rejection

[lovelucky]

I was seeing someone who initially was ok with the virus (well, said he was), but then changed his mind when he thought he might have symptoms. He then expressed regret about getting involved with me, saying some pretty hurtful things. I would of handled the rejection better from the start. Anyways, wondering if this has happened to anyone here?

BTW I was upfront from the start, before anything happened. He said it didn't matter.

[Anna01]

I would say that he is being honest. All you can do is respect his feelings and move on. If he can't handle a skin condition that is ok. It says nothing about you as a person. Fear is a powerful thing. Also, I would think that it may be a connection issue. Maybe you two just weren't meant to be. This frees you up to move on and meet someone who is right. View this as an opportunity. Do you really want to be the most intimate with someone who cannot handle your skin rash? In life, we need someone who will be there for us through thick and thin. Frankly, herpes isn't s*** in the grand scheme of things. Life can get really hard and we deserve to have a support system in our partner. Keep your chin up. You did the right thing by being open and honest. As long as you did right by you and him, you have nothing to feel bad about. Look forward. Maybe he will calm down and come around but don't wait on him ;-) You have a life to live!

[lovelucky]

Thank you Anna, I appreciate what you said. It's all true.

[2Legit2Quit]

Sometimes the desire for men to get in your pants, can override a fear, such as H. Once they get a taste of it, then reality hits them and they start thinking w the head between their shoulders. It's wrong and messed up, but it happens.. So sorry. Just step back, give him space and if he wants to be w you, he'll come to you. If not, well he's a jerk.

[Anna01]

I am here if you want to chat more. Thank you for sharing your story. I must say, I feel you sound like you are handling this well. I hate the word "rejection" though. You are not being rejected. The relationship didn't work out. Relationships don't work for MANY reasons. I highly doubt herpes is the only reason this didn't work. Usually it reveals how much someone is into you. Herpes cuts through the crap and the lies. It forces a man to admit whether or not he REALLY sees a future with you. It may hurt but it truly is a blessing in disguise. It saves you some precious time ;-)

[2Legit2Quit]

Well said @anna01

[Anna01]

@2Legit2Quit Thank you and well said to you too ;-) Oh the day that men think with the head between their shoulders hahaha

[lovelucky]

I suppose any rejection is gonna hurt, this one stings badly because of my history....not being told, having a monster primary ob. Doing the right thing and disclosing. But yeah, I understand his point of view. Reality struck, I get it, I just feel like shit.

We were having problems communicating anyways, I'm going to do my best to move on. It's probably for the best. I do understand why people stick with other HSV+ people, it would be really nice to have that issue off the table. Relationships are tough already.

 

[Anna01]

Yes relationships can be tough BUT herpes will be a non-factor in the right relationship.

[lovelucky]

True, I hope so. Went from "I really really like you and want to pursue a relationship" to "oh, I guess I never should have been with you." plus more damaging things. Things not to say! I tend to ruminate on things, I guess I will just need a little time.

[Anna01]

Just out of curiosity, Did he say he really wanted to pursue a relationship before or after you had sex?

[hippyherpy]

People get rejected all the time for so many different reasons- herpes is just another thing. Who knows, he might have been using the heroes as an excuse for something else.

 

Regardless, there are other fish in the sea- a lot of them. Don't dwell on rejection. it's a natural part of life. Go meet some other people.

 

Rejection may seem like a big deal if that was the only other person in the world, but they aren't.

[lovelucky]

Thanks, he said it after sex, and before. It was something that we talked about. Ah, sigh, it's ok. Thank you Anna and hippyherpy :)

[WCSDancer2010]

He then expressed regret about getting involved with me, saying some pretty hurtful things.

 

Honey, that was your Herpes Wingman at work. I mean, really... do you want to be with someone who says hurtful things after you allowed yourself to be open, honest, and vulnerable with him? He just showed you his true colors. The Disclosure conversation can be a "shit just got real" moment for someone who is telling you how much they are into YOU when in reality they just want to GET INTO you.... ;)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story#latest Wingman example

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6347/my-disclosure-story 2 very different reactions … but both are “successful” in their own ways :)

 

Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

 

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

As for rejection, it's a primitive response that used to be useful to keep us alive but now it just serves to make us to things (like stay in abusive relationships) that are not healthy for us ... learning to accept that Rejection is a part of life is one of the best things you can do to find peace in your life :)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/rejection_its-all-about-perspective/ (my blog)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4699/first-real-disclosure-first-real-rejection Rejection as your teacher…..

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/10-surprising-facts-about-rejection