girl, and she has a lot going on for her and what she can bring to the table, and compliments mine contributions as well. Obviously, being human nature I am a little in fear. I mean if I wasn't I would be a senseless person. The reason being why I am in fear is because I know both types have no cure. She just started to take suppressive therapy, and I wanted to know how long should we wait until we have intercourse again for the therapy to start reducing the OB's. I am going to take it slow (meaning keep it PG) for now until I do decide if I like her, or if the feelings were just lust. So far we have only been talking for about a month, so the relationship between us is still in the beginning stages.

 

I am going to get tested again in about a month or month and half because my doctor mentioned that I will be negative for HSV 2 since I was exposed to it a little over a week ago, and my body hasn't had time to develop antibodies yet. I did get tested for other STD's and HSV 1 and 2 because I like a lot of people didn't know if I had one, or both, and I found out I have type 1. Although I have not had a cold sore, or I may have, but I could of been too young to remember. Also, I was reading if someone has type 1 and becomes exposed to type 2 that they may have some antibodies that can fight off against type 2. How true is that?

 

Sorry for the long essay, but I am trying to get as much educated on this issue as I can. One to help me determine if I want to stay with this girl, and two, to see how safe is it. I know there is always a risk, but I am stats kind of guy, so maybe you can give me scenarios (e.g. I have a better chance of getting killed in a car crash every year than catching it from this girl). Thanks!

[MMissouri]

You tested positive for HSV1, but since you've never had an OB, you don't know if it is oral or genital herpes. And...since you don't know where your OBs are, she is taking a risk with you too. What are her thoughts on you having HSV1? Do you plan on taking antivirals as well? Sometimes, I think asymptomatic carriers have it a little harder, because they don't know how to protect their partner.

 

If you do some browsing on the posts, you will find some conversations where the stats come up. (Even those talking about the risk of a car accident!) I'm sure someone will pop up with them stats soon too.

[Beachdude1984]

Yes being HSV-1 positive gives you some protection, but because there's so many other factors that contribute to transmission, the degree of protection is unquantifiable. According to the statistics, if she is on suppressive meds, you have about a 2-3% chance of contracting the virus for every 100 acts of intercourse. If you use condoms and no meds, the numbers are about the same. If you use condoms and meds, the chance is reduced to 1-2% per 100. I personally feel if someone is religious about using condoms and/or meds (meaning taking the meds every day at the same time, or using a condom every time), then the percentages may be a bit lower than that. That is my opinion based on A. my personal experience B. the stats are derived from studies that involved hundreds of discordant (one positive, one negative) couples, and the chances that every person in the studies used condoms/meds properly and consistently are slim (in other words, transmission is more likely when someone forgets to take the meds, or when someone uses condoms "some times," thus skewing the numbers).

 

I think if you really like the girl, you shouldn't let HSV get in the way. Have her take the meds and use condoms for a while, until you have a better feel for the direction of the relationship. There are tons of examples of discordant couples who have been married for decades, in which the negative partner remained negative.

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hey, first of all, I just want to zero on in the fact that you like this girl and beyond the lust, it's obvious by your description that you see potential with her. That in itself is never easy to find, so on behalf of all the HSV2+ women out there who want to find an accepting and loving partner, thank you for taking the time to educate yourself about what it means to live with herpes before jumping ship. I understand that you are scared, and you are doing the right thing by examining all angles of the situation before making a firm decision. You have to be comfortable with your own choice, no matter what.

 

That said, the first thing you need to realize is that because she is aware of her status and her body, she is in the best possible position to protect you from getting it. 80% of people with genital herpes don't even know they have it... so any other woman you meet following her, could very well land you in the same place, but unknowingly, potentially putting you more at risk. If you develop trust, openly communicate and take proper precautions, the chances of you getting this from her are very slim... 2% with condoms and antivirals. As you have read, your likelihood of dying in a car crash this year are about the same.

 

There a tons of people on this forum who have been with H- partners who never acquired it, some using protection and others nothing at all. The fact that you have HSV1 should help you fight off contracting HSV2, but it can still happen, so don't consider that a shield of any kind. If you do contract HSV2 with HSV1 antibodies, your symptoms could also be minimized. But again, there are no guarantees and everyone has different reactions/symptoms.

 

The truth? there is a risk, there will always be a risk, but risks are everywhere in life... every decision we make has a risk, some that lead to fatal outcomes, some that lead to injuries, or emotional trauma. There are no guarantees in life. The risk here is that you 'may' catch a virus, a non-terminal skin condition... but if you look at the other side of the coin, you 'may' be walking away from someone who will become your best friend, who will be your rock in times of need, who will fill you heart with tremendous joy for years to come.

 

Since this a very new relationship, you should definitely take more time to get to know her, and decide if this is the right choice for you... but consider that this will be a difficult process for her too. Talk about your fears, honestly open up to her, and keep those lines of communication open so no assumptions are formed along the way as to how you or she might be feeling. This could be the beginning of something truly special, don't let fear of 'what if' get in the way of that.

 

Also, feel free to come back here and ask questions or vent anytime, that's what this forum is all about. Hopes this helps, and good luck.

[WCSDancer2010]

@unknown1818

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

First, as @Postitive mentioned, on behalf of the H+ population, thank you for taking the time to become educated about the reality of living with a HSV+ partner. That says alot about who you are as a man.

 

So here's how I see it. Odds are your HSV1 is oral - just based on stats (60% of young people have it by the time they are young adults and 80% of the population up to 50 yrs have it... and 80% don't know they have it). So - fact of the matter is that HALF of all genital herpes nowadays is HSV1 from oral sex ... so that means that if you love giving oral, your risk of passing to her is probably about the same as her giving you HSV2 ...because the stats are higher for passing herpes from male to female (thanks to the fact that we have a lot of folds of thin skin down there :( )

 

http://herpeslife.com/hsv-1-hsv-2-types-of-herpes/

 

http://herpeslife.com/genital-hsv-1-herpes-and-oral-sex/

 

Now, that may seem pretty scary, but the reality is you both have some antibodies which will help to protect you from getting the other version ... and as mentioned, there are TONS of discordant couples who are together for long periods who never pass the virus in either direction (orally or genitally). I had 2 three year relationships post divorce (my ex had H as well ... passed it to him because I didn't know what my "rash" was) one I took anti-virals, the other I didn't (their choice both times) ... no condoms for either, and neither got it from me and I have both oral (H1) and genital (H2). And we certainly had sex at least twice a week in both relationships ;)

 

I think you are smart to slow things down and see if this is love or lust. So often we jump into the physical relationship before we really get to know someone and then it gets complicated when you realize that you have too many things that won't work... even if you are both really great people ;) That's one of the "opportunities" that Herpes brings to the table ... it forces us to really work on the relationship FIRST ... and that will always be a good thing :)

 

Good luck ... keep us posted and if you have any more questions, we are here for you!

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Herpes facts video

 

 

[unknown1818]

@MMissouri I didn't look at that perspective, but she went to get tested to see if she has HSV 1. As for me taking valtrex or suppressive medicine that conversation has not been brought up yet. But to my understanding since she already has HSV 2 breakouts on her thigh and lower back I have read that she can't get HSV 1 in the genital area since she already has HSV 2 down there. Is that true?

 

@Beachdude1984 @PositivelyBeautiful @WCSDancer2010

 

Thank you for you input. I will take everything you said into consideration. I just didn't want to make an irrational decision based on ignorance on my part. I really didn't know much about the virus until now other than the stigma that comes with it. But for now, I am going to take it slow, have an open conversation with her, explain my views, and take

it from there to see if my feelings continue to grow with her or dwindle down. I think this approach will be best for the both us, and who knows her feelings may change towards me as well where it could of only been a physical attraction and not emotional attraction.

[WCSDancer2010]

Regarding your question:

 

While having HSV2 genitally will give her extra protection against HSV1, it's *possible* she could get it down there... the risk would be pretty low but I wouldn't write it off completely... for instance, if she had an open sore of any kind and it came in contact with an open HSV1 lesion, it may be too much for the system, even with the antibodies, to fight it off ;)

[MMissouri]

I'm glad you didn't take offense to my reply. I kind of zeroed in on the fact that you tested positive for HSV1, but your post was addressing her positive status. You didn't really say much about what your plans were about your status. I DO think it's great you came here and sought information, and that you like this girl and are willing to give her a chance... I just worried that you didn't realize that you also should be taking precautions, whether you are with her or not.

 

Anyway, I'm sorry if I came across a little blunt. And best of luck :)

[unknown1818]

@WCSDancer2010 Thank you for the information. Well, she got the results back and she is HSV 1 and 2. Now my question is since she is HSV 1 and I have HSV 1, and hers is oral HSV 1 and mine is most likely oral too. What are the chances of us spreading to each other where we get both breakouts in the genital area through oral sex? I've read if you have one of the viruses that you can't have OB in other areas….

[unknown1818]

@WCSDancer2010 also, since she has outbreaks on the upper buttock area/lower back and on the back of the thigh is this where the virus sheds too? Like for example, since she does not have OB in the vaginal area and we are having sex with condom or without does that mean it could be harder for me to contract the virus through vaginal penetration? Also, can I get the virus from the breakout areas if my thigh or boxer area touches her OB area?

[WCSDancer2010]

Again - you will have *some* resistance to getting H1 in the genital area ... but it's not a guarantee (we have had people on here who have HSV1 in both areas) ... and there aren't any studies that will give you the risk factor ... however, it's going to be in the lower percentage rates... which you can keep in that lower risk by being very careful about not having oral sex if either of you have nicks/cuts/rubs/OB's etc down there or when either of you have anything like a "papercut" or standard OB on your mouth.

 

Odds are she'll be shedding in the areas where her OB's are ... and given the location it will be easier for you to avoid that area ... again, the majority of people get it through somewhat sustained skin to skin contact/rubbing ... so a brief contact with the area of her OB's should be ok when she doesn't have an OB. Yes - you *could* get it on your thigh or boxer area if you have contact but again, her location makes it less likely that you would have enough contact to obtain enough of the virus to get it from her.

 

 

[Aliveandwell]

She sounds like an awesome chick. You have hsv1 she has hsv2 (and h1). H2 is a Slightly different virus but both should be looked at the same. Take the right steps to protect yourself. I don't think you should worry too much about the condom breaking. She would most likely need to have an active blister to transmit to you during. Have fun wish you guys the best.

[unknown1818]

@WCSDancer2010- Thank you, I appreciate the information that you have given me.

 

@aliveanwell- She is a good girl…. It's just I have to see if these feelings are real or what not, and if they are if I am willing to take the risk. I just turned 30, so I am still somewhat young, and I have to contemplate if I want to take the risk and if it doesn't work out that I will have HSV 2….

[fitgirl]

@unknown1818 your last comment is perfect. its the bottom line in all of this. you did your homework, you are here....you found out you have HSV1 so you are one of "us". you always have to enter these relationships with the assumption you can "get it" but the reality is....that is how you should enter all relationships. You didn't know you had HSV1 yet, at 30....I am going to assume you have kissed your share of people (friends, kids, lovers) . Did you feel differently about yourself when you knew you had HSV1? does taking it slow mean you aren't kissing either? my point is, you are going about this in the most upstanding way, open and honest about your feelings, getting tested, getting information....MUCH CREDIT for that. the questions I ask are merely to make you think more. it is wise to take it slow on sexual relationships regardless of whether herpes is a factor. this is allowing you and her to be respectful, thoughtful and mindful. THAT is a gift. whether she is "the one" for you or not, you have already shown that you are a smart and mature man who is human and compassionate and she has shown you the respect you both deserve.

The fear is natural, the uncertainty is normal. There are no guarantees in life, just make sure you are comfortable with all of your life decisions, not just this one. And regardless of how any of them turn out, remember........ risk is part of life, don't miss out on it thinking you can always control the outcome. Make your choices and accept the consequences without blame of yourself or others if it doesn't work out the way you had hoped. I can tell you from experience, you will find your happiness if you are prepared to be vulnerable and open your heart to all that life has to offer.

 

 

[unknown1818]

@fitgirl thanks for the words of wisdom.