Just was told I probably have herpes

[2Legit2Quit]

The thought of him cheating never popped up in my head this entire thread and the first you're mentioning it. I don't think that's the case at all. I just think he gets cold sores like most everyone else gets and it was likely an accident. I think you may have much more to think about in the relationship than herpes, I wouldn't allow this to be the driving force since it can happen to anyone w cold sores and the ignorance that surrounds it.... People still don't believe cold sores are herpes.

 

I don't think I've ever heard of the feeling like something is on my ass? Lol... Do your mean like a crawling sensation under your skin?

[WCSDancer2010]

Here's what I see in your guy:

 

Odds are he has it orally

Odds are he didn't know - even with the girl calling him from the ER, without a blood test, and PROPER advice from a Dr, sadly he's not been put into the place to understand that oral herpes affects 80% of the population and 80% of them don't know they have it.

 

Sadly we are terribly undereducated in this country about STD's ... so his ignorance is not unusual.... BUT...

 

HOW he has acted in all this to me is a red flag. Go look at the Success Stories and the ones who make it have partners whose initial reaction to the news is to want to SUPPORT them (even the ones that freak out for awhile afterwards). Their first instinct is to understand that your telling them must have been difficult and they realize how tough it must be for you to go through it....

 

The ones who immediately withdraw, or who try to play the blame game, or the guilt game, or whatever, *to me*, are showing you their TRUE colors about how they fight/react to difficult situations. If they don't even *start* to look at where they may have influenced a situation, and they point fingers from the beginning, odds are that is how they will react in ANY future situation.

 

IMO you need to look at this man and ask yourself... Is he a "Fuck Yes!" ? To understand what I mean there, read this:

 

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

 

[2Legit2Quit]

I agree w @wcsdancer2010 , something seems off and maybe H made the blinders come off. Something to think about. V

[Browndog]

Yup. Like something is moving in around in there. It's very bizarre and I have to be careful to not grab my own ass at work. They already think I'm weird. Lmao. It may be a pulled muscle from walking like a dork for almost two weeks and sitting like a dork.

 

Two sores left and the one on my upper thigh that we weren't sure about. I slept well. I'm feeling pretty good and I have 1.5 more days of the pills.

 

And it's so funny that you two say that. My friend was over last night with marriage problems and some she created for herself and I said to her... That guy is showing you who he is. THAT is what you are getting? Do you want THAT? And here I sit being asked the same questions.

 

I have a lot of thinking to do. I think I already know. I just am filled with fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being loved because I have H. And this is really bad... I have fear that he will move on as if nothing happened and be with someone else and I will be alone. And that's just not fair.

 

 

[2Legit2Quit]

Yeah, I had that crawling sensation for a looonnggg time all over my anogenital region. I even explained it in a very strange example to my best friend. I said you know how mosquito larve looks the way it moves in the water? I said I feel like it's a big doing that in my nerves... She was like eewww... Hahaha..to me, that was the grosseat feeling and made me feel dirty. I couldn't even be sure the last I had that. I had it all over my anogenital region for like 7-9 months and then it stopped, but I continued w other strange paresthesia, like random pins and needles, burning, etc That would last for a few seconds. I even would get these little tivklingtflutter sensations on my buttock and back of thighs that would make me itch. Now I only get the occasional pins/needles, to gking onky happens on my right side on bottom inner buttock and sometimes inner groin crease and rarely that flutter tickle feeling on the back of my legs... This virus is so weird. I never got stinging nerve pain in my knees that was sporadic, until several months ago.. Thenit stopped for a month and then I had it yesterday. Some people's nerves are more affected by H than most, so I feel your pain. That crawling sensation wont last, don't worry.

 

Ok, everyone has that fear when they first get H and I promise you, it's not the case. I was the EXACT same way... I had 7 gfs w H before I got it. 5 are married and some have kids, one has never been rejected in the 9yrs she's had it. I've disclosed twice and sorta a third time, but that's hard to explain the story behind that, but it was clear he would accept it too, but he was just soneone I wouldn't want to be w and neither were the other two I disclosed to. That feeling will pass and it's the strongest when you're still having symptoms. You're at the age or rather close to it, that 1 out of 2 women have genital herpes, so therw will be men you meet who have already come across others who had it and men at your age, are more likely to have it as well.

 

Right now, just worry about the day your present in when it comes to H. It is one of the biggest wastes of time to worry about and I've learned that dating w H. H is going to help you stop picking the wrong dudes, by not allowong your hormones and psychical attraction to run the show. You'll be less likely to turn a blind eye to red flags, as that's been the case for me. Usually by week 3-4, I find that the dude is not right for me, before I even had to disclose. That made me realize how much I was wasting my time obsessing about disclosure, because you usually will notice things about soneone you don't like and are seal breakers, when you know sex is off the table for some time . The second guy I disclosed to thought I made the biggest deal out if disclosing and after I did, he sent me this video and said this is you... Lol... Hopefully it can put a smile on your face and put it into perspective for you.

 

 

 

You're over thinking .. JUST. DON'T. DO. IT.. lol..

[Browndog]

Well I'm finishing the third week and I have one sore left. Two sort of scar looking things and a cut from where I itched in the night.

 

I get these bouts of itching that are just crazy. Like I could scratch my skin off. I'm still sitting in Epsom salts and using the bactine. It could be from hair growth I guess. But it's itchy.

 

My other situation with the partner hasn't changed much. He is who he is. I don't have too much hope at this point. I think he is staying out of guilt and because we have a vacation planned for the end of March. I don't know. He says he loves me and is t one to run at the first sign of trouble.

 

I'm pretty down right now. I feel like the whole thing should be done and I still itch so I'm bummed. Is that normal to itch three weeks out?

[2Legit2Quit]

No, that's called post herpetic itch and it puts the itch, in bitch. It's absolutely terrible.... That's the nerves sending broken signals to the brain, from the inflammation and damage to the sheathing of the peripheral sensory nerves at the surface of your skin. I'm telling you, Epsom salt baths is the only thing that gave me relief.. I probably spent 4-6hrds in 24hrs in the tub (thank God I wokr from home) during those times of the itch.

 

I'd that you projecting on him feeling like he's just staying out if guilt, because you feel he doesn't wanna deal w that?

 

I know it can take some of us longer. By end of week 3, the itching likely will be minimal. Just gang in there, it gets better and yes; sometimes it can take very few even longer to feel normal down there. I just don't want you to set yourself for certain expectations, because of this perception that most are good to go in a week or two, so why isn't your body handling this well. People feel let down and betrayed w thwir own body believe it or not and feel like what's wrong w them? H can really play a sick twisted psychological warfare game against yourself. Everyone is different and I found the older you are, it seems like you don't handle the primary really well, likely due to wear and ttear in the immune system dealing w multiple infections over the years. So just remind yourself one day at a time when those thoughts come up.

[Browndog]

Ok. Well it's good to know I'm not loosing my mind. I'm on like my 5th bag of Epsom salts lol. It's just two spots specifically but mother of pearl!!!! Nights as well have chicken poms. I thought about soaking my stuff in calmine lotion lol.

 

And you're right. I'm projecting. I'm home on a Friday wearing his big ass pajama pants so I can 'air out' while he is out partying. I sat and felt sorry for myself all night and ate the rest of the Ben and jerrys lol.

 

I am feeling tons. I think tomorrow I will do a little workout and see if it boosts my spirits some.

 

I'm really glad this site is here bi have done a lot of reading tonight.

[2Legit2Quit]

Just remember... Don't stay because you think no one will accept you w this, because it's not true. I can't say I'm fond of the idea of him going out and partying, while you're on the couch feeling ad you do. You deserve a supportive partner and everything you've shared, sounds like he is very self absorbed. Someone at his age still partying, while you're living the life of sobriety, doesn't exactly sound like the best fit for you if I may say. Remember, you're just as beautiful as you were pre H, as post H. Who cares if he didn't want you? The only thing that matters is if you even want HIM. You have been through so much worse, battling the demons of what makes one an addict and loving the life of sobriety, which is so much harder than dealing w H. You can get through anything. I know you're a strong powerful woman, that's a force to be reckoned w. Don't let H or the lack of a supportive partner bring you to your knees. You've got this!

[WCSDancer2010]

I think this will be a timely piece for you: (And did you read the Mark Manson article? ... is this man a Fuck Yes for you?)

 

https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com/2016/01/24/why-having-a-boyfriend-doesnt-cure-herpes/

 

People who have had herpes for a while, or who date folks with who have had herpes for a while, are less likely to see transmission as one person’s responsibility—in other words, they’re less likely to introduce guilt and blame if herpes is transmitted.

 

And this one too:

 

http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2014/02/dating-with-a-std.html (VERY strong language... but a VERY good article written by a MAN to women!)

 

The biggest thing to keep in mind is that you can’t let the combination of love and acceptance trap you. Eventually your relationship will slip into the normal up’s and down’s that come with being a couple. If you reach a point where you are no longer happy, don’t continue to hold on because they’ve stuck by your side. They’ve had sex and put themselves at risk, that’s love—but none of that love matters if you stop getting along.

 

 

[Browndog]

Yup. I read the is he a fuck yes. And now I read these that is some harsh truths but truths one the less. I get it. More and more gets revealed. And I get it.

 

As far as the ob. The bitch itch is almost gone thank god! I don't know what was worse. That or the fricking sores. Geez Louise. But I feel like I almost have my lady bits back. Yay me! And the rest of me needs a complete overhaul. I lost myself somewhere and it's becoming more and more clear and sitting in church today it struck me... I would like myself back goddammit!!! I'm going to get me.

 

Turns out H is an opportunity for me. How about that?

[2Legit2Quit]

I'm so glad you're seeing things for what they are! Maybe H was the wake-up call you needed, go stop looking through rose tinted glasses . glad you're feeling better!

[Browndog]

Yup. I bet another week and I'm back to normal. And I have been journaling too. I guess I thought I addressed my self worth issues and I have not. Or they ever really go away. I don't know

 

I'm going to find posts of new people with bad outbreaks and see if I can help them.

[2Legit2Quit]

It can be very therapeutic to help other's. I question too if it's possible to ever get rid of lack of self worth issues. Wish I knew the answer. B

[Browndog]

Well I had an ok week. Today I have some discomfort like dryness and some itching. But there is nothing there. No rash. No redness. No swelling. I haven't shaved there in a month so I could have irritation from that I guess

 

The fatigue is a lot better too. This the first day I didn't have a massive headache either. So I'm getting back to normal but it has taken a month.

 

I still feel somewhat dirty. But it's getting better. I don't know about the self worth thing either. I think I had those issues long before I got herpes.

 

So it's taking me a while to get better. That's a bummer. And I wonder if some of it is in my head. But whatever. It is what it is. It's better than it was so I'm grateful.

[2Legit2Quit]

Just be patient and kind w yourself. It's normal to go through the process of all these emotions and they won't stick around. Trust me.

[Browndog]

The nerve stuff is making me mental. I keep looking for more bumps and stuff cuz I have the tingling going on down there and in my legs. And in my butt. I wish it would go away. Ugh

[WCSDancer2010]

It will. One other thing that H can teach you is patience!

 

I have clients come in (I'm a Massage Therapist) all the time who can't understand when they are taking weeks or months to "feel better" ... we (ESPECIALLY Americans) are so used to being given a pill or perhaps having a "procedure" that magically makes our ills go away... (including our mental ills).

 

Fact of the matter is the body needs to be supported in it's healing - mental and physical support go hand in hand - physical support helps with mental health issues. Mental health support helps with physical issues. AND, sometimes the body/mind just needs time to heal even with support. Sometimes you just need to be patient and trust that it WILL get better with time. We therapists can often take the edge off, and help to restore balance, but sometimes no matter how much we do in a session, the body will need more time to react to the treatment and restore the inner balance.

 

(((HUGS)))

[Browndog]

i haven't been here in a while I healed up ok. Haven't gotten rid of the cause of my heroes yet.... The guy....

 

I have an outbreak question I have a rash that just started on the backs of my thighs. Little red bumps they kind of itch. I haven't changed detergents or anything like that Might that be an outbreak and should I call in one of my prescriptions for whatever that antibiotic is?

[WCSDancer2010]

There's no telling what the rash is - could be heat, could be herpes, could be something else.

 

I'd try the acyclovir/valtrex ... if it clears it up, then you know it's Herpes. :)

 

And it's not an antibiotic... it's an anti-VIRAL - very different drug :)

[Browndog]

OK. I will do that. I took a bath with epsom salt and coconut oil and it seems better. I was in a lot of stuff yesterday. My pressure tank leaked so we were cleaning up water in the basement. I was wearing jeans that got wet... who the heck knows.

 

I still get alot of fear for like any little itch or mark "OMG - it's back". I did go and get tested and looked at again. All was clear and I didn't have any other STDs so that is good.

 

The whole thing was/is pretty scarey and I'm really glad I found this site. Thanks for the super fast response.

[Irene]

Once you have confirmation that you have herpes, try to find out if he was the one that infected you, because you may want to contact previous people you've been with as they could need testing themselves.