Desire to be destructive

[Elise1977]

I know it's illogical, but I am trying very hard to suppress the desire to go out and be destructive and break hearts and cause problems. It's not what I want to do, but I'm feeling vengeful for something I don't even know who to assign blame to. How do I get over these destructive thoughts? I want to make men love me and then leave them broken. Like I am broken. Not to give them the HSV, not to sleep with them, not to cheat on my boyfriend. I just want to feel in control of something, right now when I feel so out of control of me.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Elise1977

 

Well, sounds like you could use some counseling, because I doubt that Herpes is the only thing that brought this on... and any time that we feel that far out of control, we are more likely to do things that are not in our, or anyone's, best interest.

 

That said, it's not unusual for the the newly diagnosed to feel out of control, to feel depressed, to feel anger, etc. And while I can't tell you how long it will last for YOU, if you are willing to work on your stuff, you will be able to slowly pull out of it.

 

I'm going to post some of my favorite "perspective" links... perhaps they will help to start to life you out of your anger and upset.... also, you may want to check in with @Adrial ... he's an AH-MAZING coach ... and you should check out the Lifestyle Guides... use my code PAM to take 25% off of any purchase if you decide to check them out :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6801/throwing-herpes-on-top-of-ugly-my-shallow-post

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6780/something-for-you-to-chew-on

 

http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

 

[Anna01]

@Elise1977

This is something that I would try to eliminate as soon as possible. You don't want to add to your frustration. We think that being vengeful will help sometimes but I believe it does the exact opposite. It will make you feel worse. So you need to face these issues head on.

 

I applaud you for recognizing it and coming forward to seek advice before its too late. Like @WCSDancer2010 said, it sounds like you may have some underlying issues that are causing these feelings. I don't think herpes is the villain in your life. Maybe talking about it to a counselor is a good route.

 

I was betrayed by my ex and got herpes from him and all it made me want to do is make sure I NEVER do the same thing to someone else. Doing bad things to others never even crossed my mind. So try to find the root of these feelings and also try to realize that you are in control of your life. Don't let anything or anyone steal your joy and make you behave in a way you don't want to. Hurting others will not heal your pain. I am here if you want to talk more. HUGS

[Elise1977]

Oh, I would never actually do anything destructive. I was just feeling angry and convinced that people are bad and do bad things to each other and need to pay for being bad (which I was going to fix by being worse!). I'm not a vengeful person in the least, which is probably why I was so frustrated. I want to be mad at whoever gave this to me, but it does me no good. Maybe he didn't know. Maybe he really is just a terrible person. Maybe he was scared. I don't know his reasons, but being mad is just wasted energy for something I can't change.

 

I went through a long, drawn out break-up last year (from Oct-January - he wouldn't leave, I'd found lots of evidence of cheating, and him trying to "make friends" with high school aged girls, even, through facebook. Yes, I reported him. Creep!) I suppose I have a lot of hurt and resentment in my heart, like I felt that I was finally free and ready to live a good life with a good man who loves me...and then this is thrown at me. Ten years of garbage, six months of paradise, now a positive test, and unsure of what the future brings.

 

I feel better this morning. Separating myself as a person from the virus is going to take some time, though.

[Bambina3]

Well...glad to read I'm not alone in all these feelings

 

I am newly (or veteran) diagnised(long story irrelevant)

 

I also had the lash out revenge feelings....I am married...I am a cheater...the same for my partner/s

 

It is only the innocent ones that keep me silent and at bay.

 

 

 

 

[Elise1977]

It's one of the stages of grief, I guess. Being angry. I definitely think wanting to lash out is normal, it's how we deal with those feelings that matter.

[StillMeButWiser]

Yes, it is one of the stages of grief. It does seem so unfair especially when we compare ourselves to someone who we don't like very much and they seem to be "happy". For instance, when I was married my hub (at time) cheated on me numerous times. Fast forward, been divorced two years and I get herpes. Why couldn't it happen to him? He has a gfriend now for about 4 years. Because of herpes I lost my guy who I truely loved. Just seems so unfair and at times, when I dwell on it makes me pissed. Pissed cause I got the wrong end of the stick. But did I? The grass always looks greener. Because of herpes, being dumped and having major depression I have grown, learned and became more resilient. And you will to. The catch is...to allow yourself to let go, like yourself for who you are and believe in your strengths doing so builds confidence. Confidence is pretty damn sexy. People will see this sexiness over any skin condition.

 

The days you feels hard on yourself do the opposite, gym, walk, nails, volunteer, kickboxing, whatever makes you feel pretty, sexy, got it going on feeling.

[2Legit2Quit]

Omfg I swear to you @stillmebutwiser you say stuff that would come right out of my mouth, just like w the ex thing. I still think about it and how he's a bad person and married and happy and this is what I get after that? I have days that I hope he gets it... I knkw.. Not nice...

[StillMeButWiser]

@2legit2quit. Sometimes ex appears to be happy, have it all. . Right? But thats in our jealous, weak minds. Think about it, they really dont change. Creatures of habit. So all those irritating habits, selfishness, narcissistic behavior still remains. We are no longer the chosen one. Be thankful. Next time you are thinking vindictively think of why you really divorced. Then think of all the good that has come your way since divorce. Thankful now, right? Dont waste precious time on him. more than likely you are much happier than him and he knows it. Thats the killer part.

[Elise1977]

I just found out yesterday my ex got married! Talk about a shock. I'm sure he didn't disclose to her and she'll probably end up paying the price for his lying eventually. Poor girl.

[2Legit2Quit]

He's remarried and seems super happy and traveling the world. He seems to treat her and do things for her, he never did for me, despite him telling me yrs ago, how she didn't treat him and take care of him like I did. So no, he does seem happier and it can be hard to not ask why he never married me and why he didn't treat me better and if she didn't treat him as well as I did, why did he marry her? Pisses me off and I want him to be unhappy for all the damage that he has caused me, that still haunts me 5yrs later. Hate him w a passion.

[WCSDancer2010]

@2Legit2Quit

 

Hating someone is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person will die ... you are the only one harmed by it. Let it go. Let Karma deal with him. Maybe he had an epiphany and work up and is a better person now. Maybe he isn't in which case, good riddance. Either way, holding onto that poison will only cause YOU to fester from the inside out. You have enough health issues as it is ... don't add to it :)

[2Legit2Quit]

I know this and I don't stay there, but I have my moments.