I've been bottling it up, time to vent

[WorkingOnIt]

Hey guys. I'm going through it emotionally wise right now and I gotta vent. I feel like no one who knows about my situation knows how I feel and I just gotta let it out. It's been built up. I've been dealing with this situation pretty well I would think. I still can't say "herpes" without a shiver right now but I know I'll get there. But anyways

You know, recently diagnosed with herpes. Because of a stupid mistake, you know? One of those things you wish you could change but can’t. And after the initial shock, I got over it you know? Like I’m stronger than it. I’m stronger than that. But the only people that know are my parents, my best friend, the boy who gave it to me, and the boy I’m interested in.

And my best friend now has an interest that goes to our school. So she forever occupied. Sucks. Because I’ve yet to meet him yet. But I’m sure our other friend as. You know, a little best friend jealously here.

And the boy I’m interested in, he says he’s okay with it, he said he still wants to move forward but I don’t know. I hope he’s telling the truth. Because right now, I feel lonely. Like really, really lonely. And I feel like no one’s ever gonna want me. You know, because of the herpes. And I know it’s not true but when two of your closest friends are in relationships and your interest isn’t contacting you as much as before you told him, you feel like garbage. Absolute garbage. And I know I need to chill but it’s hard. My emotions at a 6 right now. I don’t want them to be. But I’m a big girl, you know? I can handle it. I got God so nothing’s against me, huh? Exactly. I don’t know man. Life’s tough right now and I don’t want it to be. I just, yeah, it sucks. But after every storm, there’s sunshine so yeah. Life.

[2Legit2Quit]

Honestly, it can take a couple of months not to feel alone after the diagnosis. Although rationally we know there are so many w it, it doesn't feel that way when you can't put faces to it or tell soneone has it. Just know that this feeling will pass and be patient w yourself. It's not.all to go through a grieving process w this.

[Bambina3]

I'm almost 3 month past definite diagnosis, and I've only said the word h a handful of times, and can only type hsv2...they say time helps, I'm still waiting....

[esdbec0713]

I've thought I was cool with having hsv-2, however, after 3 weeks it hit me like a ton of bricks last night... I blame no one for this though. I just wonder why now? I have anxiety disorder and honestly the man I'm with I was with for over two years before we broke up for three months due to the thoughts and actions I would have due to the anxiety. We get back together and wham hsv2 primary obs at the same time. I find the irony in this because I lost him due to stress and not handling it well. With h stress is a key factor so now I must gain control of it. Maybe I was meant to get h as a way for me to truly control my stress. I see it as where a door closes, a window opens... you just have to keep your eyes open for it....

 

@workingonit I get the sense that your fairly young.... and honestly a diagnosis of this at your age will hit very hard. Chin up. You are not the only one with hsv.... you will find people who will accept you despite of this. If they don't, they weren't worth keeping around anyway. This goes for all types of relationships. Worse case there are dating websites for individuals with hsv. If finding a mate upsets you that much you can always give those sites a try. However, if you are in your teen years don't rush. I say that from personal experience. Enjoy your youth, enjoy being a kid and not having real big responsibilities, for that will all surely come and way too fast. You have your whole life to find someone but first find out who you are.

[WCSDancer2010]

And I know it’s not true but when two of your closest friends are in relationships and your interest isn’t contacting you as much as before you told him, you feel like garbage. Absolute garbage.

 

So - you DO know that the issue with your 2 friends has NOTHING to do with H. It's called LIFE. Unfortunately people come and go in our lives...VERY few remain "for life". We grow up, we grow apart. We get married and have kids while our "friend" is pursuing a degree. We move away to somewhere for a job.

 

And the BF... perhaps your anxiety is causing him to distance because he doesn't know how to help you or put your fears to rest? Men don't do well when they can't be our "protectors" (even the so-called "evolved" ones...LOL) .... so I suggest that you get help on working on YOU and your insecurities. If it wasn't Herpes, it would be something else making you wonder what you "did" to make him communicate less until you learn to love and be compassionate with yourself. I can tell you have done some work by how you write.... so... keep working, keep journaling and venting.... come here when you need to rather than going to the BF ... yes, you need to let him know how you are doing but be careful that he doesn't feel he has to carry all your "burden" of these anxieties while you learn to live with them and let them go :)