First bipolar disorder, now genital herpes

[Toughluck]

I have bipolar disorder and I have difficulty managing my behavior when I get manic or depressed. I am frequently depressed and I become very irritable and sometimes even mean. I've always been afraid of being alone because I know that eventually my mood swings will drive partners away once they really, really get to know me. My current boyfriend has dated other girls with herpes before so I told him as soon as I found out, but now I'm more anxious than ever that he's going to leave me. Maybe he'd be willing to put up with me and my mental illness up to this point, but now he has every right to leave just for fear of getting HSV2. I am bisexual and my boyfriend always supported me in that, which used to make me happy because I felt like if he and I ever split I would always have more options in dating partners. Now that I know I have HSV2 I feel like I have no options. I don't even feel like I can call myself bi anymore because I don't think I will ever be able to have intimacy with a woman again. I'm afraid I will never find anyone patient enough and open minded enough to ever date me if my bf breaks up with me. The funny thing is depression and anxiety is what brought on my first outbreak. I just need someone to tell me it will be ok because I see a bleak future ahead of me.

[MMissouri]

It'll be okay! He already knows your status and he hasn't left yet. Since he's been with H+ girls before, I don't see him running away over your diagnosis.

 

You still have options in the future, but why go there if you're happy in your current relationship? Try to stay in the present and not worry about what could happen.

 

(But just to ease your mind, I think sex with women would have less risk of transmitting HSV2 in comparison to sex with men!)

[Toughluck]

I'm more worried he's going to leave me because of my behavior. He threatens to cut me out of his life if I say another negative thing to him. And I will be alone if he leaves me because no one has the patience to deal with my emotional instability.

[MMissouri]

So you are worried about the bipolar disorder not herpes? In that case, are you on meds? Have you gotten them regulated to where they work for you? (this is not an area I'm overly familiar with, I just happen to know a few people that have had meds work wonders for being bipolar).

[chargeit2thagame]

YO does buddy KNOW your Bi-polar?? cuz threatening to cut u out of his life is mad bogus....like with all due respect fuck dude ass....I know how that shit works you go through cycles depending on the foundation of your baseline of thinking is how deep or high up your mania is....threatning to abandon someone that has bipolar disorder is cruel and in some cases can trigger an episode in which you end up doing harm to yourself or you gonna be in a psyche ward talnbout im the one that flew over the cuckoos nest (movie reference that Im far too young to know about but its a classic lol) long story short thats not a good dude....the calibration of your meds is important dont get me wrong but on a human behavior side of things If HE KNOWS your stuggle with this disorder and he is MANIPULATING you by saying he'll cuz you off...that sounds like a toxic person sweet heart...like im dead ass serious thats a dangerous game to play with someone...ultimately if yall have kids and theres a chance they could have it...would you want your daughter to date a nigga that played them type of head games with her????

[chargeit2thagame]

and to anybody that got offended by my sayin nigga im sorry as I mentioned i consider myself a nigga lol but I will refrain from using it I just got excited and blacked out and when I came too this post was there so again to anybody offended..this how I talk in real life but I understand if it rubs anybody tha wrong way...but dude aint bein patient if he tryna fuck ur mind like that...and Ya a guy supports his girl liking girls.........lol....dudes interpret that as a 3 some may happen....try to relax...do some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)...read about it...its good stuff....

[MMissouri]

@chargeit2thagame, woah dude (Yeah, my age is showing), I get the feeling you are very much the knight in shining armor/protector of the underdog.. anyways..amazing how the tough ones are the softies lol.

 

Before we judge the guy, let her explain. She admitted she is having issues with behavior and can be mean. That has to be wearing on any relationship, so what is she doing to change the situation? Maybe it's a threat (although I agree that's not the right way to behave) to get her change that behavior. Meaning maybe she isn't taking her meds, or maybe she needs to get them adjusted. I'm just saying this because some people with bipolar refuse (It's possible, we don't know the situation here).

 

On another note, I'm not offended by the language. I grew up in NoCo St. Louis. Kinda made me feel like I was back at home lol. I can't speak for the others though.

 

 

 

[chargeit2thagame]

aha whhaatteevverrr aha....but u right u right shouldnt judge or appear like im judgin thats not coo....i just know its dangerous to threaten people with things of that nature alot of the time and I DONT have the stats to back it up but I feel from what ive seen people with depression etc. have had abandonment issues in they life and its mad dangerous to poke at that especially if that person feels u are there only source of fulfillment emotionally etc. but you are right I dont mean to go to hard on him lol...you just have to be careful with certain situations he might not have the depth to realize the gravity of what those kind of manipulation tactics CAN have on certain people but again your right....and I know how people goin thru cycles can get really really mean and it takes a certain type of person to deal with that...so I agree

 

lmao fashoooo aha

[MMissouri]

I agree that depression issues can stem from abandonment, abuse, or whatever. (I seriously wanted to put whateva-you're killing my english here LOL!)

(and I'm cracking up!)

 

On another note, maybe this isn't the forum for this. Toughluck, perhaps you should see if there are any support forums dealing with bipolar disorder. Unless, of course, you'd rather post here. I'm sure someone on this forum has experience with it, but it may not be the support group that you really need right now.

[chargeit2thagame]

haha its contagious I know...lmao

 

I think you could use both this forum and maybe find another one but at the same time alot of people experience depression from a herpes diagnosis i realize thats not the same as having cycles and it being a part of life but im just saying don't shut down and think you can't vent and talk on here kid!!

[chargeit2thagame]

yoooo @toughluck you good?? how u doin???

[Bambina3]

I personally deal with someone I love that is bi polar...I know they can't help how that act, but Meds really can help...I'm sure you don't like being mean, and it's just as upsetting to you after the trigger event, and you become down...being med compliant will really help you deal with all areas of your life

He had accepted your h status, relax, doesn't sound like he's going anywhere anytime soon

Hugz!!'

[Mel2316]

Hi, I am bipolar as well and just found out I have H a couple months ago. He should not threaten to leave you.. I was in a very emotional abusive marriage where he would take my bipolar to his advantage. Say things similar, not saying he's emotionally abusive, but it's wrong to threaten you and make you feel that way. When I found out about H my bipolar went sky rocket. I wouldn't leave my home. I am very insecure about myself and the bipolar times it by 10, I understand what you're feeling and going through. Regardless if he's been with other girls with it, he needs to support you all the way. Having bipolar makes emotions more intense and you will need to try and have that extra support. You should explain this to him. If he doesn't get it, then you should reevaluate some things with him. Bipolar is serious, and then finding out you have something magnifies it. But do not let him threaten to leave you. You will get through this. I'm getting a divorce and I feel a lone, but I'm pushing through this. I'm happy I found someone else who is also bipolar and found out they had this. I have been trying to find sites with people who have bipolar and gotten diagnosed with HSV2. This has been hard on me too. But you're never a lone. And no matter what you'll be ok.

[Toughluck]

@mel2361 your words have helped. I just wanted to find ppl like me. I feel like having a mental illness makes ours a uniquely difficult experience and I don't want to be alone. I'm sorry you're going through a divorce. Other ppl keep telling me it's going to be ok and that even if I am alone I can still find love or whatever. So the same goes for you.

[Toughluck]

By the way everyone: I TAKE MEDS AND AM GETTING THERAPY. My boyfriend knows I'm bipolar. And sure I'll go to a support group for bipolar as well. Jesus Christ.

[MMissouri]

Hmm.. I'm sure I'm one that's directed towards since I'm the only one that questioned what you have done or haven't done in order to help yourself. I was trying to figure out the situation. But since I've obviously offended you, I won't bother to reply in the future.

 

I'm trying to take the high road here.. but damn. That really wasn't necessary.

 

Regardless, good luck.

[55andsingle]

Toughluck, take it easy on yourself. I am bipolar and unexpectedly single at age 55!! Yesterday i received a diagnosis of "H". I understand the challenges and difficulties of negotiating a relationship with someone unfamiliar with the quirks of the bipolar personality! Now there is one more issue for a potentential partner to have to deal with. I fear being alone too. My therapist and i have been working on learning to love myself, so i won't be so emotionally dependant on someone else. Then there are fewer folks to mess with my head and make me crazy--er! Lol!

 

I hope someone can give me reassurance that there is life (and a sex life!) after H. I am dealing with a lot of shame, and feeling quite stupid. At my age, i should have known better. Yikes!

[hippyherpy]

Yes go look in the success stories section. I know people with bi-polar that have managed to stay in relationships for over thirty years.

[optimist]

@55andsingle I'll sound like a broken record here, but I like to pass this info on to single women around my age because I found it reassuring after my diagnosis. Please know that more than half of single women your age are infected with HSV2. It is more common than not. Condoms only partially protect from transmission, routine testing is discouraged in people with no symptoms, and more than 80% of those infected do not know they have it, so you can imagine why it is passed on so easily. There is no reason for you to feel stupid, just human.

 

There is absolutely sex after herpes, I promise. Some people do get discouraged and shut down as a result of the diagnosis, but you don't seem like one of those people. If you want your sex life to continue, I don't think you'll notice much of a difference, at least after you've spent some time processing all this. I do think taking some time for yourself while getting a handle on all this is a good idea.

[55andsingle]

@optimist, thank you for the encouraging words! I will continue to hope. I am also caring for an elderly, and unwell, parent. Do i need to do anything beyond the hygiene recommended to protect children?

[optimist]

@55andsingle If you have genital herpes, there are no precautions required to care for children or elderly parents. I have seen suggestions to refrain from sharing moist towels (not hand towels, just those that come into contact with genitals) and even that is debatable. If it makes you more comfortable to do that, it is the only precaution I've seen mentioned by a legitimate medical source.

 

For those with oral herpes, I've seen a similar recommendation to avoid sharing lip balm.

[55andsingle]

@optimist, thank you again!