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Herpes outbreak during sex

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I've recently started dating a great person who handled the "talk" really well. We got intimate for the first time yesterday, and later today I've noticed one bump and a small lesion. I'm kinda freaking out because,"did I just have sex with an outbreak and expose this person?!"


I know the risks are low when you have no symptoms, but I'm not sure if I had symptoms during or if they cropped up after. I am on antivirals and we used a condom, but I'm terrified he was exposed and therefore guaranteed to have it.


I know I need to talk to him so he can get the needed tests, but what I'm asking is if there were indeed these symptoms during sex is transmission guaranteed? Right now I'm just praying that we dodged a bullet...



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Sex/rubbing often seems to trigger minor OB's ... even after 35 yrs, if I get rubbed hard, I often have a small area of irritation. It usually disappears pretty quickly.... and once I've had sex for awhile it usually settles down.


So don't panic ... let the area settle down, and perhaps look at getting on suppressive therapy at least while you are getting to know this person and while your body is getting used to the irritation of having sex and the skin is "toughening" up ...



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That's the thing, I started taking Valtrex 2 mths ago. I haven't felt 100% since taking it, and my ob still seems to be going strong 5 days after...I'm kind of surprised I got a ob this bad since getting on to suppressive therapy. Not sure what else to do to speed up the healing process. But either way, I'm more concerned about my partner.

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No lie, even taking meds daily I get obs, but the difference for it hanging around for a week or more or gone in two/three days, is soaking in nighty lavender Epsom salt baths when I have symptoms. Works like majoc for me and my friend.


This brings up an interesting question for me. When something like this happens, do you tell your partner and likely freak them out, so then they may wanna avoid it altogether or do you "wait & see" if they get symptoms? Seems like a double edged sword.

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I have also had many times when an OB came on soon after sex and worried that I had passed it to my partner. The friction often causes and OB and yes, they come on pretty fast sometimes! It doesn't mean you have transmitted. I have been in this situation quite a few times and never passed herpes on so relax, don't worry about something you cannot control now.


As for the question about mentioning it or not..... I have done it both ways and in general learned that I unnecessarily worried myself AND my partner! Your partner already knows there is risk and has chosen to take it. I would suggest there is no point in sounding the alarm bells. If he does have it, cross that bridge when you get to it. There is a MUCH bigger chance he doesn't :)

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@fitgirl thanks for the advice. I have thought it best not alarm any future partners I may have, but I am a highly anxious person, so we shall see. I'll be afraid if I get asked, like are you sure you had no signs and symptoms and then it will come off ad if I was lying.

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@2Legit2Quit you didn't have symptoms before you had sex so you wouldn't be lying. It might help if you chat with him about OB's in general..... that you can have them after sex but that doesn't mean you were contagious while having sex. That way, if you announce after sex that you have an OB, he doesn't automatically jump to "I have herpes now!".

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  • 3 years later...

I know this is an old post, but this same thing just happened to me. Yesterday night I had sex and less than 24 hours later I noticed an outbreak. I'm also on suppressive therapy and I also take Lysine daily.  Now I'm very concerned that I may have passed it onto my partner. I'm aware that he knows the risk and is a willing participant in all of this, but I still am very afraid of giving it to someone. And I am already feeling guilty. I appreciate all the information and advice given and I just wanted to say thank you. I'm glad to have this kind of resource because all of this is very nerve racking, and reading about other's experiences is comforting. 

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  • 1 month later...

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