Waiter, I dont remember ordering Herpes?

[Emm]

Getting diagnosed with HSV2 is the most challenging thing thats ever happened in my life, and I've had an 'interesting' life.

 

I have known since 28th July this year (so 4 weeks) and have just stopped feeling suicidal. I felt hopeless for the first time, powerless and wanting to 'opt out'.

 

It feels like an injustice, I had been celibate for 5 years and trusted the wrong person... Didnt know that I had caught HSV2 until a year into a relationship with someone else... and now my partner is dealing with the same anguish of possibly having HSV2. Its also put a major strain on us.

 

For me, telling my parents has been a turning point, I felt like I was falling apart crying every day and semi-functional at work until I told them... I guess you cant deny how important support is! I was so stressed and internalising so much self hatred that it didnt occur to me that my life isn't over.

 

My parents were RELIEVED that it was only herpes. There are worse things out there; things that can take your life and stop your body functioning. What we have is (in my fathers words) "embarassing and a nuisance". No one is queuing up to get this, and you cant help but obsess over the fact that you didnt HAVE to get this, but we are going to LIVE! We can still have kids, our bodies still function as before. We just have to take some medication to keep the nuisance under control.

 

Asymptomatic shedding is the scary part for me, it wouldnt be so hard to think about relationships and disclosure if not for that. But at the end of the day, people with AIDS find love and get married, and what we have cant kill anyone... point being if someone wants all of you forever they will get past an "embarassing nuisance".

 

So, I once read that the more you think about something, your brain forms stronger pathways to that thought. So lets focus on thinking good things about ourselves and save ourselves from insanity.

 

I wrote this for myself, I've been SOO depressed! I need to remind myself of three things:

 

1. Worse things happen to better people

 

2. I'm going to be okay

 

3. I deserve, and will have love REGARDLESS

 

Read them over, remind yourself xx

 

 

 

PS (time to pick myself up and sort myself out, depression will have you looking AWFUL)

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@Emm

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

Good on your father for putting the right perspective on things ... and helping you to turn a corner on how you are viewing having Herpes.

 

You are right, Worse things happen to better people. It's not a reflection on us. Sure, we might have chosen "better" partners but to be honest, sooo many people get it from GOOD people like us who don't know they have it. And many will have plenty of "bad" partners and never get H. There's no rhyme or reason with the virus, except that if you are having sex, odds are you will eventually get it ... simply because 80% of people have it orally so if you avoid HSV2 you still will run high odds of getting HSV1 if you like oral play :p

 

Thank you for sharing, I know many will find comfort in knowing they are not alone in their experience ...

 

(((HUGS)))

[2Legit2Quit]

Glad you are getting your mind wrapped around this in a healthy manner. You will be up and back to yourself in no time.

[Marie14]

I love your take on this! This is an article I read when I was first diagnosed and I loved it. http://thoughtcatalog.com/michelle-schaffer/2012/09/i-have-herpes-and-its-not-the-end-of-the-world/

[Livefiercely21]

Looks like we're twins lol! I'm in pretty much the exact same boat as you. I am dealing with my first outbreak, lovely isn't it, and my boyfriend of 4 months may have it as well. I was with a guy for 7 months and broke up with him because I found out he was using tinder. He seemed like the last person to do this but unfortunately he did. I felt heavy betrayal from being cheated on and so much guilt and despair about my boyfriend possibly contracting it too that I had major panic attacks and missed work. I have yet to tell my family but I have a lot of support from a couple close friends. This is all very new to me but reading your message has made me feel a million times better. No words can describe how much thankfulness I feel for you having the courage to share your story.

[Emm]

@WCSDancer2010 Thankyou! I wont pretend I havent cried since but Im definitely on a better page!

[Emm]

@2Legit2Quit Thank you, I think it will take a while to feel totally normal again and think about it less but I'm working on it

[Emm]

@Marie14 Thanks for that article, thats what happened to me! I received a text message of all things and had to ask a director if I could leave as I was in pieces. It was so far from tactful too, they said 'You are CLEAR of everything except we did confirm Herpes Simplex 2." Such insensitive phrasing! Got my hopes up

[Emm]

@Livefiercely21 Im so glad! I'm still not over it yet but I'm feeding myself a diet of support/crying time and fun, and I'm getting there.

 

I also moved out of my boyfriends place, its easier to take on one thing at a time and by all reports stress doesnt help with OBs anyway. I think its best to stay busy enjoying life and feeling positive and then when I feel like myself (and he feels like himself) we can deal with 'us' again.

 

The worst of it is in our minds!

 

[Livefiercely21]

I completely agree! And my bf is handling it well but there's a bit of resentment :( so I'm dealing with the outbreak apart for now. Cause I can't tell him how horrible it is cause he doesn't feel sympathetic which I understand 100% but his logic of me "deserving it" cause I trusted the wrong person is extremely stressful :( but I'm staying positive cause it's not the end of the world :) and I'm finding out it's manageable

[WCSDancer2010]

WEll as I think I wrote elsewhere, IMO Herpes is acting as your Wingman ... showing you the REAL side of your BF...

 

Sorry but the comment that you "deserve it" would have me telling him he could leave and don't let the door hit him on the ass on the way out. TOTALLY below the belt and nasty to say that. IMO this won't be the only time he plays the nasty card ... so please, REALLY consider whether he's worth your time and energy ...

[Emm]

@Livefiercely21 Oh man. I think everyone deals with things differently... but you know you dont 'deserve' this, and thats an a$$hole thing to say to you. YOU DONT DESERVE IT.

 

My Mr has struggled with this and there have been uncomfortable conversations for sure. We've had to have fresh convos about my sexual past for example (which is Sahara desert dry BTW- part of my anger for having this I've had barely any sex life), and there have been arguments and moody silences.

 

Im not a psychiatrist or anything but my bf was really angry and sullen with me, and when I actually cracked his shell and got to the heart of it he wasnt angry with me, he was actually angry with being powerless to protect me.

 

We lived apart for about a month and its brought him to terms with everything. At the end of the day he wants to be with me so he's had to get himself over it.

 

I think you have to work out whether your Bf is working his way through this mentally, or just an a$$hole.

 

Something to think about, because you are not suddenly half of you because you have this. You still deserve the best guy and the best treatment. You dont need extra stress!

 

Hope you're thinking about H less, I was thinking about it EVERY DAY but I don't anymore thank God. PROGRESS!