When you realize this could be the real thing!

[LondonCalling03]

Hello everyone! I wanted to share my most recent success story! A little about me...I'm 30 years old and I've had HSV2 for 8 years. This was the 6th person I've told. 2 of the 6 said no and thank god for that...they weren't the right ones for me.

 

I met a guy several months ago and it's been wonderful getting to know each other. I told him I'm not prude by any means, but I wanted to take things slow and wait awhile before we slept together. He said that was fine. He said he "respected the hell out of me" for it and I was worth the wait. Well after a long week of reading tips on this forum and my heart POUNDING out of my chest any time I thought about having the talk with him (it never gets easier, sorry to say that), I finally did it.

 

We were hanging out watching a movie. I had told him earlier in the day that I had a story for him so I finally sat up, looked at him and began...."Several years ago, I found out that I carry the virus for herpes. Lots of people have it and it's really not even a big deal". I had rehearsed it so many times in my head and I can't even remember exactly what I said. I know I didn't say everything I wanted to say, but I told him some stats. I told him there's a 4% transmission rate which can be lowered by using condoms and lowered even further by anti virals, which I planned to take. I told him I'd been with a few guys since my diagnosis and I've never given it to anyone. I told him since I've had it for awhile, I know my body and I know how to keep him safe. He got that look on his face, the same one everyone gets, "holy crap, the girl I'm seeing is telling me she has an uncurable STD", but then it went away and he said he was fine with it. Not too long later in our conversation he goes, "You got the herp, huh?" and we both had a laugh. I'm happy.

 

I wanted to reiterate some advice that's been on this site about having the talk. The biggest factor, I believe, is being calm. Your partner will react the way you are acting. I stayed calm and explained to him what I had and what that meant for us. Even though my heart was pounding, I didn't let him know I was that nervous (although I'm sure he knew a little bit). I didn't say things like "it's cool if you leave. I'll understand". I said "I need you to find a way to be okay with this because I want you in my life. I need you to understand that this is not as bad as you may think it is". Someone on here said to not say STD, or disease. That's why I began with "I carry the virus for herpes", as opposed to "I have an uncurable disease and that's highly contagious". The last guy I told, didn't handle it well. I didn't deliver the message well and I blame myself for that. At the end of the day he didn't want to take the risk and honestly, he was a good on paper guy, but not the guy for me.

 

As I've said, it never gets easier but after the talk was over, I felt amazing. When I was in high school, my neighbor helped me audition for the school play. He told me, "the role is already yours, now go get it". So I tell myself, "he's going to be okay with it, I just have to talk about it first". If you go in knowing he or she will be okay with it, they will. Good luck everyone!

[kimmie]

Congrats!!! Sounds like you did things just right, great encouraging story for all of us!!

[theakomplice]

Very heart warming. Thats a good man there.

[2Legit2Quit]

Congrats!

[WCSDancer2010]

Thank you for sharing! What a beautiful story! Keep us posted!

[desertlove]

:) awesome!

[Benderdundat]

Love it! He sounds like a great guy and you sound like a great catch. :-)

[Rob1980]

Thank you for sharing, such an inspiring story. Gives me hope.