Hello everyone! I'm new on here! :)

[lebunny]

Hello everyone! My name is Tracy and I’m 19 years old. I’m currently studying at a university majoring in biology in hopes of one day, becoming an optometrist. Of all my 19 years I’ve only had a few partners. Four to be exact and I’m still with the fourth one and I love him so dearly. And two days ago, I found out I had herpes. I’ve never got checked before because I was naïve to think that just because I didn’t have many partners in the past, I won’t catch anything. Boy was I wrong. A few weeks ago, I started to have weird symptoms in my lady area. I didn’t think much of it because it had a weird smell before but then it went away after a few days. But days turned into a few weeks, I was beginning to get more concerned. I wanted to get checked out but I also didn’t at the same time. I don’t know. So my boyfriend, lets just call him K, called me one day and told me he was tested for chlamydia and he was positive. SO that really did worry me and so I went to get checked immediately. Since my auntie worked at an OBGYN office, she got me an appointment the same day. I went to get everything checked and she also insisted that I get a blood test for stds as well. I felt like I didn’t need to do all that but she insisted. So I went along with it because I mean, you can never be too sure. So two days ago, my results came and they called me in. I knew I had chlamydia so I wasn’t surprised when she told me I did. The doctor had already given me medications when I told her I was already exposed to it from my boyfriend. So when she told me I came out positive for herpes, my heart dropped. Nothing had prepared me for this. I felt like my life was over and honestly, I didn’t know how to react. I’ve never had an outbreak or signs that even suggests that I have herpes. I was so speechless and my eyes were tearing up. But of course, I had to tell K about it. There was no way I was going to keep this from him. I was scared to but I know he should know about it. I was very nervous at first because I thought he would be grossed out and leave me and I’ll be alone forever because I thought, “Who would want to be with someone who has herpes?” (No offense. This is what I thought that day). K is a very clean guy and he’s already stressing about the chlamydia. Up until he met me, he rarely got sick and never had a cold sore. And ever since he met me, he’s gotten sick a few times and have had two cold sore outbreaks. And knowing that I might possibly given him herpes too, it broke my heart. It took my all to tell him and I broke down crying as I told him because I was so afraid of losing him over this. But fortunately, he said he’s not going anywhere and herpes weren’t going to get rid of him so easily. ☺ That cheered me up but it doesn’t leave the fact that I have herpes now. I don’t know I feel so weird and strange. Like I’m still having such a hard time letting this all sink in. I just want to learn to cope with it and live with it. I really don’t want this to define me because I’m so much more than that. I thought joining a forum with people like me would help me get through this. I don’t know. I’m trying my best to keep my head up and I don’t know. I’m just willing to make some friends on here. I want to be able to talk to someone who can truly empathize with me. I guess what I’m saying is, I need some words of motivation and some strength to pull myself together. Ever since I found out, I’ve been feeling really low and gross about myself. My self-esteem has gone super low and that’s not good at all. Yup well that’s my story ☺

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hi lebunny, and welcome!! Joining this forum is a saving grace for a lot of people, because we are all in it together. If ever you need it, there are plenty of loving and compassionate people on here who will support you and help remind you that you are defined by this virus, but merely have to deal with it on occasion. So, just to start off - cold sores are herpes... typically HSV1, also known as oral herpes, so if you're boyfriend gets cold sore, he has herpes too. HSV 2 is known as genital herpes. While HSV2 rarely ever spreads to the mouth/oral area, HSV1 can definitely spread down below to the genital, that's why 50% of new genital herpes cases are HSV1. So, if you guys have cold sores, you have to be very careful to not have oral sex during an outbreak. Did you find out what type of herpes you have? Type 1 or 2? 80% of people get cold sores or HSV1, and 20% have HSV2, but 80% of those people don't even know it because either the symptoms are so minimal or non-existent. As you read more on this forum, you'll learn a lot more about the virus and how to handle it. You are not disgusting, so don't feed into that narrow-minded stigma... you are human, you caught a virus, just like people catch the common cold all the time. Don't allow this to deplete your self-worth, nothing about you has changed in any way!!

[fitgirl]

@lebunny your life has changed yes, but it is far from over. In fact, its just begun. Sometimes a reality check is what the universe had in mind for us and this is yours. I know exactly how you feel, the first part of this process is to go through all the emotions you are feeling now. I felt exactly the same way, as though I would no longer be attractive to a man, no longer be able to feel sexy and that somehow I lost the freedom I once had to enter into physical relationships. Those are all natural reactions. they are also VERY WRONG. after 15 years with this virus, I can tell you that you will get your sexy back, you seem to have a fantastic man who loves you and cuddos to both of you, this virus plays by its own rules and it is tricky. The more you learn about it and the more you understand it, the less freaky it is. funny enough, I had my H- boyfriend say the same thing to me when I first disclosed to him..... he too said that I am not getting rid of him that easily and that we will deal with it together. I also told him that I didn't want to be with him if he looked at me differently sexually once he knew I had it. I told him I would understand if he didn't and I would understand if he didn't want to be with me. We cant control how other people will react, and we can't judge them either. We just have to accept that everyone is entitled to their own reaction and decision. We can only believe in ourselves and our own worth as whole human beings. This virus eventually becomes a minor inconvenience in a lifetime of experiences and relationships.

 

If you find out which one you have down low, it can help you process this. You are assuming that you gave him cold sores/HSV1 but it is possible HE gave you HSV1 of the genitals. either way, you both have herpes!!!! why do we feel shame when we have a cold sore on our genitals yet oral cold sores don't generally create that same feeling? you kissed him and loved him the same after his cold sores healed right? the point is, it doesn't matter in the big picture whether you have HSV 1 or 2 or both.....what matters is that you aren't "dirty" and you aren't different now that you are H+. You are one of 80% of the population that has herpes, try to remember that :)

[WCSDancer2010]

@lebunny

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I'm having to head out the door but I wanted to make a very quick note here:

 

You didn't mention which type of herpes you have. If you blood tested for HSV1 it doesn't mean you have it genitally .. it's VERY possible you have it orally ... 60% of young people have HSV1 orally by the time they are your age ... It's also possible your BF had it all this time and gave it to you orally ... OR genitally ... and unfortunately you won't know until you have an OB.

 

Also, what were the numbers on your test? If they were between 1.1 and 3.5 there's a 40% chance of a false positive and given that you've not had any signs, I'd suggest you do a follow up test in a few months if your numbers are in that range. If it's still in that range, you can do a Western Blot which is the gold standard of HSV testing and will give you a definite result.

 

Either way, your BF sounds like a great guy .... and hopefully this experience will bring you closer together .... I would suggest that you get him to get a FULL STD panel now ...and tell him he may have to specifically ASK for the Herpes test becaue it usually isn't included on the panel (good on your Aunt for making sure it was included for you :) )

 

Here's some info you can print out and show to your BF ... time for you to both get educated about STD's, eh?

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Herpes facts video

[lebunny]

@positivelybeautiful @fitgirl @wcsdancer2010 Thank you for your kind words! It really did cheer me up quite a bit! And for which type of herpes, I have both 1 and 2.. I've told my boyfriend to go get tested too just to be on the safe side today. He went and the doctor examined him in his area and the doctor told him that there was no way he could have herpes because he would've known. But I've been doing my research and it says that in some people, symptoms/outbreaks don't show until years later or not at all, right? And basing off what the doctor said, he concluded that he doesn't have herpes and that I do and since he doesn't, where did I get it from? We haven't had sex in weeks because of school and work. The last time we had sex was before either of us got tested. So he believes that within those weeks of not seeing each other, he thought I was having sex with someone else and that someone else gave herpes type 2 to me. Its just crazy and its stressing me out so much. I told him to wait until the blood results come in to know for sure but he still feels that I did do something but I didn't. I love him very much to even think about doing anything to hurt him. Is it because since I haven't had an outbreak, he didn't get infected? I doubt you can tell if a person has herpes type 2 just by looking at their area, right? Since its a virus in your system. I don't think it alters the way your private parts look right? I'm just so stressed out because I'm innocent and because the doctor said that to him, its making him doubt my loyalty. Like, what are the chances of him not being infected? What are the chances of him having it and also not have any outbreaks?

[PositivelyBeautiful]

A visual exam alone is NOT enough to say whether or not he has had herpes. He should definitely do a blood test to find out for sure. I've never had any typical symptoms, and so if I had never had a blood test, I would have never known. If you are staying together, you should definitely ask him to get tested. Also, did you get antibody levels or numbers to go along with your results? This could help you identify if it was a recent infection or if you've had it for some time. Unfortunately herpes is very tricky, and sometimes there's no way of knowing when or from who you could have contracted it... Tell him to come to this site and read up on it too. There are people who are married for years and never have an outbreak until well into their marriage, while being faithful all the while. He needs to get educated.

[lebunny]

@positivelybeautiful

Yes my point exactly! I've asked my doctor if there was any way I can pinpoint when exactly did I have it and she said there was no way to tell. But my results were about 14.50. It said if it was anything less than 1.40 or something that would've meant negative but I turned out 14.50 herpes positive. What can you tell from my results? Do you think I've had it for a while or just recently? If anything, my boyfriend could've given it to me since he's had more partners than I did.

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Ummm, no, that's a very high result which indicates you have had this for a long time. Even if you had very few partners, even if you always used protection, you can still get genital herpes. Herpes does not discriminate... anyone can get it, at any time.

[PositivelyBeautiful]

He should get tested, depending on how long guys have been together, this doesn't mean anything. And no one is blame here regardless, lots of people don't have symptoms or they are so mild that they wouldn't know. Again, 80% of people with genital herpes don't know they have it... don't try to point any fingers. Just find out his status and go from there. Hopefully you guy both commit to working through this, especially if you really love each other. At the end of the day, this is just an inconvenient skin condition, and if you don't have symptoms, then you guys should consider yourselves very lucky. Hang in there, you'll be just fine, no matter what.

[lebunny]

@positivelybeautiful

Oh okay I see.. If that so, what are the chances of him being infected? He told me the doctor said that if he was infected, he would've known. Like there would be bumps, burning pain when he pees, etc.. We've been together for 4 months and we're quite physical too. Is it possible that even after being together for months, he's still uninfected? I'm sorry if I'm asking so many questions. I just need to know and understand how this works.

[MMissouri]

Were those results from an IgM or IgG test? And did they give you results like HSV1-14.50 HSV2- 14.50 or did it just say herpes 1&2?

 

As for his chances of being of having it, that really depends. Some people get exposed and don't get it. There is a chance, yes, but I don't know what the stats would be. The doctor is wrong, you didn't know you had it, why would he?

[WCSDancer2010]

He told me the doctor said that if he was infected, he would've known. Like there would be bumps, burning pain when he pees, etc..

 

That's a load of crock. Sadly most GP's are clueless about Herpes :( We have some info here and I'm going to also give you the CDC's info site and I'm going to copy the bit you need to show him that points out that most people carry it asymtomatically ... print these out, and highlight and underline the bits I have below for him :)

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes-detailed.htm

 

How do people get genital herpes?

 

Infections are transmitted through contact with lesions, mucosal surfaces, genital secretions, or oral secretions. HSV-1 and HSV-2 can also be shed from skin that looks normal. In persons with asymptomatic HSV-2 infections, genital HSV shedding occurs on 10% of days, and on most of those days the person has no signs or symptoms. [4] Generally, a person can only get HSV-2 infection during sexual contact with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. Transmission most commonly occurs from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected. [5]

 

How common is genital herpes?

CDC estimates that, annually, 776,000 people in the United States get new herpes infections.23. Genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, 15.5 % of persons aged 14 to 49 years have HSV-2 infection. 22 The overall prevalence of genital herpes is likely higher than 15.5%, because an increasing number of genital herpes infections are caused by HSV-1. 2 HSV-1 is typically acquired in childhood; as the prevalence of HSV-1 infection has declined in recent decades, people may have become more susceptible to genital herpes from HSV-1.

 

And here's a video you can show him as well

 

Herpes facts video

 

[WCSDancer2010]

And I agree with @MMissouri

 

Was the test IgM or IgG? If it's IgM then it means a recent exposure (a couple months) ... IgG is for longer range exposure. And did they actually say 1& 2 or did it not differentiate? You only gave 1 result. You should have the numbers for each type on the test result.

 

 

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Sorry yes, I made an assumption that the numbers were only for HSV2 and were from IGG. To be sure, ask your doctor for full details as dancer and mmissouri are right, there are other variables to consider here.

[lebunny]

@MMissouri @PositivelyBeautiful Actually I'm not quite sure what test it was. The doctor wasn't really thorough. She just told me I have herpes and really .. that was it. I only know my results because my aunt works in the office and she showed it to me (and I don't think she was suppose to do that). But other than that, the doctor wasn't really that helpful at all. Most of the stuff I needed to know, I had to look it up myself. But so far, I haven't had an outbreak yet and hopefully I don't any time soon. It sounds very painful. I've got my boyfriend to get tested out for it and hopefully he doesn't have it because I would feel so bad.

[whitedaisies]

You have a right to get a copy of your results. Ask your aunt to provide you w a photocopy then come on here and post your results. We can help you interpret.

[WCSDancer2010]

What @whitedaisies said ... You have the RIGHT to a copy of your test results. In fact, I tell people to ALWAYS get a copy of the results of ANY test you have done ... both for future reference (if you test again ... for comparison) and to get clarification or more information about what they mean ... if your aunt can't do it (because of her position in the office) just ask the Dr for it... if they refuse then it's time to get a new Dr :/